Mid-Year 2025 Health and Wellness Update

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I forgot to share in my weekend coffee share on Saturday that I had my annual health check recently and got the results on Wednesday.

I am pleased to say that all my blood tests came back normal or close enough to normal for it not to be a concern. For example, my egfr (kidney function measure) was 86. The normal value is >90 and this used to get me worried a lot. However, a value of 60 or above isn’t a reason for medical intervention. And guess what? This value of 86 is higher than it was last year and then it was higher than the year before. In fact, I’ve never had as good a score on the egfr thingy since getting annual blood tests.

All my other bloodwork came back normal too. My fasting blood glucose level was 4.4. The normal range is 4-6.1. I know Americans and some other folks use a different measuring unit, but I am too lazy to look up what my value would be in that system. Now I hadn’t expected my glucose to be too high, since a while back I had it checked when I had eaten and it was 5.2 then. However, my maternal grandma suffered with type 2 diabetes at a relatively young age and I did use to be obese.

Speaking of weight, when I weighed myself last Tuesday, I weighed 60.5kg. This is about 2kg in the overweight range and it’s above the upper goal weight I’d agreed on with my dietitian. I am pretty sure that, when I weigh myself again tomorrow, I’ll have gained some more, since this was before last week’s BBQ and before all my birthday treats. I am struggling to care enough to actually change my eating habits and the good results on my blood tests are causing me to be more chill than I might otherwise have been. Let’s hope that I can actually kick myself in the behind.

And I don’t just mean with respect to physical activity. After all, I’m pretty sure I’m doing an okay job of that. I mean, yes, I should add strength training to my physical activity routine, but it’s not like I ever was more active than I am now. In fact, I’ve always been a couch potato and I can’t expect to drastically change that overnight. That’s why I’m pretty okay with the physical activity I do get. However, I do truly need to change my eating habits, because I know that I can. Just because I did far worse ten years or even five years ago, doesn’t mean I can allow myself to slide back.

I’m struggling some with increased pain in my right leg. It’s back to a manageable level since getting dry needling treatments a few times. However, it’s not completely gone.

With respect to sleep, I usually get enough sleep and I actually think its quality is decent too. I haven’t seen my oxygen levels drop below 95% according to my Apple Watch in forever. My breathing is faster than it should be according to my Apple Watch, which worries me a little. I don’t have the sleep apnea feature on my watch. That should be interesting once I get a new Apple Watch, since I’ve been concerned about that for many years.

I’m still a night owl, like I’ve always been. A few weeks ago, I read online that night owls experience faster cognitive decline than morning people. This scared me, but then again I can’t just change my circadian rhythm, right?

Overall, there are two competing voices in my mind telling me things about my health and what to do. One is telling me that I haven’t been healthier than I am now in years and this is a good thing, but it’s also rather lazy about making changes I do need to make. The other is saying that, even though I’m pretty healthy for me, it could and should be better. This voice is scaring me about turning 40 next year too. I think I need to find the middle ground.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (June 28, 2025)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare again. No more coffee for me, as it’s nearly 9PM. I however do still have some slices of cake with nuts and caramel left over from when my sister and her family came over this afternoon. I also have a bag of mini brownies in my cupboard. I didn’t even know I liked brownies, but yesterday we got one with our coffee when my best friend, my parents and I were eating out. They were great! When my father told the waiter that it was my birthday, he offered me a bag of brownies as a treat. So let’s munch on some sweetness while we have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. No complaining from my sister or my nieces about the heat today, yay! It was 26°C this afternoon, but apparently that’s doable for them. The rest of the week was a mixed bag. Early in the week, we had quite windy weather that made it feel chillier than it was. I even wore a jacket on Tuesday.

If we were having coffee, then I’d share that, thank goodness, I survived my birthday! I’m now 39. That’s not what I mean though: I made it through both meeting my parents and the visit from my sister and her family.

Yesterday, my best friend and I drove to Groningen to meet my parents. We walked some time around a library / study hall thingy which had as its only positive for us that you could oversee the city from the roof. Most of the way up, we were able to use escalators, but we had to walk up a flight of stairs to get to the roof. This was a bit scary for me.

After a few hours, we went to a restaurant, the one with the brownies. I was dead set on ordering something I wouldn’t normally eat, so chose the rib eye. When I ordered, the waiter told me it was served with mashed potatoes and, by this time, I was a bit overloaded so didn’t ask for an alternative. Thankfully, my best friend did and I got fries.

The food was good, but seeing my parents was, well, awkward. Thankfully, no arguments and my parents engaged more with me and my best friend than last year. I, however, didn’t want to give them a reason to start making triggering comments so I only replied “Fine” when my mother asked how I was during dinner.

My sister and her family visited me at the institution today. This was actually quite a positive experience. My nieces, who are five and three, were also a lot more engaging with me than last year and a lot less cranky. I allowed both of them to create something with my Fimo Kids clay. I told them I’m going to cure their creations in the oven and could be mailing them their way. Then, my brother-in-law said they’d be in Apeldoorn in a few weeks and could pop over here to pick up their creations then. I actually think I like that.

If we were having coffee, then I’d tell you I got a fitness mat for my birthday from my sister and her family. I really want to work on my strength, but boy is this hard. I tried planking and couldn’t even hold it for ten seconds. When I did a few squats too then checked my heart rate on my Apple Watch, it was 179. It quickly dropped when I was just standing, but this is a good reminder I will want the physical therapist’s advice on starting a strength training routine.

If we were having coffee, next I’d share that we had the institution summer festival on Tuesday and Wednesday. I didn’t participate much, but I did take part in a climbing activity. This was so scary!

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d tell you my assigned staff, behavior specialist, physician and some others had their meeting with the Center for Consultation and Expertise (CCE) on Wednesday. The CCE are going to ask for a consultant to come to my care home and observe me and the staff and on that basis they’re hoping to provide suggestions for better support. I was initially quite pessimistic, but am now cautiously optimistic that things might improve.

Being a Snob

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today, Sadje’s Sunday Poser is all about snobbery. I’ve always thought of being a snob as something negative, but being proud of your culture or an aspect of it can be a good thing too. So am I a snob?

In the positive sense, no, not at all. I don’t have a fine taste in art or food whatsoever. I actually love going to all-you-can-eat restaurants and hardly notice that the food isn’t good quality.

With respect to art or literature, my bestie and I have this inside joke about people not having read “Multituli”. We got the joke after a semi-famous Dutch writer having said that people outside of Amsterdam never read “Multituli” and are as such quite backwards. The actual pen name of the author is “Multatuli” and I actually did read his work, Max Havelaar back in high school, but other than a few random quotes, I hardly remember the story.

This brings me to my attitude and, yes, I can be a bit snobbish about my intelligence. I remember at one point talking to my assigned staff, the one who is still a student. She told me she was learning about attachment theory in school and, even though my comment wasn’t meant as bragging at all, it did come across as such to her. I told her I probably knew more about this topic than her. I probably do and this isn’t an advantage at all, hence my not having meant it as bragging. In fact, the fact that I know more about emotional development, attachment styles etc. than most of my staff, is quite a problem for me, as I cannot apply it to my actual life.

As a teen, I was quite a horrible snob, taking pride in my intelligence and my education. Now I realize I’m truthfully quite average. In other words, mediocre. This realization does often lead me to making self-deprecating comments. Yesterday, when my bestie and I were discussing Meta AI, I said that of course I’d objected to my data being used. My bestie commented that it makes sense that I don’t want AI to steal my pictures of my polymer clay. I immediately thought this was sarcasm and explained that, while most of my works are indeed based on tutorials and not all that good, that doesn’t mean I want AI to use them. It was only later that I realized my bestie may’ve been sincere.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (June 21, 2025)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare this evening. It’s 5:40PM as I type this. I’d advise you to drink lots of water today, as it’s hot outside, but if you’d like a coffee, I’ll gladly serve you one. I also just heard that one of the staff ordered a dozen bottles of diet coke (and I mean the 1.5l bottles, not single-serving bottles), so if you’d like a coke, that’s okay too. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I’d start by sharing about the weather. Did I say it’s hot? Yes, I did. The daytime high today was 30°C. That plus lots of sunshine and poor air quality means I may go outside for a bit at 9PM or so, but not now. The rest of the week, the daytime temps have been lower, but I’ve been able to wear short sleeves each day.

Tomorrow is supposed to be another hot day here in the eastern part of the country, but after that, we’re getting some rain and lower temps (though still above 20°C). I’m already looking at the weather forecast for next Saturday, as then my sister and her family will be visiting me for my birthday. Let’s hope it won’t be too hot, as then my sister and her kids will most likely be cranky.

If we were having coffee, next I’d share that I did meet my movement goal on my Apple Watch each day this week again. That is, each day except for today so far, but I’m pretty sure I’ll meet it today too despite only one walk.

If we were having coffee, then I’d tell you that a staff handed me some shorts, shirts and a few other clothing items that she no longer wears. We did have to throw a few things away that I suspected would be worn out soon or damaged in the washing machine. Overall though, I’m very happy with everything she gave me.

If we were having coffee, I’d also tell you that I fell last Sunday. I had just finished a polymer clay project and was walking out of the bathroom after having washed my hands when I stumbled over an open drawer of my nightstand and fell. I apparently fell backwards, hitting my head quite hard on the floor. The staff said I was responsive right away, though I have a small memory gap. After a while, I got a major headache and my neck also started hurting.

My father broke his neck when he was young and didn’t find out until several days later. This thought crept up on me constantly and, not knowing that if I had broken or seriously damaged my neck, I would’ve felt severe pain right away not a while later, I felt quite anxious. My staff wasn’t able to reassure me either. Thankfully, my GP’s nurse practitioner, who came by on Friday to check on me, was. I now am to take paracetamol four times daily for the next few days to lessen the pain, in hopes that I’ll move my neck more and it won’t stay stiff. I’m glad my anxiety is also less, because that too was keeping me from moving my head.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d share that, though I have a zillion ideas for what to do in the crafting, physical activity and writing departments, none of these seem to materialize. This frustrates me to no end. I really hope there’s a way for me to get some more structure in my activities without it becoming too compulsive.

Today’s Accomplishments (June 20, 2025)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m struggling with having a zillion vague ideas of what to write in my mind but not being able to get started on actually typing any of them down. This makes me feel like a failure as a writer. To counter this feeling (and to actually write something, anything…), I’m doing a list of things I did accomplish today. Here goes.

1. Did my morning ADLs. I actually needed to shower today, but had showered and washed my hair yesterday so I did a quick wash this morning. After all, I was still pretty tired when waking up. I’m content with this.

2. Went to physical therapy. I had what I might hope was my last dry needling session on my right leg. It hurt when I was being treated, but the pain has been manageable for most of the day. I probably have to thank paracetamol for that, as I now have to take that four times daily for an unrelated ache.

3. Went on two 1.8km walks. After the dry needling treatment, I’m not supposed to walk long distances for the first 24 hours, but this felt okay.

4. Experimented with seed bead stringing. I had ordered seed beads in four colors last week (the parcel I moaned about not having been delivered last week). I had also ordered a beading needle, which I expected to be sharp so I was saying that I probably needed to protect my fingers. Then again, if I do so, I can no longer feel where the needle is going. Turns out the beading needle isn’t sharp at all. And guess what? I actually succeeded at stringing the seed beads onto the wire. Granted, I haven’t tried even the most basic beading stitch yet, as I couldn’t follow the step-by-step instructions I found online and didn’t have the time to watch a video with my staff. I’ll give it a try soon though.

5. Brushed my teeth. This isn’t such a big achievement to most, but for a long while when in the psych hospital, I struggled with this. For this reason, I’m mentioning it anyway.

…Not Life Experience Deductible

Posted on by Astrid

Hi all. As I shared before, my birthday is next week. I’ll be 39. This means that next week will mark the start of my 40th year on this planet. It isn’t necessarily something I take too seriously, except that my best friend, who is “only” 36, loves to remind me that I’m the older one of us. Then again, life starts at 40, right?

We were joking about age again this afternoon when my best friend came up with a new mantra for me. I’d have to explain here that, for years when I was in the psych hospital, I had a profile signature at the forum my best friend and I know each other from (and at many other autism and mental health forums). It was: “Time spent in psychiatric institutions is not life experience deductible.” With this mantra, I meant to counter the professionals who told me that proper help and treatment, a long-time place to reside, etc. could wait because I was still young. Yes, seriously.

Now the mantra my friend came up with was: “The first 40 years aren’t life experience deductible.” This is actually the polar opposite of “Life starts at 40”.

While I believe that, indeed, the first (nearly) 40 years of my life matter as much as however long I have left here on Earth, I do believe that it’s never too late to create a brighter future. And that doesn’t have to include huge leaps forward. It can include small sparks of joy. In this sense, nothing I go through or accomplish each day is life experience deductible. Yes, it’s incredibly frustrating that things in the care system progress at such a slow pace, but that doesn’t disqualify the meaning of everyday pleasures.

Written for Fandango’s One Word Challenge for today, which is “mantra”. I love doing these little freewrites.

Bittersweet Birthday

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. As you may know, my birthday is next week. It is a bittersweet day in ways that it isn’t for most people. After all, yes, many adults, particularly those who are childfree, no longer celebrate their birthday because they have the money to buy themselves presents and a day to remind yourself that you’re getting older isn’t special to them anymore. It never was to me, as I hated growing up as a child due to all the expectations set on me.

Now though, I no longer mind getting older. In fact, when I turned 30, it felt exciting because I could finally join the over-30s groups on Facebook.

I do still have mixed feelings about my birthday though. I shared more about this last month. My birthday is rather bittersweet. However, bittersweet does include sweet.

For the most part, I like to turn the end of June into a celebration. It’s summer after all, which is my favorite season. This year, I am once again going to make a cheesecake for my fellow residents and treat them to a burger and salad. I am also still childishly excited about my presents. I know, I can buy myself whatever I want. That is, not really, of course, but I mean I have the financial security to buy my own presents. Still, it’s fun to know what others come up with as gifts for me. Yes, even the rather odd thrift store finds my parents usualy come up with. And by odd, I mean that they’re cheaper in the regular store than at the thrift store. I’m not a thrift store gal, but I appreciate those who are.

Sharing this post with Moonwashed Musings.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (June 14, 2025)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this hot Saturday evening. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare. No more coffee for me, as it’s 7:30PM. I was just discussing possibly creating a mocktail someday, but not today, as I don’t have the right equipment. It’s the right weather though. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather, as usual. Early in the week, the daytime temperature didn’t even reach 20°C, but yesterday and today were hot with a high of 30°C. It’s also pretty humid. We got some rain today and there are thunderstorms in the forecast. Tomorrow, the temperature’s supposed to be less hot: about 23°C.

If we were having coffee, next I’d tell you that I did still meet my movement goal on my Apple Watch each day this week. I went for bike rides on Monday, Thursday, Friday and today. On Thursday, we rode the side-by-side bike to a shopping center about 10km away. I wanted to buy fruit and look for a hat or cap to protect myself when in the sun. I have a giant straw hat, but don’t like how large it is. Then again, it’s supposed to protect my eyes too. I didn’t find a hat or cap I liked, but I did buy peaches. Yum!

If we were having coffee, next I’d tell you about my creative endeavors over the past week. On Tuesday, I made a new necklace and today, I made four pineapple charms out of polymer clay. These are to be used as decorations for the living room. They’re currently still curing in the oven.

If we were having coffee, I’d also moan once again about the institution’s policies regarding where packages are supposed to be delivered. And about PostNL. I ordered a number of jewelry-making supplies on Tuesday, which were sent out by the store on Wednesday. On Thursday, PostNL would’ve delivered them, but they were too busy (as they usually are). They tried to deliver my package today, but the place that usually picks up packages here on grounds is closed on weekends, so PostNL sent my package on to a pick-up point. And to make matters worse, the pick-up point isn’t even within biking distance. I hope that the package will arrive at the pick-up point Monday morning, and I hope that my Monday afternoon staff will be able and willing to drive me there too. It’s all very frustrating! PostNL used to have a pick-up point in the next town, but that apparently closed.

If we were having coffee, finally I’d talk about the stressors re my upcoming birthday. I initially wrote a post on this topic yesterday, but decided to delete it.

My birthday is on the 27th and I initially waited on my parents to take the initiative to schedule a visit and they apparently waited on me. Then on Tuesday, my bestie and I were discussing this and I realized that I would probably regret it if I didn’t meet my parents for my birthday this year. I mean, they’re in their 70s, so I won’t have many years with them left.

Then came the stress of figuring out what we’re going to do. My bestie proposed we drive to Groningen, which is the big city nearest to where my parents live. I asked my parents about this and my father immediately came up with an idea of showing us around some library museum thingy. We usually eat out for my birthday too, so I asked my parents to find a restaurant. They got the impression that I wanted a Thai restaurant like last year and the year before, so came up with one. Thing is, they’d never been there and the reviews were horrible. There was even a customer who said there’d been plastic in their food and, on top of that, the restaurant admitted it but wouldn’t give a discount.

Then I came up with another idea: to go to a chicken restaurant about 45 minutes from my parents. However, this restaurant is in a tiny town with nothing to do. I also asked my sister to recommend restaurants in Groningen. She initially reacted disappointed that I hadn’t invited my parents over here the day my sister and her family are coming, so I was like “Screw it!” and came up with the chicken restaurant. My sister eventually recommended some places, but these sounded more like diners than restaurants. Finally, my bestie decided to look up good restaurants and found something which sounds good to all of us.

I still feel quite a bit of stress about my birthday, as I don’t have a good relationship with either my parents or my sister. I will however get through it.

Reminders to My Struggling Self

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. In one of my many collections of journaling prompts, I came across a prompt about what you’d like to remind yourself of the next time you’re in a downward spiral. I’m pretty sure I responded to this prompt already at least once, but I’ll do it again. After all, today is the first day in a while that I didn’t have any significant stressors. Not that I’ll likely look at this list when I’m spiraling into crisis, but oh well. Here are some notes to my struggling self.

1. I have a friend. My spouse and I may be in the process of divorcing, but that doesn’t mean we won’t stay friends.

2. I have supportive people to connect with online and in real life. I’m thinking of my in-laws, but also of my support circle online. Some of these people, I’ve known for 15 years.

3. My staff may not always do the right thing, but they mean well. Yes, it’s a myth that they’re completely working in my best interest (simply because they have other people’s and the organization’s interest in mind too), but they do want to help me.

4. I have survived much worse than I’m enduring now. This doesn’t mean that my current suffering isn’t valid, but it does show that I am strong.

5. I am allowed to feel like crap, but wallowing in my feelings doesn’t help the situation.

6. The world may not have been made for me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t work towards improving it.

7. I can still write. And I can still create with polymer clay and other materials. I can express myself.

8. I can still move. Even if walking is painful (it currently is, but thankfully less so than it used to be), I can move in other ways.

9. I know myself best and know what’s best for me. I should really use my voice.

10. Pain (be it physical or emotional) is temporary. Things will (most likely) get better.

11. I have the capacity to find joy in little things. Such as homemade latte, my staff having repaired an old handmade necklace, or a staff complimenting me on my ability to adapt that particular moment.

12. A day doesn’t need to be perfect. I don’t need to listen to what my former assigned staff at the intensive support home said: that I’m negative because I didn’t have a perfect day even when my day schedule was followed without interruption. I am allowed to say “Okay” when people ask me how I am. I am not a bad person for not being upbeat.

13. I’m not a monster for being in crisis. I am still me.

I’m joining Thursday Thirteen (even though it’s still Wednesday here). I’m also joining #WWWhimsy.

Shades of Blue

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. This month, the Weekly Prompts Colour Challenge is “blue”. I have written several posts addressing the color blue. It is one of my favorite colors, probably my favorite after purple. Oh wait, now that I think of all the beautiful shades of blue, I actually believe as a general color category, blue is even better than purple. Sorry, lilac.

There are so many wonderful shades of blue. I once took a quiz on Dictionary.com to determine how much I knew about the different words for various blues. The only one I got wrong the first time I took the quiz, was the meaning of “cerulean”. I was unsure when I retook it today too, but remembered that my first instinct had been incorrect back then so selected the next thing that came to mind. And this time, I scored 8 out of 8 correct answers. That doesn’t mean that I don’t tthink cerulean should be purplish.

Since the quiz did not explain every shade of blue clearly, and there are many more that weren’t mentioned in it, I just looked a few up. Since I do have some concept of color despite being totally blind now, I can imagine what colors would look like. No-one can be sure whether I’m correct, but that applies to sighted people’s internal perception of color as well.

Blue is the color I have the most shades of in polymer clay and I don’t even have all of them. I have Fimo blue (true blue, so blue as blue should be, apparently), brilliant blue, pacific blue, aqua, blue ice quartz, blue agate and peppermint, which contrary to common sense is blue not green. I also have Premo cobalt blue and ultramarine blue, as well as Cernit in several shades of blue that I can’t remember. In this sense, it’s interesting to note that I hardly create anything primarily blue out of polymer clay. I think I need to change that.