#WeekendCoffeeShare (May 23, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this rainy Pentecost! Today I am joining #WeekendCoffeeShare once again. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I would share that the weather is still quite gloomy here. Like I said above, it’s been raining most of the day. It’s also pretty cold. Man, I can’t wait for summer to start!

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this week was rather emotionally draining. On Tuesday, I found out that I won’t be able to start my new medication until at least this coming week. My care facility’s physician will be back from vacation on Tuesday and should be asked to look into the topiramate then. With some luck, I will be able to start taking it later that week.

Due to the disappointment about this and due to other triggers, I was intensely dysregulated Tuesday evening. Same yesterday. Thankfully, during the rest of the week, I have been able to stay at least out of crisis.

If we were having coffee, I would share that I’m contemplating seeking a re-assessment and possible therapy for what I think may be dissociation. I mean, I’m still unsure whether I’m making the alters up or not. Of course, on some level, I made them up regardless of whether I’ll be diagnosable with a dissociative disorder or not. What I mean though, is I’m not sure whether they are trauma-based or some result of escapism. I’m not even sure my “trauma” is real. I mean, of course it was real, but maybe it wasn’t as bad as I feel it was, or shouldn’t be affecting me as much.

I E-mailed my nurse practitioner about this on Thursday and am hoping to discuss it at our next appt.

If we were having coffee, I would share that I went to McDonald’s for lunch on Friday. I had a crispy chicken burger and fries. It was delicious!

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I was touched to the core by today’s edition of Hour of Power NL. Bobby Schuller’s sermon was on the Biblically-originating saying “Your days are numbered”. It really got me inspired to try to make a regular habit of Bible study and prayer again. I mean, I’ve so far lost only one day in the YouVersion app, two weeks ago, over the past five months. However, I notice that I’m not taking the Bible as seriously as I should and would like to.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d share that my husband would’ve come to visit me this weekend, but he has a headache. I hope it’s gone soon. Tomorrow is a holiday too so he can come then if he feels better.

How have you been?

#WeekendCoffeeShare (April 4, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this chilly and cloudy Easter Sunday. I am rather late joining in with #WeekendCoffeeShare. The reason is that I’m participating in the #AtoZChallenge too and couldn’t find the time to publish another post until today. I just had my afternoon coffee and am going to have a soft drink in a bit, so if you’d like something to drink, that’d be great. Let’s grab a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I’d share how much fun I’m having with the #AtoZChallenge. It is a great way of connecting with new bloggers and challenging myself to write (almost) everyday. For those who don’t know, the challenge is to write posts using each letter of the alphabet on each day of April except Sundays. This is the reason I have time to write a blog post today. My theme is aromatherapy and natural wellness.

If we were having coffee, I would share that this week was rather eventful in general. On Monday, I was very much triggered. I have been having emotional flashbacks a lot, as well as paranoid thoughts about my former clinician reporting me for care fraud if she finds out I’m in long-term care. My staff try to reassure me that I’m not responsible for my care funding. After all, my staff, the manager and behavior specialist applied for me. I am still unsure though.

Anyway, on Monday, when I was particularly triggered, I did an exercise of hitting a pillow to symbolically kick my former clinician out of my life. It was truly empowering!

If we were having coffee, I would also share that, on Friday, I had a treatment review at the mental health agency. My nurse practitioner tried to tell me that I’m already actually processing my trauma with the steps I’m taking now, such as the exercise on Monday. This validated me. My community psychiatric nurse, however, wasn’t fully sure of her role in my treatment and wondered whether she could visit me less frequently. For now, we have decided against this in order to maintain weekly appointments with mental health, alternatingly with my nurse practitioner and CPN.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I finally managed to go to Lobith over the weekend. My cold is still not fully gone, but it’s gone enough that I could see my husband. We had delicious Airfryer fries, turkey and peas for dinner yesterday, as well as pudding for dessert. This morning, we had breakfast in front of the television while watching Hour of Power. It was great!

How has your week been? And how’s your Easter weekend?

Profession or Identity? #Write28Days

Posted on by Astrid

Today I finally remembered to check out the #Write28Days Facebook group and jump back onto the challenge bandwagon. The prompt for today is “Profession”.

I immediately thought of all the career paths I had envisioned for myself as a teen. When I was sixteen, I was planning on becoming an English major in college, choosing to specialize in American studies and was sure I’d leave for the United States in my third year. I actually half-joked that I’d obviously find employment there and never come back to the Netherlands.

Now of course I never even made it to being an English major. I never made it to my third year in college either and haven’t been to the United States as of yet. I’ve never been employed, in fact.

For some time, I listed my old blog as my place of employment on Facebook. Now because I’m not keen on my family reading my blog, I no longer list it on my personal profile. I don’t have work listed on my FB profile at all.

Today, I was discussing my personal strengths profile, which the mental health agency is supposed to have on file for each client, with my community psychiatric nurse. It scared the crap out of me. In the plan, you’re supposed to write about your former abilities (before becoming mentally ill or whatever), your wishes and ambitions and your current abilities. I immediately thought big, thinking that since I used to go to university before my autistic burnout and lived with my husband before coming to the care facility, I should probably want to go back to these. My nurse said I can think small too. I later thought of the fact that I used to be stable on a much lower dose of daily medications and would really like to go back to a lower dose of my antipsychotic at least. That’s a valid ambition too. I don’t really need to find a profession.

In fact, I am also reminded of last week’s Hour of Power show, in which the preacher talks about one’s title vs. one’s testimony. In the Dutch show, Carola Schouten talked about her title as the minister of agriculture and vice-prime minister. She contrasts this with her identity in Christ. I love this and felt an interesting connection to her, even though with respect to profession, she is infinitely more successful than I am. With respect to identity though, we’re both children of God.

Reading Wrap-Up (February 15, 2021) #IMWAYR

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone! I finally managed to do some significant amount of reading, so today I’m sharing another reading wrap-up. I really wish I spent more time in the day reading consistently, but for whatever reason, it seems to go in ebbs and flows. It’s so interesting that, like with most everything else, I love collecting books more than actually reading them. For this reason, my various book apps are overflowing. Thankfully, I have enough space on my iPhone, so it’s really no problem.

As usual, I’m linking up this post to It’s Monday! What Are You Reading? or #IMWAYR. I’m also linking up with the Sunday Salon.

Life Update

I’ve been up since 4:30 this morning. It’s not surprising, as I slept a lot yesterday afternoon. I could’ve tried to go back to sleep, of course, but instead chose to listen to Hour of Power, Bobby Schuller’s television church service. This week, Schuller wasn’t preaching, but I loved the pastor who was.

In addition, I spent some time reading. I then made coffee at six o’clock. I hope the sound of my Senseo machine didn’t wake anyone else. It’s now 9:15AM and I already had breakfast and another cup of coffee. How nice.

If you’d like to know more about the rest of my week, please check out my #WeekendCoffeeShare post, which I wrote on Saturday.

What I’m Currently Reading

I finally picked up The Choices We Make by Karma Brown. It was recommended to me through Storygraph. Not that I use that thing anymore, as it’s not very accessible. I’m just going with Goodreads. However, Storygraph’s recommendations are good. Anyway, I had gotten this one off Bookshare already over a month ago, but wasn’t really into reading during most of January.

That is, I did read a lot, but mostly Christian nonfiction, such as devotionals and Bible studies. I am loving Made In His Image by Zondervan.

What I Recently Finished Reading

Yay, I finally finished Hatch, the second book in The Overthrow trilogy by Kenneth Oppel. I’ll post a review soon. Let me just say already that the ending was not what I’d expected.

What I Think I’ll Be Reading Next

I got several free eBooks through Bookbub this past week. One of them is Fire Starter by P. Anastasia. I was drawn to it after I’d finished Hatch, because it’s the first installment in the Fluorescence tetralogy, another young adult SciFi series, and seems to share some themes with Kenneth Oppel’s trilogy.

I also downloaded Sunshine Cottage by Barbara Cool Lee. This sounds like a cozy mystery I may really like, so I may be reading that next too.

Lastly, I really have my eyes on The Land Darkened by Tony Urban and Drew Strickland, a post-apocalyptic thriller. Yes, I really think I’m into scarier and less realistic books now than I was before. However, it’s not available on Bookshare or Apple Books as far as I can tell.

What have you been reading lately?