If You Aren’t Prepared For an Imperfect Child…

Posted on by Astrid

Yesterday someone on Reddit’s Childfree sub asked why many parents-to-be have this idea that they’ll get the perfect child. You might say that having dreams for your unborn child is normal, and it is. Having this clear-cut image of what your child will (that is, should) achieve in life, is not.

Of course, there are thankfully many parents who are able to adjust their image of their child if (or rather, when) said child does not conform to their initial expectations. My parents, unfortunately, are not among them.

Like I’ve probably shared on this blog before, when I was a baby and sustained a brain bleed due to premature birth, my parents were concerned for my quality of life. This is more or less normal, although it wasn’t back in the ’80s. In fact, the doctor flat out told my parents not to interfere, since they were keeping me alive period. I am forever grateful for this, despite the fact that the same doctor admitted in 2004 that he sometimes meets former preemies he’d been keeping alive that he now thinks of: “What have we done?!”

At that time, I thought he would not mean me. I was still passing for “just blind” and, though blindness is considered a major disability, it’s one that by itself does not prevent someone from living independently and going to university.

That was the exact same reason my father, when talking about euthanasia of severely disabled babies in 2006, didn’t mean me. He did, however, mean those with intellectual disability and those with severe mobility impairments (the case at hand involved a baby with severe spina bifida). And I’ll never forget that he added to his statement that he didn’t mean me, “because you’re training to live independently and go to university”. As you all know, that didn’t work out.

My parents did find a workaround to the problem of my not being the perfect child they’d envisioned: they decided that my landing in the mental health system and now in a care home for those with intellectual disability, is my choice rather than a necessity. I haven’t fully processed all the ways in which this attitude, which some of my care professionals took over, has impacted me. It hurts though.

Now back to the idea of a perfect child. Even when disability isn’t involved, a child is their own unique individual, with their own strengths, weaknesses, wants and needs. When a parent decides that their child should go to university at eighteen even though they are still in Kindergarten, like my parents did, that doesn’t just impact a disabled child. It impacts any child for whom for whatever reason university isn’t the best place to go at eighteen. Such as, for instance, any child with an average or even slightly above-average IQ. Or any child that is more capable of practical jobs than of academic ones. And any child who, God forbid, doesn’t want to go to university.

If you aren’t ready for a disabled child, a child who isn’t a top achiever, a child who might I say has their own personality, by all means don’t become a parent. You don’t know what your child will be like, after all. Having dreams is alright, but be ready to adjust your image of your child when the need arises. And for goodness’ sake, don’t guilt trip your child for being themselves.

I’m linking this post up with this week’s #WWWhimsy.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (August 10, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this beautiful Saturday in August. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare today. It’s nearly 10PM, so I’ve long had my last cup of coffee and my soft drink for the day. I, however, do have Kinder Country candy bars in my cupboard, as well as lots of other candy. I bet I could persuade the staff to open the cupboard for you, but I can’t persuade them to brew you a coffee. Water will have to do. Anyway, let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I’d start by sharing about the weather. It’s mostly been quite warm with daytime temps in the mid to high 20s Celsius. We did get rain yesterday, but thankfully no thunderstorms. On Monday, the daytime high is supposed to be 32°C. I’m a warm weather person, but that’s too hot even for my liking.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I did a lot of walking over the past week. On four days out of the past seven, I got in over 100 exercise minutes according to my Apple Watch and I didn’t even go swimming this week, as the institution pool is closed now.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’ve been struggling a lot lately. Part of the reason I’m showing it more might be the fact that I discontinued my morning dose of topiramate a little over a month ago, but it’s not (just) that which explains why I’m feeling like crap. After all, I’ve been feeling like crap for months. Make that years, honestly. I am realizing I never recovered from the blow to my self-esteem that was being more or less kicked out of the care home in Raalte. No, don’t interrupt that I wasn’t kicked out, since I know I literally wasn’t. However, when I realized the intensive support home was the nightmare it was and asked to be put on the waiting list to return (or actually return, since I asked before my room was filled up), I was told that some people had actually been glad that I’d left.

Why is this relevant now? Because, even though my current home is better than the intensive support home, I’m still feeling like I’m massively overloaded and my capabilities are massively overestimated when I’m struggling. This leads to staff not following my current support agreements, which even when followed to a T create just about barely manageable a care situation if even that when I’m feeling low (they’re okay when I’m feeling good). I know I said the same of my day schedule back at the intensive support home, but I only said so because my staff there had already decided I was a spoiled brat and wouldn’t stop complaining until I had full-time one-to-one. Which was almost correct before topiramate, but it wasn’t when I was on this medication. And it isn’t now either. After all, when I wished for near full-time one-on-one back in 2021, I didn’t realize its implications in care. I do now.

I realize I might need to go back on my full dose of topiramate (even though the evening dose is going to be discontinued next week too), but I don’t think it’s an excuse to keep everything else the exact same, since my needs weren’t being met before I discontinued this medication. In short, yes, the med might get me to shut up, or it might not, but either way something else needs to change too.

After many meltdowns, I finally wrote down my care needs in a document and E-mailed this to my assigned staff. I did water them down a little to make them manageable within the way my home operates, but not so much that I’d have every reason to still complain if the team decide to implement this. At the end of the document, I put in a brief summary of my care in Raalte (in early 2022, so when the team had already fallen apart) and asked for recognition of the improvements I’ve made since. I mean, I don’t seriously request to be moved now (I do blurt it out during meltdowns) and I wish I got half as suitable care as I got back then.

The support coordinator mostly making decisions about me, is on vacation now, but she’ll return on Tuesday. I hope I’ll have a meeting with her and the behavior specialist soon to discuss my needs.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d share some positives of the day today. I realize this post was mostly negative, after all, but today was a pretty good day. Here are some reasons why:

  • My assigned staff was here this morning.

  • She brought me a cup of coffee right when waking me up.

  • Even though we were late finishing my morning routine, the staff coming for my morning activity came right on time.

  • I went for three walks today.

  • I had a waffle with forest fruit jelly, powdered sugar and whipped cream on it with my afternoon coffee. And a macaron in the morning. Sorry not sorry, dietitian.

  • I was able to ask the staff who did my afternoon activity with me, whether she’s leaving (which I thought because I’d seen her with a client from another home) and thankfully she said no. I am proud of myself for up front asking her rather than getting distressed.

My Medication Musings: Topamax

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I had a med review today, which prompted me to write a post in my series discussing the various medications I’ve been prescribed. Today’s med review mostly concerned topiramate (Topamax), so I’ll write about that.

Topamax is an anticonvulsant usually prescribed for epilepsy. It has also shown effectiveness in treating migraines. How exactly it works is not known, but it does in these cases, although it’s not the first choice of treatment for either epilepsy or migraines.

I have neither epilepsy nor migraines. Besides, the highest dose of Topamax I ever took, 75mg/day, is far lower than the effective dose for these conditions. The reason I took Topamax is because it is also believed to help with PTSD-related nightmares and flashbacks. The way my psychiatrist explained it to me back in 2021, it might even lower my general distress level slightly. Well, it didn’t.

Topiramate can have significant side effects, including cognitive impairment, tingling in the hands and feet, and others. On 75mg, I experienced slight tingling, but I honestly don’t know whether I ever had any other side effects. I do have quite horrible tremors in my hands and legs, but these could be from any of my medications or from something unrelated altogether, although my doctor didn’t say what.

I, after some tweaking, eventually settled on a dose of 25mg twice daily. I never really questioned its effectiveness until I was wanting to taper another medication, Abilify, about two months ago and my prescribing physician and I reviewed all of my current psych meds. I said that none of my meds except for my antidepressant, Celexa, seemed particularly effective. The doctor then decided I could discontinue my morning dose of Topamax.

Today, I had a review. Though I have been a bit more distressed lately than usual, this could have many causes, including fellow clients being in distress more than usual too. Furthermore, I don’t experience an increase in nightmares or flashbacks. I admitted that most of my flashbacks are emotional, in the sense that I get dysregulated when triggered rather than having a visual reliving. I’m not sure whether these have increased.

When the doctor asked me what I wanted, I was clear: to discontinue my other 25mg of Topamax as soon as possible. This will happen in mid-August.

I am, honestly speaking, also guided by general principles in addition to personal experience: I learned about a year ago that a then recent systematic review had disproven the effectiveness of topiramate for PTSD-related symptoms.

Share Your World (July 22, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I haven’t touched this blog in over a week, but thankfully have been doing okay. Today, I’m joining Share Your World. Here goes.

1. When you retire (or when you retired) do you have a picture of a small cottage with a white picket fence outside in a quiet village or something similar?
I honestly wasn’t fully sure at first what Di meant with this question. Do I have a picture? No. I have just one physical picture in my home and that one is of myself. Oh wait, she meant whether we envision ourselves living in a small cottage blah blah. Well, I for one don’t. I’m not technically retired, in that I’m not of retirement age and, since I never worked, I still consider that age (which by the time I reach it is probably mid-70s) the cut-off point for retirement. I don’t honestly envision myself ever living in a small cottage. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ll live in a care home forever.

2. What do you associate with school dinners (apart from school of course)?
I envision another post in the making, as I can talk up a storm about school lunches. We didn’t get a cooked meal at my schools. Well, I did a few times when I’d be having after-school activities. I remember one such meal, a dish called “hete bliksem” in Dutch, which is basically a stew of mashed potatoes, apples and bacon. I detested it!

3. Can you play a musical instrument?
No, not at all. I took lessons learning to play keyboards at the training center for the blind when I was 19, but really didn’t get beyond the absolute basics. I have forgotten all of it since. Like I’ve also probably shared before, I took a few guitar lessons when at summer camp in Russia in 2000, but it took me the whole first lesson to figure out what the instructor, who spoke only English and Russian, meant by the “strings”.

4. What made you smile today?
My being able to teach one of the student staff here about care profiles and him appreciating my “lesson”. Care profiles are the care packages and associated budget each client in long-term care is allocated. I really loved perseverating on a topic I know a lot about without it personally affecting me at that very moment (because the student staff isn’t the one making decisions about my care).

Another thing that made me smile today is being able to describe the above image, which Di used for the optional gratitude section, directly from the web through my screen reader. I think I somewhat agree with the sentiment expressed in the quote too. At least, in my case, life may not always get better, but I do get to experience good days at every age.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (July 13, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’ve once again not been blogging, but this time it’s not because I’m struggling. Well, I still don’t feel the greatest, but the main reason I haven’t blogged is that something else has caught my attention. I’ll talk about it in a minute. Want a coffee? I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare once again. It’s past 10PM, so no coffee for me, but since this is a virtual get-together, you can have whatever you like. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

First, if we were having coffee, I’d share about the weather. It’s been all over the place. On Tuesday, it was hot and humid with a daytime high of 30°C. Then we got this giant thunderstorm. Wednesday and Thursday were still okay with daytime temperatures of around 22°C. Yesterday though, it was not just raining all day, but it was freakin’ frigid with a daytime high of 16°C. Today is slightly better.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that, despite having my new Apple Watch wristband, I didn’t meet my movement goals each day this week. I blame the weather. I thankfully no longer care as much as I used to and can sit back and relax every now and again rather than having to keep up with my activity rings. I did try to walk each day (except for yesterday) and went swimming on Thursday too.

If we were having coffee, next I’d tell you that, yesterday, I went to an Eye Association meeting for young people who are blind or visually impaired (and a few who have an eye condition but can still see quite well). I originally thought I’d be too old to qualify as a “young person”, but the target age group is 18-45. I had a good time, but towards the end got quite overloaded. I had a near-meltdown when the taxi driver called me but I couldn’t hear him over the noise in the cafe in which the meeting was held. I for a bit thought I upset the entire group and wouldn’t be welcome anymore, but thankfully it wasn’t this bad according to several people.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d tell you all about my latest obsession. I originally wanted to write a separate post about it on Thursday, but got distracted by the actual thing. It’s learning Spanish on Duolingo. I’m currently still at the early A1 level of proficiency. My spouse and mother-in-law have both been learning Spanish on this app for several months. What got me into it though was a conversation in a Facebook group about language learning. Some people said Duolingo isn’t always correct, but I’m not sure whether they were referring to a specific language. I can see why though in a way, as for example early on in the Spanish course, you’re learning the word “elegante”, which Duolingo claims translates to “elegant”. Now I’ve never heard an English-speaking person use the word “elegant” in everyday conversation. I honestly couldn’t care less though, as if I ever get to a point where I can actually talk in Spanish outside of the app, I’ll teach myself the finer details of conversation.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (July 6, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today, I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare. As I start typing my post, I’ve just had dinner, but I probably won’t be finished with my post until after my evening coffee, as I’ll take a break from writing for my evening activity time slot. In case I am able to offer you a virtual coffee – which I will anyway, since it’s virtual -, I will offer you a stroopwafel biscuit with it too. I bought those at the supermarket this afternoon, because the staff ordering groceries this week either forgot to order large cookies for the weekend or thought they’re bad for our health. Anyway, let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first I’d moan about the weather. It’s been rainy and chilly most of the week with daytime temperatures barely reaching 20°C. On Wednesday, the daytime high in fact was as low as 16°C.

If we were having coffee, next I’d share that I tore my Apple Watch wristband in two last week. That is, I pulled a tear into it when putting it on once, then when trying to put it on once more thinking I could still use another hole, I tore the entire thing in two, thereby dropping my Apple Watch. Thankfully, it didn’t break, but I couldn’t use it for a couple of days because of having no wristband. I mean, the wristband that broke wasn’t the original one, but somehow I must’ve discarded part of the original, since I could only find half of it.

I initially tried to order a new wristband and screen protector online, but the Apple Store would only let me pay by credit card and, though I did manage to order a screen protector off Bol.com, it was delivered to my in-laws’ house and hadn’t been delivered there yet by the time my mother-in-law visited me on Tuesday. I finally decided to just give it a try and order a wristband at another store and have it delivered to the care home. Like I’ve said a few times, the care home does have its own postal code, but I was originally instructed to address mail to the main building and add my home as second address line. Bol.com won’t accept second address lines and so I always used to have them deliver to my in-laws. Not anymore, since the wristband, addressed to the care home, arrived promptly and so did the screen protector I ordered that evening. Now I’ll have two screen protectors once my spouse brings the one that’s lying around at my in-laws’, but who cares? I have a working Apple Watch at last!

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that the fact that it was raining plus the fact that I didn’t have my Apple Watch meant I didn’t walk nearly as much over the past week as I usually do. On Monday, I got pretty frustrated, because a temp worker happened to be assigned my two-hour activity time slot three times this week. Granted, he’s a regular temp worker here, but I had not yet trusted him enough to do anything other than play games and go for medium-long walks. On Monday I was anticipating two hours of dice games because of the weather, but thankfully it stopped raining eventually and we could go for a short walk.

Then on Tuesday, he told one of my most trusted staff that he’d love to work with clay with me. On Monday, the way he’d suggested we work with clay, it sounded as though he was just rattling off my activity list and I don’t do clay with staff I don’t trust to show at least some interest in it. I mean, they don’t need to know anything about polymer clay or even crafts in general, but if they’re the type to just sit around playing on their phone, a complex activity like polymer clay isn’t for them and me to work on together.

So on Wednesday, I decided to take the plunge and make a unicorn with him. At first, I used Cernit, which was way too soft, so I eventually gave up and chose Fimo. He asked to take the finished unicorn home with him to show his children, which I was happy to allow him to after I’d taken a picture, since I have many unicorns anyway.

Polymer Clay Unicorn

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I started tapering one of my medications yesterday. It’s not the medication I originally wanted to taper, which was my antipsychotic, aripiprazole (Abilify). Instead, the intellectual disability physician suggested I discontinue my morning dose of topiramate (Topamax), which was supposed to help against nightmares and flashbacks. So far, I’m not noticing any difference good or bad, but it’s still early days of course.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d tell you all to come to my home tomorrow. No, not really, but we will have a barbecue here. The parents of one of my fellow clients organize it, so I decided to buy them some chocolate as a thank-you gift.

Parenting Advice From a Childfree Survivor of Childhood Trauma

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today’s RagTag Daily Prompt is “parenting”. Since I’m currently recovering from meeting my parents for my birthday, I’m going to make a list of parenting advice my parents should’ve received. I realize their inability to love me unconditionally wasn’t unwillingness. In fact, the fear that I may have this same inability is one reason I’m childfree. This post is a random list and may come across a bit harsh, but so be it.

1. A family is not a business. It doesn’t have to be run efficiently. Yes, I understand you get impatient with your child’s struggles at times, but this isn’t their problem – it’s yours.

I was constantly shamed for needing too much help and my parents gave up on teaching me basic skills of daily living because I got frustrated and the task didn’t get done efficiently.

2. Challenging behavior does not make the child (especially young child) bad or manipulative. Behavior is communication, yes, but to search for hidden motives behind it, is actually quite arrogant.

I was told by my parents that, by age seven, I had come up with some idea to manipulate everyone into thinking I was different in all kinds of other ways besides blind because I didn’t accept my blindness. News flash: I am those other things.

3. Children are incredibly loyal to authority figures, be it their parents, teachers, or others. When you fight the school or healthcare system over something rather than trying to be cooperative, the child will experience a conflict of loyalty. This means that, just because they side with you eventually, it isn’t necessarily in their best interest.

My parents were constantly fighting the school over my needs, because the school denied my intelligence. Then again, my parents minimized my emotional difficulties. When an educational psychologist who saw both my intelligence and my emotional issues, nonetheless advised special education for me, my parents still weren’t happy even though they’d chosen this ed psych, because they were dead set on me being mainstreamed.

4. Your child is not an extension of your ego. For this reason, they do not have to follow an educational or career path you like. It isn’t their job to make up for your lost dreams.

See also above. From the time I was a young child on, it was clear that, by age eighteen, I’d live on my own and go to university. Interestingly, neither of my parents have a college degree and particularly my mother feels “dumb” for it even though she worked herself up to a management position that usually requires a college degree.

5. Your child doesn’t need to prove their value. They do not need to prove they were “worth raising” by being anything, be it independent, successful, or whatever. If you don’t want a disabled child, a child of a certain gender, or whatever, you shouldn’t have a child.

I have probably said this before, but my parents, particularly my father, seriously think that a child needs to prove they were worth raising by being successful in life as an adult. He didn’t mean me when he said this, “because you’re training for independent living”. Well, now that I’m in an institution with seven hours of one-on-one a day, he obviously does mean me, since the few times I’ve seen him since he’s barely acknowledged me.

6. Love your child unconditionally. This does not mean agreeing with every single decision they make, but it does mean being there for them when they need you. And this doesn’t end when they turn 21. With a few exceptions (an adult child becoming a criminal, for example), parenting is a lifelong commitment.

I am linking this post up with #WWWhimsy as well.

Gratitude List (June 30, 2024) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today, I’m doing a gratitude post. As usual, I’m linking it up with Ten Things of Thankful. I’m not in a good mood, but, as I usually say, that’s the best time to do gratitude posts, as it usually surprises me with how many things I can come up. Let’s go!

1. I am grateful for the weather. On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, it was a little hot for my liking, but the temperatures setteld down eventually and today the daytime high was 23°C.

2. I am grateful I tolerate the heat pretty well. On those hotter days, when the daytime high was 30°C, everyone was complaining about being hot, but I handled it okay.

3. I am grateful the institution “townhouse” was finally opened last Tuesday. If I’m correct, construction finished over a year ago and I was half-joking that they’d built the thing without realizing budget cuts would mean there was no use for it. It will be used for leisure activities. I do wonder what will happen to the building these activities used to take place in, since that building too had extensive roof work done recently so I’m hoping they won’t just let that building rot.

4. I am grateful for cheesecake. I made it as a birthday treat for the entire home (both sides, so 20 clients plus staff) on Thursday. The staff I made it with, had never made a cake or pie before, but it was a definite success.

5. I am also grateful my order for buns at the local bakery went well. I was going to treat the entire home to hamburgers, but when I tried to order the buns online to be collected on Thursday, something on the payment website caused me to go paranoid and I canceled. My spouse calmed me down and I retried and was successful this time.

6. I am grateful the hamburgers were delicious! I had two of them.

7. Speaking of my birthday, I am grateful many of my fellow clients came by my room in the morning to wish me a happy birthday and to sing for me.

8. I am grateful for two cards from a former fellow client from the intensive support home. I by chance walked by there today and she called out to me and went inside to fetch the cards.

9. I am grateful for the gift voucher for one of my favorite clay stores I got from my sister. I am full of ideas of what to buy with it.

10. I am grateful for the music pillow I got from my spouse as a birthday present yesterday. It is connected to my iPhone via Bluetooth. After a bit of trial and error figuring out how it works, I slept like a log last night listening to one of my favorite calming music albums on Spotify.

What are you grateful for?

A Birthday Visit From My Sister and Her Family

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. It’s really been forever since I last touched the blog. I won’t even promise I’ll try to make a habit out of posting more regularly, as I just don’t know when the motivation and inspiration strike again.

I originally wanted to link this post up to Leigha’s Sunny Sunday, then realized my post, though not overtly negative, wasn’t specifically positive either. I could say that yesterday was a literal sunny Sunday though, with lots of sunshine and daytime temps of 25°C. We’re supposed to get sunny weather at least up till this Thursday. I actually like it, but some people are already complaining that it’s too hot. Then last week they were complaining that we didn’t get a proper summer, as it was raining and the temperature usually didn’t get above 18°C.

Yesterday, my sister and her family (my brother-in-law and two nieces) came by for an early visit for my birthday. They arrived here shortly after 9AM, because they had wanted to visit the petting farm here on institution grounds and, according to the website, its opening hours were 9AM-10AM. When we arrived, we saw that it wouldn’t close till 11AM. Its size was a little disappointing to my sister and my nieces (particularly the older one) were tired so it was hard to keep their attention.

We also took a walk on grounds, during which my older niece went on the swings. I tried to push her, but just as my sister was about to take a picture, she jumped off. Both of my nieces also had a turn playing the outdoors xylophone. At one point, my youngest niece, who is two, played “Jingle Bells”. Couldn’t have been farther away from Christmas, but who cares?

The family gave me two unicorn-themed presents: a unicorn bag filled with shower products and a My Little Pony Unicorn which supposedly has candy-scented hair. I probably looked a bit disappointed when I opened the gifts and to be honest I was, but when I talked to my spouse later on I realized from my nieces’ perspectives these are really well thought out gifts. My sister also promised me a gift card for one of my favorite claying supplies stores, which will be really very much appreciated.

We had lunch in my room and backyard. I had ordered poppy seed and sesame seed buns, as well as muesli rolls, from the local bakery. These were delicious!

The family left at around 1PM. It was a good visit overall, although looking back I’m glad I didn’t have my spouse over as well, as that would’ve been too tiring.

Stabilize With Medicine

Posted on by Astrid

I talked to the support coordinator, the one who’s officially the other part of the home’s support coordinator but attends my meetings with the behavior specialist because I don’t get along with my support coordinator (my former male assigned staff). She had talked to the intellectual disability physician and I won’t have a meeting with her on tapering my medication until late September. The reason is the fact that there’s lots of temp workers at the care home during the summer months and they want me stable for now. Well guess what? If you want to wait for there to be few temp workers, you’d better wait for 2034, as I usually say. For those not aware, 2034 is my code word for never. It’s inspired by the book called 2034, which is about World War III.

I’m pretty angry about this whole thing, because well I already have mildly decreased kidney function as is. That is, I had mildly decreased kidney function a year ago at my last bloodwork, so who knows if it’s gotten worse now? And, as you might know, kidney disease doesn’t usually cause symptoms until it’s pretty advanced.

I don’t even mind waiting till September, except that this means seven months on my current med combo rather than the originally planned six weeks. And except that who knows what will get in the way in September? For all I know, the support coordinator might’ve gotten pregnant or sick or have left like the last one.

I honestly feel like they want to stabilize me with medicine rather than with the right support. And, for what it’s worth, I’m not very stable as is. Never was. Not with five different medications, many of which on high doses.

This post was written for John Holton’s Writer’s Workshop, for which one of the prompts is to pick a line from a song you like and use it as the title of your post. I picked the line “Stabilize with medicine”, which I’m not sure is a full line, from the song Serotonin by Girl in red. This song is rather explicit, so I hope John doesn’t mind me sharing it in his challenge.