Vignettes About Unicorns

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today I’m joining Writer’s Workshop. One of the prompts is to share at least five moments of your life (not events, but merely vignettes) that are somehow related. I, for some reason, was immediately drawn to the theme of unicorns. Let’s see what I can come up with.

1. I remember having a unicorn My Little Pony figurine as a child. In fact, that’s a lie, as I think it was my sister’s, but I loved her anyway. In my memory, she was light purple, but I could’ve misremembered that, since my favorite color is lilac.

2. Last October (I think), I got a unicorn soft toy from my spouse as a thank-you gift for my support throughout our relationship and particularly over the past several months.

3. The other two unicorn soft toys on my bed, I bought at the fall fair here on institution grounds last October too.

4. Which reminds me, I have a lonely unicorn soft toy sitting in the soft toy cabinet. I got that one for Christmas at the last day center I attended while living with my spouse.

5. Oh wait, no, I have another unicorn soft toy in the cabinet. I got that one when leaving the care facility in Raalte for the intensive support home. Oh, how I miss being in Raalte still.

6. Now enough with the soft toys. The first unicorn I created, in July of 2021, I did entirely from a YouTube tutorial. I gave it to my spouse, who probably still has it.

7. I remember crafting my first unicorn at the intensive support home with my assigned staff. It didn’t turn out as good as I’d liked, but it was okay.

8. I gifted her my best unicorn I created while there when I left. Too bad she ignores me now…

9. When I left the intensive support home, I gifted each of my fellow residents a small cutter-created polymer clay unicorn.

10. I used for it a cutter I’d gotten for my birthday last year from my parents. My spouse had also gifted me unicorn-themed cutters at some point, which I originally intended to use.

11. I read my first unicorn-themed book a few years ago. That is, I probably read some in childhood too but not sure since they weren’t as popular as they are now. The book was a short picture book called First Day of Unicorn School.

12. My current unicorn-related read is the second book in the Unicorn Academy series by Julie Sykes. Oh wait, that’s not exactly a memory I’m sharing…

13. I can’t remember when I started calling my spouse “head unicorn catcher”. The reason is the fact that my spouse’s truck route is named after a city which has the unicorn as its symbol. Oh wait, that wasn’t really a memory either.

But I got to thirteen. So I’m allowed to share this post with Thursday Thirteen too. So if my post doesn’t meet the criteria for Writer’s Workshop, at least it meets the criteria for that.

Daily Habits For a More Meaningful Life

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today was a good day for once. I went swimming for the first time in a long while. No, that’s a lie, since I went swimming with my fellow residents yesterday too. What I meant is that I was originally allocated this spot on Thursdays for swimming but haven’t been able to go yet for staffing-related reasons. Yay for an opportunity to go today!

This isn’t something I can do everyday or even each week, but there are lots of activities I could incorporate into my daily routine that will give me a more meaningful life. Today I’m joining Thursday Thirteen with a list of those.

1. Shower or wash myself. Personal hygiene often goes out the window when I’m depressed. Though I don’t really see its point in boosting my mood, in that for me the feeling of being clean doesn’t do that, I can at least say I accomplished something that day.

2. Brush my teeth. Same as above really.

3. Meditate. I’m not the kind of woman who is good at long body scans or the like, but I do love shorter, affirmation-based meditations.

4. Journal. This is something I don’t do nearly often enough. I really should be incorporating daily time to journal into my calendar. I love writing stream-of-consciousness style, but this isn’t usually suited for this blog.

5. Read. I don’t mean I should be reading a novel a day or something. Even a chapter in a children’s book could count. Like, today I read a few chapters in the second book in the Unicorn Academy series.

6. Diffuse some essential oils (or fragrance oils) in my diffuser. I’m not a strong believer in aromatherapy. I mean, I’ve literally slept like a log smelling a combo of all citrus oils over the past few nights. I do believe smelling good scents can help my mood though.

7. Listen to music. I really feel that music, any kind of music, can be good for my mental health. Whether it’s soothing instrumental music to sleep to or loud EDM when I need a confidence boost.

8. Walk. I do this almost each day already, but I’m adding it to this list anyway in case there’s a time when I forget about its importance in boosting my mood.

9. Move in general. I was going to list dancing as a separate item on this list, but then, though it would be easier to get to thirteen, it would be harder to incorporate everything into each day. I honestly feel that movement in general, whether it is dancing, yoga, cycling, swimming or whatever, helps my mood.

10. Drink a cup of green tea. I definitely feel that a daily cup of green tea could add to my mental wellbeing. Maybe it’s the fact that I usually have those with the staff members I trust a little when talking though.

11. Talk to other people, reach out for support. When there’s a day I cannot talk to any staff because there are all staff I don’t trust, I can always talk to my spouse or mother-in-law.

12. Write down my positives and negatives for the day. This usually helps me remember that, even on the hardest days, there are some moments I’ve felt okay.

13. Remember: pain is temporary, giving up is forever.

Foods I Would Eat If Calories Or Nutrition Didn’t Matter

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. So I gave up on the #AtoZChallenge, but I’m not giving up on blogging more regularly this month. Today, I’m participating in Thursday Thirteen, even though it’s still Wednesday. This week, I am sharing foods I would eat if nutrition or calories didn’t matter.

1. Crunchy muesli. I currently eat regular muesli with my quark for breakfast most days and have the crunchy kind only as a treat. If calories or nutrition weren’t an issue, I’d gladly swap it for the crunchy kind. I’d also vary the flavors, eating multifruit crunchy muesli, nut crunchy muesli and coconut crunchy muesli. Currently, since I only have the crunchy kind as a treat, I usually have the nut one.

2. Peanut butter. Okay, that’s not a change from my usual diet, as I usually eat that most days now that I no longer need to lose weight and can choose whichever topping I like on my bread.

3. Chicken. Give me chicken almost every day! I love some good hot wings, chicken tenders or any kind of fried chicken.

4. Licorice. Particularly, Venco’s honey-flavored licorice.

5. Winegums. I’ve never figured out what these are called in English and my screen reader mispronounces them (they’re pronounced “wine gums”), even though the packaging here in the Netherlands advertises them as “real English winegums”. I love them though.

6. Blueberries. Okay, you’d expect me to list pizza, pancakes and fries here, and I might, but I’d probably miss fruits and veggies if I just ate those. I would have to add in another rule to my “not an issue” here though: that cost shouldn’t be an issue either.

7. Pasta. I would definitely eat a ton of pasta and it wouldn’t matter if it was whole grain (which we get here) or not. I in fact like the whole grain variety at least as much as the white pasta.

8. White rice. My care agency’s meal delivery service provides only brown rice meals, which I’ve come to tolerate but if calories and nutrition weren’t an issue, I’d definitely eat white rice.

9. Chips. Particularly Pringles.

10. Salami. I hardly eat that now because it’s not the healthiest, but I’d certainly top my hot sandwiches with it (along with some cheese) if calories didn’t matter.

11. Stroopwafels. And certain other types of large cookies I love. I am quite a picky eater even where it comes to treats, so it isn’t like I’d eat every biscuit on the market. Stroopwafels though, yum!

12. Curly fries. I love those! Can’t explain why the curly kind are better than the regular ones, but they are.

13. Broccoli. I need to add in a vegetable and my favorite is broccoli. It’s absolutely the most versatile vegetable out there if you ask me.

What food would you eat far more of than you currently do if calories or nutrition weren’t an issue?

My Hopes for 2024

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. As regular readers of my blog know, I don’t do New Year’s resolutions, instead calling them “hopes”. This is just an excuse not to have to take responsibility, I guess, but oh well. I love writing them and looking back at them after a year to see how well I did. Last year, I did participate in #WBOYC, of course, but honestly I never looked at my hopes for 2023 when doing my monthly reflections. Oh well, maybe my first not-quite-resolution has to be to look back at this post when reflecting on the month. Here goes.

1. Get back on track with respect to healthy’ish eating. I did manage to get to a healthy BMI in 2023. That is, I’m pretty sure with all the New Year’s treats, including more “oliebollen” than I told my dietitian I liked, I’m now back across the line to overweight (I was only half a pound below that line last week). I know that with some cutting back on snacking, and it doesn’t even have to be drastic, I can lose the excessive pounds I gained over the holidays. More importantly though, for the remainder of the year, I’d like to maintain a relatively healthy diet. After all, sugary ttreats and high-fat foods are bad for you even if you’re at a healthy BMI.

2. Get back into a regular movement routine. Though I did excellent for the first half of 2023 and pretty well for most of the second half too, like I said yesterday, I wasn’t moving as much over the past month or two as I would’ve wanted to. This year, I obviously hope to meet my movement goal each day, but I’m not sure that will be a realistic goal, as it wasn’t in 2023 and that’s not just because of lack of motivation. I’d also really like to find another way of exercising besides walking, either swimming again or something else. I seem to remember we do have gym equipment somewhere on institution grounds, so maybe that’s an option.

3. Write more regularly. Last year really sucked in the blogging department. I really hope to change that and get back on track with blogging more often.

4. Broaden my horizons in the crafty department. I hardly touched on this yesterday, but the last couple of months were really positive in this respect. For one thing, I started creating figures, such as the gnome and Santa, without consulting YouTube tutorials. For another, on Saturday, I did something really cool: I crafted a unicorn completely independently! I did initially leave black streaks on the head from touching it while trying to attach the eyes, which the staff had to clean up with alcohol. Other than that, I did everything completely without supervision or help.

In 2024, I really hope to be more creative, try out more things on my own (without the expectation that I’ll lose my one-on-one) and generally have more fun claying and maybe doing other crafty things.

5. Explore other day activities. In 2023, I wanted to expand my horizons with respect to my day schedule, moving beyond 60 minutes at a time, beyond my room and beyond one-on-one. The first was a massive success, as I now have a great day schedule (which of course took me moving out of the home I lived in last year, but oh well). The second and third, I’m not 100% sure I want to achieve, actually. Rather, I’d like to explore meaningful activities, whether these can be done in my room or elsewhere, on my own, with my one-on-one or in a group.

6. Get settled into my current care home, generally. I really hope to get more comfortable here and start building up a trust-based relationship with some staff.

7. Improve in the mental health department. This, for me, means stabilizing with respect to my trauma-related symptoms. It also means getting closer to a proper med combo and dosage. In 2023, I didn’t change any of my meds or dosages, which was frustrating as I did notice some increase in possible side effects. I’ll have a meeting with the intellectual disability physician to discuss my meds on the 15th.

8. Continue to work on my relationships and supporting the people I love. Particularly, my marriage evolved in a positive way in 2023 and I would really love to keep it as strong as it is going forward.

What are your hopes for this year?

Activities I’ve Enjoyed Lately

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m feeling a bit uninspired, but I feel in the mood for a positive post. Not because I feel particularly good – not very bad either though. I’m going to share some activities I’ve enjoyed lately. Here goes.

1. Yoga. Well, yoga without the fluff. I have been doing physical therapy for a few weeks now to help with my back pain. Though initially it was my enthusiasm for yoga (which the physical therapist casually mentioned) that got the therapist to think I might benefit from it, I soon found out that all the breathwork and need to feel present in my body was rather overwhelming. Instead, last Monday, we just did the exercises and that’s it.

2. Jumping on the trampoline. Today, the physical therapist had managed to borrow a side-by-side bike, so we were able to ride it to the large trampoline on the other end of institution grounds. I initially struggled a bit, but this was mostly due to my staff and the physical therapist trying to support me whilst on the trampoline. Once I started to jump on my own, it went really well.

3. Diffusing essential oils. It’s too bad the site I discovered with literally thousands of blends on it, is probably kind of shady, since you need to pay to get access to the blends (after a week’s trial period). Not that I create new blends everyday, of course, but I just love looking at everything. I did just put one of today’s featured blends into my diffuser tonight. Not sure yet what I think of the smell, but then again it usually takes a while for the scents to properly blend.

4. Playing dice games, particularly Yahtzee. I might try to introduce my staff to some new games soon.

5. Polymer clay, of course. Today, I put the unicorn I mentioned on Monday into the oven. No picture yet, but I did finally photograph the polymer clay ladybug and octopus I created several weeks ago. Here’s the ladybug. I did the main parts using black Fimo, used Premo in the color cadmium red for its scale or wings or whatever the dots are on, and used white Premo for its eyes.

Polymer Clay Ladybug

6. Listening to podcasts. I have been searching for podcasts I might enjoy. For some years, I subscribed mainly to true crime and Christian podcasts, but I’m no longer a believer and true crime honestly doesn’t really speak to me either. Now, I mostly listen to podcasts on healing from trauma, the enneagram and related topics. I also found several on neurodiversity. I particularly loved the SquarePeg podcast.

In addition to these, I love listening to bedtime stories for kids on both podcasts and YouTube. I might someday try sleep stories for adults too, but don’t really see a reason for it as of yet, other than the fact that I’m an adult, that is.

7. Creative writing. This is something I really need to do more often, be it on the blog or in my Day One journal on my iPhone. I really enjoy trying my hand at writing based on prompts or trying different styles of writing. I am not a good creative writer at all, but practice makes perfect, right?

I am linking this post to #WWandPics.

Six of the Most Important Objects I Own

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m feeling like writing, but am a little lost for words, so I looked through my various collections of journaling prompts. One of them was to list some of the most important objects in your life and to share how you got them. Here goes.

1. My iPhone. I first got an iPhone in the summer of 2017. Back then, I was clueless as to whether I would be able to do much with it. However, it turned out I only needed six out of the ten allocated lessons from the blindness agency computer trainer. I have had my current iPhone, an SE 2nd generation, since June of 2020 and am pretty sure I’m going to try to keep it functioning until the 15 series comes out in the fall, because the regular 14 isn’t really an improvement over the 13 and the 14 Pro is too expensive.

2. My Apple Watch. I got my Apple Watch Series 7 at the end of August, barely a month before the Series 8 was released. I don’t really do many techy things with it. Like, I don’t use it to make phone calls or check my mail, but I really love its fitness-related features.

3. My computer. Oh my, I’m really mostly listing modern technologies here. As those who’ve read my blog recently, will know, I got my current computer a few weeks ago. I mostly use it for browsing the Internet, blogging, reading Kindle books and it’s a little easier than my iPhone for YouTube too. Other things, such as mail, reading other books, writing in my journal, etc., I do on my iPhone. Then again, I’m so happy to still have both.

4. My music pillow. Okay, it’s somewhat of a piece of technology too, but not as advanced as a computer or smartphone. A music pillow, for those who don’t know, is a regular pillow with a small speaker integrated in it and in this case a cable that you can connect to a music player or in my case my iPhone. I listen to music on my music pillow almost every night as I fall asleep.

5. My box of essential oils. Oh wait, since I own 33 different essential oils, do each of these count as separate objects? Oh well, I say they don’t. I wrote a stream-of-consciousness post on the box several years ago (although I’m not sure I had the exact same box then). I could’ve chosen my diffuser, but without oils, it would be useless. I love to create blends of essential oils for in my diffuser, but I also love to add essential oils to soap and homemade bath and body care products.

6. My soft toy of the moment. The one I sleep with, changes often, but the lemur is still popular. Since the orangutan is my latest addition, it’s currently among my favorites.

I now, as I finish this post, realize I’ve been rather materialistic. I mean, I could have mentioned my wedding ring or the framed picture on my wall that I got from the staff and clients at my old care home. I’m not saying these don’t have value to me. Like, I wear my wedding ring day and night. However, the way I subconsciously at least interpreted the question, was “important” as meaning “useful”. They’re not the same, of course.

What are some of the most important objects in your life?

My Hopes for 2023

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone and a happy 2023 to you all! Regular readers of my blog know that I don’t do resolutions or new year’s goals. Instead, I call them hopes. Whether that isn’t just the exact same but worded slightly euphemistically, is up for debate. However, I found that, many years ago, when I did lists of resolutions, they didn’t work out. Now that I call them “hopes”, I usually probably subconsciously stick to them more. I say this every year as an introduction to my hopes.

This year, I haven’t actually thought of many hopes I have. That is, I do hope to achieve many things, but secretly I do think my “hopes” do need to be somewhat realistic in order to make it onto my new year’s list. Doesn’t that make them just like goals? Oh well, I guess so. With no further ado, I’m just going to write down the things I hope to achieve in 2023.

1. Get to a healthy weight. I never dreamt of writing this when I started my healthier eating journey at the beginning of 2022, but I lost over 10kg in 2022 and I’m only 3kg above a healthy BMI now.

2. Keep up my movement routine. I have my movement goal on my Apple Watch set pretty low at 300 active calories a day. I’d really like to surpass it regularly.

I would also like to improve on the parameters of my physical fitness level, such as my heart rate variability. These are all really low right now.

I am hoping to start actually exercising in other ways besides walking. I’d love to start swimming here on institution grounds.

3. Get to a more stable place mentally. In 2022, I hoped to remain stable mental health-wise, which got ruined by my choice to move and its consequences. Now, I’m hoping to get back to a place of relative calm again.

4. Further lower my antipsychotic dosage. I really hope the move to my current care home doesn’t mean I’m on 25mg of aripiprazole forever.

5. Get to a meaningful day structure and day activities. Okay, I have the new day schedule, which is better than the one my support coordinator gave me, but it’s not what I’d hoped for when I came here. I am really hoping to explore day activities beyond my room, beyond 60 minutes at a time and beyond one-on-one.

6. Write regularly. This is another thing I was pretty awesome at in 2021, hoped to maintain in 2022 and lost track of due to the move. I even only wrote five blog posts during the month of November. I am really hoping to get back into the writing groove this year.

7. Further explore my creative side. I’d really like to find ways to do part of my polymer clay work independently, so that I can actually do more complicated things with my 60-minute time slots of supported activity.

8. Socialize more. This was one of the main reasons for the move, at least according to the behavior specialists involved. Indeed, it is a positive aspect of my current home that wasn’t there at my old home. I honestly don’t know whether I can socialize much with the people at my home, but I can at least try and, if that doesn’t work out, there are almost 400 other residents here at the main institution. I’d really love to talk to some of them more.

I’d also love to connect to my peers in the cerebral palsy community more. I’ll hopefully attend the countrywide cerebral palsy day again in April and also hopefully join the online meetings more often. I’m also hoping to get in touch with the Eye Association more. I know this was something I hoped to achieve in 2022 but didn’t.

9. Get serious about the basics of my faith. I had a discussion about faith with my husband yesterday and the bottom line was that I tried to run without having learned to crawl, so to speak, because I was watching John MacArthur videos, which are deeply theological, even though I’m really still a new believer. I mean, okay, I’ve been a Jesus follower for two years, but I’m still struggling with the basic concepts of the Christian faith. That’s probably why I call myself a “progressive Jesus follower” rather than unapologetically claiming my identity as a Christian. I really hope to move closer on my journey towards God in 2023.

I am linking this post up with today’s #JusJoJan post, for which the optional prompt word is “resolution”. I am thinking of writing another post about resolutions in a different sense, namely the Model European Parliament debating contest I participated in during high school. However, it’s past 9PM so I don’t think I’ll have the time or energy for another blog post.

Five Things That Bring Me Joy on Bad Days #5Things

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I have been feeling notoriously uninspired lately and still don’t really feel like I know what to write about. However, I saw this week’s topic for the #5Things challenge: things that bring you joy when you feel “joyless”. In other words, we’re challenged to list five things that bring a smile on our face when we have a bad day and nothing else can seem to cheer us up. Here goes.

1. Food. Good food can definitely brighten even my darkest days. I am a lover of hot and spicy food, but also enjoy candy and savory snacks.

2. A phone call from my husband. Whenever I feel down in the dumps, my husband can usually cheer me up. Sometimes it takes him some firm setting my mind straight before I am open to cheerful talk.

3. Music. I love upbeat music, including Dance, contemporary Christian and occasionally rock. At other times, calming music is just what I need.

4. Physical activity. When I can motivate myself for it, a walk or some other form of exercise truly helps me clear my mind of all its negative energy.

5. Retail therapy. I can be a bit of an impulse spender when I’m feeling bad. Thankfully though, even online window shopping helps me feel better at times.

What helps you feel better when you’re feeling down?

Annoying Things Enneagram Type Fours Do and Say

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I badly want to write, but am feeling a bit melancholic and yet not interested in writing a long navel-gazing post. Instead, I am going to reflect on the annoying things enneagram type Fours say and do. I saw this video a couple of weeks ago on YouTube. Watch it too if you’d like.

1. Fours are prone to melancholy. Oh, wait, I just said that. It can indeed turn to melodrama if it lasts too long, with me crying for no apparent reason or dwelling on negativity forever.

2. Fours struggle with dissatisfaction in their lives. The YouTuber here says that in relationships this can particularly be an issue, because Fours keep looking for the ideal soulmate that probably just doesn’t exist. I have never looked beyond my husband for a better, more perfect partner. Maybe this means my husband already is my perfect soulmate. Still, I can relate to this thing, as I always look to improve my life by improving my external circumstances rather than myself.

3. Envy. Yes, so yes. I always envy people who live in better external circumstances than me. I don’t tend to show it outwardly towards the person I’m envious of, but it’s there nonetheless.

4. Manipulativeness. Well, uhm, yes. I just told my nurse practitioner on Monday about a recent situation in which I was acting confused, but it was probably manipulation. I will go a long way to maintain relationships.

5. Fours may disappear and go radio silent for days. This is the only one out of this list I cannot relate to. In fact, though I do really try to push some people away by running off or ignoring them, this rarely lasts longer than an hour or so.

6. Fours have a hard time being around overly happy people. Or just generally people who are happier than me, in my case. I can’t stand people trying to distract me when I’m down and I usually can’t stand overly cheery people at all. I blame sensory overload, but maybe that’s not entirely true.

7. Fours want to be seen as special or different. Well, duh! I always look for ways to stand out, be it positively or negatively (usually the latter, honestly). In this sense, my parents were probably right when they told my psychiatrist that I’d been looking for ways in which I was different (other than blindness) ever since childhood. Honestly, though I do see the annoying aspects of the other things listed above, I don’t even fully see how this one is annoying. Well, maybe it can be seen as us Fours putting ourselves above everyone else. I’m not sure.

My Favorite Ice Cream Flavors

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today in his provocative question, Fandango asks us about our favorite ice cream. He asks us to be as specific as possible, since, in another recent informal survey, the top three favorites were plain vanilla, chocolate and strawberry. I like vanilla, but it’s not my favorite at all and I honestly don’t care for chocolate or strawberry ice cream. In fact, just yesterday, when I had bought cookie crumble ice cream and hadn’t realized that the cookie crumbles in it came from American-style chocolate chip cookies, I threw my bowl of ice cream away and got the other flavor I’d bought. Which is my second favorite. Anyway, today, let me list some of my favorite ice cream flavors.

1. Stroopwafel. Stroopwafels are like butterscotch waffles. I love love love ice cream with pieces of that in it. With respect to specific brands, I’ll go for my local farm, since the supermarket somehow doesn’t sell it.

2. Caramel-pecan-vanilla ice cream by Hertog. This is vanilla ice cream with caramel sauce and small chunks of pecans in it. This was the ice cream I ended up getting yesterday.

3. Caramel-sea salt. This one again comes from my local farm. The farm doesn’t sell stroopwafel ice cream in small one-portion containers, so I got this instead. At this farm, you can usually select a flavor for each scoop you choose, so I might choose vanilla for the other.

These are about the only flavors of ice cream I enjoy, besides plain vanilla or whipped cream (which tastes basically the same as vanilla only slightly creamier). I really don’t understand how someone likes fruit-flavored ice cream. Oh wait, I do like banana-flavored ice cream, but that doesn’t taste fruity. Then again, I don’t care for popsicles either.

What’s your favorite ice cream?