February 2026 In Review

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining Natalie’s monthly wrap-up again, as it’s the last day of the month. Honestly, this month was a real mixed bag.

It was, of course, the month it finally dawned onto me that I’m actually declining. I have had this belief for years, but it’s hard having it confirmed by a doctor. Not knowing for sure what the diagnosis or prognosis is, besides it not getting any better, is quite frustrating. I still can’t fully wrap my head around what my physician actually said. I mean, yes, of course literally everyone gets older every single day, but old age, besides the fact that this obviously doesn’t apply to me yet at 39, isn’t a medical diagnosis.

The realization that I’m not getting any better and the thought that I may not even see 2034, has caused me an increased sense of urgency about getting out of life all that I can. Sometimes, this has led me to actually do things I enjoy more than I used to.

I did craft a few things. I also finally hopped onto the cottage cheese bandwagon and baked some goodies. No pictures, sorry. The first time I tried baking with cottage cheese, I added too much almond flour, so the bake became too hearty. I also added garlic powder and suffered heartburn from it all night. The second time, yesterday, I made a breakfast bake with blueberries. I actually enjoyed this.

I also cooked one main meal for my side of the home, another chicken curry. I’m still hoping to cook or bake more often in March, even if it’s just for myself, but I’m less optimistic about it than I was before.


I also, like I shared yesterday, had some days on which I was quite active physically. Early in the month, I struggled to get in any movement at all, so no perfect month for me on my Apple Watch.

I did manage to journal each day (except for today so far, but I’m going to do that after I finish this post). Most days, it was just a quick daily wrap using a template and I’m not so sure it actually helps me, but it doesn’t hurt me either. I only published eight blog posts including this one. That feels a bit disappointing to me.

Some days, and there are more of those than I’d like, my knowing that I’m declining leads to increased inertia. I hope that will get better as the days grow longer and the weather improves.

One last positive: I finally bought a Warmies stuffed unicorn. I have shared a few times about my microwave-safe stuffies that give off a lavender scent when heated. I used to have several, but the last one I had got damaged in the washing machine a few weeks ago. The Warmies ones though have a removable lavender filling. Now that I’ve got the unicorn, I want a few of the others too. By the way, I took the picture of this unicorn myself. I tried a dozen times to snap a better picture, but all of my other attempts were even worse than this one.

Today’s Small Joys (March 16, 2025)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m struggling a bit but don’t want to share why. Instead, I’m sharing some small joys from the day again today. I’m participating in Sunny Sunday. Here goes.

1. Sunshine. It’s chilly (about 9°C in the afternoon) but sunny. With this being the case, my partner and I were even able to sit outside for our lunch.

2. Good coffee. The lunch we had was a bit disappointing to me especially considering how much it cost, but the coffee was good.

3. Being able to wear a nice, handmade necklace and being complimented on it by my spouse. I bought glass beads and wire a few days ago and I created my first necklace with them yesterday. I wore it today, which made me feel good.

4. Finding a couple more necklaces, most handmade by me many years ago, in the bag my spouse brought me after clearing out the house.

5. Unicorn soft toys. I was clearing out my box of stuffies this evening, because my spouse had also brought me some stuffed animals and my box was already quite full. I didn’t seriously know how many unicorn soft toys I have. Those, I all kept.

6. Looking forward to the sensory room the staff are creating on the other side of the home. I actually plan to donate some of my unwanted soft toys to that project.

7. Finding one of my first polymer clay creations in the bag too. It’s a baby. It’s extremely ugly, so I threw it away. However, remembering my making it, as well as realizing how far I’ve come along on my creative journey, made me smile.

Honestly, many of these things are more nostalgia-inducing than purely joyful. Remembering the good times is a positive thing though, so I’ll still focus on that.

My Current Night-Time Routine

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I totally forgot about Writer’s Workshop this week, even though there are several prompts that appeal to me. I might just write another post tomorrow about another prompt, but tonight, I’m talking about my bedtime routine. Oh wait, I wrote a post about that already in 2022. Reading it makes me miss Raalte so much… even my night-time routine was better. Oh well, here’s my current night-time routine.

My night-time routine starts at 8PM with my getting into my nightwear. Even though this is early, I’m the last of my care home to get dressed into my nightwear. I also get my last round of meds at 8PM, which thankfully doesn’t include sleeping pills. The one time I took a sleeping pill while here, I had to take it at 9PM, which is still very early for me.

At 8:45PM, I usually get a small snack or a bit of fruit, because like I said I go to bed late and I’d feel hungry if my last food of the day (except for a biscuit at evening coffee time) was dinner at 5PM. Then at 9:30PM I brush my teeth, my staff lock my door that leads to the backyard and turn off my lights. Since I’m blind, I can function without light and, if the staff don’t turn off the light for me, I might forget or be bothered by the light if it’s set really bright, and I don’t know how the switch works.

Once I’m ready for bed, I turn off my computer and check the battery status of my iPhone. I sometimes forget to charge my Apple Watch before bedtime and then I put it on the charger for a few minutes to at least get a bit of power to last it through the night. Depending on the battery status of my iPhone and my mood, I might turn on relaxing music either for an hour or throughout the night.

I take off my slippers and usually my socks (except in the freezing depth of winter, then I leave my socks on). I have a weighted blanket that I lie under year-round. And no, it isn’t exceptionally hot in summer. I also fetch two specific stuffed animals: the lemur will have its tail across my stomach and the dolphin I will hold in my arms. I have about five more soft toys in my bed, but these usually just lie around my pillow.

I can sleep in all kinds of positions depending on my mood, the temperature in my room, etc. I usually have the headboard of my bed turned up pretty high. When I can’t sleep, I also turn the other end up. Yes, I know, it sounds weird. I am so grateful for my adjustable bed though. It isn’t a given, since just after I’d gotten this one in like 2021, the higher-ups in my care agency decided that people who weren’t severely physically disabled, didn’t qualify for adjustable beds. They didn’t take away mine though, thank goodness.

Vignettes About Unicorns

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today I’m joining Writer’s Workshop. One of the prompts is to share at least five moments of your life (not events, but merely vignettes) that are somehow related. I, for some reason, was immediately drawn to the theme of unicorns. Let’s see what I can come up with.

1. I remember having a unicorn My Little Pony figurine as a child. In fact, that’s a lie, as I think it was my sister’s, but I loved her anyway. In my memory, she was light purple, but I could’ve misremembered that, since my favorite color is lilac.

2. Last October (I think), I got a unicorn soft toy from my spouse as a thank-you gift for my support throughout our relationship and particularly over the past several months.

3. The other two unicorn soft toys on my bed, I bought at the fall fair here on institution grounds last October too.

4. Which reminds me, I have a lonely unicorn soft toy sitting in the soft toy cabinet. I got that one for Christmas at the last day center I attended while living with my spouse.

5. Oh wait, no, I have another unicorn soft toy in the cabinet. I got that one when leaving the care facility in Raalte for the intensive support home. Oh, how I miss being in Raalte still.

6. Now enough with the soft toys. The first unicorn I created, in July of 2021, I did entirely from a YouTube tutorial. I gave it to my spouse, who probably still has it.

7. I remember crafting my first unicorn at the intensive support home with my assigned staff. It didn’t turn out as good as I’d liked, but it was okay.

8. I gifted her my best unicorn I created while there when I left. Too bad she ignores me now…

9. When I left the intensive support home, I gifted each of my fellow residents a small cutter-created polymer clay unicorn.

10. I used for it a cutter I’d gotten for my birthday last year from my parents. My spouse had also gifted me unicorn-themed cutters at some point, which I originally intended to use.

11. I read my first unicorn-themed book a few years ago. That is, I probably read some in childhood too but not sure since they weren’t as popular as they are now. The book was a short picture book called First Day of Unicorn School.

12. My current unicorn-related read is the second book in the Unicorn Academy series by Julie Sykes. Oh wait, that’s not exactly a memory I’m sharing…

13. I can’t remember when I started calling my spouse “head unicorn catcher”. The reason is the fact that my spouse’s truck route is named after a city which has the unicorn as its symbol. Oh wait, that wasn’t really a memory either.

But I got to thirteen. So I’m allowed to share this post with Thursday Thirteen too. So if my post doesn’t meet the criteria for Writer’s Workshop, at least it meets the criteria for that.

Creating Glimmers

Posted on by Astrid

Today’s prompt for Friday Writings is “Glimmers”. A glimmer is the exact opposite of a trigger, something that brings you a sense of safety or joy.

Let me say that I often struggle with the fear of experiencing positive emotions, so even glimmers could be triggers in a way. I have yet to figure out why this is and what to do about it.

That is, one thing I do about it is to create positive experiences for my inner child parts that aren’t connected to the past. An example of this would be reading stories about unicorns. I don’t think my mother ever read me stories about unicorns as a young child, so unicorns bring out the playful inner child in me without the memories of my childhood attached. I can probably safely say that unicorns are a glimmer for me.

Another glimmer are my stuffed animals, but I honestly think the same applies that is the reason I love unicorns: they can’t be connected to my childhood. I currently have five stuffed animals on my bed, but the oldest one I’ve had for about four years.

I wonder why this is, honestly, given that my childhood, though not stellar, wasn’t horrifying either. Ah, who cares as long as I have my unicorn stories, unicorn polymer clay cutters, stuffed anymals, including several unicorns, etc.? Let me just live love laugh in unicorn land. If only it were this easy…

Six of the Most Important Objects I Own

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m feeling like writing, but am a little lost for words, so I looked through my various collections of journaling prompts. One of them was to list some of the most important objects in your life and to share how you got them. Here goes.

1. My iPhone. I first got an iPhone in the summer of 2017. Back then, I was clueless as to whether I would be able to do much with it. However, it turned out I only needed six out of the ten allocated lessons from the blindness agency computer trainer. I have had my current iPhone, an SE 2nd generation, since June of 2020 and am pretty sure I’m going to try to keep it functioning until the 15 series comes out in the fall, because the regular 14 isn’t really an improvement over the 13 and the 14 Pro is too expensive.

2. My Apple Watch. I got my Apple Watch Series 7 at the end of August, barely a month before the Series 8 was released. I don’t really do many techy things with it. Like, I don’t use it to make phone calls or check my mail, but I really love its fitness-related features.

3. My computer. Oh my, I’m really mostly listing modern technologies here. As those who’ve read my blog recently, will know, I got my current computer a few weeks ago. I mostly use it for browsing the Internet, blogging, reading Kindle books and it’s a little easier than my iPhone for YouTube too. Other things, such as mail, reading other books, writing in my journal, etc., I do on my iPhone. Then again, I’m so happy to still have both.

4. My music pillow. Okay, it’s somewhat of a piece of technology too, but not as advanced as a computer or smartphone. A music pillow, for those who don’t know, is a regular pillow with a small speaker integrated in it and in this case a cable that you can connect to a music player or in my case my iPhone. I listen to music on my music pillow almost every night as I fall asleep.

5. My box of essential oils. Oh wait, since I own 33 different essential oils, do each of these count as separate objects? Oh well, I say they don’t. I wrote a stream-of-consciousness post on the box several years ago (although I’m not sure I had the exact same box then). I could’ve chosen my diffuser, but without oils, it would be useless. I love to create blends of essential oils for in my diffuser, but I also love to add essential oils to soap and homemade bath and body care products.

6. My soft toy of the moment. The one I sleep with, changes often, but the lemur is still popular. Since the orangutan is my latest addition, it’s currently among my favorites.

I now, as I finish this post, realize I’ve been rather materialistic. I mean, I could have mentioned my wedding ring or the framed picture on my wall that I got from the staff and clients at my old care home. I’m not saying these don’t have value to me. Like, I wear my wedding ring day and night. However, the way I subconsciously at least interpreted the question, was “important” as meaning “useful”. They’re not the same, of course.

What are some of the most important objects in your life?

Hello Monday (March 6, 2023)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. A few weeks ago, I discovered another great weekly linky called Hello Monday, in which bloggers share about their weekend. Since I didn’t join #WeekendCoffeeShare this past Saturday, I still have a lot to share about the weekend. Besides, Sunday afternoon was fun, so even if I had posted on Saturday, I could post again today. Let’s get started.

Saturday morning was kind of hard. A new staff was being introduced to me, so for the morning shift there were two staff people doing my one-on-one. I do appreciate the fact that they actually had him properly introduced to me rather than having me do all the explaining, like they did with the student staff, but it did lead to me overhearing them converse about stuff that they said wasn’t my business. Well, if it’s none of my business then why discuss it in my room with me sitting right there in the middle?

Saturday evening was slightly better, but Sunday morning was hard again. The staff assigned to be my one-on-one that day always complains of a sore arm when holding my arm to guide me when walking, but I can’t safely walk without a sighted guide and I struggle to hold onto someone’s arm too (which is the proper way of walking sighted guide). In this sense, I empathize with this staff. Being that he isn’t the crafty type either, we were quite limited in the activities we could do, so I eventually decided we’d go for a walk anyway.

After he left at just past eleven for my “time to rest” (his cringe-worthy term for time without one-on-one support), which normally doesn’t start until 11:30, I indeed had a little lie down, but had had it by 11:30 and decided to go into the living room to see the other clients and staff. I sat there while they had lunch (and I had a little bit too). I was going to have a visit from my husband at 1PM and we usually go out for lunch then. One of the staff directed us to clear up the table, while she herself remained seated. Granted, she was another client’s one-on-one and either that client can’t or won’t clear up. I can’t without someone assisting me either and my one-on-one was nowhere to be found, but thankfully another staff helped me.

When my husband came to pick me up, he drove randomly. At one point, he asked me where we were going. “Where are we?” I asked. He replied we were at highway A50, headed northward, in the middle of nowhere. Zwolle was the closest bigger city, so we decided to head there. We went to Ikea, where we looked around a little, tthen had fries with chicken (for me) and meatballs (for him). Then we saw these really cute soft toys. My husband pointed out an orangutan, which I immediately decided to buy. My husband wants me to name him after the monkey king in The Jungle Book and he wanted me to look up the song on our way back to the institution. Not that I remember that movie. I mean, I’ve probably seen parts of it, but we only had public television at home when I was a child. I think the monkey is called Louis.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (December 10, 2022)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. How are you doing? I had my last cup of coffee for the day, but still I want to join in with #WeekendCoffeeShare. I guess you could get a Senseo if you want one, or a cup of tea, or soda. Or you could go for water like I will now. Let’s have a drink and let’s chat.

If we were having coffee, I’d ask you how your weather’s been. It’s been a month since I did a coffee share post and winter has well and truly arrived by now. Daytime temperatures hardly get above 0°C, although we don’t get very low night-time temperatures. Thankfully, despite the cold, I’ve been able to go on walks everyday, as it’s not been raining that much.

If we were having coffee, I would share that I finally reached breaking point here at the new care home last week and my mother-in-law called the home to get to speak to a higher-up, either the behavior specialist or the manager. She was told that I’d had a good day that day. While that was mostly true, it wasn’t about that day. My mother-in-law then contacted the mediator I had been in touch with too. She is independent and helps advocate for clients or family members but is paid for by the care agency.

After a week of playing phone tag, the mediator finally got in touch with the manager and was able to convince her to schedule a meeting between me, the mediator herself, a staff and the behavior specialist. This will most likely take place before Christmas, so the staff who will be attending won’t be my support coordinator, as she’s off on vacation till after then. I did ask that my mother-in-law be invited too, which the mediator initially didn’t feel would be appropriate. Her reasoning was that it’d be too many people attending and that she (mediator) would be there to support me already. However, the mediator is not able to realize how much I’m not able to process during a verbal conversation, so I stood my ground.

If we were having coffee, I would share that, earlier this week, one of the staff and I were able to create a new, more suitable to me day schedule. It was (unofficially) started today (while we’re waiting for the staff to type it out). The new schedule is organized around timeframes, like my day schedule at the old care home, but of course with the note that these are rough directions. I am quite satisfied with my first day using the new day schedule, but of course I do realize that it may only be 2 1/2 weeks before it will be trashed by my support coordinator.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I am loving spending time on my polymer clay again. I am not getting my hopes up yet, but, in my new day schedule, I have lots of opportunities for claying. I made use of them today and created my first actual unicorn! Granted, it doesn’t have a mane or tail yet, because with the particular tutorial I used, you had to bake the unicorn and then attach those parts and bake again. I am hoping to do that tomorrow. I however am completely excited about crafting again. Now all please pray my new day schedule works out and my support coordinator won’t trash it when she comes back.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d tell you all that I got some lovely presents in the mail from my parents on Thursday. I got a lavender-filled unicorn soft toy that can be heated in the microwave. I also got three different kinds of candy: chocolate, licorice and so-called Dutch traditional candy, which was hard candy. I loved all of them. The online shop also sent a few random samples of a sugar soap, so-called immune boosting capsules and some kind of fruit and veggie powder that you need to put into water and drink. I threw these away. So far, I haven’t actually microwaved the unicorn, but I did hold it when trying to sleep.

Unicorns, Of Course! #SoCS

Posted on by Astrid

Unicorns are my favorite mythical creatures. When I saw that this week’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “U” – to start your post with a word beginning with the letter “U” -, I of course had to go with “unicorn”.

Not that I know much about the origins or meanings of unicorns. I mean, I love reading chapter books about them, in which they are always described as having magical powers. For example, in the Branches Books early chapter book Bo’s Magical New Friend, a unicorn tries to help discover her friend’s power. In a chapter book for slightly more advanced readers, Twilight, Say Cheese! by Daisy Sunshine, a unicorn has trouble containing her power of invisibility.

In addition to books, I love stuffed unicorns. I have two. One is Sophie/Rainbow, who has two names because two of my blog readers independently came up with names for her. She is a white unicorn with rainbow-colored mane. The other is completely white and I call her Snowflake.

I also love crafting unicorns out of polymer clay, though I haven’t done it much lately because I haven’t found a way to prevent the thing it stands on from bending and/or developing air bubbles. I do really want to create another unicorn soon, but am too busy with the presents for various people to get to that one. I already have the colors I want to use for my next polymer clay unicorn though. It will be three different intensity levels of a bright green.

Gratitude List (July 15, 2022) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I am struggling a little, but trying to stay positive. As such, I want to write a gratitude list again. I’m joining Ten Things of Thankful as usual. Here goes.

1. I am grateful for ice cream. Last Sunday, the local Rotary Club sent out some people to do a performance on care facility grounds, like singing and acting and all. I didn’t like that, but they also sent an ice cream truck. I loved the stracciatella and vanilla ice cream, even though I normally don’t care for chocolate.

2. I am grateful I was able to bring a huge smile to my old assigned staff’s face when I gave her the polymer clay hedgehog I’d crafted for her.

3. I am grateful for nice, warm enough but not too hot weather this week.

4. I am grateful my physical fitness level is pretty much back to where I’d like it to be. I have been walking a lot over the past week. Not reaching 10K steps most days – just once, last Saturday, in fact -, but I’m so glad I’m walking longer distances again.

5. I am grateful for my husband’s creative pep talks. Earlier in the week, I had almost lost my polymer clay mojo because I kept doing my flat projects wrong. Then when I’d found a way to bake them without them bending upward or getting air bubbles at the back – by baking them or cardboard -, someone I consider a polymer clay expert claimed that would cause me problems. That discouraged me a lot, but my husband said not to listen to just one person and to do what works for me.

6. Speaking of which, I am so grateful at least that one little piece of polymer clay – a random cookie cutter star – turned out pretty good.

7. I am grateful I didn’t cry when my old assigned staff officially left yesterday.

8. I am grateful for a really nice card from her too. It has a small lucky doll inside of it, because she wishes me good luck.

9. I am grateful for my new stuffed dolphin. When my old assigned staff put me to bed yesterday, I grabbed ahold of my favorite stuffed animal, the lemur, and she commented I could seek comfort with him when I miss her. She had considered buying me a soft toy as a goodbye present, but she reasoned I have quite many already. This got me thinking and, within an hour, I’d ordered this stuffed dolphin off Bol.com, to be delivered today. It’s a little smaller than I’d expected, but actually it’s the perfect size for me to hold it when trying to sleep.

10. I am grateful that Seeing AI, the image description app on my iPhone, guessed my age in the above photo as 27. 😁 Not that I really care, but I just noticed and thought this’d make for a fun last item on my thankful list.

What are you thankful for?