#WeekendCoffeeShare (July 31, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi all on this rainy Saturday. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare again, although yet again it’s a bit late for coffee at 8:30PM. It’s odd in this respect that I start my coffee share paragraphs with “If we were having coffee…” even though I rarely offer you coffee. Oh well. Let’s have a drink anyway and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee (or any other drink, but it feels off to have to repeat that every paragraph), I’d share that I haven’t been doing as well in the walking department this week as I did last week. I reached my goal of 10K steps only once this week and on a few other days, struggled to get beyond 5K steps. My foot hasn’t been cooperating and neither has the weather. It’s been quite rainy most days, although I managed to get a walk in between showers almost everyday.

If we were having coffee, I would share that I have the kindest yet weirdest mother-in-law. Earlier in the week, I asked her to be on the lookout for fine sanding paper to use to sand and buff my polymer clay ornaments. Not only did she drive by three different hardware stores in search for it, but she eventually ordered it online at Bol.com, even though I could as easily have ordered it there. I’m so grateful but I also feel a bit off now.

If we were having coffee, I would share that I have a slight cold, so I didn’t go to Lobith yet again. The self-administered antigen test for coronavirus I took was negative. Still, I want to avoid giving my husband whatever virus I do have, especially with him just having been vaccinated and this meaning he can’t be reliably tested for COVID.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I made the most delicious chicken, curry and fruit salad with my one-on-one staff yesterday. It was great having this for lunch.

If we were having coffee, I’d use the rest of this post to blather on about polymer clay, I guess. This evening, I have been practising making ornaments as independently as possible. I can roll out pretty even bases to cut shapes out of now, as well as cut out the shapes. I am however not able to remove the clay ornament from my cutting board workspace without damaging it yet. However, I’m confident that I’ll learn.

What have you been up to?

A Pink, Heart-Shaped Object #SoCS

Posted on by Astrid

SoCS Badge 2019-2020

A pink, heart-shaped object. That’s what VoiceOver Recognition said about the below picture. It’s my latest polymer clay work in progress. It’s still a work in progress because I intend on sanding it once I get my sanding paper and because I intend on adding an edge of a different color polymer clay, probably purple.

I have been really obsessing over polymer clay lately. I love it. That being said, I keep finding imperfections with my work. This one turned out okay, but the back is a little raw from the parchment paper I used to bake it on. I guess I should’ve used cardstock, but I forgot about that.

Overall, I’m really loving polymer clay though. I think I will develop some level of skill in it one day eventually. This evening, I may try to create a shape without asking for help as much as I did with this one. After all, I don’t need to bake my creations right away and can let them sit there to wait for me to decide whether I want to use them or knead the clay back into a ball.

Back to VoiceOver Recognition. It’s a great feature. However, with my previous creation, it guessed the colors all wrong. You see, the below object is purple and pink and VO said it’s black and red. I think that might’ve been the lighting conditions though. Or something. Not sure.

That polymer clay work, not quite in progress anymore, didn’t turn out as well as I’d hoped. Of course, I recognized that the snake edge I used around the heart shape is all uneven, but it’s also unevenly attached to the heart. I don’t like it, but I probably could not have reused this clay anymore anyway, since the colors had already attached to one another. That is, I could have mixed the colors and tried to see what color got out of it, but well, maybe it’d turn out all brownish. Oh well, now it’s a crooked heart with an uneven snake around it, but it’s a learning curve, right?

This post was written for Stream of Consciousness Saturday (#SoCS), for which the prompt today is “The last photo you took”.

Gratitude List (July 30, 2021) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

Hi all, happy Friday! I’m joining Ten Things of Thankful (#TToT) today with a gratitude post. Let’s get started.

1. I am so grateful my benefits arrived. Oh well, I spent a significant amount of money already on crafting supplies and my yearly premium subscription to Day One, a diary app. I have once again resolved not to make unnecessary expenses for at least a week. I am however grateful that, even if I do end up spending some money, I won’t go broke anytime within the foreseeable future.

2. I am grateful my staff try to find me things I need or want for free or at a heavily discounted price. For example, one staff was able to get a music pillow for just €1. Another staff gave me some cookie cutters and ziploc bags she didn’t use and her daughter’s old duvet cover. Oh, it feels off to say this right after I’ve told you about my spending my benefits money on crafting supplies.

3. I am grateful to retain my creative mojo. I have really been loving doing some crafts lately, particularly polymer clay and some jewelry-making too.

4. I am grateful that my creative juices flowing means I have something else to talk about online besides my disabilities and health conditions. I am truly loving perseverating on polymer clay in particular.

5. I am grateful for organized storage shelves. Okay, I think I decluttered them a month or so ago already, but with my new crafting supplies, I had to do it again. I’m really satisfied with the space I created without even too much throwing out.

6. I am grateful for pasta salad. My day activities staff and I made this for lunch on Tuesday and there was still some left on Wednesday.

7. I am grateful I haven’t gained any weight in the past week despite not walking as much and despite the pasta salad and other treats. In fact, I lost 200 grams.

8. I am grateful for a nice fill-in community psychiatric nurse. My regular CPN will be on vacation when I was originally next supposed to see her in two weeks, so the other one will fill in. She joined me and my regular CPN for our appointment on Wednesday and she seems nice.

9. I am grateful for a nice new student staff. She is already older, so it’s easier for me to trust her than the young interns.

10. I am grateful my husband is now fully vaccinated. He got his second shot yesterday and he seems to be doing okay.

What are you grateful for?

First Steps With Polymer Clay

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’ve been pretty busy lately, but in a good way. My day activities staff ordered some packages of Fimo soft polymer clay, which arrived in the mail Tuesday afternoon. We went round for a trip to Action that afternoon too to get some other supplies. I was pleasantly surprised at how little they cost, as once again of course I bought far more than I had on my grocery list.

That evening, I set out to work with my one-on-one staff. I wanted to create a pink (the color of Fimo soft is 22 “Raspberry”) flower with a green (color 53 “Tropical Green”) center. So I rolled out my Fimo. Of course, not having checked all the beginner’s instructions for polymer clay, I used a wooden roller pin. Ah well, having used it once can’t hurt, I hope and my acrylic roller should arrive tomorrow.

Then I cut out the flower shape with a cookie cutter that was in my Christmas present from day activities last year. I can’t remember how many times I had to try before I was relatively satisfied with how even it turned out. Later, I learned about burnishing your clay before baking.

I randomly formed the green ball center and put it on top of the flower. To make it sit in the flower itself, I later learned, you need a ball stylus. Mine should arrive on Friday.

When I was inspired to do polymer clay by this post by Ann, I read that Ann used a straw to cut a hole in the polymer clay. That would make the hole a little too large for my liking and, besides, I don’t have plastic straws. Instead, I used a Rainbow loom needle that came in the surprise beading package I got for my birthday last month. To be honest, it turned out okay, though of course the pros on Facebook tell me I shouldn’t have made the hole before baking.

Then I baked the clay. I did read up instructions on not baking it for too short a time, so I baked my clay for about 35 minutes. It was a bit of a struggle finding the right equipement to bake it in, since I didn’t want the clay to fly around the oven or get too close to the heating element. Eventually, it worked though.

After I posted the hardened product on Facebook, I got a lot of tips on how to handle it better before baking. Ah, oops. Better luck next time.

I had decided beforehand that I was going to experiment with decorating my ornament like Ann had. The first products I came across at Action, were glitter and metallic markers rather than glitter glue pens. I found glitter glue later though and decided to buy both. This ornament is decorated using one of the glitter markers. I did the circling of the green center myself, so you may see a slight spotting on the edge of the actual center itself. After this mishap, I asked my staff to accentuate the edge for me.

What do you think of my first attempt at using polymer clay?

Linking up with the Creatively Crafty Link Party and Party in Your PJ’s.

Things That Made Me Smile (July 26, 2021) #WeeklySmile

Posted on by Astrid

Hi all on this summerly Monday. We had a thunderstorm yesterday early evening and are expected to get more later this evening. However, right now it’s still pretty sunny and warm outside.

Today, I am joining in with The Weekly Smile. I am also joining in with Cee’s Flower of the Day, since my smiles involve flowers.

First, over the past week or two, whenever I returned from a walk with my day activities staff, I always smelled lavender close by my care home. I don’t care for the smell of lavender in perfumery, although in essential oil blends it’s great. The actual flower smells awesome too! Today, I finally took my phone with me on my walk so that we could take a picture of the plant.

Lavender

Then, a few days ago, a staff pointed out a huge bush of geraniums near the day center. I still remember the characteristic red color from when I still had some vision and I love it. Its smell though is one of my least favorites, including in essential oils. This morning, I went out and actually touched the bush and indeed, it’s huge!

Geraniums

Generally, the presence of nature really makes me smile. It’s no wonder that, when asked what I miss most about being unable to see, I generally reply the ability to appreciate the beautiful sights of nature. However, I am still able to hear and feel and smell the beauty of nature!

What made you smile this past week?

Online Window Shopping #WotW

Posted on by Astrid

Hi again everyone. Today I’m joining Word of the Week. The idea is to sum up your week in a word or phrase. Today’s phrase of the week is: online window shopping.

You see, like I mentioned last week, I had resolved not to spend any more unnecessary money until my benefits arrived on the 23rd (last Friday). I actually kept this promise to myself and didn’t buy anything, but over the week, I did have a lot of ideas of what I wanted to buy once my benefits arrived. Then when they did, it was almost the weekend, so I decided not to spend my money yet because my packages wouldn’t be sent out till after the weekend anyway.

Most of my online window shopping involved crafty stuff. Like I mentioned yesterday, I got it in my head that I wanted to try latch hooking again. Thankfully, my day activities staff remembered that a client at my pre-COVID group at the day center used to do this but no longer did. She went looking for the supplies and, on Thursday, I had a bit of canvas, a latch hook and a whole lot of yarn. The yarn was cut too short for me to work with right now, but I had some yarn and lace in my room too. Learning the craft again was hard, but I eventually managed to make some knots.

I also found a really cool polymer clay ornament while browsing some other blogs and this got me thinking of restarting polymer clay. Like jewelry-making and latch hooking, I did this in the past but threw my supplies away because I couldn’t manage the craft fully independently. Now that I let go of that ambition and actually have the one-on-one support I need, I am really thinking of restarting the craft. This blogger used an embossing folder and glitter glue to decorate her ornament, which had me looking at card making stores again too. I’m pretty sure that’s the only craft I’ll never pick up again.

I also did some online window shopping that didn’t involve crafts. Like, on Thursday I found out that NVDA, a free screen reader I occasionally use on my PC, now works with the Vocalizer voices I’m used to with JAWS and VoiceOver (my regular PC and iPhone screen readers). I immediately downloaded the add-on, only to realize that of course I’ll need a license. I mean, NVDA may be free, but the Vocalizer voices are not. A license costs €99. I’m still undecided as to whether I want to invest in it or wait for JAWS to fix the one major bug that leads me to using NVDA, that is, the inability to use the WordPress block editor with it.

Lastly, on Friday, I got talking to my assigned home staff about stim toys. Specifically, chewable jewelry. I initially thought that only U.S.-based sites sold them, but it turns out several of my fellow clients use them. I looked up chewable jewelry and found several online stores in the Netherlands that sell them. Of course, they’re marketing them mostly for children, so I may need one for heavier chewers. I haven’t yet decided on buying it though.

How would you sum up your week?

Word of the Week linky

#WeekendCoffeeShare (July 24, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this late Saturday evening. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare even though it’s rather late for coffee here at nearly 9PM. Besides, I had green tea this evening. I can of course still make you a Senseo, although with the amount of coffee stains in and on my coffee maker I wouldn’t recommend it. So I guess a glass of water or a soft drink should suffice. I hope that’s alright. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, firstly I’d share that I’m so grateful the weather has been much milder over the past week than it was the week before. Of course, we here in Raalte weren’t personally affected by the floods either and damage control down in Limburg is still ongoing. However, the weather here has been truly beautiful.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that, thanks to the weather as well as my feet cooperating, I have been able to get in a lot of walking lately. I got in over 11K steps each day of the week so far.

I am still not sure I’ll sign up for Steptember, the annual fundraiser for the cerebral palsy charity this coming September. The aim is to raise funds while aiming for 10K steps each day, regardless of whether this is done while walking, wheeling, biking, etc. Last year, I did participate, but I didn’t really like the pressure I put onto myself by signing up.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’ve been really crafty over the past week. I have been making some new bracelets. One of them, I sent to my mother. She received it in the post today and was happy with it.

I also picked up trying to do latch hooking again. This is a yarn craft for making rugs etc. I learned this at the blindness rehabilitation center back in 2005 and tried to pick it up again briefly in the psych hospital, but was too easily frustrated for it back then. So far, I am not 100% sure I understand the technique again yet, but I’m confident that ultimately I’ll learn.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I’m truly grateful for all the comments on my blog over the past few days. It makes me feel so happy to see that others read and appreciate my writing.

If we were having coffee, lastly I would announce that tomorrow is my third blogiversary! That is, it’s the third anniversary of my having (re)started this blog. I say “re” because I used this domain (or the WordPress.com subdomain at least) back in 2011 too. I have been on WordPress for over fourteen years and have had an online diary ever since 2002. I still keep learning and growing everyday. I am so, so grateful that, contrary to what some “influencers” say, blogging isn’t dead at all. I hope it never dies.

How have you been?

The Color Of Words #SoCS

Posted on by Astrid

SoCS Badge 2019-2020

Today’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday (#SoCS) is “color”. I already shared about my perception of color several months ago. Like I shared then, I no longer have the ability to see colors in the physical world due to being totally blind. I used to as a child though and still retain the ability to see colors in my mind’s eye through synesthesia.

I mentioned that color words don’t always correspond to their own color. For example, the word “green” is mostly red. The word “color” itself is mostly yellow. Both o’s are yellow and so is the c. Interestingly, so is the u in the British spelling of the word.

I love some words more depending on their color combinations in their synesthetic presentations in my mind. For example, really I like the British spelling of “colour” more than the American one. The slightly darker shade of yellow for the u adds an interesting shade to the word that makes it somehow more appealing. Same for the word “synaesthesia” in its British spelling. I don’t honestly think there are many words whose American spelling appeals more synesthetically to me than its British spelling. Then again, I am used to mostly using American English on my blog, so that’s what I’ll do.

I Am Not a Calculation Mistake

Posted on by Astrid

Like I mentioned last week, I have been doing a Bible study plan on YouVersion called Hope Heals in the Midst of Suffering. I finished it yesterday and it was awesome. It was written by Katherine, a woman who survived a severe stroke shortly after becoming a mother, as well as her husband.

The plan follows Joseph’s story, the part of Genesis I had gotten stuck on in my Bible in a Year plan. I was glad to read it now.

At one point, Katherine shares that, about a year after her stroke, she is still unable to perform many basic functions. She is still in adult diapers, unable to eat, unable to even lift up her head. Her family is having Thanksgiving dinner with her son, then a toddler. As the family are playing with her son, she wonders if there was a mistake. Should she have died from her stroke?

It was at this point that a lightbulb went off in my head. I, too, have often wondered whether my life is a mistake. A calculation mistake, to be exact.

You see, I was born over three months premature. Officially, I was born at 26 weeks 4 days gestation. However, it is quite probable given the circumstances of my conception that my mother really wasn’t yet 26 weeks along. At the time, 26 weeks gestation was the cutoff for active, life-saving treatment in the NICU.

My parents weren’t even sure I should be treated actively. At one point, when I’d suffered a brain bleed, my father asked the neonatologist what he was doing with regards to my treatment. “We’re just keeping her alive,” he said. He (or his nurse) added that my father shouldn’t interfere in my treatment or he’d lose custody of me.

In 2004, when I was eighteen, this same doctor was quoted in a newspaper as saying that he sometimes meets preemies he’s kept alive back in his early days as a doctor, about whom he wonders: “What have we done?!” I at the time tried to reassure myself that he wouldn’t have meant me. Or would he? I, after all, am multiply-disabled and in long-term care.

The devotional in the Bible plan I was reading continued. Katherine at this point heard God clearly speak: “I am God. I do not make mistakes.”

This was what I needed to hear! I have tried to find my neonatologist on Google several times since that newspaper article. However, I don’t need his opinion. I have talked to my father about his views on my quality of life several times, but it hasn’t helped. I don’t need my father’s opinion either. God chose for me to be kept alive and that’s what matters.

Grace and Truth

Also joining Friendship Friday this week.

Unsettling Dream

Posted on by Astrid

Last Monday, I had an appointment with my nurse practitioner. First, I said that I was doing pretty well. This is a big step for me, as I’m not normally accustomed to saying I’m well. He started talking about decreasing the frequency of our appointments and possibly even working towards ending my treatment. While I was able to say that this is far too early for me, at least talking about termination, it all still unsettled me.

I mean, I’ve had my latest med tweak only two weeks ago. Two weeks prior to that, I was in a major crisis.

Honestly, looking at it this way, it seems nuts that he even mentioned terminating. This honestly confirms my fear that if I’m doing well, it automatically means I’ll lose my help. Thankfully, I was able to keep myself from panicking and calmly told him that I’m not ready to stop my treatment now or in the foreseeable future. After all, I still want to lower my Abilify dose and that’d take a psychiatric provider to supervise too.

We eventually agreed on a re-evaluation in December or January and to keep the frequency of my appointments as it is now until then at least. My nurse practitioner already seemed to make it pretty clear he really wants to decrease our appointments by then, but oh well.

The following night, I had my first trauma-related nightmare since going on the topiramate. It wasn’t a direct reliving of a traumatic event, thank goodness. However, my dreams rarely are.

In my dream, I was standing on top of the Erasmus building of Radboud University in Nijmegen, a 20-storey building. Someone I didn’t recognize but who sounded strangely soothing was holding me in a comforting embrace. Then, she said: “Sit down please. I can’t hold you any longer.” Just as I was going to sit down, my right leg slipped and I was standing there with my right foot hanging in mid air. Then I awoke. I immediately realized the symbolism in this dream.

I had the sensibility to press the call button and the night shift came by. Thankfully, she didn’t just soothe me, but encouraged me to actually tell her my dream, which I did. She then confirmed that I’m not in Nijmegen now, but in Raalte.

Needless to say, I’m going to make sure at my next appt, my nurse practitioner understands that just because I’m doing well for a few weeks, doesn’t mean I’m ready to quit my treatment.