Gratitude List (June 12, 2020) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

It’s Friday again. I’m still feeling pretty off. I have a lot on my mind, but rather than dwelling on it, I’m going to write a gratitude list. I’m joining in with Ten Things of Thankful (#TToT) again.

1. Bookshare. This is a service that provides accessible eBooks to people with print disabilities. It costs $50 per year and my husband just renewed my subscription. I love it! Not all books are available internationally, but enough are that I enjoy the service.

2. Smoothies. A staff gave me a smoothie maker on Monday. I already had a blender, but this one is a bit smaller and comes with its own screw-on drinking bottles. I have been loving making my own smoothies! Particularly, I loved one with apple, cinnamon, almond milk and oatmeal.

3. Tacos. Or Tortillas or whatever these particular ones are called. We made those at day activities yesterday. We filled them with lettuce, chicken and pesto. My husband commented that pesto isn’t supposed to go on a wrap, but whatever.

4. Crafting a bit. The same staff who brought the smoothie maker, came again today and did some crafting with me and another client. We made some type of cards for a staff who earned her carer diploma recently.

5. Lots of steps again. I reached 10K steps each day this week except for today.

6. My former support coordinator. I texted her yesterday, half assuming she had deleted my contact info and wasn’t sure who I was anymore. Not so though. She offered to call me and we spoke for a bit.

7. My current staff. They are absolutely taking my care needs seriously. One thing I found out through my former support coordinator is that they’re considering applying for a higher care profile for me. This has me feel all sorts of things that I can’t describe on my blog in case someone from the funding authorities reads it. Particularly, I was scared this would mean a whole new long-term care assessmment, which would mean a risk of losing my care. My support staff did reassure me though.

8. My community psychiatric nurse. I tried to call her through the mental health agency’s secretary this afternoon, but the secretary had their automated lunch-break message on long past 1PM. I E-mailed my CPN and thankfully she got from my message that I wanted a call despite my not actually having asked her for one. She helped me process some of my feelings.

This is it for now. What are you grateful for?

Five Things I Do For Fun

Posted on by Astrid

Good evening all! I’m having tons of thoughts and feelings right now, but they’re not to be shared on the blog as of yet. Instead, I am joining Mama Kat and sharing five things I do for fun. Maybe listing things I enjoy doing will distract me.

1. Reading. I used to hate reading as a child. As a teen, I developed an interest in Caja Cazemier’s young adult fiction, but none of it was suited for school beyond the eighth grade. I hated all the classics we had to read in school.

Then when I started university as a linguistics major, I was sent a book we were supposed to read before classes started. It was probably sent out to all humanities majors, as at least in our classes, it was never mentioned.

I’m not in college or school now though and can do what I want. So I read. I started with non-fiction and memoirs, but now I read fiction too.

2. Cooking. That is, simple food prep. I got a smoothie maker from one of the staff last Monday and have been loving making my own smoothies. I also love to make salads and other relatively simple lunches. I need some help with it, but the smoothie I made yesterday, I did almost entirely independently.

3. Crafting. Particularly soap and bath and body product making. I haven’t gotten down to that much lately, but I love it.

I also love trying out other crafts, though I usually need considerable help with those. I have tried many crafts in the past and still would love to try some again.

4. Researching my most recent special interests. Right now, they are smoothie recipes, so I combine this with #2 above. I can totally get a mood booster from reading up online on some topic that interests me.

5. Blogging. Yes, I still blog for fun! I sometimes get caught up in negativity if my stats are down, but most of the time, I truly blog for the fun of it.

What do you enjoy doing for fun?

Mama’s Losin’ It

Reading Wrap-Up (June 10, 2020)

Posted on by Astrid

Good evening everyone! I’m in quite a good mood for reading lately, so I thought I’d share a reading wrap-up with you all today. I’m joining in with WWW Wednesday.

What I’m Currently Reading

Last week, I downloaded a couple of autism-related books off Bookshare. I started with Our Autistic Lives edited by Alex Radcliffe. This is a collection of personal accounts of life with autism, organized by author age.

Then I stumbled on Diagnosis by Lisa Sanders. This is a collection of colums by the author about strange medical cases. I’m 20% done with it now.

Lastly, today I picked up Five Feet Apart by Rachael Lippincott again after a few weeks of not reading it. I’m not sure I’ll finish it, but we’ll see. I don’t think I like this book as much as I’d originally thought.

What I Recently Finished Reading

I spent all of last week-end reading Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett and finished it on Sunday. See my review, which I wrote on Monday.

What I Think I’ll Be Reading Next

I put a few other autism-related books on my virtual shelves this past week, including Spectrum Women by Barb Cook. I also downloaded a few more books in honor of #BlackLivesMatter, namely On the Come Up and The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas.

However, I’m a true mood reader and I’ve had Clean by Juno Dawson on my radar for a while, so I may buy that one soon and read it first.

What have you been reading lately?

Book Review: Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett

Posted on by Astrid

Last week, I was drawn to Anne of In Residence’s Black Lives Matter booklist. I am white and admittedly completely clueless about racism, certainly as it applies to Black people. I however immediately decided to download a few books off this list onto my phone. The first book I got to read, obviously, was one with a medical aspect to it, because that’s what I’m most interested in: Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett.

Summary

In a community that isn’t always understanding, an HIV-positive teen must navigate fear, disclosure, and radical self-acceptance when she falls in love–and lust–for the first time. Powerful and uplifting, Full Disclosure will speak to fans of Angie Thomas and Nicola Yoon.

Simone Garcia-Hampton is starting over at a new school, and this time things will be different. She’s making real friends, making a name for herself as student director of Rent, and making a play for Miles, the guy who makes her melt every time he walks into a room. The last thing she wants is for word to get out that she’s HIV-positive, because last time . . . well, last time things got ugly.

Keeping her viral load under control is easy, but keeping her diagnosis under wraps is not so simple. As Simone and Miles start going out for real–shy kisses escalating into much more–she feels an uneasiness that goes beyond butterflies. She knows she has to tell him that she’s positive, especially if sex is a possibility, but she’s terrified of how he’ll react! And then she finds an anonymous note in her locker: I know you have HIV. You have until Thanksgiving to stop hanging out with Miles. Or everyone else will know too.

Simone’s first instinct is to protect her secret at all costs, but as she gains a deeper understanding of the prejudice and fear in her community, she begins to wonder if the only way to rise above is to face the haters head-on…

My Review

When I bought this book off Apple Books, I had next to no idea what this book was about other than the main character being Black and HIV-positive. Having an excuse to read a medical novel under the guise of supporting Black lives felt good though (yes, I know that makes me pretty oppressive). I had no idea this book was so good though.

Not only does it talk about HIV in much more depth than I ever was aware of. I mean, I almost immediately felt the shame come back to me from when we were presented with a problem case in college in which a fictional workplace was disrupted by stigma surrounding one worker’s HIV-positive status and I pretty quickly jumped to conclusions by saying the coworkers might want to be tested. My instructor immediately called me out that you don’t get HIV from drinking out of the same cups as someone who’s positive. I mean, I knew this much, but still objected that fear might guide the coworkers to get tested anyway and I’d understand that. How horrible!

It was totally liberating learning about not just HIV, but sex and sexuality in a broad perspective too. Several characters are openly queer. I loved learning about diversity like this.

Then there’s the race aspect. I didn’t learn too much about that from this book, as it assumes you already know a bit about Black culture, but I bet Black people can relate to some of the things being discussed.

The book is more plot-driven than character-driven, but I happen to love that. The characters are still really well-portrayed.

Overall, I totally loved this book and as such gave it five stars on Goodreads.

Book Details

Title: Full Disclosure
Author: Camryn Garrett
Publisher: Penguin
Publication Date: October 29, 2019

MamaMummyMum

#WeekendCoffeeShare (June 7, 2020)

Posted on by Astrid

It’s Sunday and I am feeling pretty lazy. I have quite a few ideas for blog posts, but I’m just going with the #WeekendCoffeeShare. I haven’t participated in that one in a while. Grab a cup of coffee, green tea or I think there’s some soda or juice in the fridge still too and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, of course I’d talk about my new iPhone. I already shared about it on Friday, but well, I’m totally in love with it! I got the iPhone SE 2020, which the info section in Settings just calls the SE. That’s pretty confusing, since I also have the old SE still. I haven’t prepared that one for reselling or donating to charity yet. Not even sure what I’m going to do with it. Probably donate it to charity for recycling, but I’m not confident enough to remove all data yet.

My husband asked me what type of case I want for my new iPhone. He’s going to buy me one for my birthday. I currently have a jelly case, but I want a bookcase.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I got over 50K steps this past week. Last week, I got nearly 65K, so this isn’t a big accomplishment, but it still feels good.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that the weather is weird. Sometimes it rains, while other times it’s just slightly cloudy or even a bit sunny. Because of the rain, I haven’t been walking as much this week as I’d want to. Then again, I guess nature and agriculture need the rain.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that on Thursday, the staff intern and I made apple pastries. I didn’t do more than cut the apples into cubes, but it was okay. They were delicious!

If we were having coffee, I would also tell you that on Thursday I went to my GP. I have a large itchy spot on my upper leg that won’t go away. The GP thinks it’s an insect bite made worse by my scratching it. I got some hydrocortisone cream for it. It’s slightly better now.

If we were having coffee, I’d share with you how happy I am that WordPress isn’t planning on retiring the classic editor anytime soon. I don’t hate the block editor as much as some other bloggers do, but I find it somewhat annoying at the same time. I never liked the WordPress.com editor, so am actually pretty happy it’s gone.

If we were having coffee, lastly I would tell you that I’ve done a lot of reading lately. I’m truly in the mood again. I bought the YA novel Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett on Thursday and actually finished it in only three days. That’s pretty awesome for me.

How have you been lately?

Lovin’ Lately (June 5, 2020)

Posted on by Astrid

It’s Friday, yay! Today I’m sharing another Lovin’ Lately list with you all. Want to know what I’ve loved lately?

1. My new iPhone. This one just has to be at the top, of course. I ordered it last Saturday and it arrived on Monday. On Tuesday, a staff member helped me set it up. Except for the pattern you need to scan with your old phone to make the old one send data to your new one, the whole set-up process was pretty easy. I did need a lot of help getting the screen protector and jelly case on the phone.

I got the new iPhone SE 2020. I can’t really compare how well this iPhone performs compared to my old one when I first had it. I mean, I use my new one much more than I did the old one back then, so it’s obvious the battery doesn’t last as long. However, I’m generally pretty impressed with how long I can use the new phone with the battery not getting below 50%. In addition, my new phone is a lot speedier than the old one. Not that I found my old one slow, but now that I have this one, I’m so happy.

Unfortunately, all bugs that I experienced with the old one, are still there. This means they’re software bugs. Just need to wait for iOS 14 to come out, I guess.

2. Twitter. I’ve been enjoying being on Twitter more over the past few days. I downloaded an app called Twitterrific that makes it pretty easy to use. Somehow, the app store highlights only one-star reviews and people claim it’s a scam. It does ask for money, but so far, the purchase seems entirely optional.

3. YouTube. As someone who’s never made any videos and doesn’t intend on it either, I tended to avoid YouTube because I can’t participate on it like I do with my blog. However, today I decided to check some book-related YouTubers (or BookTubers for short). I loved it!

4. Reading. I’ve not been reading much lately, but a few days ago, decided to read some autism-related non-fiction again. I’ve been loving some books detailing the autistic experience.

Then yesterday I was reading someone else’s #BlackLivesMatter TBR and impulsively bought a novel off it. I’m already at 57%. It’s Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett. As someone who’s white, I don’t find that I read many books about black people and other racial minorities. Racial disparities just don’t speak to me. Then again, if I ever want racism to end, I’ll have to educate myself. This book also talks about queer stuff and the main character is HIV positive.

What have you been lovin’ lately?

A Book I Remember From My Childhood

Posted on by Astrid

Yesterday’s prompt in Sandman’s 30-day book challenge is a book you remember from your childhood. I didn’t really like reading as a child, but I liked listening to audiobooks. Most came from the library for the bblind, but a few didn’t.

Particularly, I remember my grandpa had read one of my father’s cousins a book on cassette tape sometime when my father was still young in the 1950s or 1960s. My grandfather passed it on to me as a child. It was called De kinderkaravaan and was written by An Rutgers Van der Loeff, published in 1949.

This book describes the journey of the Sager children on the Oregon trail in 1844. In the story, the oldest boy, John Sager, leads his younger siblings from fort Hall to the Marcus Whitman family in Oregon after the rest of his trail decide to go to California. The story begins at Fort Laramie in present-day Wyoming, with the trail still intact and the Sager parents still alive. The Sager mother is pregnant with her seventh child at the time, who is born on the trail. By the time the trail reaches Fort Hall though, both parents have died and the children are supposedly getting to live with different families on the trail. John convinces the other men to let the children stay together except for the baby. He gets the baby from her caregiver when the trail is about to go to California, because he feels his parents would’ve wished them to travel to Oregon. As such, John and his younger brother Francis lead the children on a walking trail to Oregon.

Supposedly, the story is based on real events. Rutgers Van der Loeff claimed to have gotten a newspaper article from an acquaintance alerting her to the family’s adventure. Indeed, the Sager family did exist and John and his siblings did lose their parents. I only found out about a year ago that Rutgers Van der Loeff had many names and ages of the Sager children wrong. The Sager children also never traveled alone and the newspaper article claiming they did, was fabricated. The mix-up of the names and ages more annoyed me than the fact that the children’s adventure wasn’t as heroic as the author makes it look.

Maybe a year after my grandfather gifted me the cassette tapes with this book on them, my mother recorded another book by the same author for me. It is called Het licht in je ogen (which translates to The Light in Your Eyes) and is about a boy going blind from cornea damage. I loved that book too.

What book do you remember from your childhood?

#IWSG: Keep on Writing (Everyday)?

Posted on by Astrid
IWSG

It’s the first Wednesday of the month and that means the Insecure Writer’s Support Group (#IWSG) meets again.

I’m not sure what to write about today. In May, I wrote only one less post than in April. It still feels as though I’m a lot less inspired and motivated to write. The writing prompts that helped me write posts, including fiction and poetry, didn’t really speak to me at all in May. Even if they did speak to me in a way, I couldn’t find the words to actually write.

I did resolve a few weeks ago to write everyday. I wasn’t requiring myself to write a blog post everyday, though subconsciously that’s what it felt like. As such, I felt weird when I had no idea what to write about at 9PM and was going to go to bed in half an hour. I skipped blogging only two days in May though. That’s something to be proud of!

Now on to the optional prompt for this month. This month, we’re encouraged to share some secrets people don’t know through our writing. I am going with one that is in a way pretty contradictory: people may not know from my blog that I can be really private.

I mean, I share so much on my blog that it’s almost too much information. I of course intended my blog for this very purpose, but still. I guess most people who read my blog, assume from it that I share a lot about my life in real life too. I don’t. My husband has gotten upset at times at my having posted something on my blog that I didn’t tell him.

Another, related, secret is that my self-esteem is pretty low. My husband at least used to think I had a lot of self-confidence, being that I think others find my life interesting enough that I want to blog about it. It’s not true though. I’m pretty shy and self-conscious in real life. And even where it comes to my writing, I often feel held back by my inner critic.

Tuesday Ramblings

Posted on by Astrid

Today I don’t know what I want to write about. I’m struggling a bit. Had a hard session with my community psychiatric nurse this afternoon. During the last bit of it and after it for a while, my leg kept trembling. It generally does when I’m very emotional.

I think a switch of personality happened during the session too. I’m not sure it was a full switch or just passive influence. I feel like a fraud for thinking this really happened.

In other news, I ordered a new iPhone last Saturday and it arrived yesterday. Today, I installed it. I got most things working pretty well. I got the iPhone SE 2020, which is much like the iPhone 8 but with better battery capacity, higher processor speed and a slightly better camera. It does take a little getting used to, particularly because it’s larger and heavier than the old SE I used to have. I can’t imagine that this is really the smallest iPhone currently on the market. It is though. It also feels weird that the home button isn’t actually a button anymore. Thankfully this model still does have a home button though and doesn’t require face ID.

I walked three times today. Unfortunately, I didn’t meet my step goal and, as I’m supposed to go to bed in half an hour or so, I don’t think I will.

I asked my husband to bring my yoga mat and weights when he visits me again. I looked at some fitness blogs yesterday. Though I don’t think I’ll ever be a fitness blogger even as much as I’m a book blogger, these bloggers did inspire me to get active. I googled a basic beginner’s fitness plan. I haven’t started with it yet, but hopefully will soon. I also really hope to be starting yoga again soon.

How are you all doing?

I Saw…: Coping with Vision Loss in the Age of Social Media

Posted on by Astrid

Today’s optional prompt at Life This Week is I Saw…. We are supposed to share photos of what we saw lately. This got me thinking. I saw… nothing really, as I am blind.

I have been totally blind with some light perception since the age of eighteen or so. At age eight, my parents decided to give up on my eyesight, so all reports say I went blind at that age. I didn’t. Legally, yes, but I’ve always been legally blind. Functionally, maybe. I started learning to read Braille at the age of seven. Then again, as a person who lost his vision gradually later in life told me, going from 20/1000 vision to none is worse in some ways than going from 20/40 to 20/1000.

I have more or less accepted my blindness now. Even so, with just a tiny bit of light perception left, I still use it. Maybe I shouldn’t, but I do.

One of the most annoying aspects of blindness for me, as a blogger, is being unable to take pictures. I know some blind people have learned to take pictures, but my parents always instilled in me that photos are for the sighted and I shouldn’t want to pursue a visual activity like this. For this reason, I don’t feel comfortable trying to learn to take pictures. I mean, I feel pretty arrogant for believing I could even ever learn to take pictures.

I did mention to my staff that I may want a tripod or selfie stick or whatever for my birthday. Then again, I fear I’ll knock it over and ruin my phone if I’m not careful.

Maybe I need to ask other totally blind people how they take pictures and how they make sure they are blog-worthy or whether they don’t care.

I remember one day, when I was at the blindness rehabilitation center, the staff asked each of the clients in my group what would be the most important thing we’d do if we regained our sight. Many said they’d be able to travel more independently. I said I’d go into nature and enjoy the sights. Right now, I’d say I’d take lots of photos for my blog.