I have had a lot of dreams in which I was kicked out of the care facility lately. They’re no fun. I don’t know why I have these dreams. I mean, yes, a new client may come to my home, but I didn’t find out about that until today. Besides, my staff say it doesn’t mean I’ll have to leave. After all, there’s still an available room in my home.
Still, it scares me. I worry that, if this other client needs a lot of support, I will not get my needs met. I mean, not because of this other client, but because staff will be busier. Oh my, this sounds incredibly attention-seeking. I don’t want to need more support than I can get.
And what if this other client is very noisy? He’ll most likely be assigned to the other communal room than the one I’m assigned to. However, I think he’ll attend my group at day activities, which is already very crowded and noisy as it is. I was told they had many more clients before I came, but well, then this place wouldn’t have been suitable to me.
I talked about my worries to my former support coordinator on the phone. She told me these are just my thoughts and there’s no reason I’ll have to leave because of this other client. Then again, I didn’t get to elaborate on my worries.
I don’t want to be seen as needing too much. I was often seen as needing too much. Either needing too much or claiming to need more than I got. The two are different. The people at the first day activities I attended with this agency, truly thought I needed one-on-one support most of the time, which isn’t even what I was asking for. The staff on my last psychiatric unit thought I needed little care but was just demanding a lot out of some feeling of inadequacy that was apparently unfounded. Either way, I was asked to leave the place. With the psych ward, things were a little nastier than with the day center, but the result was the same.
I saw the behavior specialist who worked for that first day center today. That fueled my worries even more. I mean, she was extremely supportive, but didn’t really know how to handle my issues either. Then again, she never got to talk to me beyond the one time when she made sure I got transferred from the industrial activities group to the sensory group. That was a good move, but when it didn’t fully work out, I guess the manager stepped in and said he’d been accommodating enough and I would have to leave. That’s what I think will happen here too. I mean, my staff are very accommodating, but what if it isn’t enough? Will we find other solutions? Will I get even more accommodations? Or will I at some point just be kicked out? I’m very unsure and that worries me.