#WeekendCoffeeShare (April 4, 2021)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone on this chilly and cloudy Easter Sunday. I am rather late joining in with #WeekendCoffeeShare. The reason is that I’m participating in the #AtoZChallenge too and couldn’t find the time to publish another post until today. I just had my afternoon coffee and am going to have a soft drink in a bit, so if you’d like something to drink, that’d be great. Let’s grab a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I’d share how much fun I’m having with the #AtoZChallenge. It is a great way of connecting with new bloggers and challenging myself to write (almost) everyday. For those who don’t know, the challenge is to write posts using each letter of the alphabet on each day of April except Sundays. This is the reason I have time to write a blog post today. My theme is aromatherapy and natural wellness.

If we were having coffee, I would share that this week was rather eventful in general. On Monday, I was very much triggered. I have been having emotional flashbacks a lot, as well as paranoid thoughts about my former clinician reporting me for care fraud if she finds out I’m in long-term care. My staff try to reassure me that I’m not responsible for my care funding. After all, my staff, the manager and behavior specialist applied for me. I am still unsure though.

Anyway, on Monday, when I was particularly triggered, I did an exercise of hitting a pillow to symbolically kick my former clinician out of my life. It was truly empowering!

If we were having coffee, I would also share that, on Friday, I had a treatment review at the mental health agency. My nurse practitioner tried to tell me that I’m already actually processing my trauma with the steps I’m taking now, such as the exercise on Monday. This validated me. My community psychiatric nurse, however, wasn’t fully sure of her role in my treatment and wondered whether she could visit me less frequently. For now, we have decided against this in order to maintain weekly appointments with mental health, alternatingly with my nurse practitioner and CPN.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I finally managed to go to Lobith over the weekend. My cold is still not fully gone, but it’s gone enough that I could see my husband. We had delicious Airfryer fries, turkey and peas for dinner yesterday, as well as pudding for dessert. This morning, we had breakfast in front of the television while watching Hour of Power. It was great!

How has your week been? And how’s your Easter weekend?

13 thoughts on “#WeekendCoffeeShare (April 4, 2021)”

  2. I would think that even if by some chance your former clinician reported you for care fraud, the people who deal with that would ask what the basis was for the allegation. If the clinician responded that it was based on their last assessment of you two years ago or however long it was, they would tell the clinician to go away and quit wasting their time.

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  3. Hi Astrid.

    I don’t understand how your care funding works but hope you find a position of understanding and comfort with it because I can imagine how scary it would be to have it unclear or unsettled in any way. Then there is this issue of pounding on a pillow. I can recall a few times when I was really frustrated and just wanted to pound something that was not alive or subject to injury, but it sure felt good, releasing pent up energy to strike out at a pillow or couch cushion.

    On the other hand, I cringe to recall one time, when I was about 14, my dad’s dog jumping up on me with muddy feet after I’d tried to calm him down enough to let me feed him. As he left muddy streaks down my clean shirt and pants that I’d put on to go somewhere, I snapped and was suddenly so angry that I lashed out with one foot and kicked him across the garage. He literally flew backwards about 6 feet before crashing into the ground and slid away from me for another 8 feet. My dad heard his yelp in pain and found me standing over the dog yelling at him for jumping on me.

    It was not my finest moment and that image has stayed with me, reminding me that somewhere inside of me is the ability to get so angry that I slip into a senseless rage and do really stupid things. That embarrassing image has kept me from ever allowing myself to get that angry again.

    Our minds are so complex. How can one person have both the potential for selfless love and irrational anger? I don’t know but we all do. Most people who know me well would be surprise to know I can get that angry, because they’ve never seen that side of me. With any luck, they never will.

    I hope you find the path that works for you.

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    1. Thank you for sharing all this insight with me. I don’t generally get physically aggressive towards other people or animals either, but occasionally I do. The incident that led to my one-on-one support being applied for was such an occasion. I honestly feel I gravitate more towards aggressive rage than selfless love, but others might disagree and indeed we all have the capacity for both.

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