#WeekendCoffeeShare (June 4, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone! I didn’t participate in #WeekendCoffeeShare last week, but today, I really want to. Even though it’s nearly 9PM, I honestly still crave coffee. So let’s grab a coffee or other drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I would share that the weather has been great here over the past week! I mean, right now I’m almost soaking in my own sweat and wishing it could be a little cooler, but it’s much better than all the rain we had during most of May.

If we were having coffee, I would share that, due to the warm weather, I was able to meet my step goal every day of the week so far. In fact, by yesterday evening, I’d gotten in more steps than during the entire week last week. Woohoo!

If we were having coffee, I would share how much I’ve been enjoying nature lately. On Wednesday, I heard a chorus of frogs when walking beside the local canal. Unfortunately, I didn’t have my phone with me and, when I did later that day and yesterday, they weren’t as loud. I still fully intend on capturing some nature video sometime soon.

If we were having coffee, I would share that today, the water system in my care home had to be cleaned professionally because legionella bacteria had been found. It scared me a little, both the contamination and its associated risks, as well as the method of cleaning, which apparently involved chlor gas. I mean, we weren’t allowed in the building while the cleaning took place, but I somehow got it in my head that I’d be forgotten. I wasn’t, of course.

While we had to be outside of the building for the day, some of my fellow clients went to the day center. The staff proposed I go with some other clients to a monkey zoo called Apenheul, which is in the city of Apeldoorn, about a 45-minute drive from Raalte. I initially didn’t want to go, as I felt I’d just be overloaded. Since I would have one-on-one support for the entire day, my staff said I didn’t have to go if I didn’t want to and could decide this morning to sit in the day center or do other activities. My husband tried to persuade me to go anyway and so I did. I didn’t join my fellow clients and took a shorter route through the zoo. Overall, it was a good experience. My one-on-one took some pictures with my phone. Unfortunately, the monkeys didn’t make many sounds.


If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I might finally start my topiramate next week. At least, the GP figured out my options for going on a different birth control (because topiramate blocks oral birth control) and okay’d my going on the depo-Provera injectible birth control. She said that she’d get back to my staff next week to make sure I can start it. Thankfully, a nurse at my care facility will be able to administer it. Please everyone pray that this means I can start the topiramate soon. I really could use some relief from my PTSD.

If we were having coffee, lastly I would however share how effective learning to be present has been for me lately. This is an exercise I found in the book Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation and it’s really quite helpful. I haven’t yet been able to practise it when very distressed, but when I’m at a moderate level of distress, it does help.

How have you been?

#WeekendCoffeeShare (May 23, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this rainy Pentecost! Today I am joining #WeekendCoffeeShare once again. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I would share that the weather is still quite gloomy here. Like I said above, it’s been raining most of the day. It’s also pretty cold. Man, I can’t wait for summer to start!

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this week was rather emotionally draining. On Tuesday, I found out that I won’t be able to start my new medication until at least this coming week. My care facility’s physician will be back from vacation on Tuesday and should be asked to look into the topiramate then. With some luck, I will be able to start taking it later that week.

Due to the disappointment about this and due to other triggers, I was intensely dysregulated Tuesday evening. Same yesterday. Thankfully, during the rest of the week, I have been able to stay at least out of crisis.

If we were having coffee, I would share that I’m contemplating seeking a re-assessment and possible therapy for what I think may be dissociation. I mean, I’m still unsure whether I’m making the alters up or not. Of course, on some level, I made them up regardless of whether I’ll be diagnosable with a dissociative disorder or not. What I mean though, is I’m not sure whether they are trauma-based or some result of escapism. I’m not even sure my “trauma” is real. I mean, of course it was real, but maybe it wasn’t as bad as I feel it was, or shouldn’t be affecting me as much.

I E-mailed my nurse practitioner about this on Thursday and am hoping to discuss it at our next appt.

If we were having coffee, I would share that I went to McDonald’s for lunch on Friday. I had a crispy chicken burger and fries. It was delicious!

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I was touched to the core by today’s edition of Hour of Power NL. Bobby Schuller’s sermon was on the Biblically-originating saying “Your days are numbered”. It really got me inspired to try to make a regular habit of Bible study and prayer again. I mean, I’ve so far lost only one day in the YouVersion app, two weeks ago, over the past five months. However, I notice that I’m not taking the Bible as seriously as I should and would like to.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d share that my husband would’ve come to visit me this weekend, but he has a headache. I hope it’s gone soon. Tomorrow is a holiday too so he can come then if he feels better.

How have you been?

#WeekendCoffeeShare (May 15, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this partly cloudy but thankfully not too rainy Saturday! Today I’m once again joining in with #WeekendCoffeeShare. I just had my afternoon coffee for today, but there’s probably still some left. Or you can grab a cup of tea or a soft drink. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that this week has been rather eventful. It started out with my psychiatrist’s appointment on Monday. Like I said, I was overcome with disbelief at how seriously the psychiatrist and my nurse practitioner took me.

Over the entire week, I’ve had a lot of emotional and visual flashbacks related to my trauma. I’ve also experienced some form of near-psychotic-like symptoms where I confused the past with the present. My inner life feels like a rollercoaster ride of dissociation, anxiety, paranoia and more. I really hope that I can start the topiramate soon and that it will help. I did try to take my PRN quetiapine a few times, but it hardly really helped.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that my mother-in-law visited me on Tuesday. We went for an hour’s long walk and got fried fish at the marketplace near my neighborhood supermarket on the way back. Unfortunately, it started to rain just when we’d finished our fish, before we were back to the care facility. Thankfully, the rain wasn’t too heavy.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that, despite not meeting my step goal of 10K for several days so far, I’m still on track for this week. The reason is the fact that, early in the week, I surpassed my goal. I even got in 17K steps on Wednesday.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that my sister had her birthday on Thursday. I sent her a present (a book) already last week, but she wouldn’t open it till her actual birthday. My mother posted a picture on my sister’s FB of the card she’d sent announcing my sister’s birth. It showed me as a toddler and my sister as a newborn. My sister commented with a recent picture of my niece in which she looks just like me in the card, saying that toddler (leaving it to interpretation whether she meant me or my niece) is more beautiful.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I’m seriously considering buying Apple Airpods Pro. I really want in-ear earplugs so that I can listen to soundscapes or soothing music when going to sleep. I also badly want them to have noise-canceling functionality.

Unfortunately though, I haven’t had the announcement from the benefits authority of my getting my annual vacation allowance, which should be in my bank account later this month. I had originally planned to buy the Airpods (and maybe an Apple Watch too) for that money. However, with the Braille display expense scare last week, I’m a little more careful now.

If we were having coffee, I’d share about the online magazine on cerebral palsy I found out about earlier this week. CP Netherlands created it and it’s lovely. I read in it, among other things, about a radio news reader who has CP.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d tell you that my AFO broke sometime today. I have no idea how it happened, but my staff saw it when I wanted to put it on this afternoon. Ugh, I hate it when my adaptive equipment breaks down.

How have you been?

#WeekendCoffeeShare (May 8, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi and welcome to my #WeekendCoffeeShare post for this week. Grab a cup of coffee, be it Senseo or traditionally-made, a glass of your favorite soft drink or a glass of water and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that the weather here is still all over the place and mostly not in a good way. It’s mostly rather chilly for the time of year and has been raining everyday for the past week. Tomorrow, the temperature’s supposed to rise to a whopping 25°C, but we’re still supposed to get rain and of course thunderstorms. Not fun!

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that, despite the weather, I still managed to get in an average of about 8000 steps each day. I’m still experiencing foot pain when wearing my AFO for longer than say fifteen minutes at a time, but it’s okay if I don’t go for long walks.

If we were having coffee, I would share that I am so happy that my Braille display got fixed. Like I said yesterday, it was quite the ordeal.

If we were having coffee, I’d also share that the construction crew finally came by my and my husband’s house in Lobith to get us a new front door and backdoor. They still need to fix one window, which has a crack in it. Thankfully, they weren’t as stubborn as the Braille display company, so my husband won’t have to pay for the broken window.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you about the talk I had with my facility’s behavior specialist on Thursday. I was able to express my continuing feelings of not belonging in my current care home. This, for clarity’s sake, has nothing to do with the care home itself or the way the staff treat me, which is great. I am pretty sure it’s my search for some ideal that really doesn’t exist. After all, wherever I go, I always take my insecure self with me.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you about the online cerebral palsy (CP) meeting I had this morning. It was a regional meeting, because in the future CP Netherlands hopes to organize them in real life. It was quite an interesting meeting. Having recently become more and more aware of my CP, I was able to feel validated by people’s experiences of the long-term effects of this disability.

I also signed up for an online workshop on aging with CP that’s being held next month. I am still considering whether to sign up for the workshop on development of people with CP from birth to age 35, as it sounds interesting despite the fact that I’m nearly 35 myself.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d share that my husband and I are planning on having lunch tomorrow. As usual, we’re going to get a takeout lunch at Subway.

How have you been?

#WeekendCoffeeShare (May 2, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this first Sunday of May. I still honestly can’t believe it’s May already, but it is. Today I’m joining in with #WeekendCoffeeShare. It’s still early in the afternoon, but I didn’t want to be very late with my submission. I’m having my afternoon coffee in a bit, so if you’d like one too, that’s okay. Let’s have a coffee and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that this week was a mixed bag weather-wise. We’ve had sunshine, clouds, wind and rain. The temperatures are still below normal though.

If we were having coffee, I’d be excited to share that, on Tuesday, I went to a playground in a neighboring village with my one-on-one staff. It was King’s Day, so we had the day off from day activities, but I had a lot of fun anyway. The playground had a trampoline, a seesaw and several swings. My husband wondered why I had my shoes on while jumping on the trampoline, but this was apparently allowed.

Me on the trampoline.

If we were having coffee, I’d also share that, on Thursday, I revived my Instagram account. That is, I had posted exactly one photo some four years ago and had deleted that a few months back. On Thursday, as you can see, I uploaded a photo of a soap I’d made with my one-on-one last week. I am not yet certain I will really be posting to my Instagram more often, as I don’t think my pics are really Instagram-worthy, but well. I had fun making the soap and wanted to show it somewhere.

Speaking of soap making though, I’m planning on making a lip balm real soon. I also found out early this week that I will be able to make shampoo bars after all, since it doesn’t require saponification with lye. Now the stuff that is used to make shampoo, is quite concentrated too, but I think I may give it a try after all.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the physical therapist once again urged me to wear my AFO after all. It still hurts and, to be honest, I feel as though she dismisses my pain. Then again, I understand the need for the AFO. Let’s just hope my semi-orthopedic shoes will be here soon. I doubt it though.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that the manager came by on Thursday to inform me that the opening for a new staff had finally been filled. The new staff will start orienting at my home tomorrow. At first, she will not be working with me, but eventually she might.

If we were having coffee, lastly I would share that I spent the weekend in Lobith with my husband. We had delicious meatballs for dinner yesterday. We also had rice and cucumber. In the evening, my husband gave me a picky eater test he’d found online to see if I had a high score. I scored eleven points, he scored six. Then again, I probably was a little strict on myself, as I said for example that I wouldn’t eat celery. This morning, it was in a salad we had for breakfast and, while I didn’t love it, I didn’t hate it either. There are only a few foods I definitely will not eat. That being said though, the list of foods I’d rather avoid, is quite long.

How have you been?

#WeekendCoffeeShare (April 24, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone! After writing this afternoon’s quick post, I felt I really wanted to write another post today, so I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare on Saturday. I’m pretty sure I’ll have something else to share with you tomorrow. Either that or I can take the day off blogging for a change. Anyway, I just had my soft drink and chips for this evening, but there is no doubt still some left. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first, as usual, I’d make smalltalk about the weather. It’s mostly been sunny and dry, but windy and quite chilly. How is yours?

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’ve been struggling with foot pain when walking for a while now. I don’t know why, but it seems worse when I wear my AFO (ankle foot orthosis). The physical therapist – not my usual one, since she was off sick – came by yesterday. I can’t remember all that she said, but it came down to my having muscle tension in my feet or something. Massaging my foot before putting on the AFO may work. Other than that, she basically told me that the AFO takes some getting used to. I interpreted this to mean I just need to push through for a bit. That, I think, makes little sense, since I’ve had the AFO for at least a month, probably two, and was fine most of that time.

I was pretty frustrated and depressed when I could barely walk with the AFO on yesterday evening. I immediately catastrophized that I may as well get a wheelchair. Another possibility, and I know my staff don’t buy that one, is that I just need to lose weight. I do, but my staff don’t believe that’s causing my pain. Honestly, neither do I, as I’ve been a lot heavier in the past and then didn’t have issues with pain. My foot also does stand in a weird position when not forced into a 90-degree angle by my AFO. Well, I’m not wearing my AFO for now and we’ll see what will be next.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that on the walk without my AFO this evening, I heard a stork making that clattering sound storks do. We were near the neighborhood supermarket, so at first, my staff didn’t believe me and was convinced it was something else. Then she spotted a stork nest.

Stork

If we were having coffee, I would share that I’ve been reading a lot lately. Some of it involves me exploring the enneagram and other personality-related topics. I’ve also been reading a little on attachment styles and trauma. However, I’m also reading for enjoyment. I am currently reading the foster care memoir A Sister’s Shame by Maggie Hartley.

If we were having coffee, I’d also tell you that I’ve been writing a lot again. Of course, I’m still blogging everyday, but I’ve also picked up my journaling app, Day One, again, and am aiming to write at least a few sentences each day.

If we were having coffee, lastly I would share that I’m finally able to benefit fully from the YouVersion Bible App and Bible.com. I discovered the note-taking feature yesterday. Today, I finally downloaded the Common English Bible translation. This translation’s publishers require a valid E-mail address and I had initially signed up with my Apple ID and a hidden E-mail address. I thought it should be easy to add my actual E-mail address to the app, but not so. Turned out I also had an account, a different one, with my actual E-mail address. Thankfully, I was able to sort it out. I’m fully enjoying my Bible reading again.

What’s going on in your life?

#WeekendCoffeeShare (April 18, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

Hello everyone and welcome to my #WeekendCoffeeShare post for this week. I just had my afternoon coffee. I think there’s still some left, or you can have a tea, fizzy drink or water. We alsso have custard cupcakes if you want one. They’re delicious! Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I’d ask you about your weather. Ours has been steadily improving over the past week. On Monday, we still had a bit of ice rain, but the rest of the week, it’s not rained much. Today, we have some sunshine and temperatures of about 16°C during the day. It’s still close to freezing at night though.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that, on Wednesday, I had a good talk with my community psychiatric nurse. I was able to express some of my anxiety. Then again, Thursday night I ended up in a bit of a crisis again. I tried to reach my CPN on Friday. Unfortunately, by the time she called me at 5:30PM, there was little she could do for me.

Tomorrow, I’ll meet with my nurse practitioner again. I’m considering asking him about my medication, both my daily meds and my PRN tranquilizer. While the PRN med, the atypical antipsychotic quetiapine (Seroquel), works okay for reducing sensory overload, I’m experiencing increasing anxiety, particularly at night. I don’t blame the quetiapine, but I’d really like something to help with this.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I had quite a scary experience yesterday. I was walking outside in the sunshine and suddenly completely blinded. Of course, it is only to be expected that I’ll eventually lose my light perception too, but it’s still scary. My staff interestingly did understand my panic about being blinded. Most people probably won’t, since to a sighted or even partially sighted person, I’m pretty much totally blind.

I also had a pretty nasty headache, so I’m wondering whether I might have experienced a spike in eye pressure. My staff is going to inquire about getting my eye pressure checked by an ophthalmologist. I’ve heard, after all, that glaucoma needs to be treated even in blind people.

This experience did motivate me to finally inquire about getting a pair of NoIR sunglasses again. I had them in the past, but cannot find them in my size at the most well-known low vision shop. My staff E-mailed the occupational therapist about it. For now, another staff gave me a pair of regular sunglasses.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I got a new roller tip for my white cane on Friday too. I now have a marshmallow tip, which I think works better than the large ball tip I used to have.

If we were having coffee, I’d share how happy I am with all the engagement on my blog. It’s truly heartwarming to see how many people are touched by my posts.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d tell you that my husband and I went for a walk in the “wolf woods”, as he calls the woods between Raalte and the nearby theme park. A wolf was found in the theme park a few weeks ago. Thankfully, we didn’t spot it.

How have you been?

#WeekendCoffeeShare (April 11, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this cloudy and slightly rainy Sunday evening. I’m rather late writing my #WeekendCoffeeShare post this week. I’m having a rather hard time planning when to write, as I cannot concentrate on it when my one-on-one staff is with me and yet struggle to feel well enough to write when alone. I just finished my dinner, so no coffee for me as of yet (though with my parents, coffee after dinner was a ritual). If you’d like a Senseo though, I can make you one. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that this week was rather bad weather-wise. It’s been raining all week. On Monday and Tuesday, it even snowed a bit. It’s been near freezing cold too. How is your weather?

If we were having coffee, I’d share that this week, the physical therapist and orthopedic shoemaker came by to discuss my getting semi-orthopedic shoes. My current, store-bought shoes aren’t great for fitting my AFO in. They also have laces, which I can’t tie myself. I’ll hopefully hear next week what models they have available. I did try on a pair already, but this was just to get an idea of what I’d need.

Thankfully, the shoes will be fully covered by long-term care. This did lead to a bit of self-loathing, in that I feel like a burden for costing so much with my one-on-one, the weighted blanket and all the other costs and now this. I try to calm myself by thinking it wasn’t really my decision. Besides, I will most likely experience less pain when walking and be able to walk longer distances. Still, I can hear my inner critic say that I fake my mild cerebral palsy.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that, last Friday, I was in a crisis. I don’t even know what led to me starting to feel triggered. At some point though, I left my room at night. On my way to wherever, I bumped into something and swore. Then I decided I’m unforgivable anyway now and decided to self-harm. I’m okay physical wound-wise and the night staff eventually calmed me down. Still, I have been feeling really unsettled all weekend.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d share how proud I am of myself for continuing to blog each day and sometimes more than once. Of course, I’m busy with the #AtoZChallenge, but I also managed several other blog posts. That’s pretty awesome if you ask me.

How has your week been?

#WeekendCoffeeShare (April 4, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this chilly and cloudy Easter Sunday. I am rather late joining in with #WeekendCoffeeShare. The reason is that I’m participating in the #AtoZChallenge too and couldn’t find the time to publish another post until today. I just had my afternoon coffee and am going to have a soft drink in a bit, so if you’d like something to drink, that’d be great. Let’s grab a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I’d share how much fun I’m having with the #AtoZChallenge. It is a great way of connecting with new bloggers and challenging myself to write (almost) everyday. For those who don’t know, the challenge is to write posts using each letter of the alphabet on each day of April except Sundays. This is the reason I have time to write a blog post today. My theme is aromatherapy and natural wellness.

If we were having coffee, I would share that this week was rather eventful in general. On Monday, I was very much triggered. I have been having emotional flashbacks a lot, as well as paranoid thoughts about my former clinician reporting me for care fraud if she finds out I’m in long-term care. My staff try to reassure me that I’m not responsible for my care funding. After all, my staff, the manager and behavior specialist applied for me. I am still unsure though.

Anyway, on Monday, when I was particularly triggered, I did an exercise of hitting a pillow to symbolically kick my former clinician out of my life. It was truly empowering!

If we were having coffee, I would also share that, on Friday, I had a treatment review at the mental health agency. My nurse practitioner tried to tell me that I’m already actually processing my trauma with the steps I’m taking now, such as the exercise on Monday. This validated me. My community psychiatric nurse, however, wasn’t fully sure of her role in my treatment and wondered whether she could visit me less frequently. For now, we have decided against this in order to maintain weekly appointments with mental health, alternatingly with my nurse practitioner and CPN.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I finally managed to go to Lobith over the weekend. My cold is still not fully gone, but it’s gone enough that I could see my husband. We had delicious Airfryer fries, turkey and peas for dinner yesterday, as well as pudding for dessert. This morning, we had breakfast in front of the television while watching Hour of Power. It was great!

How has your week been? And how’s your Easter weekend?

#WeekendCoffeeShare (March 27, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

Welcome to another #WeekendCoffeeShare post. I just had my afternoon coffee about an hour ago and am going to have a soft drink in a bit. Of course, I can still make you a Senseo if you want. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I’d say that I’m just about as well as it gets with respect to my cold. I am still a tiny bit sniffy, but I don’t think it gets any better anytime soon. I didn’t go to Lobith this weekend, even though my husband had promised me pizza at our house if I did. After all, yesterday I still wasn’t convinced I was well enough. Instead, my husband is coming over tomorrow.

If we were having coffee, I would say that this past week has been great in the walking department. Like I said yesterday, I’ve been quite active. Today was an exception, as it was raining on and off all day so far. I hope to still get some steps in this evening.

If we were having coffee, I would talk some about the political saga that unfolded after last week’s general election. The current prime minister, Mark Rutte, won the election again, probably because people are used to him doing the corona-related press conferences. Before the election, he’d hinted at some restrictions being lifted for Easter. Of course, that was just a political game to win voters, as in the last press conference, only the curfew got moved from 9PM till 10PM.

Speaking of the lockdown, my husband predicts from what he’s read that most of the restrictions will remain until mid-June. I really hope he’s wrong, but at least we can still see each other (provided neither of us is under the weather).

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I’ve been loving reading other blogs as well as writing my own blog posts. I’m not yet preparing for the #AtoZChallenge. Maybe I should, as it’s in less than a week.

I’ve also been in contact with WP support again. The reason is the news that the classic editor might be disappearing after all. I’m not sure WP support itself knows what it’s doing, as I get mixed messages. I’m trying to let it go for now though, as so far at least I can still blog.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d share that we might get new staff here in my care home soon. I think I mentioned last week that a male staff was having a look around our home last week Saturday to see if he wanted to work here. Turns out he does. He’s been orienting here a few more times. He used to work in a home for people with intellectual disability who also have complex care needs due to behavior. I got the impression he didn’t like that anymore, so I feared I’d scare him away from wanting to work here. Turns out he’s going to work in both homes.

Then on Thursday, another prospective staff, also male, toured my care home. The manager informed me in advance that he was coming, which I liked. I’ll be curious to know if he decides to work here.

What’s been going on in your life?