The COVID Chronicles, #2: Just a Bad Cold (In My Case)?

Posted on by Astrid

I didn’t write a blog post yesterday, because I was too tired. Other than that though, COVID seems to be treating me relatively well. On Wednesday and yesterday, I was horribly sneezy and, by yesterday evening, I started coughing and having a sore throat. That seems to be gone now though. I’m still a little sneezy and sniffy, but other than that, I feel okay. It’s still morning, of course, and my symptoms tend to worsen by mid-afternoon and into the evening.

Yesterday afternoon, I was going to have a lie down, but couldn’t really give in to the need for rest. I still have this weird thought, instilled in me since childhood, that, if you have a fever, you’re sick and if you don’t run a fever, you’re not sick. My staff took my temperature yesterday and I didn’t even have a slightly elevated temp.

Of course, I am lucky that I don’t have a fever. My sense of smell and taste are also mostly still normal. Or almost as normal as they would be with an ordinary case of the common cold anyway. Water did taste slightly bitter yesterday, which sucks, since I do of course need to stay hydrated. Now, it’s back to tasting okay. I can even have coffee and enjoy it, something my staff who had COVID recently said took a while for her. Overall, I’m pretty confident that, if I do get enough sleep, I’ll be symptom-free enough to get out of isolation by Monday when the five-day required quarantine is up.

As for my fellow clients, four out of the original five who contracted COVID last week, went back to the day center on Wednesday. The fifth one is still rather poorly. I’m praying he’ll make a speedy recovery too. One client, the one I had the nightmare about earlier, will be out of quarantine tomorrow or so I think. Another is supposed to be quarantining till Monday like me. Two are still negative. I’m praying they’ll stay that way.

The COVID Chronicles, #1: The Two Red Lines on the Reddest Day

Posted on by Astrid

Yesterday was February 22, 2022. In the European way of writing the date, it was a palindrome: 22-02-2022. Not only that, but we won’t get any more twos (or the same numbers at all, for that matter) in a date in our lifetime. The number two is red in my synesthetic perception. How ironic that, on this day, I got the two red lines on my COVID test. Oh well, I got the PCR test, not the self-administered lateral flow test, so no red lines at all, but you get the idea. Yes, you read that right: I’m positive for COVID now.

I had the PCR test at around 11AM. Before then, I was feeling mostly fine. Well, I wasn’t feeling 100%, but I hadn’t since Thursday and my two lateral flow tests had been negative. I trusted those, sort of. Then, I started having teary eyes, but both the staff and I attributed that to the test. I still had a headache, but no more severe than I’d had since Thursday.

By mid-afternoon, I was having trouble not sniffing a lot, but was still in denial. After all, the thought of my staff having to wear PPE, my inability to be in close physical contact and my need for five more days in self-isolation triggered me.

By 4PM, my assigned home staff came on. She had had COVID a week ago and we started joking that she wanted me in the positive camp. By this time, I was truly experiencing significant sniffiness, so if it wasn’t COVID, it certainly was a bad case of the common cold. I also had a bad headache and what I jokingly called COVID brain, ie. an inability to find words (I just had trouble finding the word “find”), etc. I think it’s an actual thing though.

The evening staff came by my room at 9:15PM, but I was too busy to notice she was wearing PPE. I finished what I was doing and turned to face her. She told me calmly that, sadly, I have COVID.

I didn’t sleep much at all last night despite taking paracetamol before bedtime. In fact, I awoke at 3:15AM and couldn’t get back to sleep. Despite this, I’m not feeling very fatigued as of yet. As such, I consider myself really lucky that I seem to be having a mild case of the virus.

An Interesting Nightmare

Posted on by Astrid

I had an interesting nightmare last night. It wasn’t even really a nightmare in the traditional sense of the word. I mean, no violence or monsters were involved. Then again, most of my nightmares don’t involve that kind of scenario.

In my dream, the last client to contract COVID in our care home, came into my room and went straight to my bed while I was lying in it. I tried to crawl to one end to keep my distance, because of course getting out of bed would mean getting stuck touching her. I eventually managed to press the call button, but no-one came. Finally, this client left, but I was utterly distressed and tried to press the call button again, but to no avail. I then went out of my room and to the living room, even though I’d decided to stay in my room while more than half of my fellow clients are positive for COVID. Then, one of the care assistants, a woman I’ve only met briefly once or twice, came to my room to have breakfast with me (apparently it was morning), but I asked for the morning staff. The care assistant explained that the staff was busy and she was having breakfast with me instead. Then I woke up.

The nightmarish aspect of the dream was, in part, the fact that a client with COVID came into my room and my bed. This to me signifies how scared I am of contracting the virus, even though I keep saying there’s no surefire way to prevent it anyway and I’m not scared of getting very ill. I am, however, quite honestly, pretty scared of the consequences of room-based self-isolation should I be positive. I mean, I’m now basically in room-based self-isolation too, but my staff don’t have to wear PPE other than surgical masks and they can still be within a five-feet distance. I’m not sure about holding my hand or holding me in an embrace, as I’ve been cautious and haven’t asked, but I know from the times I had to self-isolate with suspected COVID last year and in 2020 that those are big no-nos should I be positive. At least, my staff wouldn’t even get within a five-feet distance even while wearing PPE then.

Another aspect that was nightmarish to me, was the fact that the unfamiliar care assistant ended up helping me rather than my trusted staff. This to me signifies how I’m experiencing attachment to this staff, and she wasn’t even my assigned home support worker or another of my favorite staff. I guess this counts as a win!

Lastly, a nightmare aspect was the fact that the care assistant told me that the staff was busy. I am forever frustrated with staff being overworked and busy and at the same time, I’m trying to accommodate them as much as I can. For example, yesterday the staff (same one who was supposed to come in my dream) forgot to come by my room at 3:15PM when she had finished handover. At 3:45, fifteen minutes before my one-on-one time would start, I’d had enough and pressed the call button. I was really frustrated, thinking that I’d be left to my own resources now that over half of the clients have COVID. That would make sense, rationally speaking, since I’m not sick or whatever. Not that the other clients are very sick, but oh well. As it turned out, the staff had forgotten to show up because she hardly ever works late shifts. This, plus my nightmare, does show how easily I think that I’m being abandoned.

Sharing this post with Scott’s Daily Prompt from last Saturday on the topic of nightmares.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (February 19, 2022)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this gloomy Saturday evening. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare today. I’m right between my dinner and my evening coffee and I cannot offer you a drink other than water right now, as my staff is busy and I don’t want to leave my room. I’ll get to that bit later. So, can I get you a drink of water? Otherwise you’ll have to wait until my staff returns. Anyway, let’s have a chat.

If we were having coffee (or water, in this case), I’d share that we’re quarantining right now, as four or five of my fellow clients are positive for COVID. Four are confirmed and the fifth one can’t be tested but is treated as having COVID too. I took a lateral flow test right after dinner this evening and so far I’m still negative, as are the four other clients supported by the same staff as me outside of my one-on-one hours.

This is the reason the staff are busy, with the staff who care for the COVID-positive clients having to wear PPE and the other staff having to remain out of these clients’ way. It is all rather chaotic.

If we were having coffee, I’d share some of my new clay creations with you too. Like I think I said yesterday, I finally created a cactus on Monday evening.

Polymer Clay Cactus

Then on Wednesday, I created my second-ever polymer clay cane. This one I did using a heart-shaped cutter for the image. I managed to do the reducing all by myself! Then I had my staff cut it into slices, which we then made into beads.

I also created several possible charms to go with these beads. One is a heart which I do kind of like. The other was a unicorn, but I threw that one away. I now only need to make more beads, because, even though I have more than just the four beads shown in the picture above, I don’t have enough for a necklace.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that, this afternoon, I have been experimenting with photo editing and meme making again. I didn’t have any success, of course. I mean, I found a photo editing app called Snapseed, which is relatively accessible with VoiceOver, but the one thing I wanted to do, ie. add text to an image, was not. That is, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to enter the text I wanted to add onto the image.

The result of all my experimenting is that now I have eight apps in my Photography folder on my iPhone rather than the four I used to have. And those four already seemed excessive, being that, besides the camera and default photos app, I only use one out of the two image recognition apps I have. Oh well.

If we were having coffee, I’d share about my nurse practitioner’s appointment on Thursday. I am so thankful we were still allowed to leave the home back then, because the appt was really productive. With respect to my new medication, the pregabalin, my nurse practitioner recommended I wait and see another two weeks before concluding it’s ineffective for my anxiety. We discussed my anxiety in a little more depth and also for the first time in a long while went into my diagnosis. He actually said he believes my diagnosis is DID (dissociative identity disorder) or at least some variation of it (ie. other specified dissociative disorder). I quickly talked over it saying it doesn’t really matter, as I know firstly he can’t diagnose me (but then again the psychiatrist can) and secondly I still haven’t had the extensive assessment required for a DID diagnosis in most places here in the Netherlands. That being said, it felt so good to be validated like this! My nurse practitioner also finally will make room for us to discuss my flashbacks at a later appt. He said the reason he didn’t go into it right then was the limited time left in our appt, but he’d definitely like to discuss it with me. That feels kind of weird, but in a good way.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d share that I’m so glad the storms are finally over. Last Wednesday night, I hardly slept at all due to the high winds. Thankfully, last night and the night before that were better. My husband’s and my house did suffer some damage to the roof though. Hopefully insurance will be able to cover the cost of getting it repaired.

How have you been?

Gratitude List (February 18, 2022) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

Hi all again. I am feeling in the mood for a gratitude post. It doesn’t mean I’m necessarily feeling upbeat – not too downcast either, thankfully. Oh wait, I hadn’t started my gratitude list yet. I’m just inspired to write one. As usual, I’m joining in with Ten Things of Thankful. Here goes.

1. I am grateful I’m negative for COVID so far. The virus finally reached my care home, as several clients tested positive yesterday. Thankfully though, my lateral flow test was negative yesterday and I’m not having symptoms suggestive of COVID at this point.

2. I am grateful for a great essential oil blend in my diffuser right now. I put lemon, tangerine, orange and spearmint in it and it smells truly delicious.

3. I am grateful for a good nurse practitioner’s appt yesterday. I was still allowed to leave the home yesterday to go to my appointment and it was really productive. My nurse practitioner validated my experience of dissociation and we were able to talk some about my anxiety too. We will discuss my flashbacks separately later.

4. I am grateful to be indoors. It’s storming outside and I’m so happy I don’t have to leave the home. Not that I’m allowed to now that the official positive PCR test results are in for my fellow clients, but oh well.

5. I am grateful for relatively cheap quark. I usually have that with my muesli for breakfast now, but yesterday used up the last few spoonfuls. However, a staff offered to buy new quark at her local supermarket. She got 1kg for €1,28. At the supermarket my care facility order from, they only have the 500g cans for €1,09. Not that I personally have to pay for my quark, but I don’t want the facility to have to pay €1,09 on a can I cannot even get three breakfasts out of.

6. I am grateful to have been able to be very crafty lately. I think I already mentioned creating the polymer clay narwhal last week. This week, I created another couple of things. Can you guess what this is supposed to be? About half my staff guessed it correctly and the others didn’t.

7. I am grateful for bananas, plums and grapes. Somehow, the staff had forgotten to order bananas last week, but thankfully, the care home next to mine was able to give us two on Wednesday. Yum! Then on my way home from my nurse practitioner’s appt yesterday, we stopped by the supermarket for some more fruit. We got plums and grapes. The plums were surprisingly sweet.

8. I am grateful for free audiobooks. Or one free audiobook, at least. I haven’t started listening to it yet, but the first book in one of Blake Pierce’s series is free even as an audiobook. I loved reading the first book in the Riley Paige Mystery series, even though I haven’t read any of his other books. This is the first installment in another series. Free stuff is always great and, now that iOS is giving me a headache working with my Braille display, I’d love to give audiobooks a try.

9. I am grateful for peach yogurt. It is the only type of fruit yogurt I really like and I’m so grateful we’ve been having it all week.

10. I am grateful to be alive. After writing my poem this afternoon, I’d just like to say this.

What are you grateful for?

#WeekendCoffeeShare (March 19, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

I am once again early at least for me with my #WeekendCoffeeShare post. It’s right between my dinner and my evening coffee now, but I can make you a Senseo coffee if you want it. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’m still having a cold. It’s a lot better than it was last week, but I’m still sniffy. This morning, I had a bad cough, but that seems to be gone now.

I am so glad though that it’s not COVID. This afternoon, I was informed that another home within my care facility is in isolation due to a client having tested positive for COVID. This does worry me a bit, since that client must’ve contracted the virus after being fully vaccinated. The staff do try to reassure me though.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that, now that I’m feeling a lot better cold-wise, I picked up the walking habit again. I managed to reach my goal of 10K steps both yesterday and today.

I did fall on my knee today while walking. Thankfully, I just suffered a slight scrape to the skin.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that yesterday marked one year since the day center closed due to lockdown. A staff and one of my fellow clients made cheesecake to celebrate. Yummy!

A photo of me in front of the cheesecake

If we were having coffee, I would share about some changes to my care. First, I have a new assigned staff. She isn’t new to me or the home, just new to being my primary support worker. My former assigned staff is in college getting her nursing degree and was a bit too busy to have me in addition to two other clients to be assigned to. I really like my new assigned staff.

However, I was briefly triggered too. After all, my new assigned staff is really involved with my care and I worried she might get too attached and then have to step back. I thought this might’ve happened to my old assigned staff, but they both reassured me this isn’t the case.

Also, my one-on-one got extended with half an hour each day as of today. This might not seem much, but it prevents me having to deal with too many staff changes. After all, in the old situation, I’d have day activities till 4PM, then have to rely on the regular evening shift for half an hour before my one-on-one comes on. Now I’ll have that half an hour covered by one-on-one too. I’ll still have some time without one-on-one in the evenings and on week-ends in the afternoon, but that’s totally okay.

If we were having coffee, lastly I would share that my husband plans on visiting me briefly tomorrow. That is, if my cold isn’t too bad. We’re planning on going to a fast food chain drive-through.

How are you all doing?

Reading Wrap-Up (March 15, 2021) #IMWAYR

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I didn’t do a reading wrap-up last week, because I had very little bookish news. Today, I still don’t have a lot of exciting stuff to share, but I still wanted to write about what I’ve been reading. As usual, I’m linking up with It’s Monday! What Are You Reading? (#IMWAYR).

Life Update

I’m slowly recovering from my cold. Today, I feel a little better than I was over the weekend. Despite this, I’m still a little sniffy and very tired. I rested a lot this morning, but this afternoon and evening, I’m trying to be active. I did have to take a paracetamol about half an hour ago because I was having a headache.

What I’m Currently Reading

I won’t bore you with the endless list of books I added to my Apple Books library over the past two weeks. I’m pretty sure I added 20 to 30 new books that I got free thanks to BookBub.

One of these books though is Mail Order Soulmate by Jean Oram. It’s a contemporary romance about a former agent marrying a woman over the Internet. In the first chapter, the woman shows up at his doorstep with her baby. It all sounds a bit far-fetched to me, but I’m in the mood for cheesy stuff.

I’m also still reading After the Cure by Deirdre Gould, which I got free off Apple Books a few weeks ago. It’s a pretty plot-dense story with new information popping up practically on every page. That’s probably why I’m slow moving through it.

What I Recently Finished Reading

Nothing as of yet. When I started having the first symptoms of a cold Thursday night, I imagined that a weekend quarantining in my room would give me plenty of time to read. It didn’t, since the cold was too bad. Besides, I got the negative COVID test result already at around 1Pm Saturday. I did read some everyday of the weekend, but not nearly enough to finish anything. That’s frustrating, since I set my reading goal at 20 books for 2021 and have only finished three so far.

What I Think I’ll Be Reading Next

I honestly have no idea. I might want to read a middle grade or young adult novel for a change. After all, I used to read these a lot and now I hardly do anymore. Besides, maybe a shorter read will get me on track with my reading goal. Is that cheating? So what if it is?

What have you read recently?

What a Day, What a Year! #SoCS

Posted on by Astrid

Today I got my COVID test results. Thankfully, I’m negative. Like I mentioned yesterday, I went into room-based isolation with cold symptoms and a sore throat yesterday morning. That day in isolation was hard. I constantly imagined testing positive for COVID. That’d mean at least five more days in quarantine. It’d also mean I would have to alert my nurse practitioner and the facility’s behavior specialist, both of whom I’d seen on Thursday.

I felt intense guilt about possibly having infected my staff too. After all, when I was still only experiencing a sore throat, the staff tried to reassure me that I couldn’t possibly have COVID. It may be true – I had my second shot of the vaccine last week -, but I couldn’t be sure.

Can you imagine that, a year ago, we were just at the beginning of this pandemic? On March 12, 2020, the first local case of COVID-19 had been discovered. On March 13, the community service event that was due to take place at my day center as part of a countrywide volunteering initiative, had been canceled. The day center closed five days later, on March 18.

I hadn’t seen my husband since the first weekend of March I think and wasn’t going to see him again till sometime in late May. After all, at first visiting the care facility was discouraged, then it was completely prohibited except in rare cases when a family member was essential for a client’s care. My husband wasn’t.

I am so glad that now, during the second lockdown, care facilities remain open to visitors except when there’s an outbreak of COVID or suspected COVID, as in my case yesterday. I am so glad one of my fellow clients, who had her birthday on Tuesday, may receive a visit from her family tomorrow.

I had my own birthday on June 27, one day after the final restrictions to visiting were lifted, provided there’s no countrywide lockdown or COVID outbreak. Though we’re in a countrywide lockdown again, the lockdown policy remains that care facilities can be open. I credit the prime minister’s late mother, who died in a nursing home during the first lockdown or so I believe.

This post was written for today’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday (#SoCS) prompt of day/week/month/year.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (March 12, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

And this time I’m extremely early with my #WeekendCoffeeShare. This week was rather eventful, especially the last couple of days. I just had my afternoon coffee today. You can probably get a cup of coffee, tea or a soft drink from the staff, but I’m so glad this meeting is actually virtual.

After all, if we were having coffee, first I’d share that I’m in room-based isolation. I started having a sore throat yesterday, but wasn’t sure it was the fact that I’d just had a screaming fit or it was actually a symptom of illness. The staff on shift yesterday tried to reassure me. Today though, I woke up very sniffy. I warned the staff, but at first she wasn’t concerned this time either. After she talked to a colleague though, I had to be in room-based isolation. The staff are now wearing protective clothing when entering my room. I’m usually in my room anyway when not walking. For this reason, if I do have COVID, it’s unlikely the other clients will have caught it too, at least from me. The staff though, well, they’ve definitely been at risk.

Thankfully, one of my home’s staff is one of my facility’s appointed testers. She swabbed me right this morning and the test should be at the lab right now. Please all pray that it’ll come back negative.

As for how I’m feeling, well, I’m okay. I’m a little sick to my stomach in addition to the cold symptoms, but overall it’s manageable. I don’t have a fever and my oxygen saturation was normal too.

If we were having coffee, then I’d tell you that I didn’t have as good a walking week this week as I had last week. The reason is that, besides not being allowed out today, I wasn’t allowed outside of the home on Tuesday either. Another client had to be tested for COVID. Thankfully, his test came back negative. I heard this the next morning, but today the staff told me they’d been informed already Tuesday evening at 10PM. I asked the staff to wake me up if this happens with my test too (only if it’s negative).

If we were having coffee, I would share that I had a really productive appointment with my psychiatric nurse practitioner yesterday. The staff who’d seen the PTSD video with me last week, accompanied me. Together, we were able to explain my continuing issues with hypervigilance, flashbacks and emotional dysregulation. I was able to explain about some of my traumas, including traumatic experiences within the psychiatric system. My nurse practitioner was able to validate me from his own perspective as a former psych hospital nurse.

If we were having coffee, lastly I would share that I made a coconut-mango smoothie this morning. It didn’t taste as good as it could have and I’m not sure whether to blame my cold symptoms or the chunks of coconut that weren’t properly blended.

What’s been going on in your life?

The Lockdown Tag

Posted on by Astrid

I don’t think anyone specifically tagged me for this tag, but I saw it on a number of other blogs. The idea is to answer a number of questions about life in lockdown. We just went into “partial lockdown” again, or really are going tonight, but the prime minister delivered the news yesterday evening. I think it’s about time I write about life in lockdown again.

1. Overall, how are you handling the quarantine?
I’m hanging in there. Now that at least some restrictions have been going on for over half a year, I’m coping less well than at the beginning of the lockdown.

2. Have you violated any of the restrictions? If yes, what rule(s) did you break?
Honestly, yes. When the no-visitors policy in care homes was lifted last May, we were expected to still keep our distance from visitors and avoid physical contact. Well, I did at first try, but I just couldn’t resist hugging my husband.

3. What viral recipes have you tried during the lockdown?
I didn’t even know that this is a thing. I haven’t really tried any new recipes, honestly.

4. What activities have you missed the most during quarantine?
At first, of course, I missed seeing my husband altogether, as it wasn’t allowed at all. Now that we’re allowed visitors again, I miss going places, like restaurants, with my husband. Restaurants are closed again for two weeks at least from tonight on, but even when they were still open, I wouldn’t take the risk.

5. Do you wear a mask when you leave the house?
Uhm, no. I don’t travel by public transportation at all or go to public places much. Until yesterday’s press conference, the government didn’t want to mandate mask-wearing except on public transportation, but only “strongly advised” it in public places like stores. As of tonight, a mask will be required in all public places and also outside of classes in secondary and tertiary education. It’s not required when going for walks outdoors. I do think that, when my mother-in-law visits tomorrow, I’m going to wear a mask to protect her, as she’s generally very careful and I’m not.

6. Are you an essential worker? If yes, what is your job title?
No. I don’t work. Thankfully, my staff are classed as essential workers and we didn’t get holiday or weekend staffing levels so far, which I was worried about at first.

7. How do you exercise during the lockdown?
I go for walks, go on the elliptical, do weight training and yoga. Basically, all my usual exercise activities. I was on the waiting list to go swimming before lockdown and had considerd going to a gym too. Swimming was canceled here at the facility and, though gyms are still open, I don’t want to take the risk.

8. Have you subscribed to any new subscription services since the lockdown started?
No. I did briefly restart my Netflix subscription, but canceled it again after a month. I much prefer reading to watching.

9. What did/does your daily schedule look like before the pandemic started?
I’m assuming the question is meant to ask how our schedules differ now that we’re in lockdown, because of course the pandemic is raging so there’s no present tense “does” before the pandemic. Anyway, before the pandemic I would go to the day center at around 9:30AM and stay there until 4PM. Now that we’re provided day activities in the home, I usually don’t start them until 10AM at least. I also take more breaks than I used to. I much prefer the current arrangement.

10. Do you think that the pandemic is getting better or worse?
Worse. It’s all pretty awful. I really hope they’ll find a vaccine soon.

11. What have you learnt/became grateful for during the lockdown?
I’ve become more appreciative in general. For example, I’m grateful for my health, my ability to still go outside for walks, being able to see my husband… lots of things!

12. How do you think the world should learn from this pandemic so that things are better in the future?
I think in general people have learned to be more health conscious. Other than that, I don’t think the pandemic taught us any big lesson or whatever. Of course, I could get all fluffy about people possibly being kinder and more grateful towards each other and the planet, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.

I’m not tagging anyone, but if you want to do this tag, feel free to.