Truthful Tuesday: This or That

Good evening all. I am finding that I struggle to keep the motivation and inspiration for so-called quality content. That doesn’t matter, as it’s my blog and I don’t write for my stats. That can’t keep me from being slightly frustrated by it though.

Today I’m participating once again in Truthful Tuesday. The questions this time are a series of rather lighthearted this-or-that choices. I like that! After all, we just heard here in the Netherlands that we’re in lockdown at least until February 9 and curfews or other harsher measures are being discussed. Still, I am so lucky to live here.

Anyway, here goes. I’ll explain some where I can.

1. Coffee or Hot Tea?
Coffee! I do like hot tea on occasion, but only green tea without lemon or other yucky additives.

2. Soda or Iced Tea?
I’m assuming that soda is always carbonated, so then I’d say iced tea. I prefer non-carbonated soft drinks though.

3. House or Condo?
House just because that’s what my husband and I have at the moment. I don’t mind living in a condo though.

4. Pie or Cobbler?
Pie! I had honestly never heard of cobbler and the first translation Google came up with had nothing to do with food. However, the second one made it pretty clear to me I prefer pie. In fact, I can’t stand cobbler.

5. Cornbread or Biscuits (The US kind)?
Cornbread. I have no idea what U.S. biscuits taste like, but I do like cornbread.

6. Computer or Smart Phone?
I honestly can’t do without either. Does that sound weird? I mean, of course I can do without them, but if I want to accomplish everything I do on a daily basis, I certainly need both.

7. Hotel or Camping?
Hotel for sure. As a child, I often went camping with my family, but it got harder the more sight I lost. Now I don’t really think I can do it.

8. Swimming Pool or Ocean?
Swimming pool. I can swim in a lake or the ocean, but I don’t like it nearly as much as I like swimming in a pool.

9. TV Shows or Movies?
TV shows. I don’t have the attention span to follow a movie.

10. iOS (iPhone/iPad) or Android (Samsung, LG, et. al.)
Definitely iOS. It’s far more accessible for blind people than Android, although Android developers are making progress too. I started using a smartphone before Android could be used by not so tech savvy blind people. Though I might be able to make the transition to Android now, I just won’t.

Sky Is the Limit #SoCS

Today’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday (#SoCS) is “Sky’s the limit”. I was immediately reminded of a story in Stephanie Kaars’ book Speciale mama’s (Special Mommies), in which this phrase inspired a mother to challenge her son, Sky, who had severe cerebral palsy, beyond his apparent limits.

It then made me think of how challenging someone beyond their apparent limits, doesn’t mean expecting them to be “normal”. I mean, the phrase which inspired the mother says that her son is the limit. In other words, each child or adult is their own limit of what they can achieve and this should not be defined by the person’s characteristics, such as disabilities.

I don’t have as severe a disability as Sky. I mean, yes, of course blindness is seen as a “major” disability for statistical purposes, but it alone doesn’t qualify anyone for long-term care. Severe cerebral palsy does. That being said, I do have a significant combination of disabilities: blindness, autism and mild CP.

I don’t think these disabilities, or rather the stereotyped perception others have about them, limits me. I mean, of course my disabilities impair me, but that’s totally okay. I am not limited by others’ ideas of what a blind person (as that’s my most visible disability) can or cannot do. Because, you know, even though I am in long-term care with the highest care profile in the visually impaired category, people still sometimes say I’m quite capable for a blind person. No, I’m not.

I am also reminded of the current slogan for the National Federation of the Blind: “I can live the life I want; blindness doesn’t hold me back.” The old slogan was: “With proper training and opportunity, an average blind person can do a job as well as an average sighted person.” This may or may not be true for the hypothetical average blind person, but it certainly isn’t true for me.

Is the new slogan? Yes, I think so. I could really go to university if I pushed harder, maybe. Maybe not, I’m not sure. However, I have no desire to go to university anymore. Similarly, I wasn’t dying living semi-independently. Well, I almost was, if you count the two medication overdoses I took, but those weren’t due to blindness. Then again, I am happy to live in my current care facility. I may still have things I want to improve on, but I for the most part do live the life I want.

More Time

Today’s Five Minute Friday (#FMF) prompt is “Time”. There are so many things I wish I would make more time for. Today, in five minutes (and I’m trying to do this in five minutes seriously), I am going to share about the things I want to make more time for in 2021.

First up, of course, is faith. I want to spend time each day praying and reading my Bible. I already read my Bible everyday so far in 2021, but sometimes it’s just five minutes before bed.

I have also created a faith-based journal in Day One, my diary app. In it, I want to write down my prayers as well as interesting Bible passages. I think consciously writing them down helps me devote more time to God.

Second is walking. I did a great job of this this past week, getting in over six hours of active zone minutes so far.

I also want to write more. I really aim to blog almost everyday. I would like to say everyday, but I can no longer make that work for 2021. But I can start now.

Then comes reading. I definitely want to read more. I am doing okay in this respect so far.

Lastly, self-care. I didn’t make a resolution about me time or essential oils this year, like in 2020, because I did well enough on it already. However, self-care also means taking good care of my body, and I could certainly improve on that.

By this I mean healthy eating, exercise other than walking, yoga, etc. I could definitely work on a healthier body.

That’s it. I did pretty well freewriting for five minutes flat and I was in fact already sort of done when the timer went off.

What do you hope to spend more time on in 2021?

Sunday Poser: Changes for 2021

Today’s post is going to be a relatively quick one. I hardly slept at all last night and really need to rest, but I’d also like to write something to wind down for the night. I’m joining Sadje’s Sunday Poser. The question is about the changes you wish to see in 2021. I traditionally write a post of personal hopes for the new year in early January, so I won’t make this too personal.

Like Sadje, I agree that I totally wish this COVID-19 crisis will end. I really hope the vaccine will be distributed fast. I’ve already heard that the staff of care facilities may get the vaccine in late January here. That being said, I doubt things will move as quickly as it looks now, because we have a rather slow-thinking health minister.

We’re due to have a national election here in the Netherlands in March. I really hope the right won’t win more seats in the Lower House than they have now, but I must say I don’t hope for a huge move to the left either. In this sense, I don’t hope much will change, although my leftist conscience does tell me I need to object to Mark Rutte getting yet another term as prime minister. My centrist intellect says he isn’t so bad after all.

Honestly, of course, I do think a lot needs to change on a larger scale. We need to truly show our stewardship towards the planet and we need to distribute wealth and health more evenly. That does make me worried for my own sake though, as I know I’m relatively healthy and wealthy considering the world at large. I shouldn’t be so selfish though.

Lastly, like Sadje, I definitely hope people become less divisive and extremist in their encounters with others. If COVID taught the world one thing, it should’ve been that it can affect us all.

Truthful Tuesday: Hobbies Other Than Blogging

I discovered Truthful Tuesday a few weeks ago already, but never participated before. Today I am joining in though. The idea behind Truthful Tuesday is to answer Frank’s weekly question(s) as truthfully as possible.

This week there is just one question:
With the exception of blogging (assuming it’s a hobby and not your profession), do you have any unique hobbies or pastimes?

Indeed, blogging is my main hobby. I at one point listed my old blog as my place of employment on Facebook, since I am unemployed. I however never intend on making any money from blogging.

So what are my other hobbies and pastimes? Here goes.

1. Walking. I go for two or three, sometimes four walks a day. They aren’t long walks – 20-30 minutes or so – and the scenery isn’t too interesting. I just enjoy the ability to move my body and clear my mind.

2. Essential oils. I love to research different diffuser blends. I need help actually counting the number of drops that go into my diffuser, but I try to come up with my own blends. In the near future, I’d also like to make my own aromatherapeutic massage oil.

3. Soap and bath and body product making. I am not as active with it as I used to be, but I like to make a melt and pour soap every once in a while.

4. Collecting books related to my other hobbies, such as journaling prompt collections or books on aromatherapy.

5. Reading. I haven’t been reading much lately, but usually it’s a main pastime of mine. I mostly read memoirs and young adult fiction about real issues, with the occasional thriller, romance novel or SciFi book thrown in.

This is it I think. There are many other things I have an interest in. In fact, my interests change a lot. However, these are my current main hobbies.

Grief

Today’s Five Minute Friday prompt is Grief. When I first saw it, I knew I just had to write on it, but I didn’t know what to write. In a way, I still don’t know. But let me write anyway.

I have been close to clinically depressed over the past few weeks. I don’t know whether this is grief for something I have lost. Perhaps my old, functional self.

Then again, that functional self was a façade. A mask. Layers upon layers of masks formed within those early years of my life, when I still functioned. On the surface, that is.

And here I am, in a care facility, waiting for the manager and behavior specialist and the funding authority to figure out if I can get one-on-one support. And now I grieve the loss of that façade. I am intensely sad. I worry that if I am truly myself, if I peel off all the layers and layers of masks, an intensely wicked, horrible monster will remain. I can almost literally picture the monster in my mind’s eye.

Everytime I think I’ve found the real, authentic me, and it’s a good thing, it turns out to be yet another alter. I wonder what remains if they all go. Will the intensely wicked, horrible inside of me seep through to the outside world?

I am not very religious, but I do believe in God. Especially in these hard times, I pray. I pray that God will help me remove the layers and layers of masks I’ve put up over the years. I however also pray that, beneath them all, the monster will turn out to be some kind of prince(ss) from Beauty and the Beast or whatever. At least not as wicked as I see it as.

Okay, this turned out very different than I had imagined. This piece does reflect my innermost thoughts. For those who haven’t read my previous posts, I do not see my inner monster as some kind of universal thing, like original sin. In fact, I am convinced that most people are both good and bad. The wickedness applies only to myself. And yes, I know I’m not some type of criminal, but I still see myself as intensely bad.

Journal #SoCS

SoCS Badge 2019-2020

Journaling is one of my favorite activities. That being said, I’ve taken forever to find the right means of doing it. I tried a regular Word document, at least twenty apps on my iPhone and a couple on my PC too. In fact, at one point I spent $100 on an app that didn’t even work.

I currently use an app called Day One on my iPhone. It’s not perfect, but it’s the best I can get so far. That is, at one point there was an app called Dyrii that was better, but they went into maintenance mode and at the last update, messed things up pretty bad.

In addition to journaling, I love to collect journaling prompts. I probably have about twenty collections of journaling prompts in my various book apps and on my PC. I don’t use prompts as much as I’d like, but just the thought of having them at hand is helpful. It may be a kind of autistic perseveration, but oh well.

In Day One, I have four different journals righ tnow. One is a general journal that I rarely update. The second is specifically for my alters to journal their thoughts. The third is a prompt-based journal and the fourth is a gratitude journal.

Just yesterday, I thought of starting another one, specifically for chronicling my recovery from compulsive overeating. I also may want to start a quote-based journal. I so far decided against either of these, but Day One allows unlimited journals if you have the Premium version. Which I’ve had a couple of times but each time deactivated again. I’m pretty sure I’ll keep the Premium subscription now though.

This post was written for #SoCS, for which the prompt today is “Jour”.

Would You Rather (Fashion Edition)

Last week, Anjali of Chasing the Maximum Life created a meme or something like it. In it, she asks a number of Would You Rather questions about fashion. I am not at all a fashionista, but this may in fact be one reason I choose to answer her questions. I mean, it’s good to hear from trendy folk, but also from the ordinary woman who is pretty careless about fashion. Here goes.

1. Wear the Same Outfit Every Day OR Only Be Allowed to Wear Neutrals for Life?
I wouldn’t mind either, unless of course wearing the same outfit everyday would mean the same exact set of clothes. I mean, I’m not very good with personal care, but I do try to make sure I wear clean clothes at least in the morning. That being said, for the sake of fitting in, I’m going with only be allowed to wear neutrals for life.

2. Be Underdressed for An Event OR Be Overdressed for An Event?
Overdressed. I don’t usually like revealing clothes at all.

3. Have an Unlimited Supply of The Perfect White T-Shirts OR Have an Unlimited Supply of The Perfect Little Black Dresses?
Obviously black dresses. I just can’t see myself wearing white, because it shows stains so incredibly easily.

4. Only Be Able to Wear Futuristic Clothing OR Only Be Able to Wear an Old-Timey Clothing?
I honestly have no idea what is considered futuristic, so I’m going with old-timey clothing.

5. Have A Closet Filled Only with Prints and Bright Colours OR Have A Closet Filled Only with Black Clothes?
Black! As much as I love the few colorful clothes I own, I can’t imagine myself wearing those all the time. In fact, as a teen, I copied one of my favorite teen fiction characters’ habit of wearing only black. I no longer do that and have said that I’d like some more colorful clothes, but if I have to choose, I’ll still go for black.

6. Wear Leather Jackets for The Rest of Your Life OR Wear Denim Jackets for The Rest of Your Life?
Denim jackets. I love the look of good leather, but I cannot see myself wearing that for the rest of my life. Besides, I think it’s way too sweaty.

7. Wear Chanel Or Louis Vuitton?
Chanel. Not that I know either, but I keep getting LV junk mail and don’t want to risk my money if I confuse a scam for the real thing.

8. Wear Only Dresses OR Only Coordinating Suits to All Formal Events?
Dresses. I’ve never worn a coordinating suit.

9. Wear Heels That Are Ugly and Old but Super Comfortable OR Wear Gorgeous Heels That Everyone Loves but Torture Your Feet and Give You Blisters?
Ugly but comfy. I told you, I’m not a fashionista at all. In fact, give me shoes without heels anytime. I get foot pain wearing even the most comfortable of shoes and would fall over if I had to wear any type of even moderately-high heels.

10. Shop More and Pay Less OR Shop Less and Live More!
Shop less and live more. I don’t like clothes shopping as it is.

These were the questions. I’d love to hear your opinion on them.

The Lockdown Tag

I don’t think anyone specifically tagged me for this tag, but I saw it on a number of other blogs. The idea is to answer a number of questions about life in lockdown. We just went into “partial lockdown” again, or really are going tonight, but the prime minister delivered the news yesterday evening. I think it’s about time I write about life in lockdown again.

1. Overall, how are you handling the quarantine?
I’m hanging in there. Now that at least some restrictions have been going on for over half a year, I’m coping less well than at the beginning of the lockdown.

2. Have you violated any of the restrictions? If yes, what rule(s) did you break?
Honestly, yes. When the no-visitors policy in care homes was lifted last May, we were expected to still keep our distance from visitors and avoid physical contact. Well, I did at first try, but I just couldn’t resist hugging my husband.

3. What viral recipes have you tried during the lockdown?
I didn’t even know that this is a thing. I haven’t really tried any new recipes, honestly.

4. What activities have you missed the most during quarantine?
At first, of course, I missed seeing my husband altogether, as it wasn’t allowed at all. Now that we’re allowed visitors again, I miss going places, like restaurants, with my husband. Restaurants are closed again for two weeks at least from tonight on, but even when they were still open, I wouldn’t take the risk.

5. Do you wear a mask when you leave the house?
Uhm, no. I don’t travel by public transportation at all or go to public places much. Until yesterday’s press conference, the government didn’t want to mandate mask-wearing except on public transportation, but only “strongly advised” it in public places like stores. As of tonight, a mask will be required in all public places and also outside of classes in secondary and tertiary education. It’s not required when going for walks outdoors. I do think that, when my mother-in-law visits tomorrow, I’m going to wear a mask to protect her, as she’s generally very careful and I’m not.

6. Are you an essential worker? If yes, what is your job title?
No. I don’t work. Thankfully, my staff are classed as essential workers and we didn’t get holiday or weekend staffing levels so far, which I was worried about at first.

7. How do you exercise during the lockdown?
I go for walks, go on the elliptical, do weight training and yoga. Basically, all my usual exercise activities. I was on the waiting list to go swimming before lockdown and had considerd going to a gym too. Swimming was canceled here at the facility and, though gyms are still open, I don’t want to take the risk.

8. Have you subscribed to any new subscription services since the lockdown started?
No. I did briefly restart my Netflix subscription, but canceled it again after a month. I much prefer reading to watching.

9. What did/does your daily schedule look like before the pandemic started?
I’m assuming the question is meant to ask how our schedules differ now that we’re in lockdown, because of course the pandemic is raging so there’s no present tense “does” before the pandemic. Anyway, before the pandemic I would go to the day center at around 9:30AM and stay there until 4PM. Now that we’re provided day activities in the home, I usually don’t start them until 10AM at least. I also take more breaks than I used to. I much prefer the current arrangement.

10. Do you think that the pandemic is getting better or worse?
Worse. It’s all pretty awful. I really hope they’ll find a vaccine soon.

11. What have you learnt/became grateful for during the lockdown?
I’ve become more appreciative in general. For example, I’m grateful for my health, my ability to still go outside for walks, being able to see my husband… lots of things!

12. How do you think the world should learn from this pandemic so that things are better in the future?
I think in general people have learned to be more health conscious. Other than that, I don’t think the pandemic taught us any big lesson or whatever. Of course, I could get all fluffy about people possibly being kinder and more grateful towards each other and the planet, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.

I’m not tagging anyone, but if you want to do this tag, feel free to.

My Essential Oil Container #SoCS

SoCS Badge 2019-2020

I’ve been perseverating a lot about essential oils, so when the prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday (#SoCS) was “Container”, I immediately thought of my box of essential oils. The box was specifically made for storing 10ml bottles of essential oils. It was built by people with intellectual disability.

I’ve had this one box for many years and stored a large amount of essential oils in it. It can store at most 30 bottles and I had it full until I weeded out some expired oils at the beginning of the week. That is, I didn’t just store essential oils in it, but also fragrance oils. I have those stored in a separate basket now.

Currently, there are eighteen oils in my container. I bought them pretty much randomly, so cannot use all of them in blends, because that would require I had other oils to go with them. However, I enjoy each and every oil.

I have been counting and calculating which oils to buy next too. I don’t have many citrus oils, because I had to throw several out that were years beyond their shelf life. I may buy some basic ones, like lemon and orange, but not sure. I will maybe also buy some spicy ones, as I love the scent of litsea (may chang), but it is usually combined with spices such as cinnamon or clove.

I also created a folder on my laptop with essential oil blends and an index of the box. After all, I cannot read the bottle labels and I cannot label each bottle in Braille (that would take up too much space). So I have them sorted alphabetically, from field mint (which translates to “akkermunt” in Dutch and which I can barely use) and anise to tea tree and ylang ylang.

What are y’all’s favorite essential oils? I’d love to know so that I can decide on which, if any, to buy next.