Tomorrow is November 1. November is the hardest month of the year, since it is the month in which I ended in crisis in 2007.
Thirteen years later, it was also the month in which I finally broke down and admitted I needed more support than just the care facility’s group home support. On November 8 of last year, I broke down when a staff (the same staff who is now my assigned home staff) asked me to either calm down or go to my room when I was acting irritated at the other clients’ noises. My reaction wasn’t pretty: I hit the staff, screamed I hated her and cried out that indeed, as I’d been saying all along, if I showed who I truly was, she’d abandon me. She didn’t.
During the days that followed, I experienced significant dysregulation, including some near-psychotic symptoms and a lot of sadness. One day, I was crying my eyes out in my room when another staff came in and said she was going to spend her entire two-hour shift with me. We talked and she asked me whether I’d ever heard of one-on-one support. I had, but asked her to elaborate anyway. She did and asked me whether I wanted that. “Yes,” I said. The next day, the staff I’d hit and my then assigned home staff made the paperwork in order, because I had to sign a letter to the manager formally asking for more support. By mid-November, the wheels were set in motion for me to get one-on-one support and my one-on-one was pretty soon effectively started.
Now, as we’re approaching another November, I’m reclaiming the month. I don’t want this to be the month I landed in crisis so many years ago for the rest of my life. Instead, I want it to be the month I chose to get the support I need. I am choosing to stand up for myself, not just because crisis states force me, but because I have a right to do so.
Joining My Vivid Blog’s prompt: “Tomorrow”.
You are amazing Astrid! To have gone through…go through…so much and be so resilient. I am sure this will be a great November!!
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Thank you. I really hope so too.
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I do hope this November is better for you Astrid. You are so brave, intelligent and resilient . I love your posts though. I don’ t often comment due to my own blindness and iPads that play up. I hate November too. My mum died in November but it always seems such a dismal month to me. Lots of love to you Astrid ❤️
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Thank you so much for commenting. I’m so thankful for your supportive words. I am so sorry November is a tough month for you too.
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We’ll get through it Astrid. Xx
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Good on you for reclaiming November. You are right to think of it as the month where you took control and got support. Sending love and hugs x
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Thank you so much for supporting me. That means a lot.
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What a great way to reframe it. ❤
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Thank you! 🙂
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I love how you are reclaiming November. Maybe I should do likewise? I was just thinking this morning that the first half of November brings such hard memories for me.
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I’m so sorry the first half of November is so hard for you. I hope you’ll find a way to reclaim it. Thanks for commenting.
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Good for you Astrid! Its so empowering to reclaim days or months which were hard in the past, xoxo
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Thank you and yes, you’re so right about that.
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