An Allergic Reaction

Posted on by Astrid

Hi all! Today I’m joining in with the Writer’s Workshop. One of the prompts is to write about an experience of having an allergic reaction.

I have never had very strong allergic reactions to anything. However, the fact that I would not classify my allergic reactions as strong, is probably because I haven’t fully figured them out.

I am allergic to nickel. That is, that’s what my parents have always told me. I never knew how to recognize an allergic reaction though and, with the fact that it can take some time for your body to react to nickel, even if I knew I had an allergic reaction, I wouldn’t always be sure of the cause.

When I was 15, I got earrings. After the little studs you wear for the first six weeks, I immediately switched to long, heavy, silver rings I got from my mother. No-one had told me not to wear heavy earrings for the first year. Or that silver earrings, especially those made back in the day, could contain nickel.

My earlobes started getting inflamed pretty soon, but I didn’t actually realize this was abnormal. It could’ve been the nickel, but I also constantly fidgeted with my earrings, thereby touching my pierced ears.

After a few months of wearing all sorts of, mostly quite heavy, earrings, I was wise enough to give up. For over two decades.

And then, the whole saga started over. I got new studs put in, because my old earring holes had long formed scar tissue. This time, I googled what to wear and not to wear while getting used to earrings. I only wore small studs.

However, I was unable to make sure that my earrings didn’t contain nickel. In the EU, nickel is no longer allowed in jewelry, but no-one ever checks manufacturers for compliance.

I got silver studs that the vendor said were nickel-free. Though I was fine for a few months, my ears eventually started getting inflamed again. I tried ignoring the issue, believing it would get better over time. Which, if it’s truly my nickel allergy acting up, isn’t true. In fact, the opposite is true: an allergy keeps getting worse the more someone is exposed to the allergen.

Eventually, after several attempts wearing various studs, I gave up. And this time, I’m hopefully not going to ignore my body again and have another go. Whether it was my nickel allergy acting up or I was just touching my ears too much, we’ll never know. Now I’ll just wear necklaces and bracelets, so that when I fidget with them, I’m not essentially touching a wound.

Polymer Clay Makes Me Smile #WeeklySmile

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m still struggling with attachment issues and, to make matters worse, my assigned staff went on sick leave just after I told her how intensely I was struggling. I can’t shake the thought that it’s my fault, no matter how many times the other staff say that it isn’t. I do try to focus on the positive and stay as active as I can be though. Today, I’m participating in Trent’s #WeeklySmile. I’m also joining in, a day late, with Sunny Sunday. That way, I’m spreading the word about these two positive prompts while sharing things that made me smile.

Well, most of the things that made me smile over the weekend have to do with polymer clay. First, on Saturday, I started on a bunch of earrings that I am not 100% sure with what to do with them yet. Currently, they’re mostly just green cutter earrings (or really earrings-to-be, as I haven’t added the findings yet) with no design or whatever, but it was fun working with my cutters anyway.

One thing I did discover today while trying to finish one pair of earings, is that you can actually sand the top of earrings, that is, the side that will be visible when wearing them. I actually achieved great results sanding a pair of earrings with finer sandpaper (starting at 400 grit then 600 then 800 then 1000). Until now, I always thought that the side with the design on was pretty much as is, because you’d sand off the design. Granted, my trial pair were just green with no design, but my next pair will have a design on them.

The next thing that made me smile is discovering yet another great shop for clay cutters, texture rollers, silkscreens, etc. Another thing that made me smile was reading up on some simple earring projects on one shop’s website. I honestly think I’d love to try these out. It’s my birthday in a little over three weeks, so I really hope I’ll get some new things from one of those sites.

I really should get some display materials soon, as I don’t feel comfortable showing my earrings while wearing them myself and some of them are gifts too.

This new hyperfixation really makes me so excited. It’s part of polymer clay in general, of course, which I’m into already. This means I feel less like a failure if this thing doesn’t work out. At least it means only part of a hobby isn’t suitable for me. But I hope it is.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (February 17, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare today. Like most times, I’ve already had my last cup of coffee for the day. I hope we still have apple and peach-flavored Dubbelfrisss, my favorite soft drink, though. We’re permitted a soft drink each evening as opposed to just on weekends as of this week, but I haven’t had it each day and I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who drinks this particular soft drink, so I’m optimistic there’s still some left. Anyway, let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first, I’d talk about the weather. It’s been a rainy but mild week. In fact, on Thursday (if I’m correct), the daytime temperature climbed to 15°C. Today was the best day of the week as far as it not raining goes, but we did get a few drops here and there.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I taught myself and subsequently my staff a new dice game called Centennial. It is a welcome distraction from the usual Yahtzee. I have also been playing Mexican, which is supposedly a drinking game but it can be fun without the beer too.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that, on Thursday, I finished the first pair of polymer clay earrings I can actually wear. The previous pairs of earrings I created had been hooks, which I can’t yet wear due to not having had my ears pierced long enough. I finally found an easy-to-follow YouTube tutorial on how to embed earring posts into polymer clay. Even though I could only do a small part of the work myself, I am quite satisfied with the result. And, of course, I did create the original earrings myself. These are a simple design of leaf green Fimo ovals with gold Fimo liquid around the edges for decorating. In the future, I really hope to create more earrings.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I rewrote my care plan together with my support coordinator. I’m still unsure as to what I think of it.

Particularly, I feel rather stressed out about the portion about my emotional functioning. I had an emotional developmental assessment done in 2018, which determined I function in most areas comparable to a child age 6-18 months. In some areas, it estimated my functioning to be much higher than I would estimate my own, such as in object permanence, while in others (such as handling unfamiliar material), it estimated me to function at a much lower level. I mentioned this to my support coordinator, who proposed the assessment be repeated. Since my one-on-one is largely based on my poor emotional functioning and the discrepancy between this and my IQ, this stresses me out. This especially since my assigned staff, who will likely be asked to complete the associated questionnaire, grossly overestimates my capabilities based on my verbal skills.

On a positive note, my previously assumed exact IQ score, which dates back to a test done in 1999, was finally removed. Yay, I am no longer 154. Instead, I am said to have an “above-average IQ”, which is more in line with a more recent IQ test (also a little dated, but at least not 25 years).

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d tell you all that, next week, I’ll finally be taking my next step in tapering my antipsychotic, Abilify. I took two tiny steps back in 2022, but remained at my current dosage ever since August of 2022 due to never having stabilized in the intensive support home. Now I’m not sure it’s the right time either, but then again I doubt it’ll ever be the right time, in that I’ll probably never be fully stable. I will go from 25mg to 20mg a day. I will stay on this new dosage for at least six weeks, unless of course I’ll spiral out of control to the point of necessitating we return to the old dosage. Wish me luck!

#WeekendCoffeeShare (June 23, 2023)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’ve once again been feeling really unmotivated to blog. I didn’t even bother with the Wednesday HodgePodge this week. Today though, I want to write. I’m joining the #WeekendCoffeeShare linky. It’s been a while. I already had my last cup of coffee for the day, but we all need to stay hydrated, so if join me for a glass of water, that’ll be fab.

If we were having coffee (or water, but I always start my paragraphs this way), I’d start out by sharing about the weather. Ours has been mostly sunny and warm with daytime temperatures of about 27°C. On Tuesday we had a thunderstorm here and on Thursday it rained continuously all evening. My spouse loves thunderstorms, but Lobith didn’t get any.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I have been struggling quite badly lately. The staff here seem to have decided to consistently send the least familiar to me staff member they have on board to do my one-on-one, even when that staff isn’t the least familiar with the other clients. I am of course the one labeled manipulative when I get irritable at the unfamiliar staff. I originally wrote a long rant about this situation, but deleted it because really it doesn’t help anyone.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that, due to these difficult circumstances, I’ve been feeling rather depressed and not as motivated to do much of anything. I keep playing dice games on my phone in an app called Dice World. I also play dice with most staff.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that my sister and her family are coming to Lobith tomorrow for an early birthday celebration for me. I will be in Lobith by about 11AM, though my sister won’t be there till 3PM or so. Unfortunately, on Sunday, my mother-in-law has to be on call for the animal rescue service she does volunteer work for, so we won’t be going there.

On Tuesday, which is my actual birthday, we invited my parents to come to Apeldoorn. We’ll hang out in a park close by where I grew up and then in the evening we’ll have dinner at a Thai restaurant.

I finally decided today that I do want to celebrate my birthday at the institution after all. I’m going to make cheesecake on Monday and we’re going to have French fries and a snack for dinner then.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d tell you that I finally used my alcohol inks on a polymer clay project. I made earrings, of course. They’re a bit thick and I later found out my particular brand of alcohol inks isn’t very light-resistant, so the color will probably fade rather easily over time. At least now I know I can use my alcohol inks.

Also, I may get my ears pierced someday. I had my ears pierced in 2001, but wore large silver earrings right after the thingies they shoot into your ears when they pierce them. Thing is, I’m allergic to nickel and silver often contains that, so I got bad inflammation and eventually decided to let the holes close up. Now though I really want to be able to wear earrings again. My assigned staff offered to take me, so that’d be really cool.

How have you been?

An Engaging Wednesday

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I originally wanted to title this post a “creative”, then “inspired” Wednesday. Both fit, in a way, but neither fully captures the essence of today. Not that “engaging” does, but I ran out of adjectives to think of. I spent the day crafting and watching personal growth YouTube videos and that’s what I want to talk about. Oh, I could just have written “A day spent crafting and watching YouTube videos” as my post title. Then again, that’s too long.

In the morning, I finished a YouTube video in which an enneagram geek talked about annoying things type Fours say and do, then watched another of her videos about things to know before dating an Eight. No, I’m not looking to find another lover. My husband is an Eight and I just thought it funny to learn about all the stupid mistakes I’d made all along. Of course, I could just listen to my husband (that’s the first tip!).

Re the other video, I may write a separate blog post listing all the ways in which I relate to all these annoying things Fours do and say. And yes, I related completely to all but one of them.

Then, when my day activities started, I had my morning coffee, then went for a short walk while it was still cool enough outside. My orthopedic shoes arrived yesterday and I can now actually walk on them without any pain. I won’t get my hopes up, because I have been saying all along that they won’t be ready until 2034 and that’s exactly when World War III is going to start according to a book by that title. I am too superstitious to admit publicly that my shoe problem is over yet.

After my walk, my staff and I drove to the supermarket for quark, which I eat for breakfast. We also both got ourselves a sausage roll for lunch and she treated me to ice cream cones. Of course, I just ate one today and she had one too, so the rest are in the freezer.

In the afternoon, I first used my alcohol inks that I’d bought at Action several weeks ago. I had finally managed to create earring pieces that didn’t have air bubbles in them and was going to add a little alcohol ink to them for some extra color. The pieces haven’t been turned into actual earrings yet.

Then in the evening, I crafted the last of the polymer clay beads I’ll need for the necklace I’m making for the person from the other care home. I’m probably going to put together the necklace tomorrow. Overall, it was a good day.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (June 18, 2022)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone and welcome to my post for this week’s #WeekendCoffeeShare. I hope you’re well. I’m about to have my afternoon coffee, so am going to take a break in the middle of this post to drink that. I also still have herbal tea, water and I do now in fact have my fruit infusion bottle in the fridge. It has cucumber in it. I’d recommend that either alone or in addition to coffee, as it’s quite hot here. It’s only about 27°C right now, but I’m sweating profusely. Anyway, let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I would start by saying that this week was okay. Like I shared on Monday, I went to look at my assigned staff’s pet hedgehog. That was fun and helped me keep a somewhat positive attitude all through the week, despite feeling a bit meh.

If we were having coffee, I would also share that I was successful at being more physically active over this week. I went on the elliptical Wednesday and Friday, both for a little over ten minutes. I also took some walks. Yesterday, it was even hotter than it was today, so I only took a few short walks around the day center.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you all about my dietitian’s appointment yesterday. I am experiencing a slight slip-up with respect to purging behaviors, but it’s not related to binge eating per se. That didn’t make it not worrisome, the dietitian said, but at least it means my bulimia isn’t coming back. Overall, she complimented me on how I’m doing with respect to being able to follow my food plan but also being able to deviate from it in moderation at times. For example, I bought a bag of licorice last week and am having a few pieces of licorice a day most days. That way, right now, I still have half the bag left, while a few years ago I’d consume the whole bag within half an hour or less.

The dietitian also gave me some advice about planning for when I go out to eat for my birthday next week. For example, she recommended I eat a small serving of fruit at like 4PM to prevent me feeling like I’m starving by the time we’re at the restaurant at 6PM. I am not really sure I feel like following her advice though and I’m not sure that’s my eating disorder talking or just my wish to have a good time and not be minding my diet for once.

If we were having coffee, I would share that I am really happy that today we don’t have temp workers at the home at all. Yesterday we did have one and he was assigned to work my one-on-one shift. I really wasn’t pleased to say the least. I don’t do well with male staff to begin with and this was someone I didn’t know at all. I am honestly quite angry that the staff felt like assigning him my shift, because they know how much I struggled with the one regular male staff doing my one-on-one shifts. I feel like honestly my boundaries are being tested a lot lately and, with how clear the manager was that this was the way things worked, I’m not sure I’m able to assert myself.

If we were having coffee, lastly I would share that I’m still working on the perfect pair of polymer clay earrings. It seems baking directly on the ceramic tile is for now the way to go. Thankfully, some people gave me som advice on how to prevent air bubbles being trapped between the tile and the clay, which would create little (or not so little) dents in my clay. If I baked on paper, I would not get those, but my earrings would consistently get curved, which I think is worse than the small dents I got now that I followed the experts’ advice.

I haven’t turned my earring pieces into actual earrings yet, because the ones I decided to keep look better with silver than gold. I would like to report though that I am so grateful, because a staff’s daughter had some silver-colored earring hooks that she wasn’t using and that she was happy to gift to me. How nice!

How have you been?

#WeekendCoffeeShare (June 11, 2022)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare again today. Grab a cup of coffee, herbal tea or I could even make you strawberry infused water, since I bought some strawberries at the supermarket yesterday and I still have a water bottle with a fruit infusion thingy that I got for my birthday two years ago and hardly even ever use. I guess I’m going to make some for myself now, so be right back. Anyway, let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first I’d ask about your weather. Ours has been mixed this past week. Early in the week, it was quite chilly and rainy, but today we’re having sunny weather and daytime temperatures of up to 22°C. It’s a little windy, but still lovely!

If we were having coffee, I would share that the orthopedic shoemaker came by on Tuesday to do the final tweaking to my right semi-orthopedic shoe. It’s now fine or so it seems, but the left one, the one with the ankle-foot orthosis in it, is now giving me issues again. I don’t get blisters, but it does feel as though I’m getting slight pressure where the edge of the AFO touches my foot. To be honest, I am currently undecided as to which shoes I like better: my regular shoes or the semi-orthopedic shoes with the AFO. Neither is giving me the comfort I’d like and I’ve more or less lost my walking mojo altogether.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’ve been experimenting with methods of trying to make the perfect polymer clay earrings all week. I haven’t found the perfect method yet, but today’s would-be earrings are at least better than Thursday’s, which were so curved that I threw them in the trash.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d share that I’ve been making plans for my birthday with my parents, husband and mother-in-law. I initially invited my parents to the care facility, but, after talking it over with my husband, decided it’s better to invite them to Lobith. They will be there on the 25th (my birthday is on the 27th). My husband suggested we eat at a Cuban restaurant called “De Revolutie” (“The Revolution”). I love Latin American food, so that’s awesome. Besides, my parents are quite outspoken leftists, so I bet they can appreciate it.

Then the next day we’ll pay a visit to my mother-in-law (my father-in-law will be on vacation then). I haven’t yet decided whether to do anything special on the 27th itself. I actually have a nurse practitioner’s appt on that day and, since my appt this week got canceled too, I really don’t want to cancel. My staff suggested going out for lunch afterwards, so that’s an idea.

How have you been?

My First Proper Pair of Polymer Clay Earrings

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I finally have been motivated to actually make something out of polymer clay again. I guess last Saturday I kicked myself in the behind with my post, saying I fully intended to actually be crafting again rather than just looking at crafty YouTube videos. In fact, these earrings aren’t based on a YouTube tutorial at all. That’s honestly because I still consider the YouTube tutorials a little out of my ability range, but oh well.

I say these are my first proper earrings because I previously, about eight or nine months ago, created a pair of “boiled egg” earrings. I think I showed them here too, but anyway, VoiceOver, the iPhone’s built-in screen reader, guessed that they were two halves of a boiled egg. They were rather ugly in terms of color (yellow in the middle, then white, then purple) but more importantly, I’d glued the earring studs to the polymer clay using a cheap brand of jeweller’s glue. Now for those not familiar with polymer clay: most glues don’t work well with it. Only superglue gel will do and I’ve even heard mixed results about that. Don’t bother with E6000, let alone cheaper glues like the one I used. Bottom line: the earring stud fell off within several hours.

Now on to these earrings I created yesterday. First, I decided to roll out a slab of caramel Fimo with my pasta machine. I had to do this several times over because I kept getting horizontal roller lines in my slab. Finally, once I was satisfied with the result, I cut out the flower shapes. I later learned that it is recommended to lay a piece of copy paper over your slab and lightly roll your acrylic roller over it in all directions. This is called burnishing and should even out any ridges in your slab. I then had my staff poke a small hole into my pieces with a bead piercing pin. This is to guide my drill later on.

Then I baked my pieces at 130°C for 45 minutes. (For those reading the Fimo packaging that says to bake no longer than the recommended 30 minutes, this is flat out wrong.) I baked the pieces on a sheet of parchment paper which I’d put onto my ceramic tile. The oven I use is a convection oven where the fan can’t be turned off, so I had to put an aluminum container over my sheet of parchment paper to prevent it from flying all around the oven. Unfortunately, the parchment paper might’ve flown a little underneath the container, as my pieces did turn out slightly crooked. Either that or I should’ve used copy paper rather than parchment paper, as is recommended by some.

Once the pieces had baked for 45 minutes and then cooled down completely, I drilled the holes into the earrings. I had already decided I wanted to decorate the edges with gold Fimo liquid, but this was my first time drilling actual holes into polymer clay pieces, so I was too curious to see how it’d go to wait till I’d finished the project. I did the drilling mostly independently, only needing my staff to hold down my pieces because I needed two hands to drill.

I then sanded the pieces. There was a bit of a bump on both of my earrings, one bigger than the other. I’m not sure it was an air bubble, as sanding it didn’t leave a hole. I think I did an okay job of sanding them away.

I then decorated the edges with Fimo liquid. I needed some help with this, as of course I’m blind and I cannot feel my way to where I’d need to put the liquid or I’d put it all over my fingers.

Then another round in the oven for 30 minutes (which I’m not sure is enough, but my pieces look fine). Then my staff attached the jumprings and attached those to the earring hooks.

I intend on giving these to my sister when I visit her on Sunday. She’s more of a silvery girl than a goldy one, but I didn’t have silver-colored earring hooks.

Other than the earrings having become slightly curved in the oven, I am relatively content with how they turned out. What do you think?

Linking up with Inspire Me Monday, Busy Monday, Love Your Creativity and the Craftastic Link Party.

Jewelry-Making #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Welcome to my letter J post in the #AtoZChallenge. Today, I want to share about one of my crafty hobbies once again, because I thought it’d be an interesting distraction from the more philosophical musings. Besides, I just didn’t have another topic for this letter, ha.

I made my first pieces of jewelry back in the psych hospital in like 2014 or 2015. Back then, I bought quite expensive beads, such as gemstone beads, even though I could only make basic necklaces and bracelets. That is, I did make one necklace with three different wires, but I needed a lot of help with it.

Then, after a while, I stopped making jewelry, because I just needed too much help with it and couldn’t really produce the quality I liked. I restarted about a year ago. This time, the first beads I bought, were simple acrylic beads that weren’t too expensive or precious. I did try to go for shapes I liked, such as butterflies. I also at one point bought a collection of 90 silver-colored, plastic charms for €5,95.

For my birthday last year, I got a surprise package of jewelry-making supplies from a store local to my parents. In this package were a lot of glass beads, which I loved. Thus came back my love of creating glass and actual metal jewelry.

Because most of my glass beads are irregularly shaped, I at first struggled to get each side of the necklace, with the charm or pendant in the middle, equally long. To solve this, I got myself a beading board to be able to count out the length of each side of the necklace. My best glass beaded necklace is one I created about two months ago using this board as a guide.

I also like to make my own beads and jewelry out of polymer clay. I created one pair of earrings back in the early days of my polymer clay journey, but glued the earring posts to the polymer clay using generic jewelry glue. Now some people do use E6000, but even that’s generally recommended against for polymer clay. The best way to attach polymer clay earrings to their posts is to cover the posts in an additional layer of polymer clay. If you want or need to use glue anyway, choose a brand of superglue gel, such as Gorilla or Loctite. I had my staff glue the below brooch to its pin using Gorilla superglue.

My Very First Polymer Clay Earrings

Posted on by Astrid

Oh my, I’m really losing my blogging mojo or so it seems. Thankfully, I’m finding other creative outlets, like polymer clay.

Yesterday, I was watching a YouTube video in which the creator made some polymer clay earrings with the image of daisies on them. I wanted to recreate those, but really was pretty much clueless.

Like her, I started out with blue (well, Fimo Soft #39, “peppermint”, the closest to blue polymer clay I have). I then added little yellow dots. I still don’t have white, so used porcelain for the petals. The YouTuber hadn’t created individual petals, so neither did I. Rather, I extruded a strand of clay to go around the little dots. That was hard enough. I didn’t flatten my slab, because I feared I’d distort the design if I did. I also really liked the texture in my design.

Unfortunately, when I baked these, they stuck to the tile and got a hole in them when I pulled them off. I threw them straight into the bin, so no pics of these.

Yesterday evening though, I did create some earring pieces that were more or less a success. I used purple as the background color this time and again, yellow dots and white strands to go around them for the daisies. This time, I tried to flatten my slab using my acrylic roller, but that didn’t create an even surface. Then, I ran my slab through the pasta machine, which of course distorted the design a little. Or a lot.

I decided to bake my earring pieces anyway. I had four of them and this morning, had my staff pick the best two to be glued to the earring posts. That worked surprisingly well considering I didn’t use super glue. I had to let them dry for about three to four hours and they look and feel pretty sturdy now.

Polymer Clay “Daisy” Earstuds

VoiceOver Recognition does say they look like boiled eggs rather than daisies. I guess it has a point.

For the photo, I attached them to a piece of blue cardstock. That will do okay as an earring card for keeping my earstuds safe while waiting for me to actually get my ears pierced.

What do you think of these?

Linking up with Party in Your PJ’s.