Gratitude List (December 22, 2024) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining Ten Things of Thankful today. Let’s see what I’ve been grateful for over the past week.

1. Pizza. Technically, this is one from last week. Last Sunday, there was no meal delivery service meal I liked, so I chose to get takeout pizza. I chose one with onions, mushrooms, bell peppers, sausages and fresh garlic.

2. Another food one: my Christmas hamper. This year, we had the choice between a food hamper either regular or low-cal, a beauty hamper or a crafty one. Figuring that budgets are tight, I decided to go for the regular food hamper, as I doubted what was in the others would be of interest to me. I got marshmallows, chocolate, chips, whipped cream and waffles, cocoa and maybe I forgot something. Oh yes, I did: pretzel sticks, but I gave those away. I probably gained several pounds from enjoying the food and I have the marshmallows and chocolate still unopened.

3. Oh wait, another food one and a more likely cause of weight gain: a new staff had gotten chocolate with salted caramel as a welcome present to the care agency, but she didn’t like salted caramel, so gave the bar to me. That one is gone by now.

4. The fact that I was able to take a bath on Wednesday. I used a bath bomb that changed colors and had a nice scent (although for the life of me I can’t remember which).

5. My decreased antipsychotic dosage that I started on last Friday. I’m now on 15mg of Abilify a day. So far, I haven’t been significantly more irritable.

6. The fact that the days are officially getting longer now. Man, do I hate winter and especially the darkness.

7. A good visit from my spouse today. We hadn’t seen each other last week, so the visit felt extra special. We went shopping at Hema, my spouse’s favorite store, and ate lunch there too.

8. The fact that I was able to go for a walk today despite the weather being rather gloomy in the afternoon. Thankfully though, no rain in the evening.

9. The fact that I’m still creatively inspired. And generally more motivated to do things than I used to be.

10. Peace. I mean both inner peace and outer peace. That is, I’m still experiencing anxiety, but it isn’t nearly as severe as it was several months ago. I’m also so grateful that, at least for now, I live in peace.

Gratitude List (December 1, 2024) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. It’s nearly 11PM as I write this. I feel motivated to write, but can’t really think of a lot to write about. However, a gratitude list is always good. I’m joining in with #TToT. It’s been forever! Let’s see what I’ve been grateful for this past week.

1. Inspiration to craft. I mentioned this yesterday too and have been claying again today. I also have many ideas floating around in my head.

2. A visit to a nearby market again. I got fried calamares at the fish stand. I also bought spicy olives.

3. The pasta salad with tuna we had yesterday. And the fact that it wasn’t used as an extra but as the main meal.

4. Sleep. I’ve been sleeping a lot over the past few days. Not always at night, but who cares?

5. Warm clothes. I’m nursing a cold, like I said yesterday, and, though I don’t have a fever, I do feel more comfy wearing warm clothes.

6. The fact that I managed to talk out a recent issue with a staff today. She tried to assign me a temp worker on Friday even though there were other options. It turned out she hadn’t fully understood the agreement.

7. The fact that I now feel at least a tiny bit comfortable with the new staff. With the latest addition to the team, I struggled a bit, but we had a good time on Thursday.

8. My mental state. I’m still experiencing anxiety on a daily basis, but it’s a lot less severe than it used to be.

9. Motivation to write. Like I said yesterday, this is a sign that my mood is improving.

10. The fact that I no longer live independently. I was reminded of the fact that I’m intensely grateful for this again this evening when my spouse called me because of stress related to our house. I feel a bit guilty for not being able to help, but at the same time I’m so glad I no longer have this responsibility, because when I did, it didn’t mean less stress for my spouse and it did mean significantly more stress for me.

Things I Appreciate About My Current Care Home and the Care I Get

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I tend to lean towards pessimism about life in general and my care is no exception. However, I do feel that there are definitely positives about my current care home and the care I get. This evening, I’m struggling a bit with mistrust. It’s sometimes hard to realize that my staff truly want the best for me, but they do. For this reason, I’m using this post as an opportunity to share the things I appreciate about my care home and the care I receive.

1. My room. When moving here from the intensive support home, I was cautioned that my living space would be much smaller here. It is, but this I see as a positive rather than a negative. I only have one room as opposed to a separate living room and bedroom, but this means I can actually find all my belongings in one place. My room is large enough for all my stuff and this was something I hadn’t expected.

2. The lawn/yard adjacent to my room. I have a little terrace that I have a table and two chairs on, as well as a large lawn. I share it with the resident in the room next door, but she doesn’t use it at all.

3. The fact that I could choose the color for one of my walls. Okay, they didn’t have my favorite color, lilac, but I can’t see it anyway and my spouse, who can, thinks pink is much better.

4. My one-on-one support. It’s not perfect, but it’s as good as can be given the current circumstances. I have enough time for day activities.

5. The fact that staff don’t push me to be more independent than I can be. I had a pretty bad experience with this at the intensive support home. For example, staff would ask me why I was independent enough to climb over my fence during an outburst but not independent enough to tell the shampoo and shower gel apart when showering. As if these two are in any way similar! And even if they were, I’m autistic and struggle massively with executive dysfunction, as well as my energy level varying significantly from day to day.

6. The fact that the female support coordinator makes most decisions for me rather than the male one even though she is actually responsible for the other side of the home. I have had some issues with the male one, who isn’t the most socially adept, and I’m so glad they were able to make a working arrangement.

7. The fact that I get female staff for my personal care all the time. I’ve always made it very clear that I don’t feel comfortable with males helping me with this. However, at the intensive support home, I was often told I either could accept the male staff or figure out a way to do said task independently, even when there were female staff available.

8. The fact that staff have agreed not to assign me unfamiliar temp workers unless absolutely necessary. At least, that’s how most staff have explained it to me. The male support coordinator corrected me when I said I’m happy that as a general rule I won’t get unfamiliar temp workers, so now I’m not sure whether I was too optimistic. It’s still early days too, but I’m trying to be grateful.

9. My two assigned staff. Both are female, one being in her sixties and quite experienced and the other a young student staff who however has a lot of knowledge. They both have my best interest in mind.

10. My signaling plan. A signaling plan is a plan that details the various phases of alertness or emotional stability in order for everyone to help the client prevent emotional outbursts or other states of over- or under-alertness. My support coordinator at the intensive support home had herself changed mine without my knowledge or consent. Thankfully, I was able to retrieve the one I had in Raalte and we were able to build a new plan based off that.

11. The fact that, if I have concerns, I can E-mail my assigned staff and support coordinator and they’ll take my concerns seriously.

12. The fact that my fellow clients are a lot less disruptive than the ones at the intensive support home. I still experience overload from the sounds my fellow residents make at times, but it’s manageable.

13. The fact that I won’t be kicked out of here. I’m not entirely convinced of this yet – no, scratch that, I’m not convinced of it at all -, but at least so far my staff are saying they’re happy I’m here.

I’m linking this post up with Thursday Thirteen.

Daily Habits I Already Do That Improve My Quality of Life

Posted on by Astrid
Daily writing prompt
What daily habit do you do that improves your quality of life?
View all responses

So many times, we think about the habits we could add to our daily routine to improve our quality of life. I at least do and then the only thing I do is make a list of them, but I don’t actually add most habits to my daily routine. I must admit, there’s very little I do literally everyday. This, however, is a nice reminder to look at the tiny things I do (almost) daily that improve my life.

  1. Get up at a reasonable time. I used to be a big one for lie-ins until late morning or early afternoon. Now though, I always get up between 8AM and 8:30AM. Yes, also on weekends. I sometimes go back to bed after breakfast for about half an hour, but I consider that my chill moment rather than me needing the extra sleep.
  2. Eat breakfast. I sometimes skip lunch or dinner, but I never skip breakfast. This hasn’t always been the case. Like, when I was a teen usually the first thing I’d pop into my mouth would be a candy bar or two from the school vending machine. Even when in the mental hospital, I’d often not wake up until mid-morning or later and would skip breakfast.
  3. Brush my teeth. This is another one that hasn’t always been this way. Like, in the mental hospital I’d skip toothbrushing more often than I’d actually do it. The staff thought that I just didn’t want to brush my teeth and,, since I had a borderline personality disorder diagnosis, this was considered “my choice”. However, I struggled with the feel of the manual toothbrush, the taste of toothpaste and I’d often simply forget to brush my teeth.

    Now, I get reminded to brush my teeth and my staff supervise me. Though I haven’t found a solution to the toothpaste issue, using an electric toothbrush helps a lot already.
  4. Go for a walk. Or several. This is something I don’t literally do everyday, but 99% of the time, I go for at least one longer walk.
  5. Call or text my spouse. Social interaction helps improve quality of life too, so I include this one. I sometimes am so busy with my morning activity that I don’t text my spouse until early afternoon, but not a day goes by when we don’t interact.

Looking at this list, most of these habits I do in the morning. That’s so interesting, since I consider myself a night person. Things I do in the evening that improve my life, however, aren’t usually literally daily habits.

Gratitude List (June 30, 2024) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today, I’m doing a gratitude post. As usual, I’m linking it up with Ten Things of Thankful. I’m not in a good mood, but, as I usually say, that’s the best time to do gratitude posts, as it usually surprises me with how many things I can come up. Let’s go!

1. I am grateful for the weather. On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, it was a little hot for my liking, but the temperatures setteld down eventually and today the daytime high was 23°C.

2. I am grateful I tolerate the heat pretty well. On those hotter days, when the daytime high was 30°C, everyone was complaining about being hot, but I handled it okay.

3. I am grateful the institution “townhouse” was finally opened last Tuesday. If I’m correct, construction finished over a year ago and I was half-joking that they’d built the thing without realizing budget cuts would mean there was no use for it. It will be used for leisure activities. I do wonder what will happen to the building these activities used to take place in, since that building too had extensive roof work done recently so I’m hoping they won’t just let that building rot.

4. I am grateful for cheesecake. I made it as a birthday treat for the entire home (both sides, so 20 clients plus staff) on Thursday. The staff I made it with, had never made a cake or pie before, but it was a definite success.

5. I am also grateful my order for buns at the local bakery went well. I was going to treat the entire home to hamburgers, but when I tried to order the buns online to be collected on Thursday, something on the payment website caused me to go paranoid and I canceled. My spouse calmed me down and I retried and was successful this time.

6. I am grateful the hamburgers were delicious! I had two of them.

7. Speaking of my birthday, I am grateful many of my fellow clients came by my room in the morning to wish me a happy birthday and to sing for me.

8. I am grateful for two cards from a former fellow client from the intensive support home. I by chance walked by there today and she called out to me and went inside to fetch the cards.

9. I am grateful for the gift voucher for one of my favorite clay stores I got from my sister. I am full of ideas of what to buy with it.

10. I am grateful for the music pillow I got from my spouse as a birthday present yesterday. It is connected to my iPhone via Bluetooth. After a bit of trial and error figuring out how it works, I slept like a log last night listening to one of my favorite calming music albums on Spotify.

What are you grateful for?

Vignettes About Unicorns

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today I’m joining Writer’s Workshop. One of the prompts is to share at least five moments of your life (not events, but merely vignettes) that are somehow related. I, for some reason, was immediately drawn to the theme of unicorns. Let’s see what I can come up with.

1. I remember having a unicorn My Little Pony figurine as a child. In fact, that’s a lie, as I think it was my sister’s, but I loved her anyway. In my memory, she was light purple, but I could’ve misremembered that, since my favorite color is lilac.

2. Last October (I think), I got a unicorn soft toy from my spouse as a thank-you gift for my support throughout our relationship and particularly over the past several months.

3. The other two unicorn soft toys on my bed, I bought at the fall fair here on institution grounds last October too.

4. Which reminds me, I have a lonely unicorn soft toy sitting in the soft toy cabinet. I got that one for Christmas at the last day center I attended while living with my spouse.

5. Oh wait, no, I have another unicorn soft toy in the cabinet. I got that one when leaving the care facility in Raalte for the intensive support home. Oh, how I miss being in Raalte still.

6. Now enough with the soft toys. The first unicorn I created, in July of 2021, I did entirely from a YouTube tutorial. I gave it to my spouse, who probably still has it.

7. I remember crafting my first unicorn at the intensive support home with my assigned staff. It didn’t turn out as good as I’d liked, but it was okay.

8. I gifted her my best unicorn I created while there when I left. Too bad she ignores me now…

9. When I left the intensive support home, I gifted each of my fellow residents a small cutter-created polymer clay unicorn.

10. I used for it a cutter I’d gotten for my birthday last year from my parents. My spouse had also gifted me unicorn-themed cutters at some point, which I originally intended to use.

11. I read my first unicorn-themed book a few years ago. That is, I probably read some in childhood too but not sure since they weren’t as popular as they are now. The book was a short picture book called First Day of Unicorn School.

12. My current unicorn-related read is the second book in the Unicorn Academy series by Julie Sykes. Oh wait, that’s not exactly a memory I’m sharing…

13. I can’t remember when I started calling my spouse “head unicorn catcher”. The reason is the fact that my spouse’s truck route is named after a city which has the unicorn as its symbol. Oh wait, that wasn’t really a memory either.

But I got to thirteen. So I’m allowed to share this post with Thursday Thirteen too. So if my post doesn’t meet the criteria for Writer’s Workshop, at least it meets the criteria for that.

Gratitude List (April 26, 2024) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. How have you been? I’m participating in Ten Things of Thankful with a gratitude post once again. It’s been a while. I however have quite a few thankfuls to share, I think, so let’s go.

1. I’m grateful for homemade pizza. My spouse, mother-in-law and I made it together at my in-laws’ house (my father-in-law wasn’t there) last Saturday after the CP conference.

2. I’m grateful for a side-by-side bike ride on Sunday. I was assigned an extremely tall staff member for my one-on-one and, for those not aware, I am short myself. This makes walking with him quite a challenge, as we haven’t yet figured out a way for him to guide me that doesn’t cause me pain. However, I came up with the idea of biking instead.

3. I am grateful for the fact that my attempt at making overnight oats on Monday turned out to be a success! Last time I made them, I added way too much milk.

4. I am grateful because, on Tuesday, I was able to cook köfte for my fellow residents and staff. It took me quite some time, but that’s not a problem.

5. I am grateful for French fries on Wednesday. Oh, I’m making more than half of this list about food, but okay.

6. I am grateful for an opportunity to go swimming yesterday. I had gone swimming twice last week, once with my own home’s residents and once with a small group. I hadn’t expected to be able to join the small group this week again and swimming for my home was canceled because most residents were on the annual trip. However, I was able to join the small group anyway.

7. I am grateful for a trip to the institution museum this afternoon. It’s a really small museum, but it was interesting to learn about the history of the institution. Plus, we got free mini pancakes! Oh wait, that’s another food-related thankful…

8. I’m grateful for a day without rain today. We had rain most of the week and, though I could go on walks everyday inbetween showers, I couldn’t go out nearly as much as I’d have liked. Today though was a rain-free day and we even had a bit of sunshine.

9. I am grateful for an appointment with the nurse practitioner who works at my local GP practice re my decreasing mobility. I’ll have a physical therapy appt soon too but I’d really like to know what’s causing my mobility impairment (CP or something else) and whether a decrease in mobility is to be expected or what can be done about it.

10. Last but not least, I am so grateful I seem to be slowly crawling out of the pit of depression I was in.

Daily Habits For a More Meaningful Life

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today was a good day for once. I went swimming for the first time in a long while. No, that’s a lie, since I went swimming with my fellow residents yesterday too. What I meant is that I was originally allocated this spot on Thursdays for swimming but haven’t been able to go yet for staffing-related reasons. Yay for an opportunity to go today!

This isn’t something I can do everyday or even each week, but there are lots of activities I could incorporate into my daily routine that will give me a more meaningful life. Today I’m joining Thursday Thirteen with a list of those.

1. Shower or wash myself. Personal hygiene often goes out the window when I’m depressed. Though I don’t really see its point in boosting my mood, in that for me the feeling of being clean doesn’t do that, I can at least say I accomplished something that day.

2. Brush my teeth. Same as above really.

3. Meditate. I’m not the kind of woman who is good at long body scans or the like, but I do love shorter, affirmation-based meditations.

4. Journal. This is something I don’t do nearly often enough. I really should be incorporating daily time to journal into my calendar. I love writing stream-of-consciousness style, but this isn’t usually suited for this blog.

5. Read. I don’t mean I should be reading a novel a day or something. Even a chapter in a children’s book could count. Like, today I read a few chapters in the second book in the Unicorn Academy series.

6. Diffuse some essential oils (or fragrance oils) in my diffuser. I’m not a strong believer in aromatherapy. I mean, I’ve literally slept like a log smelling a combo of all citrus oils over the past few nights. I do believe smelling good scents can help my mood though.

7. Listen to music. I really feel that music, any kind of music, can be good for my mental health. Whether it’s soothing instrumental music to sleep to or loud EDM when I need a confidence boost.

8. Walk. I do this almost each day already, but I’m adding it to this list anyway in case there’s a time when I forget about its importance in boosting my mood.

9. Move in general. I was going to list dancing as a separate item on this list, but then, though it would be easier to get to thirteen, it would be harder to incorporate everything into each day. I honestly feel that movement in general, whether it is dancing, yoga, cycling, swimming or whatever, helps my mood.

10. Drink a cup of green tea. I definitely feel that a daily cup of green tea could add to my mental wellbeing. Maybe it’s the fact that I usually have those with the staff members I trust a little when talking though.

11. Talk to other people, reach out for support. When there’s a day I cannot talk to any staff because there are all staff I don’t trust, I can always talk to my spouse or mother-in-law.

12. Write down my positives and negatives for the day. This usually helps me remember that, even on the hardest days, there are some moments I’ve felt okay.

13. Remember: pain is temporary, giving up is forever.

Foods I Would Eat If Calories Or Nutrition Didn’t Matter

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. So I gave up on the #AtoZChallenge, but I’m not giving up on blogging more regularly this month. Today, I’m participating in Thursday Thirteen, even though it’s still Wednesday. This week, I am sharing foods I would eat if nutrition or calories didn’t matter.

1. Crunchy muesli. I currently eat regular muesli with my quark for breakfast most days and have the crunchy kind only as a treat. If calories or nutrition weren’t an issue, I’d gladly swap it for the crunchy kind. I’d also vary the flavors, eating multifruit crunchy muesli, nut crunchy muesli and coconut crunchy muesli. Currently, since I only have the crunchy kind as a treat, I usually have the nut one.

2. Peanut butter. Okay, that’s not a change from my usual diet, as I usually eat that most days now that I no longer need to lose weight and can choose whichever topping I like on my bread.

3. Chicken. Give me chicken almost every day! I love some good hot wings, chicken tenders or any kind of fried chicken.

4. Licorice. Particularly, Venco’s honey-flavored licorice.

5. Winegums. I’ve never figured out what these are called in English and my screen reader mispronounces them (they’re pronounced “wine gums”), even though the packaging here in the Netherlands advertises them as “real English winegums”. I love them though.

6. Blueberries. Okay, you’d expect me to list pizza, pancakes and fries here, and I might, but I’d probably miss fruits and veggies if I just ate those. I would have to add in another rule to my “not an issue” here though: that cost shouldn’t be an issue either.

7. Pasta. I would definitely eat a ton of pasta and it wouldn’t matter if it was whole grain (which we get here) or not. I in fact like the whole grain variety at least as much as the white pasta.

8. White rice. My care agency’s meal delivery service provides only brown rice meals, which I’ve come to tolerate but if calories and nutrition weren’t an issue, I’d definitely eat white rice.

9. Chips. Particularly Pringles.

10. Salami. I hardly eat that now because it’s not the healthiest, but I’d certainly top my hot sandwiches with it (along with some cheese) if calories didn’t matter.

11. Stroopwafels. And certain other types of large cookies I love. I am quite a picky eater even where it comes to treats, so it isn’t like I’d eat every biscuit on the market. Stroopwafels though, yum!

12. Curly fries. I love those! Can’t explain why the curly kind are better than the regular ones, but they are.

13. Broccoli. I need to add in a vegetable and my favorite is broccoli. It’s absolutely the most versatile vegetable out there if you ask me.

What food would you eat far more of than you currently do if calories or nutrition weren’t an issue?

Gratitude List (March 9, 2024) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. This past week has been tough. I was going to write an update only to realize there’s no #WeekendCoffeeShare this week. I could do one on my own, but that’d just leave room for endless negativity. Instead, for this reason, I’m going to turn things around and do a gratitude post. As usual, I’m joining Ten Things of Thankful. I’m going to cheat a little and do this gratitude list for the past ten days so that I can provide a little update anyway.

1. I’m grateful for the night nurse on duty during the night of February 29/March 1. Like I said on February 29, I was intensely triggered by my intake interview for therapy. Though I tried to calm myself down, it didn’t work and I ended up self-harming after my staff had left by throwing boiling hot water over my leg. Thanks to the night staff and particularly the night nurse, who cooled the wound under the shower for over half an hour, I am left with superficial second-degree burns. The wounds still cover most of the front side of my upper leg, but I realize things could’ve been a lot worse.

2. I am grateful my wounds are healing as well as can be expected. I’m getting them dressed once a day now, which is frustrating and sometimes very painful. I looked up my kind of burn (that’s how I found out there are two kinds of second-degree burns) and it usually heals within two weeks. Yay!

3. I am grateful for French fries on Sunday. As I couldn’t walk on Sunday (or most of this week, for that matter) because the band-aid that was on my leg would fall off if I did, I decided that my spouse shouldn’t come by for a visit. Instead, my staff took me to the institution cafeteria in a wheelchair to have fries and some snacks. They were delicious!

4. I am grateful for nice weather last week Sunday as well as over the past couple days. Last Sunday, the daytime temperature rose to 15°C. When having the fries I mentioned above, we sat in the cafeteria yard.

5. I am grateful I am feeling slightly better mentally. I definitely hit rock bottom on February 29 and from that place, you can only go up. I will have to see how things work out in the long run, as the behavior specialist is going to try to talk to the therapist I met on Feb 29 to see whether any changes to the plan need to be made. Though I’m ready to give it a try, particularly the thought of doing the therapy without the support of my staff, feels overwhelming.

6. I am grateful that my support coordinator listened to me when discussing the outcome of the monthly team meeting with me. The team meeting was on Monday and, though I had already asked that some things would be discussed, such as my day schedule, my self-harm made things a priority. The day schedule isn’t changing, as I expected, but I honestly don’t mind as much.

Initially, in the team meeting, the staff had agreed to stick with announcing staff switches half an hour in advance. I was really disappointed. Though I understand the staff don’t want to designate a one-on-one shift, I feel it will help me immensely if I know more in advance who’s going to support me for my activity slots. I am grateful my support coordinator reluctantly agreed to this.

7. I am grateful my support coordinator reassured me that she and the behavior specialist at least aren’t planning on asking for less one-on-one for me anytime soon. Of course, they aren’t the ones making those decisions, but then again neither is the therapist I met last week.

8. I am grateful I did manage a few crafty endeavors over the past week. Not as many as I’d hoped, but I did craft yet another polymer clay unicorn, as well as finally making the crocodile I’d promised one of the male staff here. He actually helped me make it. It’s maybe a little too cute, but oh well.

Polymer Clay Crocodile

9. I am grateful my spouse came by for a visit today. We sat in my room talking, playing a card game and such, as I still didn’t feel comfortable going out.

10. I am grateful for the few short (as in, fifteen minutes tops) walks I did manage over the past few days. It’s been a pain f(sometimes literally) inding the right band-aids and other things to go over the wound. Let’s hope Dr. Google is right and my wound heals within the expected timeframe of two weeks.