Crafting Lately (December 16, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I finally feel as though I’m actually adjusting to life in this care home and feeling like this could maybe, hopefully be my home for a long time. This is a huge positive, as I’ve never felt this way in any place before except maybe for the care facility in Raalte in late 2021. As most of you know, that didn’t last. Please keep your fingers crossed that this feeling of finally belonging won’t be the beginning of the end this time around.

I had a good week last week. I am pretty much over whatever I was sick with all of the week before, probably a mild case of COVID. Since I no longer need to deal with unfamiliar temp workers and most of my staff last week know how to help me with my crafting, I’ve been able to be pretty creative.

I think I mentioned a few weeks ago that I’d been trying to craft a polymer clay unicorn for a new staff who’s as much into unicorns as I am. Unfortunately, one of the wings fell during the curing process and it hung in such a position that I could neither pull it off and craft a new one, nor be content with how it looked.

About a week ago, I was thankfully able to create a new unicorn. No wings this time, but I did use a tiny (5mm) heart cutter to create a little symbol for on the unicorn’s side.

This is my default unicorn in a sitting position. Its body and head are done in Premo white, while its mane, tail, ears and horn are done in Fimo Effect rose quartz. The tiny heart on its side is done in Premo 18k gold.

Then, I created a Christmas tree. This one I did by rolling out a snake then rolling it up into a coil that decreases in size as it goes up, thereby creating the tree effect. I used Fimo leaf green for the tree and Cernit Christmas red and Fimo Effect glitter gold for the baubles. I then added a spark in Fimo Effect glitter gold to the top.

In hindsight, I probably should’ve used Premo forest green and Premo 18k gold rather than the Fimo colors. However, I haven’t opened my Premo forest green yet, because we’re out of labeling tape and hence I cannot yet label the Ziploc bag I’ll put it into once opened. I also want to use an actual star for the top next time, but my star-shaped cutter hadn’t arrived yet.

Lastly, I decided to challenge myself with the unicorn design and create a unicorn-in-a-mug. That is, I’m lazy, so of course there’s no actual unicorn body hiding in that mug. I used Premo white for the mug and Cernit violet for the unicorn head. For the mane and horn, I used Fimo Effect metallic silver.

Originally, my staff had taken the photo of the unicorn from a slight angle, so the mug wasn’t fully visible and the thing looked like a unicorn in a white gown. I decided to ask another staff to take a new picture today.

I really loved being able to craft again. I’m so happy my creative juices are flowing.

Gratitude List (December 1, 2024) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. It’s nearly 11PM as I write this. I feel motivated to write, but can’t really think of a lot to write about. However, a gratitude list is always good. I’m joining in with #TToT. It’s been forever! Let’s see what I’ve been grateful for this past week.

1. Inspiration to craft. I mentioned this yesterday too and have been claying again today. I also have many ideas floating around in my head.

2. A visit to a nearby market again. I got fried calamares at the fish stand. I also bought spicy olives.

3. The pasta salad with tuna we had yesterday. And the fact that it wasn’t used as an extra but as the main meal.

4. Sleep. I’ve been sleeping a lot over the past few days. Not always at night, but who cares?

5. Warm clothes. I’m nursing a cold, like I said yesterday, and, though I don’t have a fever, I do feel more comfy wearing warm clothes.

6. The fact that I managed to talk out a recent issue with a staff today. She tried to assign me a temp worker on Friday even though there were other options. It turned out she hadn’t fully understood the agreement.

7. The fact that I now feel at least a tiny bit comfortable with the new staff. With the latest addition to the team, I struggled a bit, but we had a good time on Thursday.

8. My mental state. I’m still experiencing anxiety on a daily basis, but it’s a lot less severe than it used to be.

9. Motivation to write. Like I said yesterday, this is a sign that my mood is improving.

10. The fact that I no longer live independently. I was reminded of the fact that I’m intensely grateful for this again this evening when my spouse called me because of stress related to our house. I feel a bit guilty for not being able to help, but at the same time I’m so glad I no longer have this responsibility, because when I did, it didn’t mean less stress for my spouse and it did mean significantly more stress for me.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (November 30, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this last day of November. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare. I just had my last cup of coffee for the day, with a treat of the Dutch typical St. Nicholas candy mix “strooigoed”. I’d have loved to pass you some, but ate the whole bag myself. I’m just comforting myself that the amount wasn’t nearly what I used to consume during a binge. Anyway, let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. A serious storm passed by here on Wednesday. It was the first major storm in nearly a year and a half or so I read on the news. That surprised me, since it wasn’t even a year ago that a staff from one of the intensive support homes died while riding the side-by-side bike with a client. Then again, the most severe winds aren’t in this province and therefore maybe near the coast people are less likely to go out in stormy weather.

Anyway, during the remainder of the week, it hasn’t rained and sometimes even the sun came out for a bit. Daytime temperatures have been around 8°C.

If we were having coffee, I’d say that I’m doing pretty well this week. I consider the fact that this is my fourth blog post of the week, a positive sign of my improved mental health. I really hope it continues.

If we were having coffee, then I’d share that I have a nasty cold. This morning, I spent most of the time in bed because I was feeling so miserable. No fever, thankfully, but in my case even a cold can knock me down for a few days.

If we were having coffee, then I’d tell you that I’ve been quite crafty over the week. On Tuesday, I created a polymer clay pig for a staff who will celebrate 25 years of working for this care agency on Monday. And just so you know, she was the one constantly asking me if I could create a pig; it isn’t like I think a pig is especially suited to her.

Polymer Clay Pig

On Thursday, I crafted yet another polymer clay unicorn, this one for a new staff, who is into unicorns as much as I am. I tried adding flower-shaped wings to it, but this wasn’t a success, since during the curing process, one of the wings fell slightly down the back of the unicorn and got distorted in the process. No photo, sorry, since I threw the thing into the bin.

Then today, I didn’t know what to do, so I decided to mix a polymer clay color. Not sure what I’ll do with it.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I didn’t do Black Friday shopping this year. That is, I did purchase some new clay supplies yesterday, but they weren’t on sale as far as I could tell.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d tell you that we had pasta salad with tuna for dinner today. I had originally planned to make it with a staff, but since I don’t want everyone else to catch my cold, the staff ended up making it himself. He initially wanted to offer everyone a bit as a side dish with our regular meal, but I countered that we have enough to use it as a meal. My plan had been that we’d have a tasty meal for once rather than the mediocre meal service food. Besides, we get treats more often than I want to think of. See my point about the St. Nicholas treat: it wasn’t a binge, but it was more than my food plan says I can have and I’m not even on a weight loss diet.

Things I Appreciate About My Current Care Home and the Care I Get

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I tend to lean towards pessimism about life in general and my care is no exception. However, I do feel that there are definitely positives about my current care home and the care I get. This evening, I’m struggling a bit with mistrust. It’s sometimes hard to realize that my staff truly want the best for me, but they do. For this reason, I’m using this post as an opportunity to share the things I appreciate about my care home and the care I receive.

1. My room. When moving here from the intensive support home, I was cautioned that my living space would be much smaller here. It is, but this I see as a positive rather than a negative. I only have one room as opposed to a separate living room and bedroom, but this means I can actually find all my belongings in one place. My room is large enough for all my stuff and this was something I hadn’t expected.

2. The lawn/yard adjacent to my room. I have a little terrace that I have a table and two chairs on, as well as a large lawn. I share it with the resident in the room next door, but she doesn’t use it at all.

3. The fact that I could choose the color for one of my walls. Okay, they didn’t have my favorite color, lilac, but I can’t see it anyway and my spouse, who can, thinks pink is much better.

4. My one-on-one support. It’s not perfect, but it’s as good as can be given the current circumstances. I have enough time for day activities.

5. The fact that staff don’t push me to be more independent than I can be. I had a pretty bad experience with this at the intensive support home. For example, staff would ask me why I was independent enough to climb over my fence during an outburst but not independent enough to tell the shampoo and shower gel apart when showering. As if these two are in any way similar! And even if they were, I’m autistic and struggle massively with executive dysfunction, as well as my energy level varying significantly from day to day.

6. The fact that the female support coordinator makes most decisions for me rather than the male one even though she is actually responsible for the other side of the home. I have had some issues with the male one, who isn’t the most socially adept, and I’m so glad they were able to make a working arrangement.

7. The fact that I get female staff for my personal care all the time. I’ve always made it very clear that I don’t feel comfortable with males helping me with this. However, at the intensive support home, I was often told I either could accept the male staff or figure out a way to do said task independently, even when there were female staff available.

8. The fact that staff have agreed not to assign me unfamiliar temp workers unless absolutely necessary. At least, that’s how most staff have explained it to me. The male support coordinator corrected me when I said I’m happy that as a general rule I won’t get unfamiliar temp workers, so now I’m not sure whether I was too optimistic. It’s still early days too, but I’m trying to be grateful.

9. My two assigned staff. Both are female, one being in her sixties and quite experienced and the other a young student staff who however has a lot of knowledge. They both have my best interest in mind.

10. My signaling plan. A signaling plan is a plan that details the various phases of alertness or emotional stability in order for everyone to help the client prevent emotional outbursts or other states of over- or under-alertness. My support coordinator at the intensive support home had herself changed mine without my knowledge or consent. Thankfully, I was able to retrieve the one I had in Raalte and we were able to build a new plan based off that.

11. The fact that, if I have concerns, I can E-mail my assigned staff and support coordinator and they’ll take my concerns seriously.

12. The fact that my fellow clients are a lot less disruptive than the ones at the intensive support home. I still experience overload from the sounds my fellow residents make at times, but it’s manageable.

13. The fact that I won’t be kicked out of here. I’m not entirely convinced of this yet – no, scratch that, I’m not convinced of it at all -, but at least so far my staff are saying they’re happy I’m here.

I’m linking this post up with Thursday Thirteen.

Tapering My Meds… in 2034?

Posted on by Astrid

Hi all! One of this week’s Writer’s Workshop prompts is to write a post based on the word “medications”. I will probably have another med review with the intellectual disability physician in a few weeks. The aim for me has always been to taper my medications. This will probably take until 2034 and this time my use of the year 2034 is only partially a joke. After all, when I said that “everything will be okay in 2034” and explained to the physician that I always say “2034” when I mean “never” (because of the fact that the book by this title is about World War III), the doctor didn’t understand the joke. She actually seriously said that I’ll be on the right med regimen by 2034.

Like I said, I’ll have another meeting with her to discuss tapering my meds in a few weeks I think. Although I’d really love to decrease my medication dosage sooner rather than later, I do realize that I’ve been struggling more than usual lately. I haven’t shared about this on the blog much, but over the past several weeks, I’ve had emotional outbursts almost every evening. Part of the reason is the fact that there were quite a few temp workers assigned to me. Thankfully, as of yesterday, it was agreed that the staff will no longer send unfamiliar temp workers to me. I am very happy about this.

However, I am also concerned that the temp workers might just be the reason my already irritable brain chose to act out. In other words, it could definitely have been the case that my latest med taper wasn’t all that sensible. For this reason, I have pretty much made up my mind that I will not take another step until January or so. That way, I’ll be able to give the new agreement about no unfamiliar temp workers a fair chance. All I can hope for is that, if I tell the physician I want a break, it won’t end up being an end to it all.

After all, I do still experience significant side effects from my medication, like what I think could be a movement side effect from my antipsychotic (significant tremors and twitches) and I don’t want this to end up being permanent. This is another reason I don’t want to seriously wait for 2034 to be off my antipsychotic. By 2034, I’ll be 48 and that’s too young for crippling movement disorders.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (November 16, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining in with #WeekendCoffeeShare again. It’s nearly 9PM, so no coffee for me. I might make myself a cup of bedtime tea once I’m done with this post (or rather, have the staff make it for me). There’s of course always water too. Let’s chat.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. We’re still having an unusually mild fall season, with daytime temperatures at or around 10°C all week. We were supposed to get rain today, but I haven’t felt any.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I’m still struggling, but not as much as I was last week. On Tuesday, I spoke with my support coordinator and explained why I felt the Center for Consultation and Expertise may be able to help. She didn’t really respond, but I’m hoping she’ll take things up with the higher-ups.

If we were having coffee, next I’d tell you I’ve been learning more about autism and ways to support myself and for my staff to support me. There’s this support method called The Essential 5 in English. It was originally developed here in the Netherlands by Colette de Bruin and here has the catchy name “Geef me de 5” (which translates to high-five in English). I hadn’t ever remembered the essential five correctly, but they’re ways in which one’s activity should be structured: What, When, Where, Who and How. If there’s no “What”, as in my day schedule’s “alone time” or even during my supported activities (because I have to choose one on the spot), how can the other four be clear? This is something I struggle with a lot, as now with the shifts assigned to my day schedule, the “Who” is often too rigidly clear but there’s still no “What”.

I listened to a podcast episode by Geef me de 5 on empty time and autism and had a staff listen to it with me too. It was very eye-opening.

If we were having coffee, then I’d tell you that, on Tuesday, I went to me and my spouse’s house for my spouse’s birthday. We also stopped by Ikea and my in-laws’ house. We originally wanted to order pizza or fries, but both the pizza place and the snack corner were closed. My spouse eventually put fries into the Airfryer.

I also took a few things from our house back with me to the institution. First were a number of mounted rubber stamps I used to use for card making. I’m not 100% sure what to do with them now, particularly since most have old ink on/in them, but, if I can clean them, I can re-use them for stamping on polymer clay.

Then I also took a jewelry box with me that contained a number of rings, bracelets and necklaces. One of them was the ring with an amethyst in it that was passed down to me from my late grandma. Unfortunately, that one, as well as most other rings, are too big for me.

If we were having coffee, I’d share I have a ton of creative ideas floating around in my mind, but struggle to get to actually starting any of them. For example, I want to start making my own jewelry again, particularly bracelets and necklaces. I am still in doubt as to whether earrings are suited for me at all, as sooner or later I’ll almost inevitably develop an itch from them.

Anyway, I remember how I used to enjoy making jewelry and I think that with my current day schedule and staff, I should be able to pick the hobby up again.

So far, I did create one polymer clay pendant. I think I like it quite a lot, but still need to sand it before I can actually use it.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d share a nutrition and exercise update. I saw the dietitian on Wednesday and endured the mandatory talk about all the opportunities to snack and get treats during the holiday season. Quite frankly, if I’m in the mood for snacking, I don’t care whether there’s a festive reason for it. I’m also happy to report I’m still on target weight-wise and intend to keep it this way.

However, I haven’t been all that physically active over the past week. I did meet my goals on my Apple Watch, but things could’ve been better. On Thursday, I had an opportunity to go swimming, but I felt too tired. I now remember that I was supposed to do my physical therapy exercises this afternoon but forgot. Going to do those now!

#WeekendCoffeeShare (November 9, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare again. I apologize for not having commented on anyone else’s posts last week. As I write this, it’s 5:15PM, so I’ve just had dinner. I won’t have my next cup of coffee until 7PM, but at least I’m not writing that it’s too late at night for coffee for me. Let’s have a drink and let’s chat.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. It’s quite chilly, though most days the daytime high is still above normal. Most days, it’s been around 10°C, but yesterday the temperature didn’t climb above 6°C. We haven’t had more than a slight drizzle of rain.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I’ve been doing okay in the health and wellness department. I walked everyday, though not as far as I’d have liked. I also downloaded the FitOn app onto my iPhone and did a workout on it yesterday. My eating has been okay and I lost half a kilogram over the past week. Sleep has been all over the place though.

If we were having coffee, next I’d share that this week has been tough. You might remember that I shared several months ago about the improvements to my care that would take effect in mid-October. Some did happen indeed, while others didn’t and the end result is that my quality of life isn’t improving.

Part of the problem is the fact that half the team rigidly shove the new rules down my throat and the rest do as they please regardless of what my new day schedule says. For example, in my new day schedule, there are now shift codes assigned to times my staff are with me, so that it’s hopefully clearer for everyone who will be supporting me. Some staff have been rigidly following the rules, while others changed things up, sometimes at the last moment. Most staff also don’t tell me who has which shift a day in advance, yet when I am supported by a staff one day who rigidly follows the rules, they’ll tell me that so-and-so will be supporting me half an hour in advance and not care that I didn’t know the day before because their coworker didn’t tell me. And they’re unwilling to change things up because the day schedule says they can’t. This means I’ve had to deal with new-to-me temp workers three times this week and, at least once, I wasn’t told the day before that they’d be supporting me. This led to me having an outburst and telling my staff that I didn’t want the temp worker. I wasn’t demanding someone else, for clarity’s sake, but the temp worker refused to leave me alone too, despite the fact that I’m not under involuntary care.

There were other things discussed at the meeting that these rules were decided at, but I don’t see these being implemented at all. For this reason, my trust in my support coordinator and behavior specialist has suffered again.

If we were having coffee, finally I’d share that I had a phone appt with an independent client supporter on Tuesday. This appt had been on the calendar for months and I originally intended to say it’s all fine here and to close my file at her agency. That’s not how it went: I was honest that, while I do see my staff have good intentions, it’s still proving hard to figure out the care I need and to make it work with the way the home works. She recommended involving the Center for Consultation and Expertise (CCE) again. This is an organization that helps care agencies and clients when they’re stuck.

I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I am hopeful that an external organization can shed new light onto the situation or, if not, I’m able to accept that my home are doing all they can. On the other hand, I feel slightly guilty for not being able to suck it up when things seemed so positive at the meeting. Hope is the dominant feeling though.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (November 2, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this first Saturday of November. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare today. Can I offer you a drink? Let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. The daytime temperatures have been between 13°C and 16°C this week. We got a little rain here and there, but for the upcoming week, no rain is in the forecast. Daylight saving time also ended last week, so it’s now dark by 5:30PM. If you know me, you know I seriously hate this with a passion.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I haven’t been walking nearly as much as I’d have liked. I didn’t even close my activity rings on my Apple Watch each time this week. Yesterday and today have been quite good though. I signed up for a month-long challenge in the Challenges app, but I honestly don’t think I’m as interested in it as I was the last few times I participated.

On Thursday, I wanted to go swimming, but we arrived at the institution pool only to find out it was closed.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that, as regular readers of my blog know, this time of year is hard for me. Today marks 17 years since my major mental breakdown. I could try to reclaim the month by creating positive memories, but the last time I wanted to do this, I couldn’t make it last beyond that one November. I’m fully intending to stay at my current home for a long while and I can see my staff fully intend to help me in this process, but then again intentions aren’t enough.

If we were having coffee, I’d expand on this further by saying I’ve been quite a pain in the butts of my staff lately. I can honestly see why: I’m (subconsciously) pushing their limits because I think (know?) that, when I’m truly myself, they’ll kick me out. Knowing that abandonment feels safe to me because it’s what I know, unfortunately doesn’t make it any easier to change my actual actions, because when I’m dysregulated, I don’t realize I’m projecting my own fears onto my staff.

If we were having coffee, lastly though I’d tell you about the positive aspects of the past week. Firstly, I went to markets twice this week. Secondly, I tried my hand at creating a little Christmas wreath out of polymer clay. I’m not one to plan my crafty endeavors and in fact I have the snowman I crafted nearly two years ago on display year-round. I really hope to craft a few more little decorations before Christmas truly starts in early December.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (October 12, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare today. It’s nearly 9PM, so long past my last coffee break for the day. However, I’d be happy to pass you a virtual mug of your favorite beverage. My spouse is in search for pumpkin spice latte. Since my blog readership is mostly international, I doubt anyone could recommend a place to find it tomorrow local to here and my spouse can do a Google search too. Anyway, let’s have a drink and let’s chat.

If we were having coffee, I’d start by sharing about the weather. It’s been quite cool with daytime temps below 15°C most days. Today, the daytime high was as low as 12°C. Brrrr! We’ve also had some rain, though none today or yesterday. Next week, we’re supposed to get one day with a daytime temperature of 21°C. Sadly, rain is in the forecast then too.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that, this week, I did okay with my exercise. I didn’t meet my goal everyday, but I don’t care.

On Thursday, a staff and I were riding the side-by-side bike to a nearby town, so that I could pick up a package. (As regular readers of my blog know, package delivery to the institution is hit-or-miss, so I set up a pick-up point in the nearest town as my default delivery address with DHL.) The road leading directly to the town was under construction, so we headed another way. When we were in the next village, the bike got a flat tire. The staff called the home to have someone else pick me up by car and he himself walked to the care home with the bike. It’s really frustrating, because this bike had just had major repairs.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I did pick up the package yesterday. When in that town, we noticed it was market day. We decided to get some fried fish. Then, when coming to another stand, we heard something about an offer by which, if you’d bought something from four vendors, you could draw a prize, like a voucher. We went back to the fish stand and asked for them to sign our card too. I visited the fish stand like I said, the veggie/fruit stand (where I bought raspberries and lemons), the nuts stand and the olive stand. I then went to draw the prize and it was a €5 voucher. I spent that on licorice. Of course, most food at farmer’s markets is more expensive than at the supermarket, but I love the experience. By the way, if anyone has any ideas for what to do with lemons, your suggestions are welcome. I thought many smoothies had fresh lemon juice in them, but only a teaspoon or so and I have six lemons.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I did a lot of baking over the past week. On Tuesday, I tried baking cookies from a store-bought mixture, but those didn’t turn out good. I then decided to give cookie baking another try on Wednesday, making the cookies from scratch. That was much better! Finally, today, I baked a cake. Don’t tell my dietitian, as I’ve probably gained weight. Weight management can wait.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d tell you that I got a new day schedule. It doesn’t look much different, but there are some significant improvements. For example, it’s now clear who will be supporting me during the day. The weekend schedule is also now the same as the weekday schedule. I haven’t yet read the schedule myself and, judging from what the staff are saying, it does need a few small tweaks. I’ll discuss this with my assigned staff soon.

Speaking of which, I got a new second assigned staff. I have had one staff as my assigned staff for a few months, but she only works one or two days a week. I now got one of the student staff as my secondary assigned staff. I think she’s quite good at her job despite just starting out.

How I Coped With Losing My “Job”

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. This week, one of the prompts for Writer’s Workshop is to write an essay titled “How I coped with losing my job”. I don’t do well writing fictional essays and have never had a “real” job, in the sense of a paid position or even volunteer work. I did, however, once “lose my job”, in that I got told the day center I went to couldn’t keep me there anymore.

This happened sometime in January of 2018 at my first day center with my current care agency. They had had me there for eight months, in two different groups, but when I was struggling to cope at the second group, they could no longer serve me or so they said.

I felt really distressed about this. The most frustrating aspect was the fact that they blamed me for no longer being suited to the center, while in reality, three new clients had been accepted into my group and no additional staff had been hired. I remember the reason they said it was me being the problem, not the new clients, was the fact that I’d been having meltdowns shortly before they arrived. Now I know that any anticipated change will cause me distress and that doesn’t mean I’m just a problem client. However, in hindsight, I’m pretty sure they wanted me gone sooner rather than later all along, for the simple reason that I don’t have an intellectual disability.

Thankfully, I wasn’t told to leave on the spot, but got time to find a new place. I initially had no clue how to, but did remember that, in 2010, I had been helped by the Center for Consultation and Expertise (CCE). I told the staff that I wanted to involve them again.

This was a bit of a hassle, as my community psychiatric nurse from the mental health agency said I’m far too high-functioning for the CCE. I applied nonetheless and got an orientation meeting in May of 2018.

In the end, I didn’t need the CCE for finding a new day center, but the consultation was what led me to accept that living independently with my partner wasn’t working and I needed long-term care.

I did feel intensely frustrated, like I said, at being “fired” from this day center. However, in the end, I don’t blame the staff, who were just powerless in the face of my challenging behavior. I think the manager, who didn’t look beyond my psychiatric diagnoses, is partly responsible. So was the psychologist from the psychiatric hospital, who more or less made the manager accept me on partly false premises.