December 2023 Reflections #WBOYC

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m early sharing my end-of-the-month reflections, because I’ll share a review of the entire year tomorrow or on Sunday and I just now felt inspired to write. As usual, I’m linking up with #WBOYC.

The month started out pretty good with my new, pretty much ideal day schedule having taken effect. I did worry slightly that it’d be taken away if I didn’t spend my every two-hour activity time slot in the afternoon actually working with polymer clay or doing some other long activity. Thankfully, so far, it’s not been changed.

Also early in the month, I started acting out a bit because I got assigned a temp worker due to a staffing rearrangement. I started constantly comparing myself to a client who doesn’t need to deal with temp workers. Finally though, I calmed down and asked my assigned staff to write in my signaling plan that staff focus on validating my feelings and needs rather than feeding my comparison trap.

In mid-December, I went on the lights tour (I called it “Christmas lights tour”, but it wasn’t actually specifically Christmassy) around town. I loved it but had to agree with the staff that going without my one-on-one wouldn’t have been an option.

Christmas itself was okay but overwhelming. My spouse and I spent Christmas day at my parents’, where my sister and her family were too. Dinner was a lot better than I expected. However, both my spouse and I were overwhelmed by my nieces and my spouse might’ve contracted whatever illness my sister was carrying (COVID, possibly).

We spent the afternoon after Christmas at my in-laws having a Christmassy lunch. I went for an hour-long walk with my mother-in-law that day.

Like I mentioned last week, the storm last week caused one of my institution staff to be hit by a falling tree. She unfortunately died. This was quite a scary experience to many people here, so I for one at least hardly went for walks all week. I finally found out how to check for weather warnings today, so was able to go on a walk (two, in fact) again. Thankfully, the areas with lots of trees now cannot be entered anyway.

I have been slightly more creative than I used to be over the past month. Stilll not as creative as I’d like to be, but I’m getting better. Projects included another polymer clay unicorn, a butterfly and a pineapple charm. Also a dolphin which hardly anyone sees as a dolphin. The worst insult it’s gotten is that it’s a mouse.

Polymer Clay Dolphin

In the health department, I did okay. I did gain 2kg over this past month, all within the last two weeks. However, I am still within the weight range I agreed upon with my dietitian and on the upper end of a healthy BMI. I did resolve to lose those 2kg eventually though, but it doesn’t have to be in two weeks.

I do have some pain in my lower abdomen. No UTI and a bladder scan was normal too. I guess that’s a positive thing.

Another positive thing, which I almost forgot to mention, is the fact that my one-on-one got renewed. Not just that, but the hours the agency had asked for, were granted. This means my care for now will definitely not be decreased, like I had feared. After all, until the renewal, the agency was paying for some hours itself and that couldn’t have lasted. Thankfully, the Care Office granted the full number of hours requested.

The Wednesday HodgePodge (December 13, 2023)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. It’s Wednesday, so time for the Wednesday HodgePodge. I’m so happy Joyce, being a Christian, did her best to be inclusive by not mentioning “Christmas” specifically where it wasn’t necessary and instead writing “the holidays”. Thanks for being mindful of those subscribing to other faiths or spiritual paths or none at all! Here goes.

1. Oxford’s Word of the Year for 2023 is “rizz”. Hmmm…before today had you ever heard the word? Do you know what it means? (Apparently it’s short for charisma) Have you ever used the word? If you were in charge of the world, what word would you declare word of the year for 2023?
Never heard of it nor used it. No, I had no idea what it means. If I were in charge of the world, wouldn’t I have better things to do than decide on a word for 2023? I have no idea what word I’d declare a universal word of the year.

2. What’s one word you tend to abbreviate in your writing or speech? (as in rizz for charisma)
I can’t think of any off the top of my head. I remember in high school we abbreviated a lot. “Philo” for philosophy class, for example. My spouse said it’s a grammar school thing. I remember the Center for Consultation and Expertise consultant writing a report on me in 2018 abbreviating the Dutch word for grammar school, which is “Gymnasium” (and no, it has nothing to do with sports) to “Gym” too. This may not sound as unusual to American readers, who abbreviate their version of gymnasium all the time, but it’s a real grammar school thing to say “I went to Gym” to say your secondary school was a grammar school.

3. Are you a Hallmark movie watcher this time of year? What’s your favorite character from a holiday-themed movie, book, or TV special?
I answered this question last year too I think, to the effect that I’ve never seen any Hallmark movies. Nor have I read many Christmassy or winter-themed books. I’d say my favorite characters are Aisha and Emily from the chapter book Snowstar and the Big Freeze by Daisy Meadows (and all of that series).

4. Something you look forward to eating this month?
Cinnamon stars, of course! I always talk about those. They are a type of holiday-themed cookie by a Dutch brand called Bolletje. They come in chocolate tree and coconut bell (or vice versa) varieties too. Two years ago, I got four packages of cinnamon stars from my day activities staff in Raalte and had to share the last package before it expired in late February.

5. What’s the most stressful part of the holiday season for you?
This year, visiting my parents on the 25th. It’ll be the first time in five years that we’ll be visiting them and the first time in as many years that we’ll be together as a family (including my sister). Of course, my brother-in-law and two nieces will come too.

6. Insert your own random thought here.
I updated to iOS 17.2 last Monday, which introduces the Journal app to the iPhone. So far, the only thing I sort of like is the Suggestions thing, which Day One, my usual journal app, has made use of too, since it’s an API. I still think it needs improving on though.

Memories of My Paternal Grandfather

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today is National Grandparents’ Day in the United States. I heard of this a few days ago when looking for inspiration for my blog, but didn’t feel like writing about the topic at the time. Now, the subject returns in Marsha’s 10 on the 10th post. This is a meme in which Marsha asks ten questions related to a particular topic of the month. Rather than answer all ten, I’m going with one of them, which is to share a favorite memory involving your grandparent(s).

I have shared about my paternal grandmother a lot of times already. She was certainly my favorite grandparent. Today though, I’m going to share about my paternal grandfather.

My paternal grandparents divorced in 1973, years before I was born. They didn’t have much contact since, as all of their children were adults by that time. In fact, I can’t remember a birthday or holiday when they visited my family on the same day.

My paternal grandfather was a radio technician during his working life. He knew a lot about all sorts of science and tech things. Indeed, my parents tell me I acquired my first spoken word from him. As the story goes, my father and grandfather were discussing aviation and, at one point, either of them mentioned the word “aircraft industry”. I, then ten-months-old (seven months corrected for prematurity), parroted: “Aircraft industry.” This, my parents see as a sign of my being a genius. Most of my psychologists in my adult life have seen it as one of the early signs of autism.

My paternal grandfather was probably on the spectrum himself too (as is my father, though he doesn’t care about diagnoses). We had these traditions built into his visits with us. One of them was him always giving my sister and me ƒ5 each. At one point, when my father had probably decided we were too old for this, our grandfather put the coins in a very hard to open money-box with transparant sides, so that we could see our money but not reach it. I am pretty sure I had a tantrum over it.

My grandpa had a small motorized boat. Well, large enough to sleep in. My sister once went on a week-long sleepover on the boat with him. Mid-way through it, my parents and I visited them and we sailed IJsselmeer a bit. I was both scared and excited, as we could leave the boat when it was anchored and have a swim around.

I went to grammar school, the type of high-level high school I attended, in 1999. My grandfather had attended grammar school back in the 1930s, so he gave me some kind of a button with “grammar school 1” written on it.

By that time, age 75, my grandfather started thinking he was suffering from dementia. My father brushed it off, saying he probably thinks he has dementia when he doesn’t remember the most difficult of the Latin words he learned in grammar school. As it turned out, my grandpa was right after all, as he was diagnosed with pretty advanced dementia in late 2001, age 77. At this point, he needed to be placed in a nursing home. He died not even eighteen months later. Now that I know more about dementia, I know that the stage of not recognizing people and having no short-term memory whatsoever, is by far not the first stage of dementia. I realize now too that my paternal grandmother probably suffered from mid-stage dementia too, but died of another cause before entering the phase at which point my grandfather was diagnosed. It is truly tragic that my grandfather wasn’t taken seriously.

The Wednesday HodgePodge (August 23, 2023)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining the Wednesday HodgePodge once again. Here goes.

1. What’s your earliest memory?
My third birthday. My paternal grandma brought me a doll from Berlin and my father taught my sister and me the German word for “doll” (“Puppe”). My sister and I, of course, laughed really hard about this, as “Puppe” sounds just like the Dutch verb for “poo”. The doll, by the way, is named Roza, because my father also said Rosa (but then again, as a child I had no clue how to spell it) is a German name.

2. What’s something about you today that the old you would find surprising?
The fact that I live in an institution. Until I was about 25, living in an institution was my worst nightmare.

3. Do you like to fish? Are you a fish eater? Favorite fish (to eat)? Favorite way to prepare fish?
I’ve only been fishing once and found it intensely boring. Then again, I can’t see so that takes away what little fun I imagine there is to fishing.

I do like fish, but usually just the once with the not-too-distinct flavor. The only exception is tuna, which I love and would probably be my favorite fish to eat. When my sister turned vegetarian and showed my parents info about the unethical consequences of tuna eating, they for a while refused to buy it. I got really upset.

4. What’s your biggest first world problem?
I’m not sure whether my unsuitable care home counts as a first world problem. I guess it does, since most disabled people in developing countries don’t have a choice where they live at all. Neither do I at this point, in the sense that I know next to nothing about my future care home and am told that since I’m moving anyway it’d be pointless to give me more info. I have a post scheduled for tomorrow on this topic. In any case, I’m still fortunate in many ways I guess.

5. What one word would you use to describe your year thus far?
Chaos.

6. Insert your own random thought here.
I almost broke my record of active calories burned on my Apple Watch today. Honestly, I think relatively speaking I already broke it, since my last record dates from September of last year and I weighed 12kg more than I do now, so burned off more calories with the same physical exertion. I still need 20 exercise minutes to break my exercise record (which I set on the same day), but I won’t do that. Those 15 active calories I still need to burn for my movement record should be doable though. Today, unlike the time I set my old record, I did a variety of workouts: walking, swimming, the stationary bike and dancing.

Dromaai: A Restaurant That Brings Me Nostalgia

Posted on by Astrid

One of today’s prompts for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop is to share about a restaurant that makes you nostalgic. I immediately thought of the restaurant in Nijmegen my spouse and I nicknamed the “dromedary”.

Its real name is Dromaai, which is wordplay on the Dutch word for turnaround. On the menu are various dishes where letters have been switched up. For example, fish stew would be called “stish few”.

I discovered the restaurant while in the psych hospital in the spring of 2008 and ate there with my family a few times. Then, in December of that year, I invited my now spouse there.

My spouse and I would see each other several times a week while I was in the hospital, often around dinnertime, and there wasn’t any food for my spouse in the hospital, of course. As a result, we had to eat out. Dromaai became a regularly-visited restaurant. My favorite dish was marinaded turkey on a skewer. I usually chose pepper sauce with it rather than the recommended BBQ. You could choose between a side dish of rice, baked potatoes or fries. I usually chose fries, but I did like the potatoes too.

In 2011, my spouse convinced me to try to become a vegetarian, so my favorite dish became a vegetable wrap. I gave up the vegetarian lifestyle after only about nine months and came back to my turkey skewer.

We stopped going to Dromaai when I moved to the psych hospital in Wolfheze in 2013. That is, we still went there occasionally. One time, I remember one of the workers – I think he actually was the manager or something, but he also did waiter jobs – asking us whether we’d moved and if so, where. I vaguely replied that we’d moved to the Arnhem area. “Arnhem, blegh,” he replied with a laugh, because as those from the Netherlands will know Arnhem and Nijmegen are rivals.

The last time I went to Dromaai, I went with my sister after our day at Sanadome, a wellness resort in Nijmegen, in 2018. I looked all over the menu, but to my annoyance, they’d done away with the turkey skewer. I ordered mixed grill instead, but didn’t like it nearly as much.

As a side note, don’t ask me how my spouse and I got to nickname Dromaai, “Dromedary”. My spouse has a habit of taking wordplay to the extreme though. I think it’s funny, but I realize it isn’t as I type this down now.

Mama’s Losin’ It

June 2023 Reflections #WBOYC

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. It’s the end of the first half of 2023. Wow, can you imagine? I’m joining What’s Been On Your Calendar? (#WBOYC). Here goes.

Honestly, I can’t remember much of the first few weeks of June, other than the fact that I was extremely motivated to get moving. I had signed up for two Apple Watch challenges. Suffice it to say that motivation quickly diminished and I finally broke my 300-odd day streak of reaching my movement goal yesterday. That is, I broke it last Saturday too but cheated by lowering my movement goal for that day.

In other respects, the month has been meh too. I only wrote twelve blog posts, including this one, and hardly have been crafting. I mostly spent my days playing dice and the odd card game. I think I might be depressed, but more likely it’s the shitty circumstances of living in my current care home.

However, I’m pretty sure my staff think I’m doing well, as I’ve been in the communal room more. The reason is mostly to connect to somewhat familiar people, because I’ve mostly been assigned completely new temp workers. When I try to communicate my discomfort with this, I’m usually met with rather curt remarks that the staff have no obligation to explain their decisions to me and then, when I spiral further into meltdown, I’m met with harsher and harsher actions from the staff.

The month of June is, of course, also my birthday month. I had my sister and her family over in Lobith last Saturday, which was okay, though a bit stressful. I spent Tuesday, which was my actual birthday, in Apeldoorn with my parents and spouse. I really loved the Thai food we ate.

In the health department, I have been doing okay. My cardio fitness level has been declining again, unfortunately and is now just barely in the below-average range. I gained a little weight too, but truthfully my weigh-in on May 31 showed the lowest weight I’d been in forever, so I’m not worried about that. After all, I’m still at a healthy BMI.

How was your June?

#WeekendCoffeeShare (June 23, 2023)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’ve once again been feeling really unmotivated to blog. I didn’t even bother with the Wednesday HodgePodge this week. Today though, I want to write. I’m joining the #WeekendCoffeeShare linky. It’s been a while. I already had my last cup of coffee for the day, but we all need to stay hydrated, so if join me for a glass of water, that’ll be fab.

If we were having coffee (or water, but I always start my paragraphs this way), I’d start out by sharing about the weather. Ours has been mostly sunny and warm with daytime temperatures of about 27°C. On Tuesday we had a thunderstorm here and on Thursday it rained continuously all evening. My spouse loves thunderstorms, but Lobith didn’t get any.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I have been struggling quite badly lately. The staff here seem to have decided to consistently send the least familiar to me staff member they have on board to do my one-on-one, even when that staff isn’t the least familiar with the other clients. I am of course the one labeled manipulative when I get irritable at the unfamiliar staff. I originally wrote a long rant about this situation, but deleted it because really it doesn’t help anyone.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that, due to these difficult circumstances, I’ve been feeling rather depressed and not as motivated to do much of anything. I keep playing dice games on my phone in an app called Dice World. I also play dice with most staff.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that my sister and her family are coming to Lobith tomorrow for an early birthday celebration for me. I will be in Lobith by about 11AM, though my sister won’t be there till 3PM or so. Unfortunately, on Sunday, my mother-in-law has to be on call for the animal rescue service she does volunteer work for, so we won’t be going there.

On Tuesday, which is my actual birthday, we invited my parents to come to Apeldoorn. We’ll hang out in a park close by where I grew up and then in the evening we’ll have dinner at a Thai restaurant.

I finally decided today that I do want to celebrate my birthday at the institution after all. I’m going to make cheesecake on Monday and we’re going to have French fries and a snack for dinner then.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d tell you that I finally used my alcohol inks on a polymer clay project. I made earrings, of course. They’re a bit thick and I later found out my particular brand of alcohol inks isn’t very light-resistant, so the color will probably fade rather easily over time. At least now I know I can use my alcohol inks.

Also, I may get my ears pierced someday. I had my ears pierced in 2001, but wore large silver earrings right after the thingies they shoot into your ears when they pierce them. Thing is, I’m allergic to nickel and silver often contains that, so I got bad inflammation and eventually decided to let the holes close up. Now though I really want to be able to wear earrings again. My assigned staff offered to take me, so that’d be really cool.

How have you been?

Hello Monday (May 8, 2023)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. My weekend was quite good, if a little hectic. I thought I’d share about it. I am linking up with Hello Monday.

On Saturday, I had a temp worker who was here for the first time as my one-on-one staff for most of the morning shift. Thankfully, I got along with him okay. This did mean I didn’t feel comfortable going on a walk, let alone working with clay or other crafty things. I did play a game of Yahtzee with a fellow resident in the morning. My weighted blanket was also finally put in the washing machine. I was a little worried that putting it in the dryer would damage it, but the staff told me he knew what he was doing. Thankfully, once I got back from Lobith on Sunday, I found out it was still intact.

In the afternoon, I got a new temp worker once again, but thankfully my spouse was here almost as soon as the evening shift started, so I didn’t have to deal with the temp worker long. We drove to my spouse’s and my house in Lobith, picking up groceries and Domino’s pizza along the way. I had the hot and spicy pizza with pepperoni, bell peppers, onions and jalapeños.

Because I hadn’t been walking all day on Saturday, I decided to do some dancing in the evening. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have reached my movement goal on my Apple Watch and I didn’t want to cheat by lowering it yet again (and I certainly didn’t want to break my 250-odd day streak).

On Sunday, we visited my in-laws for a bit. My mother-in-law and I went for a 40-minute walk through the village. In the evening, when I once again had a temp worker, but thankfully a somewhat familiar one, I went for two more 40-minute walks. Then, because I could, I danced some more. I finally doubled my movement goal on my Apple Watch for the first time in half a year.

Yesterday evening, I had a bit of an issue with my sister. I invited her to my birthday at the end of June, thinking that if I invited her now she would have plenty of time to make sure she actually could make it on one of the days my spouse and I are available. She got upset, because her and my youngest niece’s birthdays are first (this Saturday and on the 19th, respectively). She tried to ask me whether we would come over for her birthday too, which on the surface seems reasonable. However, being that she has both this weekend and the weekend after that planned pretty full with other family and, besides, we don’t do last-minute planning for trips that are this long (my sister and her family live over two hours away), I decided against it. According to my sister, the way it “works” in our family is everyone knows when our birthdays are and is welcome to come by, so it wasn’t like she should have invited me. Being the people pleaser that I am, I actually almost let her persuade me to allow her to ask her in-laws, whom I barely know, to pick me up when they would be visiting them on the 18th. Thankfully, my spouse intervened and told me that would be really unwise, since what if I have a meltdown either on the trip or when with my sister’s family? Finally, thankfully, it turned out she wasn’t really expecting us, but was just upset that I’d mentioned my birthday this close to hers. I can see her point.

Yesterday, as a side note, was my partner’s and my fifteenth anniversary of being a couple. I really feel pleased that we decided to “call it a relationship”back on May 7, 2008. We’ve overcome quite a few hurdles in those fifteen years, but I’m so happy that we’re stronger than ever together!

#WeekendCoffeeShare (March 18, 2023)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare. It’s nearly 9:30PM as I start writing this post, so I’ve long had my last coffee for the day. I’m afraid I only have water now. However, as this is a virtual coffee share, you can all grab your own beverages of choice. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first I’d ask about your weather, like I normally do. Ours has been mixed, but usually pretty good. Yesterday and today, the temperature even climbed to 16°C.

If we were having coffee, I would say that yet again I haven’t been as physically active as I’d have liked this past week. However, either my sister doesn’t usually wear her Apple Watch or she isn’t as active either, as we’re “friends” on the Fitness app now and I’m more active than she is according to it.

Yesterday, the support coordinator did take me and two other clients on an hour-long walk, partly through uneven terrain. It was good.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I’m still struggling quite a bit. Like I wrote yesterday, we finally had the meeting on my care. It was mostly validating, but the bottom line is nothing will change in the short term.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that, because of this distressing situation, I’ve been in crisis quite a few times lately. I self-harmed a few times and today, I actually eloped from the care home and wandered around institution grounds for over an hour before the staff found me. I know this isn’t going to help my chances of going to a less behavior-oriented home, but I really can’t keep myself from spiraling out of control like this.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I bought another pair of headphones for like €330 and it turned out I don’t like them. I’d been wanting to buy them forever, but they don’t fit comfortably (are too large) and the noise canceling function isn’t as great as the reviewers say it is. It’s going to be returned.

If we were having coffee, I’d end on a positive note by saying today the support coordinator took me for a walk to the coffee bar (I know you English-speaking folks call it a “coffee shop” but I just can’t bring myself to use that phrase) here in town this afternoon. I had a black coffee and a piece of honey-walnut cake. It was delicious!

A Child Called “Baby”

Posted on by Astrid

Today, Emilia of My Inner MishMash asks us about our name. How do you feel about it? Do you know where yours came from or why your parents picked it?

I probably shared this before. In fact, I did indeed write about this topic in 2019. I didn’t bother to actually look up the post until finishing this one though, so well, here’s the story again through a 2023 lens.

When I was born, my parents didn’t have a name picked for me yet. The reason is the fact that I was born three months prematurely. As a result, for a few hours, the name plate on my incubator read just “Baby”. According to my mother, my father was so displeased with this that he quickly came up with a name (or picked one from the names they’d been discussing among each other). And thus I was named Astrid.

Of course, my parents do have a story of why they named me Astrid. Apparently, I am named after Swedish author Astrid Lindgren. Similarly, my sister was named after Sigrid Undset.

I do like my name, sort of. I like its relative uniqueness. I don’t like the fact that it’s hard to pronounce in English, but I do like the fact that in English-language literature for this reason I hardly come across characters named Astrid. I avoid books when I know they have a character named Astrid in them.

I don’t have a middle name and yet, I always wanted one. As a teen, I’d pick random middle names that bore neither an etymological nor a linguistic similarity to “Astrid”, such as “Elena”. Now if I had to choose a middle name, I’d go with something that also has its origin in northern Europe but is relatively easy to spell and pronounce in Dutch and English, such as “Kirsten”. I liked that one back as a teen too but didn’t use it as often. The name “Kirsten” is Christian in nature though, while “Astrid” has Pagan connotations. However, I don’t really care. The combination might actually signify the importance of the Christ, as the name “Astrid” means something like “beautiful God”.