Sunny Sunday (April 5, 2026): Green Tea “Without the Hassle”

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today I’m joining Leigha for Sunny Sunday. Today is Easter Sunday. For me, as someone who isn’t a Christian and didn’t grow up with religion, it doesn’t mean much beyond being an excuse to stuff myself full of junk food and candy. I’m grateful that I don’t have a reason to miss my family more than I usually do during these holidays. I mean, I don’t miss the family I have, I think. I miss the family I could’ve had.

Let me, however, share some positives for the day. I made a blueberry, mango and cucumber smoothie for myself and my fellow residents this morning, which we enjoyed as part of our Easter brunch. My fellow residents truly appreciated it. In the evening, we got Chinese food delivered. I ate a lot, but not so much that I got a stomachache.

Generally speaking, I’ve had a pretty good week. Yes, I still experience ups and downs, but overall, I do more meaningful activities than I used to do. For example, yesterday I cooked macaroni (just for myself this time). I had planned on cooking my traditional mushroom macaroni, but couldn’t find the concentrated mushroom soup I needed for its sauce. I used powdered mushroom sauce instead, which was still pretty good.

I’m also finding a way to have my daily cup of tea in the evening despite the change in support hours at my care home. It’s heavily dependent on the particular staff whether it works out or not, but I do hope that as staff learn to understand me more, this’ll improve. Today, I did get to enjoy a cup of green tea. And by green tea I mean green tea “without the hassle”, as I call it, so pure green tea without additional flavorings. I do like a select few flavored green teas, but none that my home usually has on hand and somehow all the green tea they order comes in variety packs with lots of unnecessary flavors. I’m grateful that, today as well as yesterday, the staff were able to find a bag of pure green tea for me.

March 2026 In Review

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. It’s the last day of the month and that means I’m joining Natalie for her monthly wrap-up. March was a tough month. As I say this, I hear a little voice in my head saying I’ll never be happy anyway as I’m so negative. One of my staff on Sunday said I have nothing to complain about because I get regular support workers and my day schedule is followed. I still wonder how much of my dissatisfaction is indeed due to circumstances that can be changed, such as my day schedule, how much is due to the inherent nature of my being multiply-disabled and living in long-term care and how much is my attitude.

In any case, early in the month I heard that my activity-based day schedule would be taking effect on April 1. That’s tomorrow. Unfortunately, on the same day, the staff’s hours are going to change and this, even though the literal hours they are in the home won’t be cut, means my support will be cut a little. We’ll see how that goes.

I tried to adapt to the new support hours already and this was incredibly hard. I also tried to myself follow a schedule with more meaningful activities. This was partly successful, especially with staff who are already able to help me get more meaningful activities done. For example, last week, one of the staff helped me create a unicorn-themed card for a former fellow resident from the intensive support home, who had her birthday that day.

Thankfully, one staff, with whom until then I’d only been doing dice games and going for walks, herself took the initiative to ask a colleague to orient her to the polymer clay activity.

I have been cooking and baking more than I used to. For example, I baked so-called “healthy” brownies that I fully intended on handing out at the monthly local brain injury meet-up. They weren’t all that good though.

Later, I found out I had a Trojan on my computer that came with the recipe manager app I used to download random recipes off Facebook into, including this “healthy” brownie recipe.

Before I found out I had malware on my computer, I had been obsessing over the idea of cooking vegetarian curries. Most of the recipes, I got off English-language food websites like BBC Good Food, so I’m not sure I’ll be able to use them. After all, though my English is quite good, my staff’s might not be.

Last Saturday, I cooked a delicious cauliflower, tomato and chickpea curry. This recipe was in Dutch, by the way.

Now that I look over this post, I wonder what made the month so tough, given that I once again did more meaningful activities than I used to. I do believe part of the problem is the fact that I’m still not adequately supported when I’m struggling. I mean, highs and lows are to be expected even when you’re having the proverbial time of your life. When people expect me to have a positive outlook because “I have nothing to complain about”, that is horribly invalidating. Life in the care system isn’t great and it isn’t meant to be. I don’t expect to ever rate my days higher than a seven out of ten, but when staff do have this expectation of me, it’s incredibly frustrating. I’m hoping something can be done about this.

Of course, this was also the month I finally realized I’ll never have an okay relationship with my parents. It’s tough realizing I never experienced a proper bond with my parents and even tougher to know that no-one can replace it. However, I do think I’m more capable than I used to believe. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Meaningful Activities #WotW

Posted on by Astrid

Hi all! No Weekend Coffee Share (at least, Natalie isn’t hosting) this week again. I love Anne’s Word of the Week linky for summarizing my week too. Maybe when Natalie hosts her coffee share again, I’ll do a combination of the two. That is, if I can figure out a word or phrase to sum up my week. This week’s phrase is “meaningful activities”.

This week was truly a good one overall. I’ll start with my spontaneous baking activity on Saturday. My staff and I had gone on a walk, but we didn’t want to stare at the wall for the rest of my long activity time slot, so she proposed we do a baking activity. I proposed to make caramel blondies, for which I’d bought the ingredients a few weeks ago already to use with another staff, who however wouldn’t say when we could make them. The blondies were extremely filling but good. Next time, I’m going to cut down on sugar a bit and add some white chocolate on top. I served the blondies to my fellow residents in the evening. One of them asked for days after that, when she learned that I had some left over, for more “Astrid cookies”.


On Monday, my staff and I went to the institution townhouse for coffee. We didn’t have our wallets with us, so we couldn’t buy any of the treats they offered (the coffee is free). However, one of the people behind the counter offered us a brownie that wasn’t good enough to be sold to share. My staff had only a small piece and I had most of it. It was delicious! I had planned to eat the last of the blondies that day, but had two and besides, I was completely stuffed already. I decided to offer them to the two fellow residents who aren’t at the day center during the day either.

On Tuesday, the same staff was supporting me in the afternoon again and, of course, we reasoned we had to go back to the townhouse with our wallets to buy something this time. We didn’t fancy another brownie, but we did have a look at some of the handmade items on sale. My staff bought some tea and I bought a bag of rocky road chocolates. No photo in the townhouse, but I did take an interesting photo of the bag on my nightstand.

Then on Wednesday, like I shared that day already, I crafted a polymer clay dice for a staff who was leaving. Today, I also have been claying, because one of the staff who’s been here forever but with whom I’ve never done a clay project, wanted to learn. It felt good being able to do this activity even though it was in the morning and I was a little cranky.

On Thursday, the staff and I rode the side-by-side bike to Twello to buy some things. I bought raisins, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds and corn waffles. We also needed a new mixing bowl, since I’d found out earlier that the one we used to have had a large tear in it. The staff offered to pay for it with the home’s debit card, which sounded reasonable, since it was the home’s bowl that tore. Not that I have a mixing bowl, but well.

Yesterday saw another trip to Twello to go to the market. When we were at the townhouse on Tuesday, one of the institution managers was telling us that he’s going to campaign for the upcoming local election at the market on Friday. I didn’t see him at the market, but I did get to talk to two other parties’ campaigners, both of who gave me some seeds to plant. I’m having to think on where to plant them, as my little yard has no flowerbeds.

Overall, this week was truly filled with meaningful activities. Since my new day schedule will (hopefully) take effect on April 1 and I’ll then be having two weekly cooking or baking activities, I’ve been looking at things to make then too. My wife inspired me to look into vegetarian dinners. Not that I’m a vegetarian or ever plan to be, given that meal delivery service meals suck even more without the meat than they do when it’s included. However, when I prepare the meals myself, I’d love to look at ways of adding flavor without meat or poultry. The idea is that usually I won’t have to cook for the entire home, so I can experiment without considering my fellow residents’ preferences.

February 2026 In Review

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining Natalie’s monthly wrap-up again, as it’s the last day of the month. Honestly, this month was a real mixed bag.

It was, of course, the month it finally dawned onto me that I’m actually declining. I have had this belief for years, but it’s hard having it confirmed by a doctor. Not knowing for sure what the diagnosis or prognosis is, besides it not getting any better, is quite frustrating. I still can’t fully wrap my head around what my physician actually said. I mean, yes, of course literally everyone gets older every single day, but old age, besides the fact that this obviously doesn’t apply to me yet at 39, isn’t a medical diagnosis.

The realization that I’m not getting any better and the thought that I may not even see 2034, has caused me an increased sense of urgency about getting out of life all that I can. Sometimes, this has led me to actually do things I enjoy more than I used to.

I did craft a few things. I also finally hopped onto the cottage cheese bandwagon and baked some goodies. No pictures, sorry. The first time I tried baking with cottage cheese, I added too much almond flour, so the bake became too hearty. I also added garlic powder and suffered heartburn from it all night. The second time, yesterday, I made a breakfast bake with blueberries. I actually enjoyed this.

I also cooked one main meal for my side of the home, another chicken curry. I’m still hoping to cook or bake more often in March, even if it’s just for myself, but I’m less optimistic about it than I was before.


I also, like I shared yesterday, had some days on which I was quite active physically. Early in the month, I struggled to get in any movement at all, so no perfect month for me on my Apple Watch.

I did manage to journal each day (except for today so far, but I’m going to do that after I finish this post). Most days, it was just a quick daily wrap using a template and I’m not so sure it actually helps me, but it doesn’t hurt me either. I only published eight blog posts including this one. That feels a bit disappointing to me.

Some days, and there are more of those than I’d like, my knowing that I’m declining leads to increased inertia. I hope that will get better as the days grow longer and the weather improves.

One last positive: I finally bought a Warmies stuffed unicorn. I have shared a few times about my microwave-safe stuffies that give off a lavender scent when heated. I used to have several, but the last one I had got damaged in the washing machine a few weeks ago. The Warmies ones though have a removable lavender filling. Now that I’ve got the unicorn, I want a few of the others too. By the way, I took the picture of this unicorn myself. I tried a dozen times to snap a better picture, but all of my other attempts were even worse than this one.

January 2026 in Review

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this last day of the month. I’m joining Natalie for her monthly wrap-up. I started the month with optimism, but as I write this post at nearly 10PM on the 31st, I’m struggling to remain hopeful that anything will ever get better. And is it is, life is a battle.

I fully intended to experience more in the creative and culinary departments in 2026. This was not a total failure in January, but I didn’t start off the year with the bang I’d secretly hoped for.

I did create a few things out of polymer clay this past month. I also crafted a few new bracelets and a necklace. My last crafty project, however, was over a week ago. I created a crocodile out of polymer clay. No picture, as I haven’t even baked it yet. I did make plans with one of my staff to finally create the standing unicorn sculpture I have been meaning to create forever. Let’s hope it doesn’t just remain a plan.

I also didn’t cook a main dish even once. That’s sad, but on the other hand, I did manage to bake a few things. Most recently, yesterday, I baked granola. I ate it this morning with my quark and it was delicious!

In the blogging and general writing departments, the beginning of the month was also a lot more successful than the last couple of weeks. I once again gave up on #JusJoJan pretty early on and only managed to do my Morning Pages for a few days. I do however still have a streak going on in Day One, my preferred journaling app. Granted, I only write some snippets in response to a daily template, but oh well. I still like the Gratitude app, but don’t use it as faithfully as I’d intended. Then again, I realize that pressuring myself to write everyday, isn’t helping my joy.

In other news, none of my staff nor me have heard from the Center for Consultation and Expertise (CCE) yet. On top of that, the behavior specialist went on maternity leave a few weeks ago. She has someone subbing for her, but I doubt this has been communicated clearly to the CCE. Even if it has been, I sort of believe the consultant gave up on me when she got the impression my quality of life is okay.

I realize my support coordinator and assigned staff are well-meaning and really want to help me improve, but I get the impression part of the team doesn’t believe that I deserve or need anything to change. I’m still haunted by the words of my intensive support home assigned staff. She believed that, because of my attitude, there was no way I would ever be happy anywhere. This might be partly true, though it’s not because of my attitude but because living in a neurotypical world as an autistic person is hard. However, just because I’ll never be perfectly happy, doesn’t mean no-one should try to improve my situation. Then again, maybe I’m just one giant nagger of a person.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (January 30, 2026)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi all! I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare today. Yes, on a Friday. Tomorrow, I’ll wrap up the month of January, but I really want to write today too. It’s 7:30PM as I start typing this, so no more coffee for me. I’ll once again take a break at 8PM for my Friday evening chips and soda. I’ll have to shower too, so may not return to the computer until like 9PM, because I don’t want to be using the computer with wet hair. If you’d like, grab a cup of your favorite beverage and let’s chat.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. It’s been chilly. Scratch that: it’s been cold! Daytime highs early in the week were around 4°C, but yesterday I believe it was freezing almost the entire day and we got snow again. I want spring, for goodness’ sake! It isn’t helpful to realize that February is the coldest month of the year here in the northern hemisphere.

If we were having coffee, then I’d tell you that I hardly walked all week. That is, today I did go for a 45-minute walk around grounds because I wanted to orient the home’s team leader, who’s working one day a week at our home as a support staff, to my walking routine. Yesterday, I didn’t walk at all, but did somehow activate an outdoor walking workout on my Apple Watch while just pacing around my room. I was also sitting down a lot and only managed 100m or so in 34 minutes. Thankfully, I was able to delete the “workout”.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that, on Sunday, I bought a new winter coat. I gained a little weight, so my old one was a bit too tight and had a tear in it. My wife offered to fix it, but after thinking for a bit, I said no. Unfortunately, I’d left my gloves in it and she’d already taken it home with her when I realized this, so this meant no gloves for the entire week. By the way, the new coat cost only €30.

If we were having coffee, next I’d tell you I didn’t end up going to the Eye Association meeting I was supposed to go to today after all. I shared last week that I had planned on going to a meeting for people with mild cerebral palsy this Saturday (January 31), but had decided against it for transportation reasons and because I had another meeting today. Well, early in the week, my assigned staff told me she wanted to talk some things over with me. Besides, I thought I had a physical therapy appt today too. Looking back, the things my assigned staff wanted to discuss, weren’t of major importance and the physical therapist’s appt was yesterday, but well.

If we were having coffee, finally I’d tell you that one of the things my assigned staff did want to discuss, is my day schedule. Unless the behavior specialist or my support coordinator has major objections, I’ll finally have two weekly kitchen-based activities in it soon. The staff did ask that, when I cook, it’s initially just for myself and maybe one or two others, because if we decide I’ll cook for the entire home, this means too much pressure on me (and potentially the staff). I agree with this.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (January 10, 2026)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi all on this freezing cold January Saturday! I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare again. It’s past 10:30PM, so no more coffee or any other beverage for me. This evening, I thankfully did have my favorite soft drink, an apple and peach-flavored, slightly carbonated soda called Dubbelfrisss, again. Yesterday the staff offered me the raspberry and cranberry-flavored one, which I don’t like, and I thought the apple and peach one was out of stock at the online grocery store we use. Thankfully not. Oh my, I’ve already started to ramble.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. It’s freakin’ cold! The entire week except for yesterday, it was snowy. Yesterday, we had rain. The daytime high was 4°C yesterday and that was the least cold it’s gotten. Tonight, we’re supposed to get temps as low as -9°C. Next week though is supposed to be rainy with daytime highs of 8°C.

If we were having coffee, then I’d share a few photos I took in my yard on Tuesday. I don’t care for making snowmen, though now I wish I’d taken pictures of the ones my fellow clients had been making. After all, I do like photographing.


If we were having coffee, next I’d tell you that my assigned staff finally plans to discuss a new day schedule with my support coordinator (the one who’s now my support coordinator anyway, as my assigned staff will be taking over from her eventually) next week. I’ll discuss my ideas with her tomorrow.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that, like i mentioned yesterday, I’ve been quite crafty again. This week, I made a necklace, a bracelet and several polymer clay things. I also photographed the unicorn I’d made last week. Did I mention that? I can’t remember. Anyway, I used seed beads for its eyes.

If we were having coffee, I’d also share that the idea of a possible new day schedule has me looking into cooking more again. I really hope that will be part of the schedule too. I’ve been obsessing over buying some new gadgets, such as a food processor.

Today, I planned on making flatbread again. I badly want to make it for all my fellow residents, not just the ones who stay at the home during day activities. Unfortunately, I was too tired and the living room was too overwhelming.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d share that I’m sort of frustrated with my blog. I mean, the AI training robots seem to have left the building, but now I’m getting tons of E-mails through the contact form that look to be spam. I’m also struggling to comprehend the numbers of likes and comments on my posts. On some, I get tons of likes and a decent number of comments, but on others, hardly any. I tell myself this is a thing each January as people adjust to the new year and new ways of doing link-ups such as this one.

Beating Myself Up Over Failed Intentions… #JusJoJan

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today I’m struggling quite badly yet again. I’m feeling quite depressed and like life is slipping me by. That’s not good, but sometimes it’s the best that can be.

When I set my hopes for this year, I fully intended to experience more, yet here I am, six days into the year and I’ve abandoned Morning Pages, am in bed a lot again or just blabbering on to my staff about whatever.

However, feeling guilty about not having made the most out of the day, means even more of my time and energy is wasted. Rather than beating myself up over a day gone to waste, I’d much rather make the most out of each moment. And sometimes “the most” is pretty little.

About half an hour ago, I was talking on the phone with my wife again and responded to the question of what I’d done today by saying that I’d gone on a walk and played dice, so not much. Then I realized that I’d also made a necklace. Remembering that made me smile to myself.

Of course, my day schedule is still not working as it should and that might never change, but it’s up to me to make my life meaningful. And sometimes, that means hyperfixating on some random thing, like the fact that I almost certainly finally found the perfect recipe manager. It’s my fifth or so, so this did mean having to transfer my recipes from my previous one into this one. However, this did give me another opportunity to look up interesting recipes.

Now it does often frustrate me that, even though I make plans to cook or bake, they rarely come to fruition. However, like I said above, fretting over this means even more time and energy has been wasted.

This post was partly inspired by today’s #JusJoJan prompt, which is “intentional”. One thing I beat myself up over, is the fact that I didn’t blog yesterday and hardly wrote anything else, so in that sense who am I participating in #JusJoJan? There’s however no jotting police other than my own inner critic.

December 2025 In My Kitchen

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. As I type this, I’m going half-crazy from all the fireworks sounds. I love New Year’s, but mostly for the ability to reflect back on the past year (which, of course, I could do anytime). Today, I’m joining Sherry’s In My Kitchen linky. I only cooked dinner for myself and my fellow residents once, but did enjoy several other kitchen-based activities.

First, like I think I shared last month, I had planned on cooking another chicken curry but two consecutive staff who would be doing the cooking with me, called in sick. When, in late November, I found out that a staff who used to work here until the summer, would be working a shift again on December 16, I asked her whether we could cook the curry then. She was fine with this as long as I made sure the ingredients were ordered on time. And so I did. We used a recipe from one of my favorite Dutch cooking websites. It called for a teaspoon of curry powder per serving, which I thought was over the top, but it turned out to be good. We even added some chili flakes for some extra spice.

Over the rest of the month, like I said, I didn’t cook dinner. However, I did do several baking activities. This started on December 5 with a spontaneous attempt at baking St. Nicholas cookies. St. Nicholas is celebrated here on December 5, although we’d celebrated it at my home a few weeks earlier. I had gotten a package of cookie mixture with St. Nick and Pete (his servant) cookie cutters. Unfortunately, my staff and I had forgotten to get the butter for the dough at room temperature. We decided to add some melted butter to make the dough stickier, but that made it too sticky for the detailed cutters to work. We decided to go for Christmas-themed cutters, which were less detailed, then.

Unfortunately, my staff did comment that the cookies weren’t all that good-looking. I don’t care.

I had also found a recipe for flatbread made from scratch and really wanted to give it a try. I mentioned this to one of the staff on December 8 and she offered to help me make it the next day. It was delicious! I realize I shouldn’t have taken a picture with my phone of the pan while the flatbread was still baking, as it could’ve damaged my phone, but so far so good.

I decided to top the flatbreads with cheese, bell pepper slices and chili flakes.

Another baking activity took place on December 17, so the day after I made the chicken curry. I made a custard cake. I liked the flavor, but the look wasn’t what I’d expected.



In addition to these longer activities, I did make overnight oats and smoothies a few times. One of those times, I’d been frustrated at a staff refusing to do some tasks with/for me because of how time-consuming she thought they’d be. This time factor is a never-ending source of frurstration for me. However, another staff offered to help me make overnight oats after a walk, when we had only ten minutes left in my activity time slot. Guess what? It was a success!

Of course, like I shared earlier, I helped my wife make our Bastogne cookie dessert on Christmas. No picture of that one. I’m determined to make it for my fellow residents sometime soon.

Overall, the month of December was a pretty good month kitchen-wise. Here’s hoping for even more cooking and baking and other kitchen-based activities in the new year.

2025: The Year in Review

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. It’s time for my yearly review. This year wasn’t exciting in any particular way. I’m not sure whether that’s actually a bad thing though. I mean, I didn’t decide to move yet again and that’s a good thing. Most of the bad parts of the year not being exciting are exactly that: it was incredibly boring.

That’s also what led to the most significant lows of this year: the fact that, for a while, an extra cup of green tea at 9PM would be my highlight of the week. I have, over the past couple of months, been able to make this cup of tea a regular occurrence, so in that sense things are improving.

When I looked at my hopes for 2025 a few days ago, I noticed most of them weren’t particularly ambitious. I mean, I was hoping to improve my crafting and do more cooking. I can’t remember whether I had already tried to ask ChatGPT how to build an armature for a standing polymer clay unicorn and, as such, whether this idea was behind that hope. If it was, I can safely say that I didn’t achieve this. I must say I haven’t improved my polymer clay skill much at all. I have, however, picked up jewelry-making again and my wife loved the necklace I made her.

I also did a lot more cooking than I did in 2024. It wasn’t as much as I’d hoped when the behavior specialist promised me early this year that when my one-on-one got approved, she’d allow for a weekly cooking activity. I am cautiously optimistic that this will change in 2026.

I had also hoped to find a physical activity other than walking that I could do regularly. No such luck. I’m not sure this will change in the new year.

Tapering my meds was one of the major successes of this year. I can’t remember what dose of aripiprazole I was on at the start of 2025, but I’m now down to 11mg a day and have also been able to completely go off my pregabalin. I also must say that I’ve been able to stay relatively mentally stable. Yes, I did have a deep low in July, which is once again down to the fact that I had been going through the motions for so long that life felt like I was not really living it.

This year was also the year we had yet another Center for Consultation and Expertise consultation. I haven’t yet found out what the consultant is going to recommend even though she said she was going to let me know by mid-December. I doubt it’s going to lead anywhere significant, but maybe I’m wrong.

Finally, this year was the year my wife and I were trying to figure out our relationship status. Over the summer, we were planning to get a divorce, but this eventually didn’t happen. We’re still unsure as to how to align the legal situation with our actual feelings for each other and it looks likely divorce will be on the table sometime within the not-too-distant future again. Thankfully, we’re both pretty sure that we’ll always be best friends.

One of John Holton’s writing prompts for this week is what letter grade we’d give 2025 and why. I’m clueless about letter grades, so I’m going to rate the year on a scale of 1 to 10 as is the grading system here in the Netherlands. My rating would be a 5, which is just about below-average. Things that would improve the grade I’d give next year, are mostly related to my having more meaningful activities.