One of Mama Kat’s writing prompts for this week is to share the last thing you complained about. If I have to believe the staff here, it’s pretty much in my DNA to complain. At least, more than one have been calling me dissatisfied as if it’s a personal attribute.
Indeed, I am not naturally all that optimistic. I remember one day in high school my teacher asked me whether the glass was half full or half empty, assuming I’d say half empty. I said I didn’t know, because I didn’t understand the question, if for no other reason, then because there was no half full/half empty glass in front of me. However, even if he’d asked me whether I tended to look at things from a positive or negative perspective, I might not have known. I know now I lean towards the negative, but I don’t see it nearly as much so as others perceive me as.
This morning, one of the staff – a nice staff, usually – called me dissatisfied because I was complaining of the cold. Not the weather, mind you. The temperature inside my room. For clarity’s sake, we aren’t forced to save on heating here (at least, not yet), but the heating had been turned down by her yesterday because it had been hot here. Granted, after several staff complaining of the heat (I didn’t mind, though it was warmer than it should be), I had finally given her permission to turn down the heating. I shouldn’t have.
Two weeks ago, the heating had last been touched, because at the time it’d been freezing cold here due to the heating being broken. After an entire weekend (when the temperatures at night had dropped to -6°C) of no heating, the thing got fixed and I hadn’t dared let the staff touch it again despite it being a bit on the hot side in my room. After yesterday I gave in, it was cold again today. Not freezing cold, but uncomfortably cold to the point of causing me overload anyway.
The staff turned up the heating again – which unfortunately ten hours later hasn’t proven effective yet – and suggested I wear warm clothes. Not that I wasn’t wearing winter clothes already, but apparently I needed to sit in my room wearing three layers of clothing. Plus gloves, as my hands were cold too. I refused. This was what got me to be called dissatisfied. Of course, the staff didn’t tell me to wear gloves, but I did explain that my hands were primarily cold.
I also explained that I was anxious about having to be freezing all weekend again because maybe touching the heating had somehow broken it again. To this, the staff replied that I was assuming the worst. Well yes, I was, but it wasn’t like it hadn’t happened before.
I’m sad that I’m seen as generally dissatisfied even by staff I think are nice. I mean, I know they get a lot of negativity from me about the other staff and occasionally about their own behavior. Recently, I sent one of the nice staff away angrily because she was the fourth staff supporting me that shift. The thing is, the not-so-nice staff don’t take it personally. The nice ones do even though I don’t mean any of my complaints personally. The fact that a staff has made it on my “nice” list, doesn’t mean they can’t ever do anything wrong or, if they do, that they won’t hear about it.
Finally, after writing up most of this post and complaining to my husband about the cold, my husband said I should tell the staff my heating is broken and ask them to call the servicemen if it’s still cold tomorrow. Half an hour ago, the staff who had called the servicemen last time – on a Sunday, because he agreed it couldn’t wait till Monday -, came into my room and I asked him to check my heating. He did and agreed it’s probably broken again, so he’s phoning the servicemen again tomorrow. I’m so glad. When the heating can be made to behave or can be fixed altogether, will remain to be seen.
A Multitude of Musings 
If it would be that cold inmy room and I wouldn’t be able to get warm,
I’d probably crawl back into bed again!
And maybe you’re not negative, but realistic?
We may have to be thankful for all the given help, but that doesn’t mean
we may not tell that person politely, that he, or she, did something not
the right way. It would be nice, if they would see it as a
learning-curve. But maybe that nice helper just had a bad day? That
might be the reason why she was a bit irritated sooner than usual?
Just a few thoughts here.
Roelie
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I was tempted to crawl back in bed too, but that would ruin my daily rhythm plus recently I was seen as negative for crawling back in bed when I’d been exhausted by having to do much more of my morning routine by myself than I usually do (I’m multiply-disabled as you might know, so I need some help with my ADLs). For this reason, I couldn’t be sure whether crawling back in bed wouldn’t be seen as negative.
As for telling them nicely, when I’m overloaded it’s hard for me to remain nice.
With respect to the time the nice staff was the fourth staff that evening supporting me, I’d asked nicely many times before not to be supported by more than three staff during a shift but was told each time that switching around randomly can’t be prevented. Now each time a staff leaves, I’m worrying about whenever whoever will come back. However, I’m also seen as negative when a staff does come back themself and I’m reacting disorganizedly because I wasn’t sure the same staff would be returning.
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Oh my goodness: this sounds like shifting sand for you! It must be hard
and I wish that helpers sometimes could be more understanding. They only
had to put themselves in your shoes! How would they react, if they were
dependent on others to help them!
Take care,
Roelie.
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They can’t put themselves in my shoes, which I understand is hard indeed, yet they expect me to put myself in their shoes all the time. For instance, when I was being irritable because of the cold, the staff who was with me asked me how I’d felt if she reacted this way to her. I should’ve said I wouldn’t have taken it personally, since I wasn’t making personal remarks about her or insulting her or whatever, I was just reacting in an irritable way to her suggesting I put on yet another layer of clothing to somehow solve the cold.
Honestly, with respect to my depending on them, I’m not sure they see it this way, as they are heavily focused on self-reliance and the like to the point where they feel they can dictate what I can and can’t do by myself (one staff literally told me I can’t make that judgment). As a result, they are the ones deciding what I spend my limited energy on and yet they see me as negative when I “choose” to crawl back in bed because I’m overloaded and exhausted. I feel honestly care should be more focused on self-determination and less on staff-determined self-reliance, but I know this isn’t likely to happen.
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That must be very hard for you! You are an adult, arent you, inspite of,
maybe, some mental issue and surely a physical issue. But that doesn’t
mean that they should not treat you as a grown-up! For goodness sake!
You are married! It really can make me angry, when I read how some
people, who are more or less depending on some, or more, help are being
treated! Sorry for my crooked sentence!
Roelie
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Thanks for your supportive words. I definitely do have a developmental disability (ie. autism) in addition to my physical disabilities, but this does not make my opinions any less valid, in my opinion. For clarity’s sake, even if I did just have a mental illness or intellectual disability (the former of which I suppose I do have, although I don’t care about my current diagnosis), this still wouldn’t make my opinions any less valid.
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Amen to that!
Roelie
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I think if you don’t complain about things nothing gets done to rectify the situations.
You have a right to have a warm room and at the temperature that you want. I turn into a right grump when I am cold. I think your complaints about the cold are justified. x
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Thanks so much! I am so grateful that eventually the heating got fixed late yesterday evening (though my room isn’t back to a comfortable temperature yet due to the kind of heating I have) and, before it got to this point, my husband called the care home to complain on my behalf. He asked them to provide me an electric heater for the duration of the problem and they did.
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I’ve always disliked that question whether the glass if half empty or half full. It’s like people will judge you for it and if you say the “wrong” answer (half empty) you’ll be deemed a bad person. If people ask me that (don’t hear it often anymore, probably the people around me are more clever than that!) I say “it depends on what’s in the glass”.
Having it too cold inside is unpleasant, and having to sit with gloves isn’t acceptable! Except it’s a total crisis and they need to save on heating, but then they would let you know.
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Thanks for your kind words. And no, we aren’t asked to save on heating at all. And if we even had to save on energy costs, there’d be other things to save on.
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Your complaints all sound valid! Ugh. It’s terrible to be cold. I’m one of those who are cold all the time anyway and I’ve gone through many a space heater. I did want to comment that I read that the human brain naturally gravitates to the negative. It’s just how we are wired. Being positive takes more effort.
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Oh, that’s so interesting, about the human brain gravitating towards the negative. I’m not sure it’s true though. I mean, in situations like this you may be right but people do tend to overestimate their capabilities. For example, most people think they’re an above-average driver, even though (well, that’s not true mathematically speaking either, since there’s a difference between average and median, but…) only 50% of drivers can be above-average… well, above-median, anyway.
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Yes, I do agree people often overestimate themselves.. It just seems common also that we always assume the worst.
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