#WeekendCoffeeShare (November 15, 2025)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare again today. I’ve just had my last cup of coffee for the day. We didn’t have large biscuits that we are usually allowed to have on weekends, so I had a mini Mars candy bar. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. During most of the week, we’ve had unusually mild temperatures for November. We had some rain too, but not a huge amount. Today, the daytime temperature didn’t get above 9°C, which I consider cold but is actually normal for this time of year. According to my wife, the weather forecast predicted 27mm of rain today. We did get rain indeed, but not nearly that amount.

If we were having coffee, then I’d share that I did meet my movement goal on my Apple Watch each day this week. However, I’m pretty sure my 90-day average will soon be lower than my 365-day average, as I just barely met my goal most of these days and it’s been this way for a month or so already. My movement streak is somehow still stuck on 33 days.

If we were having coffee, then I’d update you all on my struggle re orienting new staff. The new staff, last week when being properly introduced to me finally, said this would be the actual (re)start of her orienting. Not so. She did get one more chance to be oriented to my morning routine, but not another to the activity time slot. I feel this was unfair, as during her original orientation to the activity, we only went for a walk because I, not having properly been introduced to her, didn’t feel like being vulnerable with her with a more difficult activity, such as polymer clay.

On Tuesday, this staff was assigned to me for my morning routine, but this one was different than the one she’d been oriented to. She asked me a ton of questions even though I’d told her during our introductions not to do this. Then, on Thursday, she got assigned to me for my activity. I was pretty angry about this, but several staff including the new one herself claimed she’d had her chance to be oriented and I just had to deal with it. I feel this is the world turned upside down, giving me responsibility for the success or lack thereof of her orientation. One staff went so far as to tell me that because I have one-on-one, staff need less orienting to me. In all honesty, I think the opposite is true, because when you’re supporting the group, you can always fall back onto a coworker. This same staff also said, when I said that they don’t expect my fellow residents to explain their routines to new staff, that I’m very different from the other clients and have a totally different diagnosis so not to compare myself. That triggered me to no end, because not only do I get told this nonsense in intellectual disability services, but also in psychiatric settings. And what I mean by nonsense is the assumption that I, because of my diagnosis, can deal with whatever the staff throw at me and just choose not to, while other people can’t help their behavior. I mean, of course I have an at least average IQ, but I am not in the care system for the fun of it.

Thankfully, it looks like my support coordinator is not in full agreement with the one chance rule at least when it applies to regular staff. Too bad the damage has already been done with this particular staff.

If we were having coffee, then I’d share that, on Wednesday, it was my wife’s birthday. I took a ParaTransit taxi to our house and we had lunch together, then chilled out and got pizza takeout. I gave my wife a handmade necklace with a skull pendant.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d tell you that we had a dance party at the home yesterday. This time, I was too stressed to play DJ myself, but I did suggest a few songs to the staff.

Flash Fiction: Pizza for Her Parents?

Posted on by Astrid

The last time ever that Amanda visited her parental home, she didn’t expect it to be the last time. She was merely coming home from college for a night. No-one knew that, when leaving the home the next morning to board the train to her college city, it’d be the last time she’d ever seen this home.

Fifteen years later, after a long journey through the province and the care system, Amanda moved back to the area. She sometimes wondered what had become of her parental home. Her parents had sold it many years ago and she’d herself handed in her key several years before that.

One day, she was talking to a virtual stranger, a temp worker coming to care for her in her new care home, probably just a handful of times. As Amanda told him about where she’d grown up and for a reason she didn’t even know herself mentioned her parental home address, the carer was amazed. “When I worked as a pizza delivery guy, I used to get orders for that house about once a week.” He started telling her stories about the time the residents had complained of a hair in their pizza, a blond hair, even though none of the workers at the pizza place were blond.

Even though Amanda knew that the house wouldn’t look the same at all if she went back, not least because most of the furniture had been either hand-crafted or hand-picked by her father and because the large birch tree in the front yard had been cut down before her parents sold the house, she delighted in hearing the staff’s anecdote. Her parents never ordered food delivery. The world can be a small place and yet a town can feel so big…

This piece was inspired by Fandango’s Story Starter #207. I couldn’t fit in the exact fragment. The piece is mostly autobiographical, including the tale about the temp worker who used to be a pizza delivery guy. I can’t remember whether his anecdote about the blond hair was actually about my parental home’s new residents.

Gratitude List (December 22, 2024) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining Ten Things of Thankful today. Let’s see what I’ve been grateful for over the past week.

1. Pizza. Technically, this is one from last week. Last Sunday, there was no meal delivery service meal I liked, so I chose to get takeout pizza. I chose one with onions, mushrooms, bell peppers, sausages and fresh garlic.

2. Another food one: my Christmas hamper. This year, we had the choice between a food hamper either regular or low-cal, a beauty hamper or a crafty one. Figuring that budgets are tight, I decided to go for the regular food hamper, as I doubted what was in the others would be of interest to me. I got marshmallows, chocolate, chips, whipped cream and waffles, cocoa and maybe I forgot something. Oh yes, I did: pretzel sticks, but I gave those away. I probably gained several pounds from enjoying the food and I have the marshmallows and chocolate still unopened.

3. Oh wait, another food one and a more likely cause of weight gain: a new staff had gotten chocolate with salted caramel as a welcome present to the care agency, but she didn’t like salted caramel, so gave the bar to me. That one is gone by now.

4. The fact that I was able to take a bath on Wednesday. I used a bath bomb that changed colors and had a nice scent (although for the life of me I can’t remember which).

5. My decreased antipsychotic dosage that I started on last Friday. I’m now on 15mg of Abilify a day. So far, I haven’t been significantly more irritable.

6. The fact that the days are officially getting longer now. Man, do I hate winter and especially the darkness.

7. A good visit from my spouse today. We hadn’t seen each other last week, so the visit felt extra special. We went shopping at Hema, my spouse’s favorite store, and ate lunch there too.

8. The fact that I was able to go for a walk today despite the weather being rather gloomy in the afternoon. Thankfully though, no rain in the evening.

9. The fact that I’m still creatively inspired. And generally more motivated to do things than I used to be.

10. Peace. I mean both inner peace and outer peace. That is, I’m still experiencing anxiety, but it isn’t nearly as severe as it was several months ago. I’m also so grateful that, at least for now, I live in peace.

Hello Monday (May 8, 2023)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. My weekend was quite good, if a little hectic. I thought I’d share about it. I am linking up with Hello Monday.

On Saturday, I had a temp worker who was here for the first time as my one-on-one staff for most of the morning shift. Thankfully, I got along with him okay. This did mean I didn’t feel comfortable going on a walk, let alone working with clay or other crafty things. I did play a game of Yahtzee with a fellow resident in the morning. My weighted blanket was also finally put in the washing machine. I was a little worried that putting it in the dryer would damage it, but the staff told me he knew what he was doing. Thankfully, once I got back from Lobith on Sunday, I found out it was still intact.

In the afternoon, I got a new temp worker once again, but thankfully my spouse was here almost as soon as the evening shift started, so I didn’t have to deal with the temp worker long. We drove to my spouse’s and my house in Lobith, picking up groceries and Domino’s pizza along the way. I had the hot and spicy pizza with pepperoni, bell peppers, onions and jalapeños.

Because I hadn’t been walking all day on Saturday, I decided to do some dancing in the evening. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have reached my movement goal on my Apple Watch and I didn’t want to cheat by lowering it yet again (and I certainly didn’t want to break my 250-odd day streak).

On Sunday, we visited my in-laws for a bit. My mother-in-law and I went for a 40-minute walk through the village. In the evening, when I once again had a temp worker, but thankfully a somewhat familiar one, I went for two more 40-minute walks. Then, because I could, I danced some more. I finally doubled my movement goal on my Apple Watch for the first time in half a year.

Yesterday evening, I had a bit of an issue with my sister. I invited her to my birthday at the end of June, thinking that if I invited her now she would have plenty of time to make sure she actually could make it on one of the days my spouse and I are available. She got upset, because her and my youngest niece’s birthdays are first (this Saturday and on the 19th, respectively). She tried to ask me whether we would come over for her birthday too, which on the surface seems reasonable. However, being that she has both this weekend and the weekend after that planned pretty full with other family and, besides, we don’t do last-minute planning for trips that are this long (my sister and her family live over two hours away), I decided against it. According to my sister, the way it “works” in our family is everyone knows when our birthdays are and is welcome to come by, so it wasn’t like she should have invited me. Being the people pleaser that I am, I actually almost let her persuade me to allow her to ask her in-laws, whom I barely know, to pick me up when they would be visiting them on the 18th. Thankfully, my spouse intervened and told me that would be really unwise, since what if I have a meltdown either on the trip or when with my sister’s family? Finally, thankfully, it turned out she wasn’t really expecting us, but was just upset that I’d mentioned my birthday this close to hers. I can see her point.

Yesterday, as a side note, was my partner’s and my fifteenth anniversary of being a couple. I really feel pleased that we decided to “call it a relationship”back on May 7, 2008. We’ve overcome quite a few hurdles in those fifteen years, but I’m so happy that we’re stronger than ever together!

#WeekendCoffeeShare (January 28, 2023)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this last Saturday of January. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare today. It’s 9PM here, so I already had my last cup of coffee for the day about two hours ago. I also tasted a new drink I think I like: vitamin water. I am not under the impression that there’s all that many vitamins in it, but who cares? Anyway, let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I’d start out by asking about your weather. Ours has been cold, with daytime temperatures barely above freezing point. It’s not been raining or snowing though and today in fact it was quite sunny.

If we were having coffee, I would ask how you all are doing. I’m still struggling in my care home. Last week (or the week before, I can’t remember), I hit another low point and my mother-in-law sent an E-mail to the behavior specialist telling her I basically don’t want to stay here. The behavior specialist was going to try to schedule a meeting between me, my mother-in-law, her, my assigned staff and the support coordinator, but I haven’t heard anything so far.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’ve finally been working with polymer clay again. It’s been a while. On Wednesday, I created a bull’s eye cane. That was too frustrating for me and I nearly gave up on polymer clay altogether because of it. Thankfully, in the Dutch polymer clay group as well as an unrelated FB support group, people encouraged me to continue with what I can do well, which is sculpting. This helped me to get moving and create yet another unicorn. Oh well, it’s the same style as all my other unicorns, but I intend to decorate it with Hotfix rhinestones.

I originally intended to go to a store for Hotfix products near here with my mother-in-law on Tuesday. Then someone from the Dutch polymer clay Facebook group offered to send me some samples to try. That’s so kind of her!

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d share that I haven’t had a healthy dinner all week. The reason is the fact that the care home’s kitchen is being renovated and so we can’t use it at all. The only day I had the option of a healthy dinner was today, but I can’t stand soup and certainly not pea soup. For clarity’s sake, there is a kitchen the staff can use at the day center, but all week except today they for whatever reason chose easy-to-whip-up but unhealthy alternatives such as pizza delivery, microwave pancakes or bread with Russian salad.

How have you been?

Gratitude List (September 2, 2022) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m feeling really thankful for a lot of things today. What better time than now to write a gratitude post? Of course, I say that when I’m feeling down in the dumps too. In my opinion, it’s always a good time for a gratitude post. Anyway, I’m joining Ten Things of Thankful (#TToT) as always. Here goes.

1. I am grateful for a good weekend with my husband. We had pizza delivered, which was delicious. We each ordered a salad too, but I decided to eat my pizza first then was full so we had to throw the salad away. I felt a bit guilty about it because of food waste, but, as my dietitian says it, I’m not a replacement for the trash. In other words, just because something gets thrown out if I don’t eat it, doesn’t mean I need to eat it. I shouldn’t have ordered it and I know that for the next time.

2. I’m grateful for my health. Like I mentioned on Wednesday, I had a health scare earlier this week, but it was nothing, for which I’m so grateful.

3. I am grateful for my husband’s good health too. He tested positive for COVID earlier this week but I am so grateful he isn’t very ill with it.

4. I am grateful for no COVID symptoms in myself so far. Let’s hope I won’t get it.

5. I am grateful for my Apple Watch. It truly motivates me to stay physically active. I must admit I do need to watch out that it doesn’t become an obsession though.

6. I am grateful for the care facility’s new side-by-side bike. This is like a tandem bike but, rather than one person riding the bike sitting behind the person steering it, the person on one side has the controls. I just went for a 5.7km ride on it and, for whatever reason, my Apple Watch counted the full 27 minutes as exercise. Granted, I had started a workout manually, so it may not have caught it had I not done this, but well.

7. I am grateful for French fries on Wednesday as a treat from the old student staff who had her last shift. I am also grateful I took the opportunity to sneak to the living room to ask for a second helping, which I then decided to eat while sitting on the couch. It was fun being surrounded by my fellow residents once again, which is a rarity nowadays since I get one-on-one support.

8. I am grateful for a maintain in the weight department this week. I am also grateful the dietitian is mostly satisfied with how I’m doing, although she does worry slightly about the possibility that exercise might become an obsession.

9. I am grateful for Simple Radio, an app on my iPhone (and Apple Watch) that lets me listen to any radio station. I mostly like 1000Schlager Web Radio at this point, because I love the upbeat German songs to dance to.

10. Last but not least, and I initially wasn’t sure I was going to share this in my gratitude post or wait for #WeekendCoffeeShare, but I am so grateful that I just need to share: I am number one on the wait list for a home at the main institution for my care agency. They’re currently in the process of finding a new home for one of the current residents. According to the behavior specialist, it might go quickly but might still take six months before this has happened and as a result I can start the process of orienting there. Six months, in my book, is still super quickly. You all will have to wait for my coffee share post tomorrow for more details, but I’m excited and nervous at the same time. Mostly grateful though.

What are you grateful for?

Gratitude List (July 31, 2022) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

Hi all on this last day of July! Today I’m joining Ten Things of Thankful (#TToT) for a gratitude list. I’m rather late to the party, but better late than never, huh? Here goes.

1. I am grateful for some good phone talks with the care facility’s behavior specialist this week. She gave me some useful advice on how to handle my frustration with respect to my recent care review with her and my nurse practitioner from mental health.

2. I am grateful my nurse practitioner gave the get-go for me to lower my antipsychotic again. Next week, I’ll be starting with the slightly decreased dose.

3. I am grateful for a nice visit from my sister and her family. I am so grateful Janneke, my oldest niece, was really friendly with me. I tried to show her how to make a play-doh unicorn, but she may still be a bit young for that and/or I wasn’t engaging enough.

4. I am grateful I got to hold Wolke, my youngest niece, who is just two-months-old.

5. I am grateful for the belated birthday gifts my sister and her family brought me. I got four sets of cutters and a set of texture sheets to use with my polymer clay.

6. I am grateful for a delicious salami pizza with added olives and red peppers. Yum! We ordered pizza (and fries for Janneke) last Monday when my sister and her family were here.

7. I am grateful for a good visit from my mother-in-law on Friday too. We went out to have lunch, which was delicious.

8. I am grateful for no mosquitoes last night or the night before. This hopefully means my anti-mosquito device, that I’d bought last Friday when in town with my mother-in-law, is working. Either that or none had been in my room at all. I don’t really care which, as long as the critters aren’t bothering me.

9. I am grateful my pasta machine isn’t broken after all. I had experienced it’d crumble several colors of polymer clay. Even after a deep clean session, it still did this, so I thought it must be broken. Thankfully, one of the most knowledgeable people in the Dutch polymer clay Facebook group took a look at a picture I’d taken and said it wasn’t broken. Apparently it’s the clay.

10. I am grateful the new pasta machine I impulsively ordered online when thinking the current one was broken, can be returned. I will probably ask my staff to drive me to the PostNL pick-up point tomorrow. When I have my refund, I’m going to order supplies I really do need from that same store I now ordered the pasta machine from.

What are you grateful for?

Five of My Favorite “Cheat” Foods #5Things

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today I’m participating in the #5Things challenge, for which the topic today is “cheat day” foods. Now I don’t really do cheat days. I do usually have more high-calorie foods on weekends than week days, just because it’s easier to keep track that way, but there’s not a single day when I completely indulge in whatever I want. I have a history of disordered eating, including binges, but I am determined I never want to return to those days.

I also don’t believe in “good” or “bad” foods. Rather, I believe in healthy and less healthful habits. I had it written on my food plan, for this reason, that no food is completely forbidden. Else, less familiar with me staff might say that a food isn’t on my food plan so I can’t have it.

Anyway, today I’m listing five of my favorite foods to have on a day when I’m less conscious of my diet.

1. Pizza. Every once in a while, when I go to my husband’s and my house in Lobith, my husband will drive by Domino’s on our way from picking me up at the care facility. I love their pizzas. I also love the pizzas from my neighborhood Italian restaurant. Both are a definite nine out of ten on the deliciousness scale. (For those visiting from #5Things, my dietitian a few weeks ago explained that, if I don’t give a “cheat” food an eight out of ten or above on how much I love it, I may consider not eating it at all.)

2. Pringles. These are by far my favorite chips and they too score at least a nine out of ten. My care home recently ordered like a whole box full of Pringles cans at the supermarket because they were on sale. Yum!

3. Cheese twists. These are sticks made of puff pastry with cheese flavor. My husband buys them at the supermarket almost every time I go to Lobith.

4. Licorice. When I still suffered with disordered eating, I would often buy a bag of licorice multiple times a week and consume the whole thing within ten to twenty minutes. Now, I usually have a bag of licorice in my locked kitchen cupboard. The staff aren’t allowed to actually prohibit me from eating the candies, but the fact that they’re locked away does keep me from being tempted too quickly. I usually have three or four candies a day at most.

5. French fries. I don’t have these often anymore, as when we do get takeout food here at the care facility, it’s usually Chinese or Italian because it’s easier to blend for those who have difficulty eating solids. However, I truly love love love good fries! There’s a snack corner here in town who put “special” orange spices over their fries and they’re delicious. (I bet it’s just paprika, but they refuse to disclose their “secret recipe”, even though it’s public knowledge that they don’t mix their own spices.) I also love some spicy snacks to go with my fries. Here in the Netherlands, there’s one called a mexicano, which I think is particularly tasty.

What are your favorite “cheat” foods?

Gratitude List (April 29, 2022) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I am feeling a bit meh today. I don’t really feel like writing a gratitude list, but I do feel like writing something and I can’t think of anything else to write. For both of these reasons – to have something to write and to cheer myself up -, I am going to try to write a thankful list anyway. As usual, I’m joining in with Ten Things of Thankful (#TToT). Here goes.

1. I am grateful for pizza today. Yes, again. Another staff is leaving and she wanted to give us pizza or pasta from the local Italian restaurant as a goodbye present.

2. I am grateful I was able to give the staff who’s leaving her present. I didn’t end up making something for her myself and initially wanted to stay in my room while the other staff gave the presents to this staff, but I am grateful I decided to go and give her one of the gifts the other staff had bought on behalf of us clients.

3. I am grateful for quiet time to write. It’s now nearly 9PM and between 6PM and 7PM, a guy from the home next door was blasting his music on top volume. Even with noise canceling headphones (unfortunately still the ones I have on loan) on, I still could hear the music clearly. I’m so glad it’s quieted down now.

4. I am grateful for a good phone talk with my mother-in-law on Wednesday. I was able to tell her I’m going to discuss entering the process of finding another care home. To my surprise and gratitude, she fully supports me.

5. I am grateful for a nice phone call with my mother on her birthday yesterday. I obviously didn’t tell her I’ll be looking for another care home. We made some smalltalk and it was okay.

6. I am grateful for sleep. Despite feeling quite on edge lately due to a lot of issues, I am sleeping relatively well.

7. I am grateful to have been able to go to the day center for a considerable time twice this week.

8. I am grateful for funny stories to listen to on YouTube. There is a Dutch children’s book author called Jacques Vriens who read his own stories aloud on YouTube. There are also English-language YouTube channels for children’s stories, which I also love, but Jacques Vriens is a childhood favorite of mine.

9. I am grateful I was able to go onto the large trampoline on Wednesday. It was great fun!

10. I am grateful to be relatively financially secure. I won’t go into detail here, but I am just happy my husband and I can handle a little financial setback.

What are you grateful for?

#WeekendCoffeeShare (April 24, 2022)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this last Sunday afternoon of April. Can you believe that we’ll be in May this time next week already? I certainly can’t. The weather’s okay: sunny and about 16°C. I can’t wait for higher temperatures though. Anyway, I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare today. I haven’t had my afternoon coffee yet, but am likely going to take a break while writing this post to have it. You can have a cup as well. The staff are also trying to get me to try some type of drink that sounds much like what Americans call Kool-Aid: a powdered substance (sugar-free or so I’m told) that you add to cold water and that then creates the flavor of juice. I’m pretty sure I’d prefer plain water though. Anyway, we have this stuff in the apple-flavored variety, so if you’d like a drink of that, get yourself one. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that this week, I’ve been experiencing quite the rollercoaster ride of emotions. Due to a number of triggers, I got to doubt once again whether I want to stay in my current care home forever and, on Thursday, I more or less decided that I at least want to discuss the possibility of looking for another place. I have no idea whether a voluntary move is even possible and it’s certainly not something I’m looking to decide on quickly. My assigned home staff E-mailed the behavior specialist and manager to see if they can discuss the possibilities and process with me.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I also experienced quite a bit of emotional dysregulation recently. I am having some major flashbacks and identity confusion. It looks like a new factive alter (an alter based on a real, outside person) may have formed recently.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that tomorrow, I’ll finally be discussing lowering my antipsychotic dosage with my nurse practitioner. I’ll most likely take the first step sometime in early May. Even though I’m not feeling at my best right now, I want to move forward with it.

If we were having coffee, I would share that I did enjoy doing some polymer clay work recently. Mostly, I just mixed colors. Like I said before, last week, I got the Fimo Professional true colors six-pack, which comes with a mixing chart, from the day center. I love it! My mother has her birthday on Thursday and I’m fully intending on making her a tulip out of polymer clay with all colors I mixed myself.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d share that I went to Lobith yesterday. It was good being with my husband once again. We got Domino’s pizza and had orange tompouces (a Dutch-specific pastry) in honor of King’s Day on Wednesday. This morning, my husband went out to the local bakery to buy us croissants. Yum!

How have you been?