Hi everyone on this rainy Pentecost! Today I am joining #WeekendCoffeeShare once again. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.
If we were having coffee, I would share that the weather is still quite gloomy here. Like I said above, it’s been raining most of the day. It’s also pretty cold. Man, I can’t wait for summer to start!
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this week was rather emotionally draining. On Tuesday, I found out that I won’t be able to start my new medication until at least this coming week. My care facility’s physician will be back from vacation on Tuesday and should be asked to look into the topiramate then. With some luck, I will be able to start taking it later that week.
Due to the disappointment about this and due to other triggers, I was intensely dysregulated Tuesday evening. Same yesterday. Thankfully, during the rest of the week, I have been able to stay at least out of crisis.
If we were having coffee, I would share that I’m contemplating seeking a re-assessment and possible therapy for what I think may be dissociation. I mean, I’m still unsure whether I’m making the alters up or not. Of course, on some level, I made them up regardless of whether I’ll be diagnosable with a dissociative disorder or not. What I mean though, is I’m not sure whether they are trauma-based or some result of escapism. I’m not even sure my “trauma” is real. I mean, of course it was real, but maybe it wasn’t as bad as I feel it was, or shouldn’t be affecting me as much.
I E-mailed my nurse practitioner about this on Thursday and am hoping to discuss it at our next appt.
If we were having coffee, I would share that I went to McDonald’s for lunch on Friday. I had a crispy chicken burger and fries. It was delicious!
If we were having coffee, I’d share that I was touched to the core by today’s edition of Hour of Power NL. Bobby Schuller’s sermon was on the Biblically-originating saying “Your days are numbered”. It really got me inspired to try to make a regular habit of Bible study and prayer again. I mean, I’ve so far lost only one day in the YouVersion app, two weeks ago, over the past five months. However, I notice that I’m not taking the Bible as seriously as I should and would like to.
If we were having coffee, lastly I’d share that my husband would’ve come to visit me this weekend, but he has a headache. I hope it’s gone soon. Tomorrow is a holiday too so he can come then if he feels better.
How have you been?
A Multitude of Musings 
I hope your week will be better. We have been having great weather this week. Its been in the 80’s. Things here are other wise good. The university is currently having Commencement weekend and some of it is virtual.
Work has been busy which I like especially when things go right. The Labor Negotiations are continuing and seem to be going better or was the last I heard. That seems to change weekly. The goal is to have the contract settled by the time the students return in September.
I have been enjoying my meetups this last week or so. Walks, meeting at a beach, and next weekend a cookout, birthday party and hike.
Health wise okay.
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Sounds like a good week for you. I’m so happy your weather has been good.
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So sorry you’ve had such a difficult week. Really hoping that you can start the topiramate as soon as possible and that it helps.
This is such great news that you feel ready to consider a re-assessment. Whether you will be diagnosed with PTSD and a dissociative disorder or not, I hope you will also be able to finally get some proper trauma therapy. As for trauma-based vs escapism, I think escapism itself can be trauma-based, and while I’m no expert at this, I would think that if someone has created alters or any imaginary people in their brain it might likely be due to some kind of trauma, or even if not trauma, then something that was difficult to cope with. I don’t have problems with dissociation but I have created a whole huge imaginative world in my brain which still exists, most of it was conscious, some less so, but it was my way of coping with the parts of life that I found difficult to cope with. The difference is that I don’t really consider myself a trauma survivor, even though I’ve had some difficult situations in life, because calling it traumatic feels a bit like an overstatement compared with the real trauma survivors, but still I believe that escapism, in one form or another, is a valid, if maladaptive, coping mechanism and shouldn’t cross out the possibility of your trauma and dissociation being real.
Speaking of Bible study, I’ve started doing it regularly recently. There is such a weird phenomenon and I don’t know why that is, since Bible is just as important for Catholics as it is for other Christian denominations, but for some reason there’s much less of a habit among lay Catholic people to study the Bible on their own at home, every day or even every week. We recently talked about this with my Mum how other denominations are a lot better at this and how we would both like to change it for ourselves. I’ve always loved to read Bible but never had a regular habit of doing so, let alone studying in-depth. And last week I decided to try praying Christian meditation and/or lectio Divina (Divine reading) every day, in addition to “normal”, verbal prayer that I’ve always practiced. It was originally just a try to get a feel of it, but now I’ve grown to like it so much that I’ve incorporated it into my daily routine for longer than just the one week and over this week I find that it has really helped to deepen my relationship with God, even though it’s challenging for someone like me who has trouble focusing on just one single thing ’cause my brain is always racing. It has also brought me a little bit more mental peace which is something I’ve always had a chronic shortage of and which things like typical mindfulness didn’t really provide me while being equally difficult. I hope you’ll also be able to deepen your relationship with Him and that it may also be helpful for you not only in a spiritual sense but perhaps also in regards to your trauma healing.
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Thanks so much for your extensive comment. I am so glad you validate my experiences of having an inner world regardless of what I may be diagnosed with eventually. I have such extensive experience of being told I imagine my alters out of a need to be “special” or something, that it is hard to trust my own gut feelings.
As for Bible study, I”m so glad you’re able to make a more regular habit of it as well as Bible meditation. I think prior to Vatican II, Catholics weren’t even supposed to read the Bible on their own. Considering that was in like 1962, it makes sense that Catholics still don’t make as regular a habit of it as other Christians.
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Yes, that’s a very good point about Catholics and the Bible. That being said, Bible reading is now strongly encouraged so I’m still kind of surprised that the generations born post the council don’t embrace it more when they do embrace many other things that have been introduced since then.
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Oh okay, thanks for clarifying this.
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The weather has been totally miserable here too! I’m longing for a bit of sunshine.
I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had a bit of a tough week. If you do decide to get a reassessment I hope that it gives you the answers that you need to provide the best support possible.
I’ve never really been in the situation to discuss alters, I do know of them but have no experience, so please forgive my lack of knowledge. With that said, I imagine you must have had trauma to feel the need to build those barriers.
Will be keeping you in my thoughts and hoping all goes well. 😊 #MMBC
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Thank you so much for your support and for validating me. I’m so sorry your weather has been bad too.
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We hope you have a much better week and we hope your husband is well enough to visit.
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Thank you so much. Yes, he did visit me today.
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I’ve been really struggling a lot. Still am. Glad you had a nice lunch at macdonalds. I havent had macdonalds in ages! Hope you can see your husband soon!
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Thanks! Yes, I did see my husband today. So sorry you’re struggling too.
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Sorry to hear that it’s been a difficult week. I am glad that you didn’t have any major episodes regardless.
McDonalds is a such a treat! Hope you enjoyed yours!
Hope you are having a good week!
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Thank you so much! I loved going to McDonald’s indeed.
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I have to say their brekkies are my favourite!
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Oh okay. I’ve never heard of those. What are they?
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I love their breakfast selection – we can get breakfast wraps here: scrambled eggs, hashbrown, all stuffed in a wrap!
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Oh wow, that sounds so good! I don’t know whether we have them here, in fact I don’t think we do.
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I guess there are specialities for each country!
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Oh yes, I think so too. Your specials sound great though.
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The weather is gloomy here too. We’ve had nothing but rain. I wish summer would hurry up too.
Good luck with your new medication and I hope your husband feels better soon x
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Thanks! My husband is feeling better. No news about the medication as of yet. I hope the weather really clears up soon.
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The weather has been gloomy here too. I hope we get some sunshine soon! Sorry that you’ve found the last week emotionally draining. Hope you will be able to start taking the topimarate soon and that your husband feels better soon too. #MMBC
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Thanks! I can’t wait for sunshine either! Thanks for the well wishes to my husband too. He feels better now.
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Hopefully you can get some answers and start your medicine soon. Our weather here in the PNW has been rainy and a bit gloomy. It can start to get to you. This next weekend is supposed to be nice, so that’s exciting.
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Thank you so much. I won’t be able to start the topiramate for another week at least, unfortunately. Our weather’s still gloomy too, but this coming weekend should be better too.
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