My Safe Space

Posted on by Astrid

A few months ago, my former behavior specialist introduced a kind of visualization exercise to me called something like “A safe space” It doesn’t necessarily involve just visualizations though. Rather, the idea is to imagine your safe space, real or imaginary, in as much detail as you can. For today’s blog post, I’m going to describe mine.

I am in a kind of artificial forest surrounded by trees. The ground, however, is smooth, so that I can walk on it. When I want to rest, I can sit on a soft, cushioned bench in the forest. It feels like moss, but smoother and velveter. I can pull a weighted blanket over me when I want to fully relax. Of course, it’s always comfortably warm here.

I smell the scent of various plants and trees in the forest, such as lavender, sweet orange, pine, etc. They vary with the time of day or week and with the seasons, creating ever-changing combinations of aromas.

There are, of course, unicorns in the forest. The unicorns have all kinds of colors and sparkly or shimmery or glow-in-the-dark mane, creating a beautiful sight. Since my safe space is imaginary, I can see well enough to actually perceive these colors and sparkles and everything. When I feel like it, I can ride one of the unicorns. I can also cuddle with the colts and fillies. The unicorns comfort me.

There’s water in my safe space too. It has all the pros of a swimming pool (the cleanliness, smooth surface to stand on at the shallow end, etc.) but is still natural in a way. There are dolphins in the water that I can do dolphin therapy with.

I hear calm harp music and birdsong in the background when I’m in my safe space. Sometimes, the birdsong is replaced by dolphin sounds.

All combined, the unicorns and dolphins with the music, scents, and comfortable feel of the weighted blanket, will calm me.

Of course, aside from the real dolphins and the unicorns, everything I have in my imaginary safe space, I either have in my real room at the care facility or could somehow create elsewhere. I mean, I have a weighted blanket, an essential oil diffuser, a music pillow and a Spotify account to create the soothing music. The staff also offered to take me swimming once in a while again and I could obviously find a real forest (though that does not have the smooth ground to stand on). I can still imagine many colors in my mind, so this visualization exercise may help me create the colorful experience of the unicorns I described above. In truth, though merely imagining a safe space isn’t necessarily going to make me feel any calmer, it does get me closer to realizing the things I have right here in order to create it.

loopyloulaura

How I Cope With Stress

Posted on by Astrid

Today in her Sunday Poser, Sadje asks how we cope with stress. We all face stress in our lives, yes, even the most laid-back people out there. Maybe they’ve just found better ways of coping with it.

I for one find that a major stressor for me is frustration with my disabilities. For this reason, it may be that my parents thought I was very laid-back until I became aware of my blindness when I was around seven. Now, frustration in general, such as with failing technology, can set me off, but really so can frustrations when trying to accomplish something.

So how do I cope? Over the years, I’ve found several ways to ride the waves of frustration. Dialectical behavior therapy and in particular the ACCEPTS skill set has helped.

I find that distracting myself by focusing on something other than the frustrating situation or thing helps. This is hard with my autistic tendency to perseverate. For example, when I get frustrated with a polymer clay project, it’s currently hard to let go and focus on something else. But it is necessary. This is why my staff encourage me to take regular breaks and also do other activities, such as walking, besides polymer clay.

I also find that talking through my problems sometimes helps. Then, I may realize I’m catastrophizing or using other cognitive distortions. Often though, to get rid of a stressor, I need someone to take over part of the problem, or all of it, from me. After all, my problem-solving skills are practically nonexistent.

Other things I do to cope with stress include finding relaxing activities, such as diffusing an essential oil blend or lying under my weighted blanket. Lastly, writing about my stressors, problems or frustrations also helps.

What helps you cope with stress?

Four Essential Oil Diffuser Blends for Relaxation

Posted on by Astrid

Like I’ve mentioned a couple of times over the past week, I’ve been loving my new essential oils. I got three new-to-me oils, even though I already had a stash of about thirty different oils. One of the reasons for this is the fact that, when I started out experimenting with essential oils several years ago, I just bought oils at random without paying attention to which blended well together. In case you didn’t know, blending essential oils is better than using single oils. For this reason, you almost by default need more than one oil. But I was completely clueless and just threw oils together that I had no idea about whether their smells or effects would complement each other or would lead to something that flat out stank. And since I had no idea what to expect, my nose wasn’t telling me either.

All this to say, you don’t need thirty or more essential oils to enjoy aromatherapy. I for one love creating a new blend everyday and, since I buy my oils online, I haven’t been able to smell them before purchasing them. If you are in a position to smell different oils before purchasing them, by all means do. After all, even though blends are better than single oils, if an oil has a horrible smell on its own, you may not like it in synergy either. Thankfully, all my new-to-me oils smell pretty good.

Like I said above, I like to try a new essential oil blend everyday. Like I said when doing my #AtoZChallenge on aromatherapy, essential oils can do different things. For example, some can be uplifting and some can be relaxing. Today, I’m sharing four different essential oil blends for relaxation.

For each blend, I will assume you have a medium-size (about 300ml) ultrasonic diffuser. For this reason, the total number of drops of essential oil you’ll want to use, is about 10 on average. You can adjust the number to your liking or your diffuser size.

Blend 1

First up is a blend of lavender or lavandin, cedarwood, sweet orange and ylang ylang. Like I said when discussing lavender and lavandin last April, lavandin is milder and cheaper than lavender. In this recipe, I used lavandin. You can substitute the sweet orange for wild orange if you have this, but I’ve never tried that. I really like this combination of oils and have it in my diffuser as I write this post.


  • 4 drops lavandin

  • 2 drops sweet orange

  • 2 drops cedarwood

  • 1 drop ylang ylang

Blend 2

This blend combines equal amounts of bergamot, patchouli and ylang ylang. I got a little bored of this blend after using it a little too often. However, it is simple to memorize, which may be one reason I used it so regularly.


  • 3 drops bergamot

  • 3 drops ylang ylang

  • 3 drops patchouli

Blend 3

This blend contains lavender (or lavandin, I’ve tried both), patchouli and geranium. Geranium is one of those oils whose smell I don’t personally appreciate that much, so I like to use only one drop of it in my blends.


  • 4 drops lavender

  • 4 drops patchouli

  • 1 drop geranium

Blend 4

Finally, I want to mention a blend that contains one of my absolute favorite essential oils: clary sage. I was really saddened that I didn’t find a reason to discuss this oil in my #AtoZChallenge last April, although I think I mentioned it when discussing uplifting essential oils. This blend has both mood-boosting and relaxing properties.


  • 1 drop lemongrass

  • 5 drops lavender

  • 4 drops clary sage

I hope some of these essential oil blends will inspire you.

loopyloulaura

Also linking up with the Hearth and Soul Link Party

Xanax From Nature: Calming Essential Oils #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Welcome to my letter X post in the #AtoZChallenge. Sorry for the weird title, but I had to come up with something starting with X. Xanax (alprazolam) is a benzodiazepine anti-anxiety and sleep medication. Here in the Netherlands, benzodiazepine medications aren’t covered by insurance, at least not when used for sleep or relaxation. In the spirit of finding alternatives to benzos, today I’m sharing what essential oils can do to promote relaxation. Now I don’t say that essential oils are as effective, but in some cases, they might just be, especially since benzos are highly addictive.

The most well-known oil for tranquility is, of course, lavender. Lavender is thought to help relieve anxiety by affecting the limbic region of the brain, the area that involves emotion. You can either use some lavender essential oil in a diffuser blend or enjoy a lavender bath. To do this, combine a few drops of lavender essential oil with a teaspoon or so of the carrier oil of your choice or an unscented bath gel.

Valerian is up next. I don’t own this oil and haven’t talked about it. Valerian is an herb that has been used since ancient times to promote sleep and relaxation. The herb can be used in herbal teas, but there’s also an essential oil derived from it that can be used in a diffuser blend.

Jasmine is also sometimes used in aromatherapy to promote relaxation. It has a beautifully floral scent and, in helping with anxiety, has the advantage that it doesn’t cause sleepiness. Jasmine is usually sold as an absolute and even then can be quite expensive.

Chamomile essential oil, particularly Roman chamomile, is also commonly used for helping reduce anxiety. I do not own this oil, as it is pretty expensive, but would love to in the future. I did at one point use chamomile in herbal tea.

Lastly, frankincense and vetiver essential oil both have calming properties.

There are also oils that have both calming and uplifting properties. For example, I personally didn’t expect patchouli essential oil to help with anxiety, as it is mostly thought of as an uplifting oil. However, of course, oils can do both. I will discuss more uplifting oils later.

I Am Overwhelmed

Posted on by Astrid

Yesterday I sat in front of my computer for an hour or more typing up a blog post, only to erase it again because I couldn’t find the proper words to finish it. Today I’m trying again.

I am horribly overloaded. To be honest, even the mere thought of having to write a blog post, adds to that. So why do I do it? I guess this post won’t get many views or much engagement at all, so why bother? Then again, I may be able to get my rollercoaster of emotions to slow down a bit if I write stuff down.

Last Saturday, I attended an online meeting of CP Netherlands, the national charity for people with cerebral palsy and their parents. I wasn’t sure whether to attend, as I’m not 100% sure my mobility impairment is severe enough to count as CP. Of course, the other attendees advised me to get a referral to a rehabilitation physician to find out.

Of course, just self-understanding isn’t a reason to get assessed for CP as an adult. However, I’m noticing that my mobility gets somewhat worse and I experience more pain. This could be my being overweight, of course. I will also get orthoses soon to help with the position of my feet. This might help.

In the meeting and later in the CP Facebook group, I shared how all my past professionals said my issues weren’t due to the disability they were assessing for. For example, the occupational therapist from the blindness agency said that my difficulties weren’t due to blindness. The OT for the psych hospital said my motor ability was more or less fine. At least, I didn’t have significantly less strength in my left hand than my right. The neurologist consulted when I earlier complained of worsening mobility, said it wasn’t my hydrocephalus either or if it was, my issues were not severe enough to warrant risky surgery. I agree. However, ultimately, my psychologist concluded everything was fine and I was just being dependent.

I asked my staff to talk to the physician for my facility and maybe the physical therapist about my mobility impairment. I after all do experience worsening pain and what may be spasticity. I’ll hopefully hear back soon.

Then today I experienced terrible sadness. I was overwhelmed by some sounds other clients made in the living room, but felt bad going to my room. My assigned staff said maybe I expect too much of myself. I mean, I’m half convinced that I’m deteriorating, which my staff doesn’t see. Maybe I indeed need to take a break. Lower the bar on my step goal now that my broken Fitbit won’t notice anyway. Stop wanting to write a blog post everyday, or really more than one. Be content with just two or three 20-minute walks a day and relaxing the rest of the day. I’m not sure. This feels so much like giving up.