Today’s Accomplishments (February 15, 2025)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Over the past few weeks, all I seem to have done is hang out on social media, talk randomly with my staff and lie in bed. That isn’t entirely true, since I’m still managing to close all of my activity rings on my Apple Watch everyday this month. However, this month so far feels horribly unproductive. I think in part this may be my mindset, so to turn the tide, today I’m once again listing my accomplishments for the day.

1. Showered even though it wasn’t one of my designated shower days. Like I said in my post on spoon theory, showering costs me a lot of energy, so it’s actually quite an accomplishment that I did it on a day I wasn’t required to.

2. Went for an hour-long walk. This isn’t a huge achievement, as I walk most days, but still, I shouldn’t downplay it either.

3. Completed the friends quest with my partner on Duolingo with me having done only slightly less than my spouse. The quest was to complete 50 lessons with 90% accuracy. The accuracy isn’t the problem for me, as I’m doing intermediate English and early B2 is still quite easy. However, over the past few weeks I’d only done a lesson or two a day.

4. Created a “bull in a china shop”, as I call them, out of polymer clay. It’s an elephant that sits on top of a cup. I had been planning to make it for a few days, but always procrastinated on it even though it turned out I could finish the thing in half an hour. No picture yet, as it still needs to have its eyes painted.

5. Wrote a few thoughtful (if I can say so myself) comments on Reddit. I go there everyday now that Facebook is no longer safe, but I try to actually have something meaningful to say too.

6. Wrote this blog post. Does that count? Yes, if I say so, it does and it’s probably the greatest achievement of the day given I had hardly come on WP over the past few weeks.

Crafting Lately (December 16, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I finally feel as though I’m actually adjusting to life in this care home and feeling like this could maybe, hopefully be my home for a long time. This is a huge positive, as I’ve never felt this way in any place before except maybe for the care facility in Raalte in late 2021. As most of you know, that didn’t last. Please keep your fingers crossed that this feeling of finally belonging won’t be the beginning of the end this time around.

I had a good week last week. I am pretty much over whatever I was sick with all of the week before, probably a mild case of COVID. Since I no longer need to deal with unfamiliar temp workers and most of my staff last week know how to help me with my crafting, I’ve been able to be pretty creative.

I think I mentioned a few weeks ago that I’d been trying to craft a polymer clay unicorn for a new staff who’s as much into unicorns as I am. Unfortunately, one of the wings fell during the curing process and it hung in such a position that I could neither pull it off and craft a new one, nor be content with how it looked.

About a week ago, I was thankfully able to create a new unicorn. No wings this time, but I did use a tiny (5mm) heart cutter to create a little symbol for on the unicorn’s side.

This is my default unicorn in a sitting position. Its body and head are done in Premo white, while its mane, tail, ears and horn are done in Fimo Effect rose quartz. The tiny heart on its side is done in Premo 18k gold.

Then, I created a Christmas tree. This one I did by rolling out a snake then rolling it up into a coil that decreases in size as it goes up, thereby creating the tree effect. I used Fimo leaf green for the tree and Cernit Christmas red and Fimo Effect glitter gold for the baubles. I then added a spark in Fimo Effect glitter gold to the top.

In hindsight, I probably should’ve used Premo forest green and Premo 18k gold rather than the Fimo colors. However, I haven’t opened my Premo forest green yet, because we’re out of labeling tape and hence I cannot yet label the Ziploc bag I’ll put it into once opened. I also want to use an actual star for the top next time, but my star-shaped cutter hadn’t arrived yet.

Lastly, I decided to challenge myself with the unicorn design and create a unicorn-in-a-mug. That is, I’m lazy, so of course there’s no actual unicorn body hiding in that mug. I used Premo white for the mug and Cernit violet for the unicorn head. For the mane and horn, I used Fimo Effect metallic silver.

Originally, my staff had taken the photo of the unicorn from a slight angle, so the mug wasn’t fully visible and the thing looked like a unicorn in a white gown. I decided to ask another staff to take a new picture today.

I really loved being able to craft again. I’m so happy my creative juices are flowing.

Friday Feels (December 6, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining Debbie for Friday Feels, in which we’re asked three questions about our week and tasked with finding an F word to describe it. My post isn’t nearly as upbeat as Deb’s, but oh well.

F Word

My F word for this week has to be “fatigue”. Like I said last week, I was sick with a nasty cold. Well, I’m pretty sure it was COVID judging from how exhausted I was all week. I’m finally feeling mostly okay today.

What Made Me Happy?

There aren’t many things that made me especially happy this week, but I am glad to report my mental health hasn’t suffered significantly from a week in bed. In fact, I’ve had many crafting and writing ideas float through my mind and, this time, I was actually able to transform some to blog posts. I’m not yet there with respect to the crafting.

That being said, getting my new craft supplies that I’d ordered last week, did make me smile. I had forgotten how many things I’d ordered, but there are literally nine new colors of Premo polymer clay in the package, as well as a few really cool cutters (among which a 5mm heart) and a new silkscreen. I hope I can figure out a way to use the tiny cutter, as I’d love to decorate my next unicorn with a heart.

What Made Me Sad?

Being in bed. That is, I didn’t really have the energy to feel sad, but negative thoughts did creep up on me at times. Like I said above, however, my overall mental health hasn’t gone down significantly.

What Made a Difference?

My feeling optimistic about recovering from this nasty cold/COVID thing. Don’t get me wrong, I by no means believe that a positive attitude cures viral infections, but my not wallowing too much in frustration, helped prevent my mental health from spiraling down.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (November 30, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this last day of November. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare. I just had my last cup of coffee for the day, with a treat of the Dutch typical St. Nicholas candy mix “strooigoed”. I’d have loved to pass you some, but ate the whole bag myself. I’m just comforting myself that the amount wasn’t nearly what I used to consume during a binge. Anyway, let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. A serious storm passed by here on Wednesday. It was the first major storm in nearly a year and a half or so I read on the news. That surprised me, since it wasn’t even a year ago that a staff from one of the intensive support homes died while riding the side-by-side bike with a client. Then again, the most severe winds aren’t in this province and therefore maybe near the coast people are less likely to go out in stormy weather.

Anyway, during the remainder of the week, it hasn’t rained and sometimes even the sun came out for a bit. Daytime temperatures have been around 8°C.

If we were having coffee, I’d say that I’m doing pretty well this week. I consider the fact that this is my fourth blog post of the week, a positive sign of my improved mental health. I really hope it continues.

If we were having coffee, then I’d share that I have a nasty cold. This morning, I spent most of the time in bed because I was feeling so miserable. No fever, thankfully, but in my case even a cold can knock me down for a few days.

If we were having coffee, then I’d tell you that I’ve been quite crafty over the week. On Tuesday, I created a polymer clay pig for a staff who will celebrate 25 years of working for this care agency on Monday. And just so you know, she was the one constantly asking me if I could create a pig; it isn’t like I think a pig is especially suited to her.

Polymer Clay Pig

On Thursday, I crafted yet another polymer clay unicorn, this one for a new staff, who is into unicorns as much as I am. I tried adding flower-shaped wings to it, but this wasn’t a success, since during the curing process, one of the wings fell slightly down the back of the unicorn and got distorted in the process. No photo, sorry, since I threw the thing into the bin.

Then today, I didn’t know what to do, so I decided to mix a polymer clay color. Not sure what I’ll do with it.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I didn’t do Black Friday shopping this year. That is, I did purchase some new clay supplies yesterday, but they weren’t on sale as far as I could tell.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d tell you that we had pasta salad with tuna for dinner today. I had originally planned to make it with a staff, but since I don’t want everyone else to catch my cold, the staff ended up making it himself. He initially wanted to offer everyone a bit as a side dish with our regular meal, but I countered that we have enough to use it as a meal. My plan had been that we’d have a tasty meal for once rather than the mediocre meal service food. Besides, we get treats more often than I want to think of. See my point about the St. Nicholas treat: it wasn’t a binge, but it was more than my food plan says I can have and I’m not even on a weight loss diet.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (November 16, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining in with #WeekendCoffeeShare again. It’s nearly 9PM, so no coffee for me. I might make myself a cup of bedtime tea once I’m done with this post (or rather, have the staff make it for me). There’s of course always water too. Let’s chat.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. We’re still having an unusually mild fall season, with daytime temperatures at or around 10°C all week. We were supposed to get rain today, but I haven’t felt any.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I’m still struggling, but not as much as I was last week. On Tuesday, I spoke with my support coordinator and explained why I felt the Center for Consultation and Expertise may be able to help. She didn’t really respond, but I’m hoping she’ll take things up with the higher-ups.

If we were having coffee, next I’d tell you I’ve been learning more about autism and ways to support myself and for my staff to support me. There’s this support method called The Essential 5 in English. It was originally developed here in the Netherlands by Colette de Bruin and here has the catchy name “Geef me de 5” (which translates to high-five in English). I hadn’t ever remembered the essential five correctly, but they’re ways in which one’s activity should be structured: What, When, Where, Who and How. If there’s no “What”, as in my day schedule’s “alone time” or even during my supported activities (because I have to choose one on the spot), how can the other four be clear? This is something I struggle with a lot, as now with the shifts assigned to my day schedule, the “Who” is often too rigidly clear but there’s still no “What”.

I listened to a podcast episode by Geef me de 5 on empty time and autism and had a staff listen to it with me too. It was very eye-opening.

If we were having coffee, then I’d tell you that, on Tuesday, I went to me and my spouse’s house for my spouse’s birthday. We also stopped by Ikea and my in-laws’ house. We originally wanted to order pizza or fries, but both the pizza place and the snack corner were closed. My spouse eventually put fries into the Airfryer.

I also took a few things from our house back with me to the institution. First were a number of mounted rubber stamps I used to use for card making. I’m not 100% sure what to do with them now, particularly since most have old ink on/in them, but, if I can clean them, I can re-use them for stamping on polymer clay.

Then I also took a jewelry box with me that contained a number of rings, bracelets and necklaces. One of them was the ring with an amethyst in it that was passed down to me from my late grandma. Unfortunately, that one, as well as most other rings, are too big for me.

If we were having coffee, I’d share I have a ton of creative ideas floating around in my mind, but struggle to get to actually starting any of them. For example, I want to start making my own jewelry again, particularly bracelets and necklaces. I am still in doubt as to whether earrings are suited for me at all, as sooner or later I’ll almost inevitably develop an itch from them.

Anyway, I remember how I used to enjoy making jewelry and I think that with my current day schedule and staff, I should be able to pick the hobby up again.

So far, I did create one polymer clay pendant. I think I like it quite a lot, but still need to sand it before I can actually use it.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d share a nutrition and exercise update. I saw the dietitian on Wednesday and endured the mandatory talk about all the opportunities to snack and get treats during the holiday season. Quite frankly, if I’m in the mood for snacking, I don’t care whether there’s a festive reason for it. I’m also happy to report I’m still on target weight-wise and intend to keep it this way.

However, I haven’t been all that physically active over the past week. I did meet my goals on my Apple Watch, but things could’ve been better. On Thursday, I had an opportunity to go swimming, but I felt too tired. I now remember that I was supposed to do my physical therapy exercises this afternoon but forgot. Going to do those now!

#WeekendCoffeeShare (November 2, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this first Saturday of November. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare today. Can I offer you a drink? Let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. The daytime temperatures have been between 13°C and 16°C this week. We got a little rain here and there, but for the upcoming week, no rain is in the forecast. Daylight saving time also ended last week, so it’s now dark by 5:30PM. If you know me, you know I seriously hate this with a passion.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I haven’t been walking nearly as much as I’d have liked. I didn’t even close my activity rings on my Apple Watch each time this week. Yesterday and today have been quite good though. I signed up for a month-long challenge in the Challenges app, but I honestly don’t think I’m as interested in it as I was the last few times I participated.

On Thursday, I wanted to go swimming, but we arrived at the institution pool only to find out it was closed.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that, as regular readers of my blog know, this time of year is hard for me. Today marks 17 years since my major mental breakdown. I could try to reclaim the month by creating positive memories, but the last time I wanted to do this, I couldn’t make it last beyond that one November. I’m fully intending to stay at my current home for a long while and I can see my staff fully intend to help me in this process, but then again intentions aren’t enough.

If we were having coffee, I’d expand on this further by saying I’ve been quite a pain in the butts of my staff lately. I can honestly see why: I’m (subconsciously) pushing their limits because I think (know?) that, when I’m truly myself, they’ll kick me out. Knowing that abandonment feels safe to me because it’s what I know, unfortunately doesn’t make it any easier to change my actual actions, because when I’m dysregulated, I don’t realize I’m projecting my own fears onto my staff.

If we were having coffee, lastly though I’d tell you about the positive aspects of the past week. Firstly, I went to markets twice this week. Secondly, I tried my hand at creating a little Christmas wreath out of polymer clay. I’m not one to plan my crafty endeavors and in fact I have the snowman I crafted nearly two years ago on display year-round. I really hope to craft a few more little decorations before Christmas truly starts in early December.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (September 7, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare. It’s 7:40PM as I start writing my post, so like most times, I’ve had my last cup of coffee for the day. I will have a glass of my favorite soft drink in about half an hour and after that it’s just water, or maybe a cup of bedtime tea. However, I’d love for you to join me for a virtual cup of coffee. Let’s get into my post.

If we were having coffee, first I’d rave about the weather. After all, if you know me, you know that in my opinion summer is the best season. It’s September, but the weather is still summer-like. During most of the week, we had daytime highs above 25°C. Tomorrow, it’s supposed to cool off slightly and after that, sometime next week the temps are supposed to drop to 15°C.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I got in a lot of exercise minutes over the past week, mostly walking. I’m doing a challenge with my spouse on our Apple Watches that lasts up till this Monday and so far, I’m doing much better. I had expected to be slightly better because my spouse is a truck driver, but then again we have the same movement goal even though I’m shorter and as a result lighter than my spouse, which means I burn off fewer calories with the same activity.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I had my second play therapy session on Wednesday. The first was a bit of a disappointment, because as soon as she saw my staff, the therapist started saying I could come alone next time. I felt mostly disappointed about the fact that she hadn’t asked me or my staff why I need a staff to attend our sessions. When I explained this at this week’s session, she was totally cool with it.

We mostly played with PlayMobil®, which was really intriguing. I did overshare a bit this week, which I later regretted. It feels really challenging to set healthy boundaries, which is one of my goals that I told the therapist about.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I spoke with my support coordinator again today. On Monday I had a meeting with her and the behavior specialist. One of the things I’d asked to be implemented as soon as possible, is the agreement that staff won’t unlock the door for me when I’m in crisis and will, if necessary, physically prevent me from leaving the home. I had since wondered where the agreement that the door be unlocked came from. I looked at my support agreements, but there was nothing. Today, my support coordinator looked all through my file and couldn’t find the agreement either. This frustrates me, as honestly I have no idea who came up with it. It wouldn’t have been as frustrating, had this not been interpreted as a rule by literally all staff, even staff who hadn’t previously let me out the door. I mean, on Thursday I said I was leaving in an agitated tone and immediately the staff said she’d unlock the door for me. It frustrates me to no end that staff are making rules that they don’t write down and that, as a result, can’t be discussed with me. I hope that, once my support coordinator writes the agreement that I can’t be let out the door, which she’s going to do on Tuesday, this at least will stop in this case. I’m pretty sure there are many other unwritten rules about my care though.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d tell you I’m really feeling like doing something with polymer clay again, but I am rather uninspired. I did try to make a flower pendant this evening, but so far it’s just a cut out flower with no detail.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (July 6, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today, I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare. As I start typing my post, I’ve just had dinner, but I probably won’t be finished with my post until after my evening coffee, as I’ll take a break from writing for my evening activity time slot. In case I am able to offer you a virtual coffee – which I will anyway, since it’s virtual -, I will offer you a stroopwafel biscuit with it too. I bought those at the supermarket this afternoon, because the staff ordering groceries this week either forgot to order large cookies for the weekend or thought they’re bad for our health. Anyway, let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first I’d moan about the weather. It’s been rainy and chilly most of the week with daytime temperatures barely reaching 20°C. On Wednesday, the daytime high in fact was as low as 16°C.

If we were having coffee, next I’d share that I tore my Apple Watch wristband in two last week. That is, I pulled a tear into it when putting it on once, then when trying to put it on once more thinking I could still use another hole, I tore the entire thing in two, thereby dropping my Apple Watch. Thankfully, it didn’t break, but I couldn’t use it for a couple of days because of having no wristband. I mean, the wristband that broke wasn’t the original one, but somehow I must’ve discarded part of the original, since I could only find half of it.

I initially tried to order a new wristband and screen protector online, but the Apple Store would only let me pay by credit card and, though I did manage to order a screen protector off Bol.com, it was delivered to my in-laws’ house and hadn’t been delivered there yet by the time my mother-in-law visited me on Tuesday. I finally decided to just give it a try and order a wristband at another store and have it delivered to the care home. Like I’ve said a few times, the care home does have its own postal code, but I was originally instructed to address mail to the main building and add my home as second address line. Bol.com won’t accept second address lines and so I always used to have them deliver to my in-laws. Not anymore, since the wristband, addressed to the care home, arrived promptly and so did the screen protector I ordered that evening. Now I’ll have two screen protectors once my spouse brings the one that’s lying around at my in-laws’, but who cares? I have a working Apple Watch at last!

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that the fact that it was raining plus the fact that I didn’t have my Apple Watch meant I didn’t walk nearly as much over the past week as I usually do. On Monday, I got pretty frustrated, because a temp worker happened to be assigned my two-hour activity time slot three times this week. Granted, he’s a regular temp worker here, but I had not yet trusted him enough to do anything other than play games and go for medium-long walks. On Monday I was anticipating two hours of dice games because of the weather, but thankfully it stopped raining eventually and we could go for a short walk.

Then on Tuesday, he told one of my most trusted staff that he’d love to work with clay with me. On Monday, the way he’d suggested we work with clay, it sounded as though he was just rattling off my activity list and I don’t do clay with staff I don’t trust to show at least some interest in it. I mean, they don’t need to know anything about polymer clay or even crafts in general, but if they’re the type to just sit around playing on their phone, a complex activity like polymer clay isn’t for them and me to work on together.

So on Wednesday, I decided to take the plunge and make a unicorn with him. At first, I used Cernit, which was way too soft, so I eventually gave up and chose Fimo. He asked to take the finished unicorn home with him to show his children, which I was happy to allow him to after I’d taken a picture, since I have many unicorns anyway.

Polymer Clay Unicorn

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I started tapering one of my medications yesterday. It’s not the medication I originally wanted to taper, which was my antipsychotic, aripiprazole (Abilify). Instead, the intellectual disability physician suggested I discontinue my morning dose of topiramate (Topamax), which was supposed to help against nightmares and flashbacks. So far, I’m not noticing any difference good or bad, but it’s still early days of course.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d tell you all to come to my home tomorrow. No, not really, but we will have a barbecue here. The parents of one of my fellow clients organize it, so I decided to buy them some chocolate as a thank-you gift.

Polymer Clay Makes Me Smile #WeeklySmile

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m still struggling with attachment issues and, to make matters worse, my assigned staff went on sick leave just after I told her how intensely I was struggling. I can’t shake the thought that it’s my fault, no matter how many times the other staff say that it isn’t. I do try to focus on the positive and stay as active as I can be though. Today, I’m participating in Trent’s #WeeklySmile. I’m also joining in, a day late, with Sunny Sunday. That way, I’m spreading the word about these two positive prompts while sharing things that made me smile.

Well, most of the things that made me smile over the weekend have to do with polymer clay. First, on Saturday, I started on a bunch of earrings that I am not 100% sure with what to do with them yet. Currently, they’re mostly just green cutter earrings (or really earrings-to-be, as I haven’t added the findings yet) with no design or whatever, but it was fun working with my cutters anyway.

One thing I did discover today while trying to finish one pair of earings, is that you can actually sand the top of earrings, that is, the side that will be visible when wearing them. I actually achieved great results sanding a pair of earrings with finer sandpaper (starting at 400 grit then 600 then 800 then 1000). Until now, I always thought that the side with the design on was pretty much as is, because you’d sand off the design. Granted, my trial pair were just green with no design, but my next pair will have a design on them.

The next thing that made me smile is discovering yet another great shop for clay cutters, texture rollers, silkscreens, etc. Another thing that made me smile was reading up on some simple earring projects on one shop’s website. I honestly think I’d love to try these out. It’s my birthday in a little over three weeks, so I really hope I’ll get some new things from one of those sites.

I really should get some display materials soon, as I don’t feel comfortable showing my earrings while wearing them myself and some of them are gifts too.

This new hyperfixation really makes me so excited. It’s part of polymer clay in general, of course, which I’m into already. This means I feel less like a failure if this thing doesn’t work out. At least it means only part of a hobby isn’t suitable for me. But I hope it is.

Reading a Recipe (With the Help of AI) #SoCS

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m so excited to read this week’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt, which is “recipe”. I could of course talk about my efforts in finding the perfect mug cake recipe. I did, after several attempts, have some luck with the ones from the book Best Mug Cakes Ever. That’s exciting enough. What’s even more exciting, is polymer clay, of course.

I have finally been claying a bit over the past few days again. Not with custom-mixed colors yet, but oh well, that’s my next step. I, after all, once again went on a shopping spree and bought several collections of color recipes off Etsy. Then, unfortunately, I found out that the first collection had all the recipe cards as .png files and the second was an image PDF. You can imagine how disappointed I was. Nearly €100 down the drain, or so I thought.

Then I decided to run the files through an app called Envision. This app has an OCR function, which lets me read the image PDF. The quality of the OCR’d text wasn’t great, but I saw a button called “Ask Envision”. That let me ask the app to search the scanned document and find answers for me and, for some reason, these were much clearer than when I read the document myself. It’s still a bit of a hassle, but it’s honestly quite cool what AI is capable of.

I also was able to run the .png image files through Envision, which also has an image description function. The image description was cool, but even cooler were the very clear recipes I got. Now I only need to buy the needed colors of clay, since all of these recipes use Premo, which I only have a few colors of and not most of the ones used for these recipes. However, I’m pretty sure that the same goes for polymer clay color recipes that goes for journaling prompts: that half the fun is in the collecting.