Online Window Shopping #WotW

Hi again everyone. Today I’m joining Word of the Week. The idea is to sum up your week in a word or phrase. Today’s phrase of the week is: online window shopping.

You see, like I mentioned last week, I had resolved not to spend any more unnecessary money until my benefits arrived on the 23rd (last Friday). I actually kept this promise to myself and didn’t buy anything, but over the week, I did have a lot of ideas of what I wanted to buy once my benefits arrived. Then when they did, it was almost the weekend, so I decided not to spend my money yet because my packages wouldn’t be sent out till after the weekend anyway.

Most of my online window shopping involved crafty stuff. Like I mentioned yesterday, I got it in my head that I wanted to try latch hooking again. Thankfully, my day activities staff remembered that a client at my pre-COVID group at the day center used to do this but no longer did. She went looking for the supplies and, on Thursday, I had a bit of canvas, a latch hook and a whole lot of yarn. The yarn was cut too short for me to work with right now, but I had some yarn and lace in my room too. Learning the craft again was hard, but I eventually managed to make some knots.

I also found a really cool polymer clay ornament while browsing some other blogs and this got me thinking of restarting polymer clay. Like jewelry-making and latch hooking, I did this in the past but threw my supplies away because I couldn’t manage the craft fully independently. Now that I let go of that ambition and actually have the one-on-one support I need, I am really thinking of restarting the craft. This blogger used an embossing folder and glitter glue to decorate her ornament, which had me looking at card making stores again too. I’m pretty sure that’s the only craft I’ll never pick up again.

I also did some online window shopping that didn’t involve crafts. Like, on Thursday I found out that NVDA, a free screen reader I occasionally use on my PC, now works with the Vocalizer voices I’m used to with JAWS and VoiceOver (my regular PC and iPhone screen readers). I immediately downloaded the add-on, only to realize that of course I’ll need a license. I mean, NVDA may be free, but the Vocalizer voices are not. A license costs €99. I’m still undecided as to whether I want to invest in it or wait for JAWS to fix the one major bug that leads me to using NVDA, that is, the inability to use the WordPress block editor with it.

Lastly, on Friday, I got talking to my assigned home staff about stim toys. Specifically, chewable jewelry. I initially thought that only U.S.-based sites sold them, but it turns out several of my fellow clients use them. I looked up chewable jewelry and found several online stores in the Netherlands that sell them. Of course, they’re marketing them mostly for children, so I may need one for heavier chewers. I haven’t yet decided on buying it though.

How would you sum up your week?

Word of the Week linky

Tuesday, July 14

Hi all on this rainy Tuesday evening. Here in the Netherlands at least, the summer is hardly a summer to be honest. What a contrast with last year!

I’m feeling uninspired today, but I do want to write. I hope yesterday’s post didn’t just attract the engagement because I predicted it wouldn’t. Regardless, I think I like the ability to ramble.

I started jewelry-making back up again last week. It’s still pretty hard and frustrating. I mean, I have to gather the right supplies and I keep forgetting something. Last week, I ordered wire, but it was too thick for the thinnest needle and yet the beads wouldn’t fit over the slightly thicker needle. I as a result managed to make only one simple bracelet so far.

Today I ordered some additional supplies, but I forgot to order clasps. My husband asked me to make a bracelet or necklace for his sister, who had her birthday last week. Not that she wears a lot of jewelry, but he thought it might be a kind gesture. I ordered some heart with dog paws pendants, because she loves dogs. Here’s hoping I can make something decent-looking with the supplies I have at hand right now.

In other news, I got a haircut on Thursday. My hair is quite a bit shorter than it was before. I like its current length though. It’s kind of wavy now and feels a bit tougher when brushing through it with my fingers. Since that’s one of my main stims and I like the feel, I think I may keep my hair at this length. My husband has so far only seen the picture, as he didn’t visit last week-end. I will be going to our house this coming
Saturday though.

Today despite the rain I managed three walks. Not long walks, but long enough. I also did a short yoga practice. I just googled yoga for beginners and selected a YouTube video. I didn’t complete the full practice, but I managed to do some. My day activities staff helped me by explaining what the woman in the video was doing. I liked it.

I also listened to some women’s magazine on audio. It was a nice way of unwinding.

I didn’t rest as much as I had originally planned to, but still I feel okay. It’s now nearly 9PM and, though I’m physically tired, I’m not as overwhelmed as I was yesterday.

Hope you all are doing well.

#AutisticBliss Is…

A few days ago, I came across a discussion on Twitter with the hashtag of #AutisticBliss. I don’t follow many autistic bloggers, so I cannot be sure the conversation has been taken over to WordPress yet. Regardless, I wanted to write a blog post in contribution to the topic. Here are a few things I consider sincere bliss as an autistic person.

1. The sensory room at the day center. I mentioned this in my Twitter reply too. Back when I was trying to prepare for leaving the mental hospital in 2017, I asked my psychologist whether I could try out snoezelen® at the intellectual disability unit. She said I couldn’t, as it is only offered to people with severe intellectual disability. I’m so extremely grateful I ended up attending a day center for people with intellectual disability once kicked out of the hospital. Ever since, I’ve come to very much enjoy the sensory room.

2. My own sensory equipment in my room. When at my first day center after leaving the psych hospital, I discovered an online sensory equipment store while looking for birthday presents for myself. I currently own two lavender-filled, microwave-safe soft toys from that store, one in my room at the care facility and one in our house in Lobith. I also have a lot of soft toys that aren’t specifically sensory. I enjoy my exercise ball too, as well as my essential oil diffuser.

3. Being able to hyperfocus on my special interests. One of the main autistic characteristics I love about myself is my ability to perseverate. I love it when I’m in hyperfocus mode and actually have an interest I’m passionate about.

4. Being able to collect things, particularly if they’re cheap or free. For example, I have at least a dozen books of journaling prompts on my phone. Most were free either on Kindle or in Apple Books. Now that I am more money-conscious than I used to be, I no longer spend as much on my special interest du jour. However, I really love collecting free stuff.

5. Stimming. Especially if I’m happy. Stims were often so discouraged that I struggle to find ones I can engage in for fun, but when I can, that’s utter bliss.

6. Having found my tribe. I love being part of the autistic community. It helps me feel that I belong somewhere.

What surprising aspect of life do you find is utter bliss?

Fidgeting

A few months ago, one of the staff at my day activities showed me a fidget spinner. I’d never seen one before, although I’d heard of it, of course. It was a little disappointing, to be honest. I mean, yes, you can fidget with it, but it doesn’t have as many features as some of the other toys at day activities. I didn’t really understand the hype.

Last week, the things my assigned staff had ordered for me to play with, came in the mail. There was a deck of cards to play games with, a set of dominoes, but also a fidget toy. This one had a lot more buttons and things.

I often love to fidget, but not necessarily with standard fidget toys. I have a set of makeup brushes at day activities that I like to stroke.

Then again, my main stim (the autistic term for fidgeting activity) is hair twirling. I remember my second autism diagnostician telling me I really needed to unlearn it, as it was a “serious social handicap”. I was at the time in my first month of my psychiatric hospitalization for suicidal ideation, so even if it were a serious social handicap, I had other things to worry about. Turns out my parents and said diagnostician are the only people truly offended by this behavior.

Speaking of which, everyone stims. I have mentioned this a few times before but I remember one day sitting in on a demonstration some social services students were giving of their work. The student pretending to be the social services person was constantly clicking his pen when talking to the client-student. I thought this was odd, but no-one else noticed.

Still, I may want to get myself a stim toy to replace the hair twirling with. I saw some on Stimtastic.com that I may love, but the shipping cost from the United States to here holds me back from ordering anything.

Linking up with today’s Daily Inkling.

Embracing My Neuroses

A lot has been on my mind lately, but for whatever reason, I can’t get it out onto the screen. As such, I keep reverting back to standard, mundane blogging features such as #TToT and the like. I don’t mean these aren’t important to me and they are among my most popular posts, but I intended this blog for myself, not (primarily) for my readers. Of course, now that my blog is off to a start, I do worry about my stats.

As I was browsing Paperblanks, a journal writing prompts app on my iPhone, I came across an interesting prompt in this respect. It is: “This year, I’ll learn to embrace my neuroses, such as ___”.

Embracing neurosis. That seems like quite a counterproductive thing to do, as neurosis often is seen as something negative, something we need to overcome. Then again, in dialectical behavior therapy (I think), it is said that you cann’t change something without accepting it.

This year, I will learn to embrace my neuroses. I will learn to accept them as they are and move on from there. I have several neuroses that I need to embrace.

My main neurosis is my heighteneed response to being triggered or criticized. Pete Walker calls this the fight-flight-freeze-fawn response. I tend to lean towards fight. As such, I tend to perceive an outer critic as more severe than it is intended as due to my own inner critic chiming in. I am to an extent aware of it, but not usually when it happens. By practising mindfulness, I hope to become more aware of this response.

I also want to embrace my freeze response of retreating into my inner world. I am often judgmental of myself and my alters when not online, but this doesn’t seem to do us well. I am going to learn to validate myselves.

I have a lot of little “neuroses” that I’ll want to embrace and not change much at all. These include my stims, such as twirling my hair. I will write more about stimming on the upcoming International Day of the Stim.

What is a neurosis you need to embrace?