Dromaai: A Restaurant That Brings Me Nostalgia

Posted on by Astrid

One of today’s prompts for Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop is to share about a restaurant that makes you nostalgic. I immediately thought of the restaurant in Nijmegen my spouse and I nicknamed the “dromedary”.

Its real name is Dromaai, which is wordplay on the Dutch word for turnaround. On the menu are various dishes where letters have been switched up. For example, fish stew would be called “stish few”.

I discovered the restaurant while in the psych hospital in the spring of 2008 and ate there with my family a few times. Then, in December of that year, I invited my now spouse there.

My spouse and I would see each other several times a week while I was in the hospital, often around dinnertime, and there wasn’t any food for my spouse in the hospital, of course. As a result, we had to eat out. Dromaai became a regularly-visited restaurant. My favorite dish was marinaded turkey on a skewer. I usually chose pepper sauce with it rather than the recommended BBQ. You could choose between a side dish of rice, baked potatoes or fries. I usually chose fries, but I did like the potatoes too.

In 2011, my spouse convinced me to try to become a vegetarian, so my favorite dish became a vegetable wrap. I gave up the vegetarian lifestyle after only about nine months and came back to my turkey skewer.

We stopped going to Dromaai when I moved to the psych hospital in Wolfheze in 2013. That is, we still went there occasionally. One time, I remember one of the workers – I think he actually was the manager or something, but he also did waiter jobs – asking us whether we’d moved and if so, where. I vaguely replied that we’d moved to the Arnhem area. “Arnhem, blegh,” he replied with a laugh, because as those from the Netherlands will know Arnhem and Nijmegen are rivals.

The last time I went to Dromaai, I went with my sister after our day at Sanadome, a wellness resort in Nijmegen, in 2018. I looked all over the menu, but to my annoyance, they’d done away with the turkey skewer. I ordered mixed grill instead, but didn’t like it nearly as much.

As a side note, don’t ask me how my spouse and I got to nickname Dromaai, “Dromedary”. My spouse has a habit of taking wordplay to the extreme though. I think it’s funny, but I realize it isn’t as I type this down now.

Mama’s Losin’ It

Hello Monday (July 24, 2023)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining Hello Monday for a weekend recap. The weekend was a true mixed bag, but those who know how much I’ve been struggling please do read on till the end for some exciting news.

Saturday was a truly crappy day. I got a total stranger as my one-on-one for the morning. This is not unusual, but the crappiness started as soon as I voiced my discomfort with her being a total stranger. Rather than try to comfort me, she was like: “What about if I leave you alone till coffee time?” Coffee time is at 11AM and it was just past 10AM. I said no, because despite what the staff here seem to think my one-on-one isn’t a mere suggestion. Fifteen minutes later, she was like: “I haven’t had breakfast yet. I need to grab some food, see you at coffee time, okay?” I went to the communal room, where my assigned staff happened to be, who set this straight with my would-be one-on-one. After that, we played some card games, had coffee and then she quickly decided to swap places with another staff. He’s not a stranger. Not someone I get along with, but at least I know what to expect of him (which is very little, to be honest).

In the evening, there was a staff shortage until 6PM and of course I was asked to come to the communal room to unburden the staff (his literal words). Then I got a staff I barely knew once again and only could play card games once again.

Sunday was better. I did get an unfamiliar one-on-one in the morning, but at least my spouse came by for a visit. We once again drove to Apeldoorn for lunch at Backwerk and hopped into Holland and Barrett for some essential oils. My spouse got a discount card even though we rarely shop there.

In the evening, my new support coordinator – did I share my old one left the agency a few weeks ago? – was my one-on-one for an hour. We went for a walk and discussed some aspects of my care, both unaware of the E-mail landing in my inbox at 7PM. My mother-in-law had forwarded it to me. It was originally sent to her at 11AM that morning. The subject line read something like: Painting Astrid’s new room.

The E-mail started with something like: “I am [name], support coordinator for Astrid’s new care home, [home].” The person writing the E-mail then went on to tell my mother-in-law that, when moving, a client can have one wall in their room painted in a desired color, and which color would I like?

I had heard my assigned staff mention this home among the possible homes considered for me, but I had absolutely no idea I had been accepted into it. I don’t know anything about the home other than what the care agency’s website says, which isn’t to be trusted due to the fact that they make things look better than they are. However, it isn’t really like I care. Any small improvement over the care I receive here is greatly appreciated.

Today, I confirmed with my support coordinator that I am indeed moving to this home. When the move will be, is not yet known for sure, but I’ll find out about two weeks in advance and be able to take a look around a few days before the actual move.

And for those who are wondering, I chose lilac as the color for my wall.

Gratitude List (July 20, 2023)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m feeling like I have really been neglecting my blog. The truth is I’ve been struggling a lot, more so even than I used to. However, today I’m feeling pretty good so I’m taking the opportunity for a gratitude post. Here goes.

1. I am grateful for a fellow resident’s birthday celebration on Monday. Just after handover at 3PM, we all sat in the living room and sang “Happy Birthday” for him. We had fries and a snack for dinner too. Unfortunately, another resident did have a severe anger outburst right after we did the singing and was disruptive for the rest of the evening even when in his room.

2. I am grateful that, though on Tuesday I got the least familiar to the group staff assigned to me for my one-on-one, she was not the least familiar to me.

3. I am grateful for a comforting visit from my mother-in-law on Tuesday. It was good to be able to vent to her.

4. I am grateful for a delicious caramel ice cream bowl that my mother-in-law treated me to on her visit. Okay, my dress once again had ice cream and caramel sauce all over it, but oh well, it can be washed.

5. I am grateful for a satisfying dietitian’s appt on Wednesday. She was really content with my weight (which remains within the agreed-upon range) and my eating and exercising habits. For those who don’t know, I have a history of disordered eating, bordering on bulimia, so I particularly need to make sure my eating and exercising don’t become compulsive (in addition to not engaging in purging behaviors, of course).

6. I am grateful my assigned staff supported me for part of the morning shift on Wednesday despite there being a temp worker too. Granted, the temp worker is quite familiar with the group, but I’d more or less been told that I’d still be assigned the temp worker by default unless there are literally four regular employees.

7. I am grateful for a great experience swimming yesterday. I went into the pool with just a staff and no other residents. This particular staff has this really cool way of getting my playful inner child out, so we sang songs, jumped up and down and had lots of fun.

8. I am grateful my assigned staff agreed to contact the behavior specialist once she’s back from vacation to set up a meeting to discuss possibly finding me help in overcoming my sense of basic mistrust. It’s been getting progressively worse and is affecting my life here at the care home but also my marriage.

9. I am grateful I was allowed to borrow a fellow resident’s side-by-side bike this afternoon. It was a nice change from walking.

10. I am grateful for my spouse, who sticks by me even though I’m being quite difficult. We’ve had a few arguments and I’ve crossed my spouse’s limits a few times. I now realize this is probably my anxious attachment style getting in the way of our healthy communication. For this reason, I’m all the happier to still be going on together.

What have you been grateful for lately?

Lovin’ Lately (July 14, 2023)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. It’s been forever, probably years, since I shared a compilation of my favorite things. With my birthday just over two weeks ago and all the lovely presents I got, I thought it’s about time. I also discovered some other lovely things. Here goes. I am joining in with Friday Favorites.

1. Lots of polymer clay. Plus some lovely cutters to use with it. I got twelve small, one-ounce blocks of Fimo from my spouse, as well as four two-ounce blocks of Premo and a large block of white Premo. I already opened the Premo in the color 18k gold. Unfortunately, the pieces I created using it, were ruined in the oven.

From my parents, I got a box full of 24 small packets of a budget brand of polymer clay. I also got several cutters. One of them was a unicorn and I’ve really been loving creating pendants using it. Here is the first one, done using the budget brand polymer clay. I was convinced I’d used lilac clay, but it’s clearly blue and that’s not because the clay changed color in the oven. Apparently my staff with whom I did the pendant is slightly color blind.

2. Beads. I got some lovely glass beads from my mother-in-law. Some of them are in the shape of animals, such as butterflies, pigs and ladybugs. My spouse uses the ladybug emoji as a nickname (nick-emoji?) for me, so these are extra fitting.

3. Podcasts. Because as of iOS 16.5, my Braille display freezes when using book apps, including the default iPhone one, I’ve had to find other ways to occupy myself. I started looking at podcasts. A favorite is the Enneagram & Coffee podcast. I especially loved the episode on attachment theory and the Enneagram, which I listened to just a day or two after writing my post on attachment issues last Sunday. I was right to think most Enneagram type Fours lean towards anxious attachment. So do I.

4. My new nightgowns. I bought them at Hema, a department store my spouse and I visit almost each week we’re in Apeldoorn, a few weeks ago. Both of them are so comfy and they look good too.

5. White chocolate peanut rocks. Not sure if these exist in the English-speaking world too, but peanut rocks are basically chunks of chocolate filled with peanuts. They usually come in dark and milk chocolate varieties, but I’d never seen them in white chocolate form. Until last week, that is. Since my favorite type of chocolate is white chocolate (and yes, I know chocoholics say white chocolate isn’t real chocolate), I just had to buy them. And oh boy, are they delish!

What have you been lovin’ lately?

Share Your World (July 3, 2023) #SYW

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today I’m joining Share Your World. The questions for this week are so intriguing. Let’s go.

1. Do you own your own home, rent, or something else?
It’s complicated. While my spouse and I are homeowners, I don’t live in our home. Instead, I live in an institution. We actually went to the solicitor to sign the contract to our house in Lobith in the same week I moved into my old care home.

2. What is your favorite “go to” food when you’re feeling under par?
Licorice. I love indulging in it whenever I’m in need of a pick-me-up, but also when I’m feeling under the weather.

3. Do you indulge in retail therapy?
Absolutely, but for me, online window shopping is almost as comforting as actually spending money when I’m in a bad mood. Currently, I’m loving looking at clay cutters, jewelry-making supplies and other crafty stuff, but I’m restraining myself from buying any until my mother-in-law has visited me, because she might bring me some of the things I could’ve bought otherwise.

4. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Four pairs of walking shoes, three of which are so damaged they really shouldn’t be worn anymore but I still wear them because I don’t want to buy a new pair of walking shoes every month. My orthopedic shoes. Two pairs of gym shoes. My horseback riding shoes. Does that make eight?

Gratitude:
Take pride in the person you are, you are unique.
I agree 100%. How could I not, as an Enneagram type 4?

June 2023 Reflections #WBOYC

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. It’s the end of the first half of 2023. Wow, can you imagine? I’m joining What’s Been On Your Calendar? (#WBOYC). Here goes.

Honestly, I can’t remember much of the first few weeks of June, other than the fact that I was extremely motivated to get moving. I had signed up for two Apple Watch challenges. Suffice it to say that motivation quickly diminished and I finally broke my 300-odd day streak of reaching my movement goal yesterday. That is, I broke it last Saturday too but cheated by lowering my movement goal for that day.

In other respects, the month has been meh too. I only wrote twelve blog posts, including this one, and hardly have been crafting. I mostly spent my days playing dice and the odd card game. I think I might be depressed, but more likely it’s the shitty circumstances of living in my current care home.

However, I’m pretty sure my staff think I’m doing well, as I’ve been in the communal room more. The reason is mostly to connect to somewhat familiar people, because I’ve mostly been assigned completely new temp workers. When I try to communicate my discomfort with this, I’m usually met with rather curt remarks that the staff have no obligation to explain their decisions to me and then, when I spiral further into meltdown, I’m met with harsher and harsher actions from the staff.

The month of June is, of course, also my birthday month. I had my sister and her family over in Lobith last Saturday, which was okay, though a bit stressful. I spent Tuesday, which was my actual birthday, in Apeldoorn with my parents and spouse. I really loved the Thai food we ate.

In the health department, I have been doing okay. My cardio fitness level has been declining again, unfortunately and is now just barely in the below-average range. I gained a little weight too, but truthfully my weigh-in on May 31 showed the lowest weight I’d been in forever, so I’m not worried about that. After all, I’m still at a healthy BMI.

How was your June?

TGIF: A Short But Productive Week

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today, I’m joining Paula Light’s #TGIF
once again. Paula writes about this being a short week. I almost forgot about that. I mean, we don’t do Memorial Day here in the Netherlands. We have Veterans’ Day, which I believe is on June 29. However, last Sunday was Pentecost and, as with Easter, the Monday after that is called second Pentecost and is an official holiday too.

My week, despite being short, was productive. On Tuesday, I had a meeting with my behavior specialist and a behavior specialist responsible for a possible new care home (or several, I don’t know). They were purposefully vague about the home(s) this behavior specialist is in charge of. Nonetheless, I think the meeting went quite well.

On Wednesday, I was frustrated all day because my Braille display wouldn’t connect to my PC. I thought the problem was the cable, but it wasn’t. In the end, I found out that I had somehow managed to remove my Braille display from within the screen reader’s settings for default Braille display. My Braille display still doesn’t charge properly, for which a technician will come round on Tuesday.

As of yesterday, I am exercising more than I did last month, because I signed up for two challenges in a fitness app called Challenges. Yesterday, in fact, I burned over 500 active calories according to my Apple Watch. Today I’m not yet there, but I did get in significantly more steps. I don’t want this to become an obsession, so I’m making sure I do other activities too. Like, yesterday I created a polymer clay ice cream cone. I later realized that, because I had used white Premo, it needs to be cured at 135°C, but all the other colors are pretty light Fimo soft, for which 130°C is the maximum temperature (and in fact they often darken at this temperature too). I usually cure a Fimo/Premo combo at 130°C and will this time too, but am pretty sure the Fimo colors will be ruined.

This afternoon, my mother texted me asking whether I’d thought about celebrating my birthday (which is on the 27th). If it’s up to her, she’d like for my parents, my spouse and me to go out for dinner. I discussed it with my spouse, who suggested we go to our favorite chicken restaurant, which is about halfway between my parents and Lobith. Or was about halfway between my parents and Lobith, that is, since when looking it up, I found a different chicken restaurant, closer to my parents (so a longer drive for my spouse) and it turned out our favorite chicken restaurant no longer exists. I’m not yet sure what to do now, but I’ll think on it.

Trust and Trustworthiness

Posted on by Astrid

Hi all. Today’s topic for Tranquil Thursday is trust. This topic is relevant to my life in so many ways.

Maggie starts her post with a quote which says that, for there to be betrayal, there has to have been trust first. This hits home quite hard. As someone who was at least partly rejected by my parents from infancy on, I am not sure I even remember what it is like to have had that basic sense of trust babies need. It may be for this reason that I never felt particularly affected when family members passed away. Even with my maternal grandmother, with whom I was quite close, I never even felt a sense of grief.

Then again, I did feel this sense of grief when my former assigned staff back at my old care home left her job at the care agency in July of 2022. She was the first person I’d ever fully trusted in my entire life. There were others at that care home whom I trusted almost as much.

I am pretty sure I’ll never trust a professional ever again. Not because of this staff, mind you, but because of the way the staff here at my current care home handle the relationship they have with us residents. Several staff have left their jobs here without ever saying a word and then I didn’t find out until after they’d left. Yesterday a staff I’d repeatedly talked about this to, left as well and I only found out, from his colleague, at the beginning of his last shift.

You may be wondering where my spouse is in all this. Well, I do trust my spouse not to betray me – in the sense of leaving me, mistreating me, or the like -, but it’s only been over the past few months that I’ve been able to truly be myself around my partner.

I am, generally speaking, a very distrustful person. When someone enters my life, their first impression has to be really good for me to have a positive idea about them and, when they mess up, I feel very easily betrayed.

With respect to being trustworthy myself, I’m not sure. I don’t think I am very trustworthy, but it isn’t intentionally. I mean, often I struggle with distinguishing between safe and unsafe people and in this sense end up putting myself at risk as well as potentially betraying my spouse. I remember one time a fellow patient at the psych hospital offering to hold my hand when guiding me and he commented about our spouses not liking this if they saw it. I up till that point was cool with this man as a peer and I initially didn’t see the signs that I was firstly betraying my spouse and secondly also possibly being groomed.

In addition, I can be quite impulsive and dysregulated. I’ve told my spouse that I’m leaving too many times to count. I understand my spouse sees this as significant betrayal too. I know – and my spouse knows this too – that we are meant for each other, but still it probably comes across quite harsh.

April and May 2023 Reflections #WBOYC

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. In April, I didn’t get to post my monthly reflections because I was too busy with the #AtoZChallenge. Today, for this reason, I’m doing reflections for both April and May. I’m linking up with What’s Been On Your Calendar? (#WBOYC).

Honestly, I don’t remember much of the month of April. It was a really busy month in a way with me participating in the #AtoZChallenge on my blog, which I badly wanted to complete despite struggling with my mental health. In other ways though, it was a boring month, in that I hardly got to do anything creative. I also felt like I had to train new staff almost on a daily basis. By this I mean the fact that, almost every day, the least familiar staff member would be assigned to me and they’d be left with just the instruction to follow my day schedule.

I did work on an activity list detailing steps for each activity I usually do, but this unfortunately didn’t bring me closer to actually exploring creative activities with not-so-familiar staff.

In late April, my mother-in-law sent the behavior specialist an E-mail expressing my distress with the unfamiliar staff situation, as well as with the fact that no-one had told me anything about any progress re finding me a more suitable care home. During the month of May, I’ve had some meetings on this topic, but nothing has been decided yet and I’m pretty skeptical anything will be decided anytime soon. That is, unless the powers-that-be decide no place can be found for me.

Thankfully, I did have the #AtoZChallenge to inspire me. I did, for this reason, write 31 posts.

The month of May was a mixed bag in many respects. It was better than April had been on the care front. This did help me feel better, but it wasn’t like I could actually bring my many ideas for activities into action.

In early May, I went clothes shopping with my support coordinator and assigned staff. That same day, another staff also took me to a nearby lake to go for a walk and take some pictures.


I did over the month of May in particular develop some renewed interests, for example in essential oils. I also still want to buy a new blender, so that I can make smoothies again. However, I haven’t yet decided on one specifically.

I went to my spouse’s and my house in Lobith at least twice during the months of April and May. Honestly, my marriage is stronger than ever and I’m so happy about it!

All this being said, in general I very much feel as though my life has been “on hold” over the past few months. Though I did often feel quite inspired, I didn’t know how to put these ideas into action. I can’t completely blame the care home, but the fact that no matter what the staff here do to improve my situation I’ll never trust them not to mess up again, does contribute.

In the health department, I did significantly improve, at least on those measures I know. I lost weight and currently weigh 57.4kg, which is within the healthy range for my height of 1.53m. I also for the first time today got a cardio fitness level of 25 on my Apple Watch, which is in the “below-average” range (until a few months ago, I was consistently in the “low” range). Next month or in July, I’m due to get my annual bloodwork done and I’m kind of worried about that, particularly my kidney function of course. I do overall feel quite healthy though.

Hello Monday (May 22, 2023)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. It’s been nearly a week since I touched the blog. Honestly, the week has been less than stellar, but the weekend was lovely. Let me share. I’m joining Hello Monday.

On Friday evening, I finally decided that, screw it, whether I’d get a staff whom I can trust to help me with my polymer clay or not, I wanted to clay. I put my clay box on the chair we don’t normally use, which did mean having to put several things that had been placed on top of the box on the floor. “Why is everything on the floor?” the staff asked me when entering my room. I replied that I wanted to create a polymer clay unicorn. “You do you,” the staff replied.

At first, she seemed rather uninterested and barely did the things I asked her up front to help me with. Eventually though, she did warm up to the idea of us working on a unicorn and she did give me feedback. The unicorn we created – and which I finished on Saturday morning with another staff – is the first one that has wings. It still needs to go in the oven and I intend to add glitter to the wings too.

On Saturday, I finished the unicorn, went for a walk and played a game of dice with a fellow resident here at the care home. Then, my spouse arrived to pick me up to drive to our house in Lobith. On the way there, we went into the carwash (€15 for a mediocre washing!) and got takeout Chinese food.

We had a relaxing evening at home. At around 10PM, my spouse suggested we go for a drive, as the car needed to be moved out of the street. After all, the town fair would be starting on Sunday and there’d be a procession going through our street. I forgot my passport, so we needed to stay in the Netherlands (Lobith is close by the German border). At one point, my spouse suggested we go to Burger King for ice cream, but it was closed. Next question: “Do we drive to Duiven to go to McDonald’s or go home to sleep?” I chose to go to McDonald’s. We each had a McFlurry. I had the Twix one with caramel sauce, which was lovely.

On Sunday, with the car out of the way, we could have a lie-in. I slept in until about 9:30AM.

Several weeks ago, I’d bought white jeans with my staff. I wore them for the first time on Sunday and at breakfast, they had coffee stains in them already. It looked rather gross (I’ll spare you my spouse’s description). For this reason, we decided to go clothes shopping yet again. We, like usual, went to Apeldoorn. I bought darker beige jeans.

We also stopped by Holland & Barrett, a wellness store, to look at nothing in particular. We left with six bottles of essential oils though. Initially, when looking at them, my spouse said: “Just tell me what you want, I’m not going to name them all, as they have everything.” I asked for clary sage. After looking for about ten minutes, my spouse at first concluded they didn’t have clary sage, then started naming some oils: “Clary sage, nutmeg, …” I said: “Clary sage, that’s the one I’m looking for!” I also got vanilla and jasmine oils. Don’t tell me these are usually either absolutes or oleoresins, not essential oils, I know. I am not sure about the quality of Holland & Barrett’s oils, but I don’t use them for any therapeutic benefits anyway. We also got a blend of roses and a blend of wildflowers just because one of my oils was one plus one free and the other was second at half price. Lastly, my spouse got rosemary.

We also obviously stopped by Backwerk to have lunch. I got a sausage roll.

In the evening, I started looking all over the Internet for blends to try with my new oils. Of course, I had had clary sage before, so only vanilla and jasmine were new, but I love all the possibilities. I created a blend in my diffuser this morning: equal amounts clary sage, vanilla, sandalwood and frankincense. This evening, I joked to my spouse that the blend made me high, because it’s so very calming. I love it though!