#WeekendCoffeeShare (October 11, 2020)

It’s Sunday and I’m in definite need of some coffee. For this reason, I’m joining in with #WeekendCoffeeShare. It’s not time for my evening coffee yet, but maybe I can enjoy a virtual cuppa.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that the weather is gloomy. It’s been raining almost the entire day and it’s cold enough that I could use my winter coat.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’m struggling quite a bit. Yesterday I landed in crisis. I didn’t sleep all night and was still feeling very tense by this morning. A walk didn’t even help, because I felt cold and was very tired and overloaded.

I am also struggling with what to tell my husband. The crisis was quite bad and I really want to be open to my husband. However, I fear he’s going to be angry with me for it, because in other places, this could’ve led to me being kicked out. In fact, I’m still worried that the staff are going to decide to kick me out after all.

It makes me feel sad that I, being of above-average IQ, am expected to make my own decisions regarding this stuff and make sure my family is informed.

I mean, of course it has its pros that I’m intelligent. If I had an intellectual disability, I wouldn’t be able to blog, for instance. I also wouldn’t have my husband. However, this discrepancy between my IQ and my ability to cope emotionally, is weighing me down quite a bit.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that, as unlikely as it may seem now, the rest of the week was pretty good. I made some soap and experimented with baking soda modeling clay. I removed some of the figures from their molds today, but I think they hadn’t fully hardened, as they were still pretty brittle.

If we were having coffee, I would share that I’ve been loving browsing Amazon’s Kindle collection for books to get. I don’t want to buy them yet, but I did download a few free books.

I also finally got Listify on Apple Books. This is a book of journaling prompts (yes, again!) but most are list-based.

What have you been up to lately?

My Fall 2020 Bucket List #Blogtober20

Today’s prompt for #Blogtober20 is “Into the Groove”. I don’t really know what to do with that prompt, so instead I’m going to share my fall bucket list. September is usually mild here, but by October, fall weather is truly here. That is, two years ago, we had a day in mid-October when the temperature rose to 27°C. That seems unlikely this year. It’s windy and rainy right now. Fall is here! Let me share my fall bucket list.

1. Play in a pile of fallen leaves. I would really like to do that this year. I used to love the colors of fallen leaves. Now, I can no longer see them, but I can still smell and feel the leaves and hear them rustle.

2. Do a fall-related craft. I have been looking at lots of projects to try. For example, someone in a craft-related Facebook group did a needle-felted pumpkin. I’ve never tried needle felting, but I immediately wondered whether it’d be doable for me. I’ve also seen lots of other fall-related crafts and want to try at least one of them.

3. Prepare some fall-related food. I’d love to try something with pumpkin spice, as I just recently learned what it is and that it doesn’t involve actual pumpkin. I think it’s delicious!

4. Make a fall-themed soap. I think one of my favorite soaping suppliers has a photo contest in November – at least they did in previous years. I never participated, as I won’t win anyway, but I want to try this year. In any case, in previous years, all contestants would get a coupon just for participating. I don’t have fall-themed molds, but of course I could experiment with fall-related ingredients too. Otherwise, I could just participate with a different themed soap, as there is no set theme.

5. Read a thriller or other spooky book. I’ve seen a lot of them on people’s fall TBRs. I’m not a big fan of fantasy, but I do like the occasional thriller.

6. Create a fall-based tablescape. Or do some other fall-themed decorating in my room. I’ve not done tablescapes at all before. I mean, I don’t have a table that isn’t used. However, now I do have the small table that I can use until someone else needs it. It has just my essential oil diffuser on it. I would really like to create some fall-related decor on that table.

What’s on your fall bucket list?

#Blogtober20

Gratitude List (October 2, 2020) #TToT

I already published a post today, but I want to write more. I originally tried to write this post using the dreaded block editor, because I’ve heard it’s being forced onto WordPress bloggers more and more. I however for the life of me couldn’t properly link back to the Ten Things of Thankful (#TToT) page I’m joining in with. Here is my gratitude list, starting with…

1. The WordPress block editor not being fully forced onto me yet. On both PC and iOS, WP is trying to coerce me into using the block editor in all kinds of ways, but so far, I’ve found a workaround on both. I can only guess how long this is going to last, but I’ll keep using the classic editor at least for posts like this one for as long as possible.

After all, one issue I’ve found is that the block editor won’t let me write lists without converting them to HTML numbered lists, which seems to mean I can’t write multiple-paragraph list items like this one. I also greatly struggle with adding links, like I said. So, anyway, I’m grateful I can still use the classic editor.

2. A fries and snack vendor came by the facility on Sunday. It was a staff’s last shift before retirement, so she wanted to do something special. Another home had asked the snack vendor to visit us, so we decided to tag along. I had tons of fries and two snacks.

3. My mood being pretty good. Except when I was muddling with the block editor, that is. Overall, I feel pretty relaxed lately.

I am also so grateful that depression hasn’t sunk in as of yet. I often start feeling depressed by late September or early October. November is usually the worst. Let’s hope I can skip it this year.

4. Lots of engagement on my blog. I attribute this partly to #Blogtober20, but I’m also more able to interact with other bloggers and they engage with me in return.

5. Interesting journaling prompts. I got a subscription to Journey, a multi-platform diary app. I cannot really use the app, but I love to benefit from the prompts.

6. Relatively good weather. Yesterday was a pretty rainy day, but the rest of the week has been pretty much okay for fall.

7. My creative juices flowing. And my ability to handle failure if what I had in mind doesn’t turn out the way I imagined it. I mean, I’ve been trying to make my own air-dry modeling clay using baking soda, corn starch and water, but I probably used way too much water. I ordered new baking soda and will try again next week. This did give me an excuse to order new essential oils too, as those are sold at the same store.

That’s it for now. What have you been grateful for?

Gratitude List (September 18, 2020) #TToT

It’s Friday, yay! It’s the Friday there are no day activities, so I spent most of my morning and part of the afternoon in bed. I’m feeling a bit tired and down in the dumps, so I thought I’d do a gratitude list. As always, I’m linking up with Ten Things of Thankful (#TToT).

1. The weather. Early in the week, the temperatures reached over 30 degrees Celsius. I loved being able to wear a skirt for what might be one of the last days this year.

2. Going for walks. I reached my step goal of 10K steps a day three times this week.

3. The scenery. I cannot fully enjoy it, of course, as I’m blind, but I do appreciate it.

Scenery

4. Taking pictures with my phone. I, of course, needed some help taking them and still needed to delete several because my finger was showing. However, I loved the ability to do it. I’m still not planning on following the rule of a picture with every post, as that just won’t work for me.

5. The sensory garden. I spent some time in it on Tuesday afternoon. I loved smelling the rosemary. Sadly, the lavender had already stopped flowering. I also loved listening to the little stream of water.

Sensory Garden

6. Wraps. We made those for lunch on Thursday and I loved them. I had three of them. We had them filled with chicken, lettuce, cucumber and red pesto.

7. Soap making, of course. I loved being inspired to make some soaps again and am planning on making more. One of the staff is retiring next week, so I’ll make one for her.

8. My essential oil diffuser. Okay, its buttons are almost stuck, but not completely, so I can still use it. Last night, when I couldn’t sleep, I diffused a store-bought essential oil blend called Sweet Dreams into it. I am already on the lookout for a new diffuser in case this one stops working altogether. I also have been looking at recipes to make my own blends.

9. Special interests. And people who listen to me perseverating about them. My current special interest is, of course, soap making and aromatherapy. I have been loving telling a new staff, who will be replacing the retiring staff, all about how to make soap, lip balm, essential oil blends and such.

10. My husband, of course. It’s our ninth wedding anniversary tomorrow, so how can I not mention him? I saw him over the week-end and will be seeing him again tomorrow.

What are you grateful for?

A Sunny Monday

Hi all on this beautiful Monday! It’s mid-September but the temperatures rose to 29°C here anyway. Tomorrow we’re supposed to get even hotter weather, with temperatures rising to 34°C in some places in the south of the country.

I went for three walks today. In the morning, my regular day activities staff was in a meeting, so a substitute came. She took me on a long’ish walk. I think we took over half an hour. Then in the afternoon, I took my usual 20-minute walk when the regular staff had returned.

I was originally planning on taking some pictures, but ultimately I didn’t really have the courage. That little voice that says as a blind person I shouldn’t be interested in visual stuff like photographs, was pretty prominent in my mind.

In the evening, I took another longer walk. The staff who took me pointed out that there were some cows real close. I asked her to take a picture with my phone. Both Seeing AI and Envision, my two image description tools on my phone, didn’t get beyond calling it livestock, but my iPhone itself did identify cows in the picture.

Ultimately, I took over 12K steps so far today. This gives me an excuse to take it easy tomorrow, when it’s going to be so hot. I might make a soap then or maybe I’ll try out the matcha green tea in a smoothie. I doubt I’m going to try it as regular tea, as I’ve heard it tastes pretty bitter then.

I may also visit the sensory garden attached to the day center. I went there some weeks ago and loved smelling the herbs. There’s a birdcage there too, although at the time the birds didn’t make a sound.

I may try to take some pictures myself. What do you think? As a blind person, should I be interested in pictures, and if so, is it worth it if I try to take them myself? I mean, would you like to see more pictures on this blog even if they’re not good?

The Ordinary Moments

Gratitude List (September 4, 2020) #TToT

Hi all on this fine Friday. How are you doing? I’m a bit tired, but want to write anyway. Today, I’m joining Ten Things of Thankful (#TToT) for a gratitude list. It’s been a while. Here goes.

1. Hamburgers! On Saturday, my husband took me to our house and we had hamburgers for dinner. I loved them, even though they’d come from the freezer.

2. Reading. At the beginning of the week, I did a lot of reading and had a lot of fun with it. I slowed down a bit (or a lot) as the week progressed, but am hoping to get some reading done over the week-end.

3. Steptember. I started the charity physical activity event for cerebral palsy on Tuesday. On both Tuesday and Wednesday, I got my 10K steps in. I also collected more than twice the money I’d hoped for already.

4. Going to the marketplace. On Wednesday, my staff took me to the marketplace. We bought chicken and fish for lunch and I bought a lot of candy. I particularly loved the chicken!

5. Paracetamol and rest. The next day, I was ill with a low-grade fever, nausea and diarrhea. It’s probably because I ate too much stuff on Wednesday. Thankfully, paracetamol helped some and so did resting.

6. Soothing music and blankets. I’ve been loving relaxing in my bed with a calming music playlist on on Spotify. I’ve also been loving being able to have blankets on my bed again without it being too hot.

7. Talking to my husband. He most likely won’t come by this week-end because of my fever, but I loved talking to him nonetheless.

8. Feeling better both physically and mentally. I’m slightly depressed and tired still, but the sickness has gone and I don’t have a fever anymore. That’s good, because otherwise I may’ve needed to be tested for COVID-19.

9. My staff. A staff I can’t really get along with well, is leaving at the end of the month. She’s going for early retirement, so really I should be happy. I wasn’t at first, because I’d gotten it in my head that she was leaving because of me. Thankfully that’s not the reason. I had a meltdown on Wednesday because of it and this staff tried to comfort me.

10. Okay weather. Yesterday, it was raining all day, but I was ill anyway. The rest of the week has been okay: not too cold or windy and mostly dry.

What have you been grateful for lately?

#WeekendCoffeeShare (August 30, 2020)

Hello all. I’m not feeling like writing much right now, but maybe by just starting I’ll get somewhere. I just had a cup of coffee and a soft drink. I think the flavor soft drink I had is gone now, but we might still have coffee. As usual, I’m joining in with #WeekendCoffeeShare. Let’s have some drink – there are probably other soft drinks out in the fridge – and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I would ask you how your weather’s been. Ours is okay. Not too hot, not too cold, not too rainy and not too dry. I’ve been out taking regular walks most days. I don’t think I shared this in this type of post before, but come September, I’ll be starting a sponsored physical activity challenge called Steptember. It’s for the cerebral palsy charity. The idea is to get in 10K steps everyday – or as many days as you can get. I find it quite a challenge – both the sponsoring part and the step goal. However, I’m trying.

As regular readers might know, my Fitbit activity tracker broke down some months ago. I’m now using my iPhone’s built-in movement detector to count my steps. That works okay. I did reach the 10K steps on both Thursday and Friday.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I spent most of the week escaping into books. I’m okay, but I do need some escapism right now.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you about the appt with my community psychiatric nurse on Tuesday. It went pretty well. We did go in some depth considering her role as just a nurse. She also told me my nurse practitioner was going to refer me to the specialist center on developmental disorders (autism and ADHD). If the information on the website is correct – which I’m not sure of, as the date of the last update was August 27, 2019 and I’m not sure that’s a typeo -, the wait is several months for an intake interview and then another six months for treatment. I’m not sure that’s just for the inpatient units though, as I know that the workhome is part of the center too. That one has a wait of several years due to it being a living facility.

In any case, before I knew there’s likely a long waiting list, I had all kinds of worries and thoughts about it. I mean, I’m hoping to eventually get trauma treatment and lowering my antipsychotic is still on the agenda too. However, I’m very scared either of these could destabilize me. Then again, I just don’t feel my life right now is all it can be.

If we were having coffee, lastly I would share that I spent the week-end in Lobith. It was good. My husband made us hamburgers with cauliflower and baked potatoes, all out of the freezer. I really didn’t taste that about the cauliflower and the burgers and potatoes were delicious too.

As usual, we spent some time together on the couch and some time apart in the two bedrooms. I have a desk in the master bedroom and my husband has his desk in the other bedroom. That one is also used as our cat’s place though.

Then this afternoon, my mother-in-law came to pick me up and drive me back to Raalte. There, I arrived just about in time for my dinner to still be shoved in the oven.

How have you all been?

#WeekendCoffeeShare (August 16, 2020)

It’s been several weeks since I last joined in with the #WeekendCoffeeShare community. I was thinking of doing a post earlier in the evening, but it was just too soaring hot in my room still. Now it’s past midnight, so technically Sunday and I’m joining in.

If we were having coffee, I would ask you how the weather is where you are, only to complain about the weather here. It’s been over 30°C here all week. Today was slightly cooler, but the humidity made it very exhausting. I’m almost hoping for some thunderstorms tonight. You know, I’m scared of them, but I really hate this heat.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that my computer crashed on Monday. I guess it got hit with the heat too. It was fine again Tuesday after leaving it off for a night and is still fine now.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the woman who lives in the other home that’s part of my facility whom I often talk to, had her birthday on Thursday. I gifted her a keychain that I’d made and she loved it. She did feel a little uncomfortable when my staff asked her whether she’d like to have me visit sometime, but that’s because she needs time to process.

If we were having coffee, I would share that I made some delicious banana and strawberry milkshakes over the past few days.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I got a bargain on some peaches and blueberries at the local supermarket. They were three packages of fruit for €5. Blueberries are pretty expensive so I got a small package of those, but I got two large packages of peaches. They are the wild, flat kind of peaches and they’re delicious! I got them on Thursday. Though I ate all the blueberries that evening, I haven’t even emptied the first box of peaches yet.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I talked to my nurse practitioner on Thursdday. I sent him some piece of writing I’d done for my staff about how I’m feeling. I left the link to my blog in my signature, which I’m not sure was the right thing to do. He said he’d been browsing around a bit. Of course, that made me feel uncomfortable, so I asked him whether he had some type of weird idea about me now. The main reason I asked is because he asked about the meaning of my blog URL, which of course refers to my seeing myself as multiple. I’m trying not to care, of course, and I won’t be censoring myself based on who might read my blog. I know this is a public blog so to be careful about my and especially others’ privacy.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you I have a ton of ideas for blog posts in my mind, but for whatever reason (the heat, maybe), I cannot quite concentrate enough to write them. I’m also thinking of finally starting up my journal writing prompts blog, which I registered with WordPress some months ago. I will post a formal announcement when/if this happens.

If we were having coffee, lastly I would tell you that my husband came by for a visit today. We’d originally planned for me to go to our house for a night, but my husband proposed we eat somewhere and go for a walk. We ended up getting a burger and milkshake at McDonald’s. The walk was short, as I didn’t want to walk in a forest because I had my sandals on and it was too hot and humid to walk anywhere else.

How have you been?

Bookish (And Not So Bookish) Thoughts (August 13, 2020)

Hello everyone! How are you doing? It’s still very hot out here. We got some thunder far away in the distance here, but no rain. I hope that will change tonight. Though I’m scared of thunderstorms, I really need it to cool down a bit.

early in the week, I got a lot of reading done. I finished Five Feet Apart by Rachael Lippincott on Tuesday. I haven’t written a review yet and it’s too late now to write one today. Maybe tomorrow. Then nothing quite captured my interest. I tried to get started on The Falling in Love Montage by Ciara Smyth, but it’s incredibly slow-moving right now and I’m not sure that’s the book or the weather or me.

I’m still interested in books. I keep looking at ones to download off Bookshare or even to buy, but I downloaded only two books this past week and didn’t buy any. I finally downloaded Bloom by Kenneth Oppel. It’s the first book in a sciFi series. I usually don’t read sciFi, but this one sounded great. Then again, it’s a little long that I can read it in a few days.

I’m trying to motivate myself for doing anything other than lying in bed or eating, but it’s hard. I hope once we get slightly cooler temperatures, I’ll feel more energized.

Yesterday I was in a bit of a mental crisis. I engaged in some eating disorder behaviors and was rather irritable. Actually, I’ve been irritable all week. Thankfully, I could write down my feelings and now I’m feeling slightly better.

I also spoke to my nurse practitioner this afternoon. Next Tuesday, he will be meeting with someone from the autism team to discuss my treatment. So far, this feels good.

How have you been? What have you been reading?

Five Things I Hate About Summer #5Things

I’m a bit late to join in with this week’s #5Things prompt, as I didn’t see it till today. Yesterday I hardly checked my feed reader at all. This week’s prompt is 5 things you hate about summer. Now I must say summer is still my favorite season, but I’m tempted to switch that to spring. Here are five things I hate about summer.

1. The heat. I live in the Netherlands, which at least used to have a pretty moderate climate. However, last year we broke all heat records with temps rising to 40 degrees Celsius. Nice weather for me is about 25 degrees Celsius. We had that for most of the summer this year, but right now we’re experiencing a horrible heatwave again.

2. The drought. I know, I know, many people hate the humidity and I do understand hot and humid weather is worse than dry heat. However, here we have had regular water shortages that were horrible for the farmers.

3. Air conditioning. As much as I hate the heat, I hate to have the AC on even more. It makes a lot of noise and either hardly helps at all or leads to such freezing cold temps that you get hit with the heat as soon as you leave the room.

4. Mosquitoes. Oh boy, how I hate those! They sting and they make horrible noises.

5. Wasps. I’m quite scared of them. Plus, they are frankly annoying with their buzz and always trying to sit on my ice cream or lemonade.

What do you not like about summer?