My Daily Routine (Or Lack Thereof)

Posted on by Astrid

And still it’s incredibly hot here! It did start to rain last night, but it’s not cooled down much in my room. It’s already past 9PM here and I don’t feel like writing. Or doing anything else. But I bet I cannot sleep either. Therefore, I blog.

Today’s #FDDA prompt is “your daily routine”. My daily what, I ask?

Unlike many other autistics, I am not one for clear routines. In the mental hospital, I would just lie around and do whatever, just like I see many people do now during the COVID-19 lockdown. I didn’t have a set time I’d go to bed or get up. I didn’t have a daily personal hygiene routine, as I hated most personal care tasks and there was no-one to say I needed to do them. Well, there was the staff, of course, but it was their view that I was responsible enough to decide these things for myself.

Once I lived with my husband, I did go to a day center each weekday morning. This meant I did have to get up at the same time each day. I did have an okay morning routine back then, as my husband had instilled the importance of personal care into me.

Then I went into long-term care. Pre-COVID, I still had somewhat of a routine, as I was expected to go to the day center each weekday (except for every other Friday). I tried to maintain such a routine when the day center closed, but I cannot seem to really.

Still, I have some set activities I do each day. I go for a walk in the morning and one in the afternoon too. We also have coffee, lunch and dinner at the same time each day. Now that it’s hot though, I don’t go for walks and often skip coffee break too.

These last few weeks, the days have truly been merging into each other like time didn’t really matter. I do still try to blog most days, usually around the same time.

Sometimes, I wish I had more of a strict daily routine. That’s not really possible though and I’m not sure it’s really what would be best for me.

What about you? Do you thrive on routine?

Bookish (And Not So Bookish) Thoughts (August 13, 2020)

Posted on by Astrid

Hello everyone! How are you doing? It’s still very hot out here. We got some thunder far away in the distance here, but no rain. I hope that will change tonight. Though I’m scared of thunderstorms, I really need it to cool down a bit.

early in the week, I got a lot of reading done. I finished Five Feet Apart by Rachael Lippincott on Tuesday. I haven’t written a review yet and it’s too late now to write one today. Maybe tomorrow. Then nothing quite captured my interest. I tried to get started on The Falling in Love Montage by Ciara Smyth, but it’s incredibly slow-moving right now and I’m not sure that’s the book or the weather or me.

I’m still interested in books. I keep looking at ones to download off Bookshare or even to buy, but I downloaded only two books this past week and didn’t buy any. I finally downloaded Bloom by Kenneth Oppel. It’s the first book in a sciFi series. I usually don’t read sciFi, but this one sounded great. Then again, it’s a little long that I can read it in a few days.

I’m trying to motivate myself for doing anything other than lying in bed or eating, but it’s hard. I hope once we get slightly cooler temperatures, I’ll feel more energized.

Yesterday I was in a bit of a mental crisis. I engaged in some eating disorder behaviors and was rather irritable. Actually, I’ve been irritable all week. Thankfully, I could write down my feelings and now I’m feeling slightly better.

I also spoke to my nurse practitioner this afternoon. Next Tuesday, he will be meeting with someone from the autism team to discuss my treatment. So far, this feels good.

How have you been? What have you been reading?

Five Things I Hate About Summer #5Things

Posted on by Astrid

I’m a bit late to join in with this week’s #5Things prompt, as I didn’t see it till today. Yesterday I hardly checked my feed reader at all. This week’s prompt is 5 things you hate about summer. Now I must say summer is still my favorite season, but I’m tempted to switch that to spring. Here are five things I hate about summer.

1. The heat. I live in the Netherlands, which at least used to have a pretty moderate climate. However, last year we broke all heat records with temps rising to 40 degrees Celsius. Nice weather for me is about 25 degrees Celsius. We had that for most of the summer this year, but right now we’re experiencing a horrible heatwave again.

2. The drought. I know, I know, many people hate the humidity and I do understand hot and humid weather is worse than dry heat. However, here we have had regular water shortages that were horrible for the farmers.

3. Air conditioning. As much as I hate the heat, I hate to have the AC on even more. It makes a lot of noise and either hardly helps at all or leads to such freezing cold temps that you get hit with the heat as soon as you leave the room.

4. Mosquitoes. Oh boy, how I hate those! They sting and they make horrible noises.

5. Wasps. I’m quite scared of them. Plus, they are frankly annoying with their buzz and always trying to sit on my ice cream or lemonade.

What do you not like about summer?

Reading Wrap-Up (August 10, 2020) #IMWAYR

Posted on by Astrid

Hi all on this sultry, hot Monday! I was fully intending on writing a reading wrap-up on my computer, but then I somehow crashed it. Thank God I have my phone. I’m not sure I can do this right on my phone though, as I haven’t used it for blogging in a long while and somehow my keyboard keeps inserting commas and a’s at random places. Anyway, I’m trying. As usual, I’m joining in with #IMWAYR. I’m also joining in with ReaderBuzz’s Sunday Salon.

Life Update

Well, other than it being soaring hot out here, what do I share? Okay, my mother-in-law visited me today. (For readers visiting from the link-ups, I don’t live with my husband, as I live in a care facility.) We went for a short walk, then had ice cream and later a coffee. It was fun.

What I’m Currently Reading

I’m 77% done with Five Feet Apart by Rachael Lippincott. I really wanted to finish it today and maybe I will. Just not in time for this blog post. Oh, I guess I won’t finish it today after all, as with my having taken an hour to write this blog post, it’s already 10PM.

What I Recently Finished Reading

I finished only one book this week: Heroine by Mindy McGinnis. I already finished it on Thursday and, like I said, fully intended on finishing more, but the heat got in the way. That’s why I didn’t write a review till yesterday.

What I Think I’ll Be Reading Next

There are a couple of new foster care memoirs out. One is called Let Me Go by Casey Watson and the other is Groomed to Be a Bride by Maggie Hartley. However, I’ve resolved not to buy more books this month, because I’m trying to save some money. That being said, I did download a middle grade novel called Far From Fair by Elana K. Arnold off Bookshare. I might read that one, although I still have many more books that I could be reading.

What have you been reading?

Book Review: Heroine by Mindy McGinnis

Posted on by Astrid

Hi all, how are you doing? It’s still really hot out here. So hot that I can’t go outside at all and I lie in bed a lot during the day. At night, when it’s slightly cooler, I sit at my desk reading.

I started reading Heroine by Mindy McGinnis already quite some months ago. On Thursday, I finally finished it, but I didn’t feel like writing a review yet. Now I am basically forcing myself to write a review, as otherwise I’ll never get to it.

Summary

An Amazon Best Book of the Month! A captivating and powerful exploration of the opioid crisis—the deadliest drug epidemic in American history—through the eyes of a college-bound softball star. Edgar Award-winning author Mindy McGinnis delivers a visceral and necessary novel about addiction, family, friendship, and hope.

When a car crash sidelines Mickey just before softball season, she has to find a way to hold on to her spot as the catcher for a team expected to make a historic tournament run. Behind the plate is the only place she’s ever felt comfortable, and the painkillers she’s been prescribed can help her get there.

The pills do more than take away pain; they make her feel good.

With a new circle of friends—fellow injured athletes, others with just time to kill—Mickey finds peaceful acceptance, and people with whom words come easily, even if it is just the pills loosening her tongue.

But as the pressure to be Mickey Catalan heightens, her need increases, and it becomes less about pain and more about want, something that could send her spiraling out of control.

My Review

The prologue was very gripping and I was immediately sucked into the story. However, as the chapters progressed, I felt increasingly bored at first. That’s why I didn’t make it beyond 35% when first starting on this book. Other books just seemed far more interesting. When I finally forced myself to go beyond this point last week, the book did capture my attention again.

The story is told entirely from Mickey’s perspective. That’s why, despite knowing that she makes a ton of horribly irresponsible choices, I couldn’t keep from rooting for her. I always seemed to support her and hoped that nothing bad was going to happen to her. I even at some point hoped no-one would find out about Mickey’s addiction, because that’d mean the end to her softball career.

To be honest, I felt the other characters were a little flat. However, that only got me to see things more from Mickey’s point of view.

The writing style was a little cringe-worthy at times. I cannot quite put my finger to why. I think one reason is that there are a lot of long, complex sentences in the story that I found a little hard to follow.

Overall though, this book was definitely worth my read. I gave it a four-star rating on Goodreads.

Book Details

Title: Heroine
Author: Mindy McGinnis
Publisher: Katherine Tegen Books
Publication Date: March 12, 2019

Read With Me

Gratitude List (August 7, 2020) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

Happy Friday everyone! I still have a lot I want to write about, but it’s soaring hot here and my brain is melting. For this reason, I’m going with a relatively simple post and do a gratitude list. As always, I’m joining in with Ten Things of Thankful (#TToT).

1. Barbecues. My husband bought a mini barbecue last week and we had sausages on it on Saturday. To get some healthy food in us too, my husband served us both a full plate of cherry tomatoes. That was funny.

2. Ice cream. Lots of ice cream! Like I think I said last week, the freezer was still full of ice cream from my birthday and the previous time it was hot. Well, my staff bought even more and so we had ice cream for dessert or as an afternoon treat several days this past week.

3. New shoes. I ordered new walking boots on Monday and they arrived on Wednesday. They are a size bigger than the ones I had before, as those didn’t fit well anymore with my feet swelling. These are pretty cool.

4. Getting motivated to walk again. I signed up for Steptember, a sponsored walking/movement event in support of the cerebral palsy community. At first I wasn’t sure whether to sign up, as I can’t make it to 10K steps every single day of the event. However, my husband encouraged me. I can’t wait to start walking a lot again. Not now though, as it’s incredibly hot, like I said. By the way, I’m not sure there’s an English-language site where you can donate.

5. Liquorice. I bought a bag yesterday and had some tonight. Yes, I still had it unopened by then. Okay, full disclosure, I did also buy a bar of white chocolate and did eat that one, but oh well. Oh, how I loved the black liquorice!

6. Reading time. I actually finished a book this week that I’d started a long time ago. I loved sitting up late at night reading, as it was too hot to sleep.

7. My staff. I was feeling very much on edge for the first few days of the week. On Wednesday, I even had to take a lorazepam again to calm me down. However, all through it, my staff were so very supportive.

8. All the lovely comments I get on here. You all are so special. I’m also so happy to be motivated for writing a lot again this time around.

That’s it for now I guess. What are you grateful for?

If I Could Have Any Pet

Posted on by Astrid

Today’s topic for Fandango’s Dog Days of August (#FDDA) is “pet”. One of the suggested topics is to talk about which animal you’d have if you could have any pet. I am going to use this topic as a starter for today’s blog entry.

As regular readers of my blog might know, my husband and I have a cat. We first got a cat, Harry, when we were first planning on living together in 2013. We’ve had Harry since kittenhood. However, he was pretty hyperactive, so we got Barry, thinking the two might make great playmates. Well, they didn’t, so we ultimately rehomed Harry. Now we still have Barry.

I always grew up with cats. The thing with them though is, they invariably seem to sense my inadequacy. Whether this is due to my blindness, I don’t know.

Regardless, cats aren’t quite as confortable with me as I’d like them to be. I still hope I will someday have a cat that will have a true liking for me, but that’s not in cats’ nature, I’m afraid. They’re more introverted than some other animals. Or maybe that’s just been the cats I’ve had so far.

All that to say that, if I could have any pet I wanted, I would like a dog. However, I’d for sure like it to be a psychiatric service dog as well as a trained guide dog. That seems a bit much, maybe, but I know some blind people whose guide dogs also help them with their mental health issues.

I may also want to have a pet rabbit or guinea pig. Rabbits generally need a lot of space, though my sister-in-law keeps three (if I’m correct) in her house. She does have a garden, so I hope they’re able to roam about there at times too.

In general though, I don’t think I’m that much of a pet person. I fed Barry dutifully when I still lived with my husband, and though I did take delight in it, I wouldn’t say he’s like my child or something. I’d love to develop more of a connection to Barry and to whichever future pets I might have. I do care deeply about them, but I just don’t feel the natural attunement to my pets that others do. I can’t say it’s an autistic thing, as a common autism stereotype (thanks, Temple Grandin) is that we have a strong connection to animals. I guess I for one don’t.

Currently (August 2020)

Posted on by Astrid

It’s been forever since I last took part in Currently. That’s partly because the day coincides with the Insecure Writer’s Support Group posting day and partly because I cannot always think of much to say to the prompts. Today though, I’m feeling like writing and the prompts appealed to me.

Choosing

To take an Ativan to avert yet another crisis. Well, not quite avert, as it was already happening. I’m safe and relatively calm now that the Ativan has had about an hour to kick in.

Consuming

Banana chips and grated coconut. I bought a bag of both at a wellness store yesterday. Consumed all the banana chips in one sitting and put some of the coconut in my smoothie. Today, I actually ate some of the coconut as is.

Enjoying

Reading, of course. I spend a lot of the time with my face in a book, figuratively speaking, as I use my Braille display to read books on.

Add to my reading experience some calming music, for example a Robbins Island Music Group album, and some essential oil. I bought two essential oil blends at the wellness store yesterday and particularly love the one called Joy. The other one was called something like Sleep Well, so I may be able to use that tonight.

Ordering

Not anything right now, but the shoes I ordered last Monday, did arrive today. They’re brown with pink walking boots and I love them. I tried to explain to my husband what I’d ordered and he kept coming up with walking boots that cost like €200. Makes me feel I got quite a bargain, as mine cost €80. Of course, that’s still a lot of money.

Remembering

That no-one promised me a rose garden. I need to remind myself of this, because I seem to be dealing with a lot of fear of joy lately, as well as having a big case of “the grass is always greener on the other side” with respect to living situations. Maybe I just need to accept that the care facility I live in now isn’t perfect, but it’s as good as it’s going to get. This issue may be one reason I spiraled into crisis today.

How have you been?

#IWSG: The Form Will Find Me?

Posted on by Astrid

IWSG

It’s the first Wednesday of the month and regular readers know what this means: it’s time for the Insecure Writer’s Support Group (#IWSG) posting day.

Well, let me say I’m pretty insecure indeed. I did pretty well on the blogging front this past month, but I always dream bigger than I actually live. I mean, I remember saying about four years ago that, within the next five years, I’d like to write my memoir and yet there’s not a single word down on the page. That plus I haven’t a clue where to start. Stories or pieces of non-fiction would flow so easily when I was younger. I have one work in progress that could’ve turned into a young adult novel if I’d just had the willpower to finish it. Not saying it’d be published – it certainly wouldn’t, as it’s rather unoriginal -, but well.

I keep remembering that Stephen King quote in DIY MFA about how you need to write 2000 words a day. I know, the author said this isn’t true, but I do need to write.

Thankfully, I do write. I got a premium subscription to Day One, a journaling app for iOS. Though I haven’t written in my journals everyday, I do find that the words come more easily already after a week of having it. As a result, I did write on my blog everyday for the past week. I really could use some guidance on how to transform my blogging practice into something more powerful.

Now on to the optional prompt question. It’s a quote that says that, although you may write in a certain genre, you don’t have to have that predetermined. Rather, the form or genre will find you once you write. I indeed must say I agree with this to some extent. Though I often set out to write in a specific form, my words don’t usually come out in that form eventually. Even if I do choose a genre in advance, my words often flow more easily when I let them rather than plan what I’m writing in advance.

Children’s Books With Colors in Their Titles

Posted on by Astrid

Today’s Top Ten Tuesday (#TTT) is all about books with colors in their title. Wow, this challenge is hard! I could off the top of my head think of four books, then thought of another, but then I was stuck. So to give me some inspiration, I decided to search Bookshare. When I typed the first color, “green”, into the search box, already several hundreds of titles popped up even when I kept the search to children’s literature. In this list, you’ll find some kidlit books (from picture books to YA) with colors in their titles that I think may be worth a read.

1. The Green Children of Woolpit by J. Anderson Coats. This is a fantasy children’s book based on a classic British legend. I don’t usually read fantasy, but this one sounds particularly interesting.

2. Blue Daisy by Helen Frost. This is a children’s book about two children who find a dog in their neighborhood and grow to love it, but will the dog love them back?

3. Blue Skies by Anne Bustard. This sounds like such a fascinating middle grade novel. I don’t normally read books not set in the current time, but this one sounds great.

4. My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga. This was one of the books I already had in mind. I really want to read this YA novel. Too bad I am already reading several books now.

5. Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery. This one is also already on my TBR. In fact, I started listening to it as an audiobook on Scribd some months ago, but then stopped because I didn’t like the narrator’s voice.

6. Yellow Flag by Robert Lipsyte. I am absolutely clueless about racing, but this book sounds interesting.

7. The Doll With the Yellow Star by Yona Zeldis Mcdonough and Kimberly Bulcken Root. Another story centered around World War II, but it definitely sounds intriguing to me.

8. Red, Yellow, Blue (and a Dash of White, Too!) by Charles George Esperanza. This sounds like such a funny yet educational book for young children. It’s all about mixing colors and what this can achieve. I’m sad that I won’t be able to see the illustrations.

9. Silver Spurs by Miralee Ferrell. As a former horseback rider, I still love stories about horse girls. This one sounds truly endearing.

10. Silverlicious by Victoria Kann. This sounds like such an endearing read for young children. When Pinkalicious loses her sweet tooth, she writes to the tooth fairy to get it back. I sense that she’ll learn a valuable lesson.

Now I realize that most of these, I may not actually read. Still, I hope some of my readers will find these interesting for their children or students.

What books with colors in their titles do you like?