Hi everyone and welcome to my post for this week’s #WeekendCoffeeShare. I hope you’re well. I’m about to have my afternoon coffee, so am going to take a break in the middle of this post to drink that. I also still have herbal tea, water and I do now in fact have my fruit infusion bottle in the fridge. It has cucumber in it. I’d recommend that either alone or in addition to coffee, as it’s quite hot here. It’s only about 27°C right now, but I’m sweating profusely. Anyway, let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.
If we were having coffee, I would start by saying that this week was okay. Like I shared on Monday, I went to look at my assigned staff’s pet hedgehog. That was fun and helped me keep a somewhat positive attitude all through the week, despite feeling a bit meh.
If we were having coffee, I would also share that I was successful at being more physically active over this week. I went on the elliptical Wednesday and Friday, both for a little over ten minutes. I also took some walks. Yesterday, it was even hotter than it was today, so I only took a few short walks around the day center.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you all about my dietitian’s appointment yesterday. I am experiencing a slight slip-up with respect to purging behaviors, but it’s not related to binge eating per se. That didn’t make it not worrisome, the dietitian said, but at least it means my bulimia isn’t coming back. Overall, she complimented me on how I’m doing with respect to being able to follow my food plan but also being able to deviate from it in moderation at times. For example, I bought a bag of licorice last week and am having a few pieces of licorice a day most days. That way, right now, I still have half the bag left, while a few years ago I’d consume the whole bag within half an hour or less.
The dietitian also gave me some advice about planning for when I go out to eat for my birthday next week. For example, she recommended I eat a small serving of fruit at like 4PM to prevent me feeling like I’m starving by the time we’re at the restaurant at 6PM. I am not really sure I feel like following her advice though and I’m not sure that’s my eating disorder talking or just my wish to have a good time and not be minding my diet for once.
If we were having coffee, I would share that I am really happy that today we don’t have temp workers at the home at all. Yesterday we did have one and he was assigned to work my one-on-one shift. I really wasn’t pleased to say the least. I don’t do well with male staff to begin with and this was someone I didn’t know at all. I am honestly quite angry that the staff felt like assigning him my shift, because they know how much I struggled with the one regular male staff doing my one-on-one shifts. I feel like honestly my boundaries are being tested a lot lately and, with how clear the manager was that this was the way things worked, I’m not sure I’m able to assert myself.
If we were having coffee, lastly I would share that I’m still working on the perfect pair of polymer clay earrings. It seems baking directly on the ceramic tile is for now the way to go. Thankfully, some people gave me som advice on how to prevent air bubbles being trapped between the tile and the clay, which would create little (or not so little) dents in my clay. If I baked on paper, I would not get those, but my earrings would consistently get curved, which I think is worse than the small dents I got now that I followed the experts’ advice.
I haven’t turned my earring pieces into actual earrings yet, because the ones I decided to keep look better with silver than gold. I would like to report though that I am so grateful, because a staff’s daughter had some silver-colored earring hooks that she wasn’t using and that she was happy to gift to me. How nice!
How have you been?
A Multitude of Musings 
Hi Astrid,
I was interested to read about your discomfort working with male staff. I may have missed it but don’t recall you mentioning this before. It’s none of my business but wonder what caused this. You have a loving husband and male friends and family most likely so you know that men and women are similar in one sense – there are kind, loving persons of both genders and (unfortunately) both groups also have their fair share of out-right jerks too.
I hope you continue to find and work with only wonderful people of either gender.
Blessings.
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Thank you so much for putting things into perspective for me. You’re definitely right. One of the things that’s making me uncomfortable with male staff is the fact that I need some help with my personal care (showering, etc.) and I definitely don’t want a male staff to help me with that if I am allowed to have a say in the matter at all. I mean, I know women can be sexually inappropriate with other women too and care staff do have to provide a Declaration of Behavior (which they can only get if they have no relevant police records). Still, you know, the fact that I know rationally that all people regardless of gender can be jerks or nice people, doesn’t negate my feelings. This boundary of my not wanting my personal care help to be done by a male staff used to be easily respected though back when the only male working here was an intern, but now that we have two regular male staff (one exclusively assigned to my one-on-one shifts), I’ve already noticed newer staff are trying to get me to consent to letting them do these things. So far, my assigned staff is clear that I am allowed to set this boundary, but the mere fact that other staff are trying to get me to let go of it, is making me put up my guard with male staff even more. I mean, sure there’s nothing wrong with a male staff supporting me during my day outside of my personal care situations. Of course I also realize that my fellow clients are much more vulnerable when it comes to sexual exploitation than I am, not just because with them, male and female staff will care for them regardless of gender, but also because most can’t speak ((and those who can, can’t make it clear that they’ve been violated). That doesn’t negate the fact that I am still vulnerable.
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Oh my.
I didn’t realize you were talking about things like showering.
Of course they shouldn’t have a male do that for that 🙄
Man.
Did I miss this boat or what?
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No, you probably didn’t miss this. At least I didn’t share that that’s what I need help with in this post. Sorry, maybe I should have been clearer, but I do feel generally uncomfortable with male staff supporting me indeed. It did start with my setting the specific boundary about personal care, but, well, yeah, it’s kind of hard to explain. I mean, rationally you’re right that, when I don’t need to be helped with showering or the like, male or female it shouldn’t really matter, but emotionally it does matter sort of.
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In your situation, you need to find where you’re most comfortable. you’re working on healing and that pretty much takes priority over everything. Now I understand better what you were saying in the first place.
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Thank you so much! I am honestly not sure I understand it myself, but I am trying to work on things indeed.
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It’s so much harder to exercise when it’s hot, isn’t it? But some definite ticks in that particular box. Happy birthday for next week!
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Thank you so much. Honestly, I find excuses not to go for walks in the weather all the time. Either it’s raining or it’s windy or it’s too hot or too cold or whatever. I used to really enjoy walking but now I struggle to motivate myself.
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I enjoyed having a coffee with you as always!
I’ve been using my elliptical more this last few weeks (we call it a cross-trainer). Oh my days, talk about super-stiff legs afterwards! Haha. Must do more stretching before and after!
I can totally understand you not wanting a male staff member to help with personal care.
When I worked in the community care sector, there were a few clients who would opt for me rather than my male work colleague.
He was totally fine with it and totally understood that it was a personal preference that should be respected.
Have a lovely week Astrid! 😊 #MMBC
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Thank you so much for stopping by. Oh, I had no idea in the UK the elliptical is called a cross-trainer. It’s called that in Dutch too and I thought we must’ve gotten it from Englishs somehow as it’s not a typical Dutch word. However, there are those words we use in Dutch that sound English that aren’t called that in English at all. Anyway, I don’t experience stiff legs really as I don’t go too fast on it. May be I could / should be challenging myself more.
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I’m intrigued by the polymer clay earrings you’re making. Sounds like a cool project!
Totally understand why you’d be uncomfortable with male staff helping you with personal care. I don’t have much modesty, but that would weird me out too. I hope you’re able to keep those boundaries and have them respected.
Have a fabulous week!
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Thanks so much for commenting. I will be sure to show my polymer clay earrings once I’ve finished them.
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Thank you for the coffee Astrid! I hope you’ve had a great week. I’m way behind commenting from last week.
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Oh, that’s totally okay. I’m having a good week so far, thank you.
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