#WeekendCoffeeShare (March 7, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

Okay, I’m so very late with my #WeekendCoffeeShare post for this week. Sorry! I was in Lobith yesterday and, though I returned already before noon today, I really didn’t find the time to write. I have so many things I want to write about and yet none come out clearly onto the screen. So let me just ramble. There might still be coffee here or you can grab a soft drink. Let’s chat.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’m still struggling with hypervigilance and emotional flashbacks. If anyone is familiar with complex PTSD, I’d love to know your tips for dealing with these. I mean, I’m constantly on high alert and on the edge of flight.

It doesn’t help that I have no idea what triggered me. I mean, could it still be the dentist’s appointment at the main institution last Tuesday? I’m pretty sure that’s not it. In any case, I’m trying to cope the best I can.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that, on Friday, I showed a staff a case video from the Center for Consultation and Expertise on a woman with severe (complex) PTSD. It helped clarify some of the issues I’m facing.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I had a bit of a meltdown when I came back to the care facility from Lobith early this afternoon. I wasn’t happy about the student staff doing my one-on-one this evening. Thankfully though, the staff reassured me that the student or I could call for another staff if needed. It wasn’t needed ultimately.

If we were having coffee, I’d then try to lighten the mood by talking about the weather. It’s cold here for March, with tempts dropping below freezing at night. Still, it’s quite sunny. The weather forecast predicts rain for all of the upcoming week though.

If we were having coffee, I’d share about my husband’s great chicken wraps that he’d made me yesterday. They were especially great with tabasco sauce in them.

If we were having coffee, lastly, I would proudly announce that I got in over 10K steps five days in the past week and over 12K steps on three of those. Today and yesterday, I didn’t do so well, but I still got in over 5K steps each day. That’s what my husband says the scientific community has calculated as the real recommended minimum step count each day. My husband said the 10K mark was made up by the inventor of the activity tracker. Regardless, I did average over 10K steps over the past seven days. Unfortunately, my sister still beat me on Fitbit. Oh well.

What’s been going on in your life?

The Count to Ten With Me Book Tag

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone! It’s been forever since I did a book tag. Today, I’m doing the Count to Ten With Me book tag, which I found here. I love numbers and books, so this should be fun.

1. First book in a series
I’m obviously going with After the Cure by Deirdre Gould, since this is the most recent series starter I’ve read (or am actually still reading). The beginning was a bit disappointing, but right now I’m finding it pretty interesting. Then again, I’ve never read post-apocalyptic novels before, so my expectations may be low.

2. Two or more copies of the same book
This is a pretty rare occurrence for me. I’d have to go with a book I scanned before eBooks or Bookshare became available to me and then downloaded after they did. The one that comes to mind now is Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation by Onno van der Hart, Suzette Boon and Kathy Steele. I have the first edition English one (it’s also available in Dutch) as both a self-scanned copy and on Bookshare.

I also have some books that I have both the Dutch translation and original English for. An example is Today I’m Alice by Alice Jamieson. I read it in Dutch on audiobook after I’d got the English print one from my sister. This is a memoir by a woman with dissociative identity disorder.

3. Three colours on the cover
I’ll have to pass this one by, since I have absolutely no idea what covers look like, being that I’m blind.

4. Four or more perspectives
The first one that comes to mind is Handle With Care by Jodi Picoult. I am not a fan of many different perspectives, although I loved this one.

5. A five star read
Bloom by Kenneth Oppel. This is also the first in a series, so could count for that question too.

6. Six (or more) short stories
Oh, this is difficult. I rarely read collections of short stories. I’ll go with Our Autistic Lives edited by Alex Ratcliffe. This is a collection of personal essays.

7. A seven on the cover or spine
Pass again, sorry, for the same reason that I passed #3.

8. Eight letters in the title
Ironside by Holly Black. Haven’t read it yet, but wanted to get into fantasy and thought since Holly Black is a well-known author, I’d start there.

9. Book ends on a page ending in a nine
I of course looked this up on Goodreads. Heroine by Mindy McGinnis has 419 pages. I really hadn’t expected that.

10. Ten books in the series
I have absolutely no idea. I don’t read long series at all. Until recently, I flat out refused to read any book that wasn’t a standalone. Now, though I’ll start on trilogies and tetralogies (haven’t finished any yet so far), much longer is hard.

I’m not tagging anyone, but if you’d like to do this tag, I’d love to read it.

Gratitude List (March 5, 2021) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

It’s Friday again and I badly want to write. I’m feeling quite distressed by emotional flashbacks right now. To turn my mood around, I thought I’d do a gratitude list again. As usual, I’m joining in with Ten Things of Thankful (#TToT).

1. I am grateful to live in a care facility. I feel very insecure about my living arrangement right now, but my staff reassure me that I don’t have to leave. I am so extremely grateful for my staff’s patience with my anxiety!

2. I am grateful my staff make sure someone comes to sub when a staff is ill or has other obligations. Today, my day activities staff had to leave unexpectedly at around 1PM, but the staff made sure someone came to take her place. In the psychiatric hospital, we’d just be left with fewer staff if this happened.

3. I am grateful for chicken Siam. A fellow client and staff cooked that up for this evening and I totally love it! This client can’t have the cashews that normally go in, so there’s more left for me. 😉

4. I am grateful I got my second shot of the vaccine yesterday. I am also grateful that I didn’t experience any side effects. In fact, I hardly even felt the needle go in, so worried at first that they were doing something wrong. I try to trust that I got the vaccine correctly though.

5. I am grateful for God’s presence in my life. I have been extra involved with my Bible reading lately. I am grateful I finally figured out how to bookmark, highlight or copy verses in the YouVersion app and how to add notes or prayers.

6. I am grateful for all the lovely treats the staff who left our home last week, left for us. We had winegums, candy bars, ice cream and more.

7. I am grateful for no rain this week. It’s cold outside, but usually sunny. For this reason, I was able to get in over 10K steps each day of the week so far (not counting today, but I will later).

8. I am grateful I’m done with dentistry appts for at least another several months. My experience at the dentist’s was pretty bad last Tuesday, by no fault of the dentist. Let me just say I’m glad I’ve got it over with.

9. I am grateful I got to talk to my parents on the phone on Monday and that they are well. I had a nice chat. I will need to phone my sister later too. My parents were going to visit her and her family on Tuesday.

10. I am grateful for the ability to chat to other clients, including those from other homes within my care facility. I chatted some with a guy from the home next to us while we met outside of the day center a few days back. We used to go on walks together with the staff and also have coffee at each other’s homes, but due to COVID restrictions we no longer can. I am looking forward to being able to hang out more with him and other clients once the restrictions are lifted.

Wow, this turned out much better than I expected and it certainly did help.

What are you grateful for?

#IWSG: Favorite Genres to Read

Posted on by Astrid

IWSG

Welcome to another installment in the Insecure Writer’s Support Group (#IWSG) meeting. This past month, I’d set my expectations pretty high and, as such, was disappointed. I participated in #Write28Days with the aim of writing each day. Not surprisingly, that didn’t work out. I wrote 23 posts over the month of February. I also didn’t really broaden my horizons with respect to writing. That is, most of my posts were securely within my comfort zone. I really hope to be doing better this month.

Now on to the March 3 question: Everyone has a favorite genre or genres to write. But what about your reading preferences? Do you read widely or only within the genre(s) you create stories for? What motivates your reading choice?

Let me begin by saying my writing comfort zone is pretty narrow. I mostly write personal essays, if that’s even what my blog posts can be called. I would really like to write a memoir at some point, but I’ve been telling myself and others that for many years and yet never got down to actually doing it.

When I do write creatively, it’s usually poetry or very short pieces of flash fiction. I used to write some short stories and even have a young adult novel that I started writing as a teen yet never finished and that’s incredibly unimaginative I think.

My reading preferences do partly match my writing preferences, in that my favorite genre to read is memoir. Next to that comes young adult fiction about real problems, like the aforementioned work in progress also is.

I also read books that I couldn’t possibly be writing myself. Oh wait, I can’t really write a book at all, but oh well. I mean, I’ve recently developed an interest in science fiction and the like. I also occasionally read romance novels.

I rarely if ever read traditionally published poetry. That being said, I do love to read poems published on other people’s blogs. Same for personal essays and flash fiction. I mean, I’ve read a few books that were basically anthologies of personal essays, but I prefer to check out blogs for those.

With respect to what motivates my reading choice, I’m a true mood reader. I read a pretty wide variety of books, but they have to suit my mood at that time. I usually choose books based on the blurb. I can’t see the covers, obviously and I rarely read reviews on Amazon or Apple Books. When I do read reviews, it’s on other people’s blogs.

What about you? What motivates your reading choice?

A Very Intense Tuesday

Posted on by Astrid

Wowah, it’s been quite the day! I awoke at 8AM from a nightmare. Thankfully it wasn’t about my current care facility. I got weighed in. Thankfully, despite all the treats the staff who left us left behind, I’d only gained 200 grams.

I then got dressed, got breakfast and then read some. When my day activities staff came, she said the hairdresser was here. Like I said last week, hair salons are allowed to open again, though I overheard a staff say this isn’t until tomorrow. Oh well. I don’t go to the hairdresser each time she visits the care facility, so wasn’t sure I’d go this time, especially at such short notice. I eventually decided to go anyway and she cut about 5cm off my hair.

Then I went for a walk. Once back home, I had to eat, because I’d have to leave for the dentist at noon. I wouldn’t have my appt till 1PM, but it’s about a 45-minute drive to the care agency’s main institution, where the dentist is.

The staff had only told me of my dentist’s appt yesterday, presumably so I wouldn’t worry. I didn’t really, but my anxiety went through the roof once the dentist was doing his job, despite my having taken a PRN Seroquel to calm my nerves. It wasn’t noticeable to the staff, as I practically froze.

I had to have two cavities filled. Both were underneath an existing filling. Despite the topical anesthetic, it did hurt a little. To be honest, one of the teeth still hurts. I also got some protecctive layer over one of my other teeth, which had receding gums and for this reason the root had become exposed. That thankfully didn’t hurt.

Once I was back at the care facility, I tried to rest, but couldn’t. The anesthetic was wearing off and it hurt pretty bad. I decided to do some reading. Then the orthopedic shoemaker visited. He had tried to widen my shoes, so that my AFO (ankle foot orthosis) and arch support both fit into it and I would still be able to get my foot into the shoe. It worked, so now I can start practising walking with my AFO in. In fact, I’m pretty sure I won’t have to practise, as the discomfort is already manageable.

Once the shoemaker was gone, it was time to have dinner. I then had a bit of a meltdown over dessert, or maybe because of the reason it was just a spoiled tantrum. I eventually calmed down though and was able to enjoy the rest of the evening.

I finally gave in and got myself a membership to the International Association for Journal Writing (IAJW). I was a member some years ago, but at the time rarely used the member benefits. Part of the reason is that I didn’t know how to work Zoom and the get-togethers are on there. I still don’t know how to use it, but I think I’ll learn quickly enough.

Now it’s past 8:30PM. I’m not tired yet, but maybe I should have an early night anyway. Tomorrow, my community psychiatric nurse will be here at 11AM. That should go okay. Overall, I’m doing pretty well.

Reading Wrap-Up (March 1, 2021) #IMWAYR

Posted on by Astrid

Yay, I’ve done a lot of reading over the past week. Enough that I’d love to share it with you in a reading wrap-up. As usual, I’m linking up with It’s Monday! What Are You Reading? or #IMWAYR. I’m also joining in with the Sunday Salon, Sunday Post and Stacking the Shelves.

Life Update

I’ve been doing quite well lately. Like I said on Saturday, I have been in a pretty good mood. Today I’m a little less energetic than I was over the weekend, but I’m still feeling quite cheerful. Right now, I have an essential oil blend of clary sage, grapefruit and lime in my diffuser. It’s great.

What I’m Currently Reading

I finally picked up My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga today again after having let it sit on my digital shelf for several months. I’m finding it surprisingly easy to get back into the story.

I also picked up After the Cure by Deirdre Gould, which I’d downloaded for free a few weeks ago. I’m pretty sure this won’t get a five-star rating from me, but I’m not disappointed enough in it to give up on it. I’m still intrigued by the blurb and the first bits of the story enough that I want to know more.

What I Recently Finished Reading

I raced through A Life Lost by Cathy Glass and finished it on Saturday. It deserved a solid five stars. I reviewed the book yesterday.

What I Think I’ll Be Reading Next

I don’t have a habit of having a ton of books on my Goodreads to-read shelf, but I do have a lot in my head that I’d like to get to someday. Since I’m not very far in any of the books I’m currently reading, I can’t predict what I’ll read next.

Stacking the Shelves

Okay, I feel embarrassed. I said last week that I’d been hoarding book deals through BookBub. Honestly though, the term “hoarding” got a whole new definition this past week. I got at least twelve free books thanks to BookBub. And just so you know, I’m still only picking up books that I think will appeal to me. Among the books I downloaded are:


  • My Perfect Ex-Boyfriend by Annabelle Costa

  • Skye by Kelsie Rae

  • Once Gone by Blake Pierce

  • Critical Vulnerability by Melissa F. Miller

  • Cowboy with a Badge by Margaret Watson

  • Love in a Snowstorm by Zoe York

  • The Eleventh Hour by Anina Collins

  • Kakadu Sunset by Annie Seaton

  • Stripped Raw by Prescott Lane

  • Easy Love by Kristen Proby

  • The Boy Who Painted the World by Melody J. Bremen

  • Twelve Days by Teresa Hill


Most of these are part of some series. That’s only to be expected, as I’m assuming they’re free only to get you into the series and buy the other books. That being said, most of these can be read as standalones too, like I did with Killer Cupcakes by Leighann Dobbs. Although I’m definitely planning to buy at least one other book in that series too, as I thoroughly enjoyed this one.

What have you been reading lately?

Book Review: A Life Lost by Cathy Glass

Posted on by Astrid

Already some months ago, I found out about Cathy Glass’ new foster care memoir, A Life Lost. It didn’t come out till February 18 though and I never pre-order books. I waited for the release date and then immediately bought the eBook on Apple Books. Even though I was reading several other books, I gave priority to this one. I finished it yesterday. Today, I’m ready for a review.

Summary

Jackson is aggressive, confrontational and often volatile. His mother, Kayla, is crippled with grief after tragically losing her husband and eldest son.
Struggling to cope, she puts Jackson into foster care.

Cathy, his carer, encourages Jackson to talk about what has happened to his family, but he just won’t engage. His actions continue to test and worry everyone.

Then, in a dramatic turn of events, the true reason for Jackson’s behaviour comes to light …

My Review

This is a remarkable story. I had already read several of Cathy Glass’ other foster care memoirs, so already knew I liked her writing style. However, some of the books are a bit too predictable for my liking. This one wasn’t. It wasn’t too suspenseful for my liking either. In fact, Cathy used the exact right balance between tension and predictability. For this reason, I had some idea of the reason for Jackson’s behavior, but it still came as enough of a surprise.

This story is not just about Jackson, but also about Tilly, another child in Cathy’s care. I hadn’t read Cathy’s previous book, A Terrible Secret, which introduces Tilly, but I didn’t feel I was missing information. Cathy takes care to explain enough that each memoir can be read as a standalone and yet keeps her explanations brief enough that it doesn’t get boring if you’ve read many of her other books.

One thing that made me feel a little uncomfortable, but in a good way, was the story’s ending. It is sad, but then again sadness is part of life.

I totally loved this story and gave it five stars on Goodreads. I really hope this isn’t Cathy Glass’ last memoir.

Book Details

Title: A Life Lost: Jackson Is Haunted by a Secret from His Past
Author: Cathy Glass
Publisher: HarperElement
Publication Date: February 18, 2021

#WeekendCoffeeShare (February 27, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi all on this cold but sunny Saturday. I’ve been wanting to write a lot lately, but just couldn’t find the time. Today I’m summarizing what’s been going on in my life in a #WeekendCoffeeShare post. I’ve just had dinner. We had French fries and some might still be left over for you. Otherwise, there’ll be ice cream in the freezer. We should also have various soft drinks in the fridge and I can make you a coffee if you want it. Let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I spent the entire weekend reading. That’s why I didn’t write a post yesterday. I loved the book I was reading, Cathy Glass’ latest foster care memoir. I’ll post a review soon.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the weather was incredible over the past week. We had temperatures of about 18 degrees Celsius on Wednesday. Today, like I said, is colder and the temperature even dropped to slightly below freezing last night.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that overall, I’m doing pretty well. Early in the week, I was struggling majorly with anxiety. That has mostly gone now and thankfully hasn’t, like some other times, made way for depression. I’m feeling pretty upbeat.

That being said, I’d also share that I’m a little sad, because one of my favorite staff is leaving for the care home next door to mine. Tomorrow will be her last shift in my home. This is the reason we had fries and ice cream for dinner today.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that my new essential oils, that I’d ordered on Tuesday, arrived on Thursday. I was very frustrated at first, because on Wednesday the delivery service reported that they’d tried but been unable to deliver my package that day. They didn’t state a reason and I wasn’t sure either, since there’s always someone home here now that the day center is closed. I checked my details and noticed my house number had been put in twice. I wasn’t sure they could’ve misread it and tried to deliver my package elsewhere.

Thankfully, on Thursday, while on my afternoon walk, my staff and I ran into the delivery guy and my staff asked him whether he had a package for my address. He did. The staff carried my package, which thankfully wasn’t heavy, all the way on our walk.

I am totally in love with my new oils. The vetiver one came in a bottle with a large pipette snout, so it doesn’t fit into my essential oil container. That’s alright, as now I didn’t have to remove my field mint EO from the container to make space. My other oils fit in perfectly and I love the smell of the new ones, cardamom and grapefruit.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that my husband is busy with the trailer for his car that he bought two weeks ago. He isn’t coming to see me this weekend. That’s okay. Of course, I miss him, but am so glad we have phone and text contact.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d moan about my Braille display. I don’t remember whether I shared about my old one going into repair. Which old one, you might ask, as my current one is the third in a row. The first had dots that were stuck at least half a dozen times in the first nine months and eventually got sent back to the manufacturer. Well, the replacement had the same problem after about six months of using it too. I waited some months before reporting it, but eventually got sick of it. It is currently in repair. Now the replacement’s replacement is starting to act up too. It sucks and I’m starting to think I do something to make them all break, but I don’t know what. The thing is, the Braille display I had before this model was fine for five years even though I’d spilled tea over it when it was only a few weeks old and had dropped it a few times. And just in case the Braille display company’s representatives read this and are assuming I’m treating this model the same, I’m not. I never drink or eat in front of my Braille display and haven’t dropped it either. Quite frankly, I’m tempted to ask the company to replace the dots on my old model, which have worn out a little from use, and have me use that one innstead of this model all made on a Monday morning when the manufacturers were still half asleep.

What’s been going on in your life?

Back to Normal?

Posted on by Astrid

It’s been nearly a year since the coronavirus pandemic hit the Netherlands. Today, I’m participating in one of Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop prompts. It asks us whether anything is back to normal yet. The short answer is: it depends on your reference point.

Last summer, we were pretty much back to as normal as you get it. We were still social distancing, but shops, restaurants and cafes were open. There were even plans to allow for festivals and the like. And then the second wave hit.

On December 15, the Netherlands entered into the second lockdown. Restaurants and cafes had already been closed sometime in November. In December, schools, including elementary schools and nurseries, closed. Daycare centers and elementary schools opened again the second week of February. However, non-essential shops were also closed. By January, a curfew was issued, allowing people to only be on the streets for certain exceptional reasons from 9PM until 4:30AM.

It is supposed to be a strict lockdown. That being said, this time around it feels easier to me than our first lockdown. After all, even though that one was said to be less strict, and in many ways it was, care facilities were not allowing visitors then. They are again now. Also, physical therapists, dentists and other medical contact professionals are allowed to remain open throughout this lockdown.

On Tuesday, our prime minister held a press conference. In it, he said that, though infection rates didn’t warrant it, society did need a loosening of the lockdown. From next week on, secondary schools will be re-opening part-time. Hairdressers, beauticians and other non-medical contact professionals are also allowed to start working again. In addition, shops are now able to allow at most two customers into the shop at a time. You’re required to register a set timeframe to shop. This will supposedly help small businesses. I already heard a joke about a major budget store being booked full till July of 2023.

Honestly, I’m rather pessimistic about us going back to “normal”, whatever that may be. I’m pretty sure we’ll enter a third wave of the virus in April and that’s assuming the current infection rate is down enough to re-open. Like the prime minister said, it really isn’t. We still get over 4000 new cases of COVID each day.

Last week, my husband Googled the ultimate question: when will COVID end? He saw an article dating back to mid-December predicting that, if by late January, new cases would be down to 1200 a day, COVID would be over by the end of 2021. For the record: new cases were almost ten times that number by then. Vaccination is also going much slower than expected. I predict it’ll be at least the summer of 2022 before we’re back to whatever semblance of normal remains.

Mama’s Losin’ It

A Productive Wednesday Morning

Posted on by Astrid

I got up pretty early this morning at a little past seven o’clock. It wasn’t that I wanted to get up this early, but I just couldn’t go back to sleep. Having gotten up so early did cause me a bit of stress later on, as it’d mean I’d have to wait several hours before day activities started. Thankfully, I made it through.

At ten o’clock, my day activities staff came to my room. I had already had coffee with one of the morning staff, but was happy to have another cup.

Then we went for a walk. My knee still hurt, so I had to walk relatively slowly and got in only seven active heartrate zone minutes. I’m trying not to beat myself up about that.

On the way back to the facility, I asked my staff whether we could call a woman who lives in one of the other homes that afternoon. I used to hang out with this woman a lot when the day center still operated as before COVID. My staff suggested we check whether she was at the day center in her home’s assigned room or outside and she was. I had a socially distanced chat with her and her staff. It was good to see she was doing pretty well.

Then I returned to my home. I told my staff I wasn’t ready for resting yet and wanted to do something. She suggested we do some beading. I made the below keychain.

Purple, heart-shaped keychain

While we were working on the keychain, the physical therapist came by. She said that my knee pain is probably from my not wearing my shoes while indoors. My shoes have arch supports in them, which I do need when walking at all times apparently, not just outdoors. I struggle to wear my shoes when not going outside though, because I cannot tie or untie my laces independently and the shoes don’t feel comfortable when I’m sitting. The physical therapist made some suggestions, but I got majorly overwhelmed. She then went out of my room to discuss her suggestions with just my staff.

Then my staff and I went into the kitchen, where another staff was making hamburgers. I had two buns with a hamburger on them for lunch. I also had some bell pepper, tomatoes and cucumber slices, as well as a kiwifruit. It was delicious!

My lunch of hamburgers

Overall, I’m pretty pleased with how I coped this morning. I wasn’t expecting the morning to be this productive when I got up. This afternoon, I plan to relax a bit with my new essential oils in my diffuser. I’m really curious about the cardamom in particular.