Mid-Year 2025 Health and Wellness Update

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I forgot to share in my weekend coffee share on Saturday that I had my annual health check recently and got the results on Wednesday.

I am pleased to say that all my blood tests came back normal or close enough to normal for it not to be a concern. For example, my egfr (kidney function measure) was 86. The normal value is >90 and this used to get me worried a lot. However, a value of 60 or above isn’t a reason for medical intervention. And guess what? This value of 86 is higher than it was last year and then it was higher than the year before. In fact, I’ve never had as good a score on the egfr thingy since getting annual blood tests.

All my other bloodwork came back normal too. My fasting blood glucose level was 4.4. The normal range is 4-6.1. I know Americans and some other folks use a different measuring unit, but I am too lazy to look up what my value would be in that system. Now I hadn’t expected my glucose to be too high, since a while back I had it checked when I had eaten and it was 5.2 then. However, my maternal grandma suffered with type 2 diabetes at a relatively young age and I did use to be obese.

Speaking of weight, when I weighed myself last Tuesday, I weighed 60.5kg. This is about 2kg in the overweight range and it’s above the upper goal weight I’d agreed on with my dietitian. I am pretty sure that, when I weigh myself again tomorrow, I’ll have gained some more, since this was before last week’s BBQ and before all my birthday treats. I am struggling to care enough to actually change my eating habits and the good results on my blood tests are causing me to be more chill than I might otherwise have been. Let’s hope that I can actually kick myself in the behind.

And I don’t just mean with respect to physical activity. After all, I’m pretty sure I’m doing an okay job of that. I mean, yes, I should add strength training to my physical activity routine, but it’s not like I ever was more active than I am now. In fact, I’ve always been a couch potato and I can’t expect to drastically change that overnight. That’s why I’m pretty okay with the physical activity I do get. However, I do truly need to change my eating habits, because I know that I can. Just because I did far worse ten years or even five years ago, doesn’t mean I can allow myself to slide back.

I’m struggling some with increased pain in my right leg. It’s back to a manageable level since getting dry needling treatments a few times. However, it’s not completely gone.

With respect to sleep, I usually get enough sleep and I actually think its quality is decent too. I haven’t seen my oxygen levels drop below 95% according to my Apple Watch in forever. My breathing is faster than it should be according to my Apple Watch, which worries me a little. I don’t have the sleep apnea feature on my watch. That should be interesting once I get a new Apple Watch, since I’ve been concerned about that for many years.

I’m still a night owl, like I’ve always been. A few weeks ago, I read online that night owls experience faster cognitive decline than morning people. This scared me, but then again I can’t just change my circadian rhythm, right?

Overall, there are two competing voices in my mind telling me things about my health and what to do. One is telling me that I haven’t been healthier than I am now in years and this is a good thing, but it’s also rather lazy about making changes I do need to make. The other is saying that, even though I’m pretty healthy for me, it could and should be better. This voice is scaring me about turning 40 next year too. I think I need to find the middle ground.

Health Anxiety

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today in her Sunday Poser, Sadje asks us whether we deal with health anxiety. Health anxiety is excessive worry about one’s physical health. People who suffer from it, interpret normal bodily sensations or minor ailments as a sign of serious illness, such as cancer. There are people with health anxiety who are constantly running to the doctor, but also those who bury their heads in the sand and worry in silence.

As for whether I myself suffer from health anxiety, I used to suffer pretty badly. I could be a mix of the head in the sand type and the running to the doctor type. When I was nineteen, I remember having pretty bad anxiety one night and concluding I had some serious thing going on. My sister was in my room trying to comfort me, but not being able to figure out why I was having the symptoms I was having (most likely, a panic attack), drove me crazy. I don’t know why I didn’t peruse Dr. Google, but I didn’t. The next day, I called my GP, who wasn’t fully comforted either, particularly when she learned I have hydrocephalus. Long story short, three weeks later I got the all-clear on my shunt from a neurologist, but I never figured out what those weird symptoms were.

I also had bad health anxiety when living on my own in 2007. I, being the type for objectivity, at one point purchased a talking thermometer, so that at least I could take my body temp. After all, my parents used to have a rule about staying home from school: if you don’t run a fever, you aren’t sick.

Thankfully, most of my health anxiety went away once I was admitted to the psych hospital. I still worried about my health sometimes, but it wasn’t significantly distressing. My health anxiety didn’t return once I was kicked out of the hospital to live semi-independently with my spouse.

One thing I struggle with, is knowing when a symptom is significant enough to go to the doctor for or even when it’s abnormal. I for this reason can go months with a symptom before I actually ask my staff to call the doctor.

Since owning an Apple Watch, I don’t freak out when its values are abnormal. Like, back when I first used it in 2022, my oxygen levels often were way below the minimum normal value of 95%. Now they are usually high enough and I have had them checked with an actual oximeter several times. I might’ve had sleep apnea back then, but then again my night-time breathing rate according to my Apple Watch is usually higher than average, not lower. In any case, I am not one to consult my doctor just because my smartwatch says I might be ill. Maybe that’s burying my head in the sand, but I do feel fine generally.

Worries

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today’s Sunday Poser is about worries. What worries you about the future?

Unlike Sadje, I mostly have personal worries occupying my mind. Most of them also aren’t long-term. I mean, I do sometimes worry that the sweet and high-fat foods I consume today will lead to an untimely death ten or twenty years from now, but that worry isn’t as all-consuming as my worries about the next few weeks, months or the next year. I joke that, in 2034, everything will be okay. I got that from the book titled 2034, which I still haven’t read and is about World War III erupting that same year. I think it’s more likely that World War III is going to break out that year than that the care system will be any closer to ideal. However, in reality, I can’t look that far into the future, so I know I should care, but really I don’t.

This is probably the same reason the state of the planet doesn’t keep me up at night. That is, except when I read a news article detailing that the magical 1.5 degrees of warming have been hit in some parts of the world in 2023. Then I did worry: will the planet catch fire (not even sure whether I’m talking hyperbolically with all the wildfires we’ve had) next year?

Still, most of my worries concern my personal life. That doesn’t mean the news doesn’t effect me, but it only does when I think it relates to me personally. For instance, when I read that policy makers were talking about reintroducing 24-hour diapering for elderly people who can still use the bathroom but need assistance with it, I was intensely worried. It was said in the same article that the phrase I repeat many times over and over again when talking about my care was: “It’s better to have reasonably good care for two people than excellent care for one person.” Did they mean me? Was my care, with (at the time) nine hours of one-on-one a day, “excellent”? Apparently, because now I have just seven. But I’m still worried they mean me. After all, I still cost considerable money (far more than elderly people needing an hourly assisted bathroom break) and aren’t sedatives cheaper than one-on-one, just like diapers are cheaper than nursing assistants?

It isn’t really a clear thing I do worry about though. I mean, yes, I do worry about my care being cut, but then again, I can’t look far into the future. When I try, I’m always wrong on so many levels. So they remain mostly vague worries that keep me up at night.

Sometimes though, like recently, they’ve been more short-term, concrete things that worried me, such as over the past week the fact that my support coordinator, behavior specialist and intellectual disability physician had a meeting on Friday. The positive news is that the explicit compensatory system, by which every minute I’d come out of my unsupported time in distress had to be compensated for at my next one-on-one moment, was discontinued. Rather, from now on, staff will again discuss with me once I’m calm whether they can come back at a later time for my next support moment since they needed to spend more time on me. I am so happy I no longer have the compensatory system hanging over my head, even though some staff said the end result would be the same. I don’t care about the end result (which, by the way, will probably mean I’ll need slightly less support, honestly); I care that this makes me feel much more comfortable.

The Wednesday HodgePodge (August 16, 2023)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I haven’t participated in the Wednesday HodgePodge in a while. The reason is a comment Joyce, the organizer, made about Rikkie Kolle, the trans woman who won the Miss Netherlands competition last month. Trans rights are dear to my heart, so I felt the need to educate Joyce (respectfully, of course), even though I will probably not be able to convince her that trans women are women. After this, I didn’t feel I could in my right mind participate in the HodgePodge again, despite the fact that Joyce assured me that people from all walks of life are welcome. Then today I decided to check back and the first HodgePodge’er I stumbled upon happened to be Jewish. That’s a relief. So now I feel that I may be able to join in again, given that it’s indeed not just a place for conservative Christians.

1. What motivates you to work hard?
Nothing, honestly. I am not a hard worker. That being said, if I want to accomplish something, I thrive on setting myself deadlines.

2. It’s been said “Ignorance is bliss”…is it?
It depends. Where it comes to the state of this world, a healthy balance is needed. I mean, complete ignorance will lead people to mistreat the planet and each other even more than we already are, but being completely submerged in negative news, won’t solve anything either.

I think the same goes for our daily life. I mean, I watched a video on signs of dementia a few days ago and was shocked to find out I ticked more boxes than I thought I would. Now the doctor doing the video covered the complete spectrum from entirely healthy (which I know I’m not) to end-stage dementia. I am pretty sure I’m still at a stage where I can reverse any cognitive decline I might be experiencing. In this sense, ignorance could’ve felt like bliss, but it isn’t necessarily so.

3. Would you rather be stuck on a broken elevator or a broken ski lift? Explain. Have you ever actually been stuck on either? Of the common fears listed here what’s your #1: heights-enclosed spaces-snakes-public speaking-the dark-flying.
I’d probably choose an elevator, though neither seems appealing to me. Never experienced either. Out of the common fears, I’ll choose snakes as my number one because I’m very scared of venomous animals. I can handle a non-venomous snake without a problem though, have even had a small one around my neck.

4. What’s something you like about the town or city where you live?
The institution I live in (not my specific home, of course). The rest of the town is boring.

5. Life is too short to ___.
Waste it by endless worrying. Oh now how I wish I could stop doing it.

6. Insert your own random thought here.
I haven’t shared this with the HodgePodge crowd yet, but I am soon moving to another care home. My assigned staff actually mentioned September. I havent’been given an exact date yet and won’t find out till about two weeks in advance. Fingers crossed it won’t be like the end of September, because quite frankly I can’t wait.

How I Spent My November

Posted on by Astrid

It’s already almost 9PM and I haven’t written anything today, but really want to. One of the end-of-November prompts I received in my mailbox from the International Association of Journal Writers (IAJW) Museletter was to make a list of all the things you spent time on in November and to reflect on what you’d like to change. Here goes.

1. Worrying. And acting out. Particularly early in the month, I was very much overwhelmed. I landed in crisis within the first week of November. I could’ve attributed this to it being the anniversary of my major crisis in 2007, but I know it wasn’t. Finally though, this crisis helped me realize I need more support and actually request it.

2. Walking. I broke my step record three weeks in a row this month. Today I feel almost disappointed for only having gone for short walks in the evening, because it was raining.

3. Faith. I had a true leap of faith this month, which I’m so grateful for. I’m pretty sure that, without God, I wouldn’t be where I’m now. I mean, I truly feel blessed to have come to realize I am beloved. It’s still pretty hard for some of my parts to believe, but we’re getting there.

4. Relaxing. I truly feel blessed to be able to have quiet dinners in my room for now and also to be able to relax more in my bed. Early in the month, I was so worked up that I couldn’t relax. My nights were regularly disturbed by nightmares and, though they still are, my days are calmer.

5. Writing. I’d really like to do more of that in December, but I still managed okay.

6. Talking to my staff, husband and others. I really feel this helped me open up more about my innermost struggles. I sometimes throughout this month have felt a compulsion to perseverate on the same topic over and over again. This is an autistic thing of mine that plays up particularly when I’m experiencing strong emotions, be they positive or negative. I’m glad my staff and husband are okay with it though.

7. Eating. I totally planned to go on a diet in late October, but by early November, this had more or less gone out the window. I do try not to snack too much, but I’m really not in the mood for dieting right now. Hopefully I won’t fully slip back in December.

How did you spend your November?

COVID-19 Worries

Posted on by Astrid

The coronavirus came to the Netherlands a few weeks ago. Yesterday, we had the first case in the care facility’s town. The care facility hasn’t yet been affected as far as I know, but still, I grow more scared as the days go by.

I’m not scared of falling seriously ill or dying from the virus. Though some of my fellow clients are in their sixties, we don’t have anyone in my home who is otherwise at risk of serious illness or death as far as I know. I am not really sure whether I should worry about my family in this respect. So far, the thought has only fleetingly crossed my mind.

What I do worry about though is the consequences this will have for our society at large. I worry about people stockpiling food. I know my husband got some extra stuff a few weeks ago already when he saw it coming.

I worry about another economic meltdown. My husband has a pretty secure income, having just been hired indefinitely at his job a month ago. He might be forced to take time off, leading to a significant decrease in income, but he won’t be jobless. I am not sure about my income, as I’m on benefits. I don’t know that I will be able to handle yet another round of budget cuts to health care though.

More importantly in the short term, I worry about the need to isolate if you’re infected. What if I get the virus and need to stay in my room 24/7 for two weeks, not being allowed any human contact? Some other blogger idealized this by writing they’d finally have time to read all the books and binge watch all the Netflix series they wanted. As much as I’d like to escape the day center at times and just hide out in my room, I don’t think I could make this work for two weeks straight.

I also worry about staff needing to self-isolate if they get infected. Will this mean there won’t be staff to care for us? My staff has been trying to reassure me, but the letter sent out to clients’ family yesterday, had no information about what if the virus enters the facility in it. Which seems to be more of a “when” than an “if”.

I’m linking up with today’s RagTag Daily Prompt, for which the word is “Isolate”.

What Emotions Drive Me to Bad Habits? #Write31Days

Posted on by Astrid

Welcome to day eight in #Write31Days. Today’s post, like last week Monday’s, is yet again focused on emotions. I took another prompt from The Self-Exploration Journal. It asks what emotions drive me to bad habits.

I have a few self-destructive habits, some of which I engage more regularly in than others. For example, I overeat on average at least once a week, but only self-injure by cutting occasionally. Then there are these little habits that I engage in so often that I barely even notice them anymore, such as nail-biting or most recently teeth-grinding. Just a few minutes ago, my husband asked me to stop grinding my teeth.

Basically, I can be pretty sure that the type of emotional state that drives me to engage in all of these bad habits is stress. Stress is usually thought of as a type of anxiety, but it is not necessarily fear that drives it.

I tend mostly to engage in the little bad habits, like nail-biting or teeth-grinding, when not feeling much of a clear emotion at all. Rather, I tend to be in a state of worry, thinking in circles.

When emotions do reach the point where I notice them, they are pretty close to boiling point already. When this happens I may engage in self-harm behaviors or overeat.

When I look closely at what emotion causes me to engage in these self-destructive behaviors, I see that it is usually a sense of loneliness. Loneliness is not an emotion or so I’m told. At least it isn’t a primary emotion. Sadness is and that’s often what’s underneath this sense of loneliness.

Anger can also drive me to engage in self-destructive habits. Usually though, I am angry at something too minor to matter. The emotion underlying this anger is once again sadness.

What emotions drive you to bad habits?