Happy Homemaker Monday (December 26, 2022)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today I’m joining Happy Homemaker Monday. Okay, regular readers of this blog will know that I’m not a homemaker. However, my staff, particularly one of the student staff, are trying to get us clients at the care home more involved in the homemaking process. For example, coming in the new year, we may be able to actually help prepare our own meals once a week. (For those not aware, we do get home-cooked meals everyday here and I actually have reasonably good meal prep skills when supervised, but up till this point the staff always cook our meals because it’s quicker.) We will also get our own vegetable garden this spring.

Because we’re required to title our post “Happy Homemaker Monday” and Sandra never got back to me when I asked whether we’re actually required to be homemakers to participate, but the questions do speak to me, I’m not sure whether I’m actually allowed to link up. However, I’m just going to give it a try and if I get kicked off, so be it.

The weather: rainy most of the time and cloudy all of the time. I don’t like it, but am not sure which I find worse: this rainy but relatively mild winter weather or daytime temperatures below 0°C. Let’s just say I can’t wait for spring.

As I look outside my window: well, I have my curtains drawn as it’s evening here and I’m blind so can’t look out my window really. Oh well, I do have an outdoors light outside of my bedroom window which I can see when I have my curtains open and it’s dark outside, which it currently is. It’s probably not interesting enough for sighted people that you guys would want a picture though. Besides, no clue what setting I’d need to set my simple cellphone camera to in order to do this.

Right now I am: typing this blog post. I’m sitting at my desk in my living room. This is really the only place I can comfortably type.

Thinking and pondering: still worrying about my support coordinator doing away with everything agreed upon in the meeting we had on Friday about my care. I received the summary of what was discussed in my inbox on Saturday and it was indeed good. This means I wasn’t dreaming that everyone in the meeting at least said they were on my side. Still, my support coordinator is still on vacation and, even though several staff have been saying she can’t tear apart my day schedule, I’m still kind of worried. Planning to ask the other support coordinator for reassurance later this evening.

How I’m feeling: worried but grateful. Cautiously optimistic too.

On the breakfast plate: four slices of bread with chocolate spread. I normally eat two slices when I do eat bread, but I was in Lobith (at my and my husband’s house) and wasn’t sure I’d be back at the care home for lunch.

On the lunch plate: I had a currant bun and a regular, plain bun. I also had water and I really need to stay more hydrated.

On the dinner plate: I have absolutely no idea how to translate what we had for dinner into English. First, we had a “rundervink”, a kind of beef mince wrapped in bacon. We also had potato tarts. And the kind of salad we had, well, I’m clueless as to what it even was supposed to be. Truthfully, Christmassy (we celebrate Boxing Day as an additional Christmas day here) as it may have been, I didn’t like it. One of the positives about us clients being allowed to help meal prep, is that we finally get a real say in what we’re going to cook.

Listening to: the Healing Harps playlist on Spotify. Not currently – right now, like most of the time, I’m just hearing my text-to-speech software speak and the heating or something buzz -, but it’s the most recent interesting thing I listened to. I love it when trying to sleep or rest.

Watching: polymer clay tutorials on YouTube.

Reading: a Dutch collection of columns by a businesswoman turned special ed teacher. I just finished a book of stories by a Dutch ER doctor. I’m wanting to read more English-language collections of real-life stories too, but not sure where to start.

Around the house: did I even ever share here that my apartment at my current care home has a separate living room and bedroom? I also have a pretty large bathroom and a walk-in storage closet, as well as an enormous terrace. Now that it looks like I’m not going to look for another care home after all (at least not within the near future), I may want to look towards actually making my apartment into a home-like place. I really hope to learn to take better care of it in the new year, which includes keeping it relatively clean and organized but also nicely decorated.

To-do list: I don’t really do those and didn’t make any plans for the next day or even next hour until very recently due to the nature of my support here. Now, thanks to my improved care, I can start actually having a bit of a to-do list. On it currently is finishing the polymer clay unicorn I started crafting with my assigned staff on Friday.

What I’m creating: just cured some polymer clay bear-shaped pieces that I’ll turn into earrings later, as well as a number of beads (well, I’ll still need to drill the holes). This evening, I crafted a turtle out of polymer clay, which is still waiting to go in the oven until I can cure it together with the aforementioned unicorn.

I still have a lot of finished polymer clay creations I didn’t show you all too. My most recent one is the below snowman.

Bible Verse/Devotional/Prayer/Quote: I am struggling with my faith quite a bit lately, so here’s a space for me to pray. God, help me see Your presence. I’m struggling to feel Your nearness lately. Please help me realize that You are there for me even as I go through these hard times, or especially then, or… well, oh wait, that You are always there. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Some Glimmers of Hope

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. It’s once again been a week and a half since I last posted. This week and a half hasn’t been boring at all. In fact, it’s been filled with events that triggered all kinds of emotions in me.

Last week Saturday and again on Monday, I had some very difficult conversations with my assigned staff. She turned out not to mean things too badly, but just got very frustrated with my trouble understanding non-literal speech. We also once again ran in circles about this home being very different from the home I come from and my being used to the old home and never getting it like that here. I know, I don’t expect things to go precisely the same as they went there, but there’s something between the way I was treated at my old home and the very harsh way I’m treated here.

These conversations got me so frustrated that I started thinking I may need to get an independent client supporter to help me find another home. After all, moving to another home within my current care agency, isn’t an option.

Then on Wednesday, a staff told me about her plans for getting day activities rolled out at this home. I’m not sure I can participate in all of them, but some I can take part in. This staff also assured me that my assigned staff is completely on my side.

This also became clear when I had the meeting with the mediator, my assigned staff, the behavior specialist and my mother-in-law yesterday. My assigned staff admitted that some (most, in my experience) of her coworkers treat me just like they treat everyone else at this home. Apparently the harsh approach is what the others need, but I don’t (unless I for instance insult a staff member, which only happens during a severe meltdown, 99% of which can be prevented with the right support). We agreed that my signaling plan (for preventing and averting crises) will be revised, but the behavior specialist assured me that for the most part it can stay the same. After all, she said I haven’t become a different person since moving here. That felt validating.

I positively told the people attending that, since implementing my new day schedule, things have significantly improved. I also told them I realized this may be all I can expect of the staff, so I am (trying to be) all happy when it goes smoothly. However, when it doesn’t go smoothly – for example, when the staff are frequently late for my assigned support times or leave me alone beyond my assigned alone times more than occasionally -, I’m not happy. It gets worse when the staff justify their tardiness or leaving me alone beyond my assigned alone times with some comment about my not having (full-time) one-on-one. Their reasoning is that, since my one-on-one isn’t full-time, I essentially don’t have one-on-one at all and can just expect staff to pop in whenever they please. Their terminology is a bit screwed (I think I explained it in a previous post) and it irks me beyond belief. I know I don’t have full-time one-on-one and I don’t expect it, but I do have the day schedule for a reason.

Both the behavior specialist and my assigned staff validated my need for the day schedule and for staff to stick to it. I said I understand that a severely challenging situation among my fellow clients could be a factor preventing this, but the behavior specialist said this shouldn’t happen more than a few times a week. Currently, it’s usually at least once a day (and I obviously don’t mean the times my staff is running like five to ten minutes late for my support). My assigned staff actually went so far as to say the extra staff is there primarily for me. She is going to clarify this and some other things in a basic info sheet on me that all staff can read when starting their shift with me.

Altogether, the meeting gave me some glimmers of hope. It remains to be seen whether the staff actually do something with what came out of it. I do still have my worries about my support coordinator overriding all this once she returns from her time off. Then again, I am pretty sure that, if the behavior specialist actually means what she said, my support coordinator can’t really do that.

Re(dis)covering My Creative Self

Posted on by Astrid

Today I crafted a dachshund out of polymer clay. I haven’t put it into the oven yet, as I still want to create other things before baking them all together. I sometimes feel a rush to create, create, create as who knows when this will end? In two weeks’ time, my support coordinator will be back and may decide to put my old day schedule back in place, in which I had only one tiny moment when I could possibly choose to work with clay, inbetween my morning coffee, a long walk and my lunch.

I am taking baby steps towards becoming my creative self again. This blog post is part of the process, as writing too is part of creativity. I notice my writing suffered significantly due to the chaos that was (and may become again) my support at my current care home. I know I’ll still have lots of time to write if my support coordinator puts my old day schedule back in place, but time isn’t the only factor. Inspiration is, too. And when all I do is try to survive from moment to moment – the staff’s terminology for the times they step in to support me -, I am not able to be creative at all.

I am really trying to look at these few weeks as an opportunity to re(dis)cover myself as a creative person, not just as a disturbed, manipulative yet oh so intelligent person, like most of the staff see me. My hope is that the staff who see me as primarily oh so intelligent yet disturbed and manipulative, will soon realize that, with the right support, not only will those “disturbed” behaviors lessen, but I will be able to show them my artistic side. If not, I am hoping that, soon enough, the staff who do get me will be able to convince my support coordinator and those who agree with her that this is not the right place for me. They have seen a glimpse into what I can be like when I am properly supported and I am cautiously optimistic that they can help me maintain this sense of myself, regardless of what happens when the support coordinator returns from her time off.

Things That Made Me Smile (December 12, 2022) #WeeklySmile

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining the Weekly Smile today. Even though I’m trying not to get my hopes up too much about the new day schedule, this also means I enjoy every moment of it.

For those not aware, on Saturday, I started with a new day schedule that is mostly time-organized and allows for me to choose my activities rather than it being activity-based. It is of course still in its test phase and it may actually be torn apart (figureatively speaking) by my support coordinator once she returns from her time off after Christmas. That’s why I’m not getting my hopes up, but also why I enjoy every moment.

The thing that made me smile most about the new day schedule is that it allows for time for me to work with polymer clay with my one-on-one again.

The most smile-worthy event of the weekend is, of course, the creation of my very first unicorn in the new care home! It isn’t my best unicorn ever, but I completely loved crafting it. The staff I created it with, suggested we place it near the Christmas tree, as its mane and tail are in red and green. My fellow clients and staff love it.

In addition to the unicorn, I crafted a koala and an apple out of polymer clay. I also attempted to create a macaron, but decided not to bake that one, as it wasn’t a success.

One of my staff – a staff who can be a bit direct – did ask me how long it took me to craft the unicorn. I struggled not to see this as criticism, as it took me about ninety minutes total, over two sessions, including gathering my supplies and all. He did ask me whether I could craft a panda, as those are his favorite animals. I told him I’d make one for him and did so this evening. This was harder than I thought it’d be, mostly because the black Fimo I used for the panda’s black body parts kept leaving streaks on the white Premo I used for its white body parts. My staff tried to remove them with alcohol, but it remains to be seen how successful this was. Regardless, I enjoyed the process.

What made you smile recently?

#WeekendCoffeeShare (December 10, 2022)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. How are you doing? I had my last cup of coffee for the day, but still I want to join in with #WeekendCoffeeShare. I guess you could get a Senseo if you want one, or a cup of tea, or soda. Or you could go for water like I will now. Let’s have a drink and let’s chat.

If we were having coffee, I’d ask you how your weather’s been. It’s been a month since I did a coffee share post and winter has well and truly arrived by now. Daytime temperatures hardly get above 0°C, although we don’t get very low night-time temperatures. Thankfully, despite the cold, I’ve been able to go on walks everyday, as it’s not been raining that much.

If we were having coffee, I would share that I finally reached breaking point here at the new care home last week and my mother-in-law called the home to get to speak to a higher-up, either the behavior specialist or the manager. She was told that I’d had a good day that day. While that was mostly true, it wasn’t about that day. My mother-in-law then contacted the mediator I had been in touch with too. She is independent and helps advocate for clients or family members but is paid for by the care agency.

After a week of playing phone tag, the mediator finally got in touch with the manager and was able to convince her to schedule a meeting between me, the mediator herself, a staff and the behavior specialist. This will most likely take place before Christmas, so the staff who will be attending won’t be my support coordinator, as she’s off on vacation till after then. I did ask that my mother-in-law be invited too, which the mediator initially didn’t feel would be appropriate. Her reasoning was that it’d be too many people attending and that she (mediator) would be there to support me already. However, the mediator is not able to realize how much I’m not able to process during a verbal conversation, so I stood my ground.

If we were having coffee, I would share that, earlier this week, one of the staff and I were able to create a new, more suitable to me day schedule. It was (unofficially) started today (while we’re waiting for the staff to type it out). The new schedule is organized around timeframes, like my day schedule at the old care home, but of course with the note that these are rough directions. I am quite satisfied with my first day using the new day schedule, but of course I do realize that it may only be 2 1/2 weeks before it will be trashed by my support coordinator.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I am loving spending time on my polymer clay again. I am not getting my hopes up yet, but, in my new day schedule, I have lots of opportunities for claying. I made use of them today and created my first actual unicorn! Granted, it doesn’t have a mane or tail yet, because with the particular tutorial I used, you had to bake the unicorn and then attach those parts and bake again. I am hoping to do that tomorrow. I however am completely excited about crafting again. Now all please pray my new day schedule works out and my support coordinator won’t trash it when she comes back.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d tell you all that I got some lovely presents in the mail from my parents on Thursday. I got a lavender-filled unicorn soft toy that can be heated in the microwave. I also got three different kinds of candy: chocolate, licorice and so-called Dutch traditional candy, which was hard candy. I loved all of them. The online shop also sent a few random samples of a sugar soap, so-called immune boosting capsules and some kind of fruit and veggie powder that you need to put into water and drink. I threw these away. So far, I haven’t actually microwaved the unicorn, but I did hold it when trying to sleep.

Gratitude List (December 3, 2022) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I did a complaint post yesterday and honestly am still feeling like crap, but wallowing in it isn’t going to help. Instead, for this reason, I’m going to write a gratitude list. As usual, I’m joining Ten Things of Thankful (#TToT). Here goes.

1. I am grateful for my husband. He sticks by me through the hard place that is this new care home.

2. I am grateful for my mother-in-law. She tries to stand up for me to the powers-that-be too.

3. I am grateful for my old day activities staff. They visited me on Thursday and we had an extensive lunch together.

4. I am grateful for an opportunity to create another polymer clay flower. And a strawberry. Unfortunately, that having made that morning a relative success, was used by my staff as an opportunity to silence my mother-in-law’s attempt at speaking to the higher-ups.

5. I am grateful for the support of my online friends.

6. I am grateful that my most recent major self-harm episode, early Wednesday, didn’t cause any lasting damage.

7. I am grateful for quetiapine (Seroquel), my PRN medication. It hadn’t been refilled when I had run out of it a while ago, so I was without it when I badly needed it a few times this week. This was one of the reasons I had my major self-harm episode. However, I am so thankful it got refilled.

8. I am grateful for an electric heater. Since my heating broke down, my husband eventually called the care home to tell my staff they had to provide me a way to stay warm until my heating got fixed and they thankfully listened. Unfortunately, it seems the thing broke down as I was typing this post.

9. I am grateful the repair crew came out to fix my heating earlier this evening. Because of the type of heating, it may take up to 24 hours before my room will be comfortably warm though.

10. I am grateful for distractions in the form of books and podcasts and blogs. I may want to dive into the disability activist blogosphere once again, assuming such a thing still exists.

What are you thankful for?

I Complained About the Cold

Posted on by Astrid

One of Mama Kat’s writing prompts for this week is to share the last thing you complained about. If I have to believe the staff here, it’s pretty much in my DNA to complain. At least, more than one have been calling me dissatisfied as if it’s a personal attribute.

Indeed, I am not naturally all that optimistic. I remember one day in high school my teacher asked me whether the glass was half full or half empty, assuming I’d say half empty. I said I didn’t know, because I didn’t understand the question, if for no other reason, then because there was no half full/half empty glass in front of me. However, even if he’d asked me whether I tended to look at things from a positive or negative perspective, I might not have known. I know now I lean towards the negative, but I don’t see it nearly as much so as others perceive me as.

This morning, one of the staff – a nice staff, usually – called me dissatisfied because I was complaining of the cold. Not the weather, mind you. The temperature inside my room. For clarity’s sake, we aren’t forced to save on heating here (at least, not yet), but the heating had been turned down by her yesterday because it had been hot here. Granted, after several staff complaining of the heat (I didn’t mind, though it was warmer than it should be), I had finally given her permission to turn down the heating. I shouldn’t have.

Two weeks ago, the heating had last been touched, because at the time it’d been freezing cold here due to the heating being broken. After an entire weekend (when the temperatures at night had dropped to -6°C) of no heating, the thing got fixed and I hadn’t dared let the staff touch it again despite it being a bit on the hot side in my room. After yesterday I gave in, it was cold again today. Not freezing cold, but uncomfortably cold to the point of causing me overload anyway.

The staff turned up the heating again – which unfortunately ten hours later hasn’t proven effective yet – and suggested I wear warm clothes. Not that I wasn’t wearing winter clothes already, but apparently I needed to sit in my room wearing three layers of clothing. Plus gloves, as my hands were cold too. I refused. This was what got me to be called dissatisfied. Of course, the staff didn’t tell me to wear gloves, but I did explain that my hands were primarily cold.

I also explained that I was anxious about having to be freezing all weekend again because maybe touching the heating had somehow broken it again. To this, the staff replied that I was assuming the worst. Well yes, I was, but it wasn’t like it hadn’t happened before.

I’m sad that I’m seen as generally dissatisfied even by staff I think are nice. I mean, I know they get a lot of negativity from me about the other staff and occasionally about their own behavior. Recently, I sent one of the nice staff away angrily because she was the fourth staff supporting me that shift. The thing is, the not-so-nice staff don’t take it personally. The nice ones do even though I don’t mean any of my complaints personally. The fact that a staff has made it on my “nice” list, doesn’t mean they can’t ever do anything wrong or, if they do, that they won’t hear about it.

Finally, after writing up most of this post and complaining to my husband about the cold, my husband said I should tell the staff my heating is broken and ask them to call the servicemen if it’s still cold tomorrow. Half an hour ago, the staff who had called the servicemen last time – on a Sunday, because he agreed it couldn’t wait till Monday -, came into my room and I asked him to check my heating. He did and agreed it’s probably broken again, so he’s phoning the servicemen again tomorrow. I’m so glad. When the heating can be made to behave or can be fixed altogether, will remain to be seen.

Mama’s Losin’ It

The Wednesday HodgePodge (November 23, 2022)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone! I’m still struggling and neglecting my blog as a result. I fear this blog may be coming to an end someday within the not too distant future. Still, I hope not. Today, I’m participating in the Wednesday HodgePodge once again. Here goes.

1. Have you ever been on a cruise? If so where did you go and how did you like it? If not, do you have any desire to take a cruise someday?
No and I don’t think so. I’ve heard and read about just a little too many cruise ships sinking.

2. Tell us about your Thanksgiving plans…are you hosting? cooking? eating out? turkey or some other main? is it stuffing or dressing in your house? homemade cranberries or cranberries in a can? are pies on the dessert menu? what kind? what are your ‘must have’ sides? Tell us one thing you’re especially grateful for this year.
I’m not in the United States, so no Thanksgiving plans for me. I will be going to Lobith (where my husband lives) over the weekend though. We have been making plans for cooking a chicken and rice curry.

As for something I’m especially grateful for, I’d have to say the support of my mother-in-law. She sticks by me through the rough situation with my care despite being busy with her volunteer job herself.

3. If someone approaches you and asks for money do you give it to them? Do you drop money ‘in a tin cup’ that belongs to a person on the street? Do you have a specific charity you support during the holiday season and/or year round?
I don’t usually give money to people who ask. That includes people on the street. I used to give money to people on the street but stopped doing so after one of them got me to give him a larger than I would normally do amount of money because he had a pitiful but unbelievable according to my husband story. I don’t support any charities either, except for the member organizations I belong to, the Eye Association (for people with eye conditions) and CP Netherlands (for those affected by cerebral palsy).

4. Have you started decorating for Christmas? Is your tree up? Shopping done? Wrapped?
Not at all. I have a few Christmas decorations left over from last year (gave my tree away because it consumed huge amounts of batteries), but I haven’t put them up yet. We don’t do Christmas presents in my husband’s family and I won’t see mine at all. In fact, I can hardly believe it’s just one more month until Christmas.

5. Create your own acrostic using the word THANKS.
Thankful for a
Home to call my own
A husband who supports me
Necessities provided
Kind staff (sometimes) in the care home
Striving to make the best of this life

Of course, that “home to call my own” is in Lobith, by the way.

6. Insert your own random thought here.
I had quite a mixed day today. The morning shift was horrible, but the evening shift’s staff at least tried to make up for it, be it consciously or not.

TGIF: Walking and Crafting

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this third Friday of November. I’m joining Paula Light for TGIF. How is your day going? Mine’s almost over, as it is 9PM as I type this.

I had a pretty good day. Have had an okay week in general anyway. Finally got down to creating my first actual polymer clay piece here at the new care home, a flower. Creating this simple piece took me about 45 minutes yesterday, including gathering my supplies, watching the tutorial, conditioning the clay, etc. The piece nearly got ruined when the staff took it off the tile to transfer it to an oven-safe mat, but thankfully she was able to put it back together. I initially didn’t want to cure the clay because, once cured, if a piece is ugly beyond sanding/buffing, all you can do is throw it in the trash. However, after some thought, I decided I wanted something tangible to remember my first actual claying session in the new care home by.

As those who’ve seen my creations from back at the old care home, will know, this one can’t compare to those. However, I feel judging from the fact that I haven’t been actually working with clay in a long while, I did an okay job.

I also went on several walks this past week. Haven’t met my step goal, insofar as I have one – those who know the Apple Watch, know its movement goal is calorie-based, not step-based -, but I have been doing an okay job overall. My movement goal, by the way, is easy to reach. My exercise goal, not so much. My monthly goal for November on the Apple Watch is to reach my daily exercise goal 23 out of 30 days. I reached my monthly goals for September and October – different goals – with ease, but am struggling with this one, because walking and dancing are my only ways of exercising here now that I don’t have my elliptical anymore. I could cheat by starting some ball game workout when throwing a ball with my staff, but that’s not fair.

Overall, this week is going okay with respect to my care. A slightly modified version of the day schedule I mentioned last Saturday got shoved down my throat once again on Tuesday, but thankfully, most staff are willing to take it with a grain of salt (or a whole bucket of salt).

Unfortunately, the situation had to get worse over the weekend before it got slightly better and the slightly better (ie. an okay week this week) might just be chance. I won’t disclose details of the, in my opinion, unacceptable care I received over the weekend.

I talked to an independent mediator about my care situation today (this is not a secret, all staff know I did). I won’t disclose what exactly we discussed, but we’re hoping to resolve the difficult care situation as peacefully as possible.

Here’s hoping you’ll all have a good weekend.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (November 12, 2022)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. It’s once again been a while since I last wrote. Today, I’d like to write a post for #WeekendCoffeeShare. I drink more coffee here at the new care home than I used to and it’s not decaf in the evenings. That’s one thing I don’t mind, although I now realize the caffeine might be contributing to my poor sleep. Like I said a few times before, I’m struggling greatly otherwise too. Let me try to share a bit about this past week. Grab a cup of coffee, cappuccino (we have a milk frother here) or tea if you’d like one and let’s chat.

If we were having coffee, firstly I’d start out with the slightly positive: the weather. Although others – climate activists – would see this as a negative (and I understand why), I am so relieved we have relatively mild fall weather here. Daytime temperatures rose to a maximum of between 12 and 17°C over the past week and we didn’t get much rain.

If we were having coffee, then I’d share about the negatives, the list of which starts with my day schedule. I requested one because, otherwise, staff would give me one-on-one support whenever they so wished. However, as it turned out, the day schedule was so vague that staff could still interpret it however they wanted to.

For instance, some staff had gotten it in their heads that, between each activity, regardless of how long that activity took, they’d need to leave me alone for 30 minutes. I said sarcastically that I’d have to think of activities that lasted two hours then, but the last staff who openly told me this about the 30 minutes between each activity didn’t get my point and said an activity could take 30 minutes or whatever too. For clarity’s sake, I have unlearned to initiate activities that take longer than 30 minutes myself because I know staff will usually tell me they don’t have the time, even though I got 90 minutes of uninterrupted one-on-one from my old home’s staff each weekday morning and two hours each weekday afternoon.

Like you may guess, my day schedule is organized around activities, not timeframes. I understand this if you want to put into it specific activities such as “walking” and can’t be sure how long each walk will take. That’s why my old home had “supported activity” in my day schedule. However, it appears as though my staff here want to be able to decide on a daily basis how much one-on-one support to offer me and usually this is not dependent on my need for it, or even on my fellow residents’ daily care needs. Not that those should matter, since my one-on-one is *my* one-on-one, not my fellow residents’. However, it’s about 90% dependent on staff qualities: whether they smoke, whether they’d rather do stuff on their phone or chill out with coworkers than help clients, whether they can or want to set boundaries on my fellow residents’ demands, etc.

As a result of all this, I tore up my day schedule on Monday and life hasn’t been worse since.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d share it’s my husband’s birthday today. He doesn’t celebrate it or so he told me, but he will be coming here for a visit tomorrow.

How have you been?