#WeekendCoffeeShare (May 18, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. How are you doing? I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare again. It’s nearly 9PM Saturday, so I’ve long had my last cup of coffee for the day. If you’d like, I can offer you a cup of green tea, a glass of soda or some water though. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first as usual I’d talk about the weather. It’s been quite good with daytime temps most days around 22°C, sometimes higher. On Thursday, we did get a thunderstorm, which scares me.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that, as a result, I had no trouble meeting my movement goal on my Apple Watch each day. I went for walks each day. On Thursday, before the thunderstorm, I also actually rode the side-by-side bike for a little in the morning and then we cycled to Colmschate, a neighborhood of Deventer, the nearest city, in the afternoon. In total, I did 25km of cycling according to my Apple Watch. I reached double my movement goal that day.

If we were having coffee, next I’d say that, generally, Thursday was my best day of the week. I finally worked on a polymer clay project once again. The new student staff was being introduced to me so I decided to show her how I make a unicorn. I got distracted by the thunderstorm a lot, so the unicorn didn’t turn out as great as I’d hoped, but oh well.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that the rest of the week was a bit challenging. I’ve been struggling with attachment issues lately. I keep clinging to my “favorites” among the staff. I’ve decided I will discuss this with the behavior specialist when I’m having en appt with her and my mother-in-law on Tuesday, as it really needs to stop for my and the staff’s sake. I mean, I’m allowed to have preferences re staff I get along with, but my anxiety around them abandoning me and the resulting distress isn’t healthy and besides, it might just lead to that exact thing if they feel I’m too clingy.

If we were having coffee, finally I’d share that my spouse and I were trying to figure out ways for seeing each other over the weekend, since due to Pentecost all shops and lunchrooms are closed on Sunday and Monday. I finally came up with the idea of traveling to our house by ParaTransit on Monday. I haven’t been there since Christmas. It should really be cool.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (April 13, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. How have you been? I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare today. I’m writing this post in the afternoon on Saturday, but might not finish it until the evening as I’ll try to fully enjoy my one-on-one support time while there’s staff I get along with well in the home today. It’s a little warm for coffee, so if you’d like a cup of that, fine by me, but I could also offer you orange and tangerine-flavored Dubbelfrisss. I also should still have a couple Mars ice cream bars in the freezer. Let’s have a drink or ice cream and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee (as I always say), first, I’d talk about the weather. It’s been on the warm side for April here. Last week Saturday, the daytime temperature even rose to 25°C. Yesterday and today, we got daytime highs of 21 and 22°C respectively. The rest of this week, the temps have been lower and we did get some rain. Next week, we’re supposed to get daytime temps barely above 10°C, which I don’t like. However, that’s probably closer to normal.

If we were having coffee, next I’d tell you all that I’m still going strong keeping up with my physical activity by walking everyday. So far, I’ve closed all three of my activity rings on my Apple Watch each day since the beginning of the month (and possibly a few days at the end of March too. I’m aiming for a perfect month with respect to my movement ring at least, which I haven’t had since last September.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I finally got the long-awaited orthopedic shoes. They fit well, but the brace that’s in them doesn’t effectively help my really bad drop foot and as a result, the left shoe got noticeably damaged after only two fifteen-minute walks.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that, last Sunday, my spouse and I together worked on a polymer clay project. I’d proposed we create a unicorn, but my spouse came up with the idea of crafting a triceratops (“unicorn dino” with three horns) instead. It was fun, but definitely an exercise in letting go of my need for control.

Polymer Clay Triceratops

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that the rest of the week was quite hard. I’ve been struggling with feeling quite depressed lately. I have been feeling like my world is becoming smaller and smaller with all the things I cannot do. It’s been more so on my mind lately given that many of my fellow residents are going on the home’s yearly week-long sleepaway camp at the end of the month and it’s not even been asked to me directly whether I wanted to go too. Rather, I overheard the staff talking about the camp a few months back and mumbled about it not appealing to me and that’s the end of it. I’m supposed to stick to my day schedule, which currently consists mostly of walking around institution grounds and playing dice games. Some staff say I might be able to be in the communal room more, but to be honest I don’t care about being in the communal room just sitting around.

Yesterday, I tried making a cheesecake with my assigned staff in the communal room but got overloaded by one of the other clients (who will stay here during the camp as well). It led me to spiral into a massive emotional outburst. After all, now everyone tells me I’ll never have a better life anywhere anyway so I’d better accept the life I have now. Why didn’t anyone tell me this two years ago? The answer is simple: at least some of the people at the care facility in Raalte secretly wanted to get rid of me. This is intensely saddening to me.

If we were having coffee, I would end on a positive note though by saying that one of the staff who told me to accept my life yesterday, offered to take me on a short car trip to Deventer this afternoon. We had a cup of coffee (I decided to buy both of ours) and walked around the marketplace, where the staff bought me a stroopwafel and I bought a small serving of garlic-filled olives.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (March 16, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Oh my, I don’t think I’ve ever gone this long without blogging since starting this blog, have I? I’m really struggling and today, I don’t really want to do a gratitude post, so a regular #WeekendCoffeeShare will have to do. I’ve long had my last cup of coffee for the day, since it’s 9:30PM. I’ve also had my soft drink, Dubbelfrisss. I’m afraid I’ve only got water to offer you now, but oh well. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that my burns, which I told you about in my post last week, are almost completely healed. I no longer need them dressed and just need a cream put on them to keep the skin from getting too dry. As a result, I’ve been able to walk regularly again too, meeting my movement goal on my Apple Watch each day this week except today so far.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I had a really rough week this week otherwise. I’ve really been struggling with the fact that staff are to adhere strictly to my day schedule and to make up for every minute I come out of my unsupported time in distress by showing up at my next support moment later. The fact that it’s literally by the minute, wasn’t a misinterpretation, it turned out today when I talked to my support coordinator. It’s been causing me intense distress though, which has gotten me to send staff away with ther “freakin’ stopwatch”, even though when I’m in severe distress staff are supposed to stay with me (and I’m usually open to them making up for it later on when I’m calm). The compensatory system (staff having to make up for every minute of extra support minutes) only applies when I’m in distress and not when I need support during wound care or a pedicure or whatever. The reason, it turned out, is the fact that I’ve been needing more suppport lately and the staff fear my one-on-one will need to be increased, which they say they don’t mind for their own sake (assuming it gets approved) but would think is a pity for me. They seem to think, but I wasn’t to look at it that way, that my distress is attention-seeking.

Honestly, I can see their point, in that I’ve needed more support lately, but my care needs fluctuate and will probably go down again. Besides, they never write it down when I agree staff can leave at 5:15PM rather than 5:30PM to put their pizza in the oven, when I have a lie down for 30 minutes during my one-on-one or whatever, essentially cutting my one-on-one back. I don’t care about those 15-30 minutes, but staff have agreed to cut back on my support if I’m even a few minutes in distress outside of my one-on-one. And it’s not because they have other duties, because like I said if I have a 30-minute pedicure, that doesn’t get compensated for. It’s essentially to encourage “crying it out”, which has actually had the opposite effect.

Like I said, once I’ve calmed down, I’m quite open to staff having to compensate for the extra time they’ve spent with me, because I can see they need to attend to the other clients too. However, having this compensatory system hanging over me and it being strictly by the minute, causes me even more severe distress. I’ve also been ruminating over it at night, leading to night-time agitation and the night staff needing to come out to me. Wednesday night, they even had to come out to me three times. After that, I now have a PRN sleeping pill until Monday per my and my mother-in-law’s request. I only took it Thursday night. It’s a short-acting benzodiazepine, which had a slight effect when I took it. However, I honestly feel I should be able to cope without it now.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I was two weeks on my new, decreased antipsychotic dosage yesterday and feel a lot more alert. According to my former mental health agency, the first two weeks don’t count with respect to behavior and honestly I’m noticing I’m slightly less irritable than I was until Wednesday. It might have been a night of relatively restful sleep or it might’ve been the fact that the staff who worked over the past few days weren’t stopwatch people. I certainly don’t want to go back on my old dosage.

If we were having coffee, I’d end on a positive note by telling you that my mother-in-law visited me on Tuesday. She was able to bring me the package of crafting supplies I’d ordered a few weeks ago. I ordered a few clear stamps (to be used with polymer clay in my case), a mold for polymer clay, precision paintbrushes and a couple of earring cutters.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (February 24, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining in with #WeekendCoffeeShare again this week. It’s the last Saturday of February and I honestly can’t wait for spring. How have you been? I’ve had my last cup of coffee for the day already, but I can still offer you something to drink if you’d like. Let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather, as usual. I’m really disappointed in it this week. It’s been raining a lot and it’s been quite cold. On Thursday, another storm even raged by and management decided we weren’t allowed to go outside. This was in light of the situation in which a staff member died last December from being hit by a falling tree while going out in a storm. I want sunshine, for goodness’ sake!

If we were having coffee, then I’d tell you that obviously I haven’t been all that active lately. I think I only met my movement goal on my Apple Watch three times tops this week.

I might go swimming soon though. My assigned staff told me they found a spot for me to go into the pool on Thursdays. However, I’d need a staff to actually accompany me in the water, because I won’t be able to follow instructions when shouted from the side and there will be other clients in the pool too. If there’s no staff available who’s willing to come into the water with me, he said we could do fitness instead. There’s some gym equipment on grounds here, but there won’t be an instructor there. I’m fine with this, since I know how to work most equipment or my staff will be able to figure it out.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I did have quite a productive week in the crafty department though. I made a polymer clay unicorn (yes, another one) on Tuesday. I didn’t do it fully independently, but that’s okay. I did add wings to this one, as well as Hotfix stones below each wing.

I also made a bird’s nest out of polymer clay on Thursday. That one is still waiting for more projects to join it so that I have more things to put into the oven together.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d tell you that my support coordinator came back to me on Monday after talking to the behavior specialist. My emotional functioning won’t be re-assessed until June at the earliest and my day schedule won’t change until after the summer at the earliest. At the end of our discussion, she gave in on the day schedule and said she’d discuss it in the team meeting. I honestly don’t really care about the day schedule as much. I mean, it’s not perfect, but no day schedule is going to be perfect. What I do care about, is to lessen the chaos of my care. I mean, I know it’s better than it used to be at the intensive support home and I probably sound like a Very Hungry Caterpillar if I request more accommodations. I said as much to my support coordinator, but she tried to validate me by saying my attitude stems from my trauma.

The fact that there’s no designated one-on-one shift, however, has a lot of drawbacks and not just the fact that I get confused about who’s going to show up each support moment. It’s frustrating also because only the staff who works until handover, writes the day’s logs and those usually aren’t the staff members supporting me. I do, for this reason, notice a lot of irrelevant logging and, last Thursday, when I had a near-perfect day, there weren’t any notes at all. I think my staff probably hate me comparing my situation to the one in Raalte, but there, my designated one-on-one had fifteen minutes at the start of their shift to read the previous days’ log notes and fifteen minutes at the end to write up theirs. This meant I didn’t have to explain everything half a dozen times, like I do now. I also feel like having a designated shift would mean I could be much more clear on what I am going to do, lessening the mere talking and increasing the actual activity. I see why, if I keep rambling to a staff member for all of my activity time slot, they won’t want to spend another time slot with me, but I don’t like to spend all of my activity time rambling about the same issues either. The only reason I do is because I can’t count on getting it across.

November 2023 Reflections #WBOYC

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. It’s the end of November, so I am joining #WBOYC and reflecting on the past month. Can you believe we’re almost in 2024? Ten more years and everything will be okay, as I always say (or WWIII will be started, as the book I used for inspiration for that claim says). Anyway, let’s wrap up November.

It started with the meeting on how I’ve been adjusting to my current care home on November 6. This meeting went okay. At first, I was a bit disappointed in my assigned staff’s attitude. I honestly still am to an extent. However, I’m trying to believe the staff are doing their best to help me.

The new application for one-on-one support was sent out the following week. I only heard some superficial bits and pieces of what went onto it, so I’m still very much stressed out about the possible outcome. It doesn’t help that my now old day schedule was used as a reference to base my necessary hours upon, which I’m pretty sure the Care Office are going to be very critical of, as was I.

Thankfully, at least for another 31 days, I’ll now have my revised day schedule. It started on Monday and I’m thrilled about it. Please, all pray or send out positive vibes or whatever you do for the necessary one-on-one to be approved for next year too.

I also worked on my crisis signaling plan with my assigned staff. This led to a major surprise, and not a good one: it turned out my original support coordinator from the intensive support home had significantly changed my plan without my knowledge or consent. I knew right as my assigned staff read me what staff are supposed to do when I’m asleep (the first phase talked about in the plan) during the day, ie. let me sleep and wait for me to leave my room rather than check on me periodically. Since my former support coordinator hadn’t altered the date and names of the people writing the plan, it still looked as though my staff from the care home in Raalte had written it though. I however was adamant that this was not the plan I’d agreed upon.

My assigned staff initially tried to dissuade me from focusing on this and seemed to disbelieve me, until I went and fetched the manila folder I had with my old day schedule and, yep, my old plan from Raalte. He tried to tell me they looked similar, but this was only when referring to the signs of the different phases, not the staff’s expected actions.

Unfortunately, my old support coordinator no longer works for this care agency, or I’d have filed a complaint against her. Oh well, my current assigned staff erased the evidence by editing the name and date to his and November 2023 and saving the document, after we’d indeed worked some on it. I am honestly extremely mistrusting of everyone here now that I know of this. I mean, all staff say that this home isn’t the intensive support home, but how do I know it’s different?

In the creative department, I haven’t really been as active as I’d have liked, but I did okay. I crafted a gnome out of polymer clay and most recently a Santa, both without the use of a tutorial. I also wrote some creative pieces, which I intend to do more of in December and in the new year.

Health-wise, I wasn’t as good to myself as I could’ve been. I really snacked far too much. The thing is, I still didn’t gain any weight, and am currently at the lowest point I agreed upon with my dietitian, weighing 56kg. It wasn’t that I over-exercised either, as I didn’t meet my movement goal on my Apple Watch several times this past month (and my movement goal is only 300 active calories, so you know).

I finally did get my support coordinator’s attention re the possibility that I might be experiencing cognitive decline. She’s going to ask the behavior specialist for some screening instruments for self-help skills or whatever. Sadly, these haven’t been administered to me before, so this is going to be my baseline really.

The Wednesday HodgePodge (November 29, 2023)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. It’s been four weeks since I last participated in the Wednesday HodgePodge, so I thought I’d join in again. For those who don’t know what it is, the Wednesday HodgePodge is an opportunity for bloggers to answer a diverse selection of questions. Here goes.

1. Does anybody really know what day it is? Last week we skipped the Hodgepodge and I just assumed this week would find us in December, but nope. Still November. Do you wear a watch? Use a paper calendar or strictly electronic? What’s your favorite hour of the day? Why?
Well, usually I know what day it is without looking it up, but I was confused yesterday too. I told my staff, when she was looking up who would be working today, to look at the 28th. Nope though, it’s the 29th already.

I do wear a watch, ie. my Apple Watch. I bought it primarily for its activity tracking purposes, but honestly now I find myself using it as a timekeeping device too. In fact, my assigned staff at my former home said I’d keep track of staff’s whereabouts by the second. That wasn’t true, but oh well.

My favorite hour of the day is probably 8PM, as that’s when I’m most energetic. I am currently writing this blog post around that time.

2. Tell us something about how you celebrated the Thanksgiving holiday.
I didn’t. It’s not a thing here in the Netherlands. I did want to benefit from Black Friday, which is a thing (of course, since companies benefit from it ultimately), but when ordering something online that day, had forgotten to check the store’s newsletter whether they had any coupon codes.

3. What’s a sound you hate to hear?
Where to even get started? The vacuum cleaner and lawn mower come to mind now as most common sounds I hate, but I am generally very sound sensitive. Oh wait, a particularly annoying sound is people whistling.

4. Where do you not mind waiting?
Uhm, nowhere. I’m not very patient and can’t handle long periods of nothingness.

5. I really wish____________________________________.
That my one-on-one gets approved real soon.

6. Insert your own random thought here.
I’m having a nasty cold. Or maybe it’s COVID, since I didn’t get tested. I doubt it though, since I’m still at roughly the same fitness level I was last week. That is, my cardio fitness level according to my Apple Watch has decreased, but it isn’t like I can no longer go for 45-minute walks.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (November 18, 2023)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I have barely touched the blog lately, but it’s not because I’ve been uninspired. Rather, I’ve mostly been doing other things online. Before I abandon it altogether, I thought I’d write a post though. I’m joining in with #WeekendCoffeeShare. I’ve had my last cup of coffee for the day, but thankfully my assigned staff ordered my favorite soft drink, apple and peach-flavored Dubbelfrisss, so I’ll have that in a bit. If you’d like one too, join me. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. It’s been raining all day today and, though we were supposed to have a daytime high of 12°C, I don’t know when that was supposed to have been the case as it’s been around 7°C each time I looked at the weather on my Apple Watch. I haven’t been outside at all. I mean, I can bear the cold, but rain, yuck! I can tolerate it when it starts raining midway through a walk, but when it rains as I leave the house, I usually turn right around. Consequently, I didn’t meet my movement goal on my Apple Watch today at all. In fact, I’m pretty sure I hit an all-time low, but frankly, I don’t care.

The rest of the week, though we had some rain, it wasn’t constantly pouring. Though some days I needed to get out my winter coat, most days the daytime temperature wasn’t too cold either.

If we were having coffee, I’d cheat a little and tell you all about the meeting I had last week with my assigned staff, support coordinator, behavior specialist and my mother-in-law. Okay, who said you can only talk about the past week during a weekend coffee share? Maybe I did. Anyway, the meeting started out with my assigned staff complimenting me on how I do accept men and unfamiliar staff now. This rubbed me the wrong way, as the day prior he’d pretty much given me no choice, so what was I to do? I’ll see tomorrow whether they’ll go the full length and assign me a male staff for my ADLs (which is a big no for me), as then the female staff who normally always assigns me temp workers is working the morning shift with a male temp worker. Said temp worker is familiar with everyone here, but I am honestly quite sure she’s going to assign him to me for my morning routine anyway. Let me just say I’m going to throw a big hissy fit if this happens.

Other than that, the meeting went okay. We talked about my day schedule, which is okay in terms of how many hours of support I get but far from ideal in terms of how it’s cut up into small blocks. Since my ExtraCare (one-on-one) funding hasn’t been approved yet for next year, we’re waiting to see what happens to that to change anything. I’m pretty fearful the Care Office doesn’t consider every single moment the staff spend with me as ExtraCare, as, well, it isn’t, but the manager does. Oh well, we’ll see.

We also talked about my wish to start therapy again for my trauma-related symptoms. Upon further thought, I realized I need to work on stabilizing first before I start EMDR or whatnot. The behavior specialist is going to write an application. I am also going to work with my assigned staff on my signaling plan, which details how I can best be supported during each phase of emotional (dys)regulation.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d share about my dietitian’s appt on Wednesday. It went pretty well. I am currently at a healthy weight and within the weight range I agreed upon with her. She did finally admit she doesn’t know why I’m not gaining weight when I’m having quite a lot of food in excess of my food plan. I honestly currently have far too many other things on my mind to care about this too. I mean, yes, I’m scared, but I’m scared for a lot of other reasons too.

How have you been?

#WeekendCoffeeShare (September 2, 2023)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this first Saturday of September. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare, even though it’s waaay too late for me to have coffee. That is, I don’t usually feel the energizing effects that strongly, but I am sure the staff won’t let me have a cup of coffee anymore. Or anything to drink except for water, truthfully. So let’s have a glass of water and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee (or a glass of water, but I always start my paragraphs like this and even my saying that is a cliché), first I’d share about the weather. We’ve had rain, clouds, some sunshine and daytime temperatures usually around 20°C. Today, the daytime high was 23°C and next week, we might even get temperatures as high as 28°C.

If we were having coffee, next I’d tell you about my movement. I haven’t been exercising as much this past week as I did last week and today I saw in my trends in the fitness app that my exercise has decreased. Of course it has, you’d say, if I haven’t been exercising as much this week as last week, but the trends compare the past 90 days to the past 365 days. I try not to care, even though I did sign up for a month-long challenge in the Challenges app for September.

Yesterday, when on a walk with my assigned staff, we compared data, since she also has an Apple Watch. I’m glad my cardio fitness level wasn’t much lower than hers. I mean, I would’ve felt bad for her if both of ours were low, but mine is in the below-average range.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that, on Thursday, my assigned staff and I went out to have lunch together. She’s off on vacation for the rest of September and I’ll (most likely) move this month, so we won’t see each other again. We both had a large salad, mine one with chicken, of course. We both also had a heavenly caramel coffee.

Today, I decided to gift my assigned staff the blue polymer clay unicorn with Hotfix rhinestones on it. I remember creating my very first unicorn here at the institution with her. I originally hadn’t intended on giving my polymer clay creations away, like I had done when moving out of the care home in Raalte, but then again if I take them with me to the new care home they will probably break during transport. I’ve seen a little too many staff come and go here to have a piece for everyone, but I have something for the ones I see most often.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I’ve been collecting books of journaling prompts once again. Amazon.nl now allows customers to pay for Kindle books with their bank account, for which I’m extremely grateful. Until last Monday, you could only pay for digital products with a credit card, which I don’t have, so I only downloaded free Kindle books. Now you still need a credit card for other digital products, but eBooks are an exception. And, of course, the first book I bought was a collection of journaling prompts. I also bought a collection of essential oil diffuser recipes. Each book cost under €3. I do need to make sure I won’t spend my money compulsively, as a search for “journaling prompts” in the Kindle store returns over 3,000 books. Then again, a lot are free at one point. For this reason, I acquired three new books of journaling prompts over the past few days, only one of which I paid for.

Lastly, if we were having coffee, I’d ask you all to cheer on my oldest niece as she starts school on Monday. She will be four on the 10th. I need to pop into the toy store tomorrow to buy her a present, as ordering something online won’t get it here on time for me to send it on to her.

How have you been?

The Wednesday HodgePodge (August 23, 2023)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining the Wednesday HodgePodge once again. Here goes.

1. What’s your earliest memory?
My third birthday. My paternal grandma brought me a doll from Berlin and my father taught my sister and me the German word for “doll” (“Puppe”). My sister and I, of course, laughed really hard about this, as “Puppe” sounds just like the Dutch verb for “poo”. The doll, by the way, is named Roza, because my father also said Rosa (but then again, as a child I had no clue how to spell it) is a German name.

2. What’s something about you today that the old you would find surprising?
The fact that I live in an institution. Until I was about 25, living in an institution was my worst nightmare.

3. Do you like to fish? Are you a fish eater? Favorite fish (to eat)? Favorite way to prepare fish?
I’ve only been fishing once and found it intensely boring. Then again, I can’t see so that takes away what little fun I imagine there is to fishing.

I do like fish, but usually just the once with the not-too-distinct flavor. The only exception is tuna, which I love and would probably be my favorite fish to eat. When my sister turned vegetarian and showed my parents info about the unethical consequences of tuna eating, they for a while refused to buy it. I got really upset.

4. What’s your biggest first world problem?
I’m not sure whether my unsuitable care home counts as a first world problem. I guess it does, since most disabled people in developing countries don’t have a choice where they live at all. Neither do I at this point, in the sense that I know next to nothing about my future care home and am told that since I’m moving anyway it’d be pointless to give me more info. I have a post scheduled for tomorrow on this topic. In any case, I’m still fortunate in many ways I guess.

5. What one word would you use to describe your year thus far?
Chaos.

6. Insert your own random thought here.
I almost broke my record of active calories burned on my Apple Watch today. Honestly, I think relatively speaking I already broke it, since my last record dates from September of last year and I weighed 12kg more than I do now, so burned off more calories with the same physical exertion. I still need 20 exercise minutes to break my exercise record (which I set on the same day), but I won’t do that. Those 15 active calories I still need to burn for my movement record should be doable though. Today, unlike the time I set my old record, I did a variety of workouts: walking, swimming, the stationary bike and dancing.

Life Always Offers Me a Second Chance

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I haven’t touched the blog in a few days once again. It’s getting old. I often do want to write, but don’t know what about except how shitty things are here at the care home and how I still haven’t got a moving date. Endless venting about the care home isn’t going to please my readers though, so I usually end up trashing those posts. After all, even though I originally intended this blog to be for me to write from the heart, I do care about my readership.

I do still read blogs, albeit not as much as I used to. Today, I came across an inspirational one-liner by Tanya: life always offers you a second chance. It is called tomorrow.

This definitely speaks to me. Of course, it isn’t always true, in that eventually we’ll all die and not have a second chance. However, until that point comes around, we can always create a better rest of our life. It doesn’t even have to be tomorrow, if that just leads to procrastination. It can also be a minute from now.

I employ this logic when it comes to my disordered eating and other unhealthy coping mechanisms. I see each day – or if needed, each moment – as its own opportunity for growth. For this reason, I don’t count the days I’m free from self-harm, in the sense that I’ll have to “start over” when I’ve had a slip up. I don’t do “cheat days” either. Not that I’m on a diet, but even when I did follow a stricter food plan than I currently do, I didn’t consider a day ruined when I had binged. Interestingly, I did at one point struggle with letting go of my 300-odd day streak of reaching my movement goal on my Apple Watch. However, I am happy to report it doesn’t start over when it comes to calculating when I’ve reached 365 days of completing my movement goal (I think it’s going to be this Thursday or Friday).

In a sense, the idea that life will always give me a second chance tomorrow, might be an excuse to laze around. However, that’s not the point. The point of this idea probably is that there’s no use in dwelling on my past mistakes, because as long as I live, there’s time to set them straight.