Self-Care: Doing Absolutely Nothing

Posted on by Astrid

Sienna over at Therapy Bits wrote about self-care today. She had a day of doing absolutely nothing, as she worded it. I loved the idea. Too often, my attempts at “self-care” include making all kinds of resolutions to do things for myself and not doing anything at all. Like, I’ve been starting and restarting blog posts for today at least half a dozen times, thinking I needed and wanted to write. However, then I quickly deleted the post again, thinking it was pointless. Maybe it is, but maybe that’s the point.

Self-care, to me, means listening to your own body and mind without judgment. It means not considering what others will think of your attempts to care for yourself (within ethical and legal limits, of course).

I consider writing an important act of self-care, but I also often judge my blogging attempts. I don’t write often enough, or my writing isn’t good enough, or whatever. Today, I am setting these limiting beliefs aside and just taking care of myself.

Besides writing, another good self-care practice is meditation. I often find myself judging myself over not doing it enough too, or not being focused enough when doing it. At other times, when I do successfully meditate, I find that the effect wears off quickly and I end up beating myself up over that.

Today, I have been looking at affirmations and inspirational quotes. I love them, but I still find myself wanting to do something “productive” with them. Like, several of these blog posts I started then deleted, were quote-of-the-day posts that I deleted for being pointless.

Maybe the point of self-care, of this blog and of my life in general is not to fulfill other people’s expectations of me, but to be who I am. To be who we are. There, Sienna’s “doing absolutely nothing” sounds appealing. I do “nothing” much of the time, but then I’m usually beating myself up over it. What if I could stop judging myself and start being in the present?

Activities That Give Me Inner Peace

Posted on by Astrid

I’ve been feeling a bit low again, but not as low as I was early last month. I’m not even really depressed, but just rather uninspired. I’d rather play games on my iPHone than do something productive, like blogging. To get myself writing again, I looked at The Self Exploration Journal once again. One of the prompts is about activities that give you inner peace. Here goes.

1. Yoga. I really need to do this more often. I don’t practice yoga much, as it feels like exercise yet doesn’t lead to weight loss. However, it does have other benefits. For example, it can help with my flexibility. It can also definitely help me find inner peace.

2. Meditation. I have Insight Timer, a free meditation app, on my phone. I love it, but I don’t practice meditation nearly enough. I tried it again yesterday, but when I was in the middle of a guided meditation, my husband came home.

3. Listening to soothing music. I used to always have calming whale sounds on when in the snoezelen (sensory) room at my old day activities. Unfortunately, I couldn’t copy the CD when moving day activities and it’s no longer being sold. I have yet to try to listen to my own soothing music on Spotify when in the sensory room. I really want to do more imagery-based activities using soothing music too.

4. Walking. I love going for walks. It truly helps me process my thoughts and move towards greater inner peace. It’s a more active way of creating inner balance, whereas the above three activities are more passive. I mean, yes, yoga requires movement, but it doesn’t require as much movement as does walking.

5. Exercise. Going on the elliptical has the same effect as walking, but amplified. I do this alone, whereas I always go on walks with other people. This means that I can quietly process my thoughts when on the elliptical, while at the same time getting my much-needed activity.

6. Writing. I really want to do this everyday, like I did when starting this blog. I really want to do more freewrites or diary entries too. This should definitely help me process my thoughts and gain inner peace.

What activities give you inner peace?

Four Skills I’m Pretty Good At #Write31Days

Posted on by Astrid

Welcome to day 15 in my #Write31Days challenge on personal growth. Today, I have another list post for you. One of Lisa Shea’s journaling prompts on self-esteem has us write about our skills. What things are you pretty good at? Here goes.

1. Writing. I’m by no means a bestselling author – I have only had one piece of writing published in a book so far. I also make a lot of typeos in my writing. Overall though I consider my writing to be pretty good.

I started writing at about eight-years-old, wanting to become a children’s fiction author once I’d grow up. Now my husband is one of my worst critics when it comes to my children’s fiction, saying my stories aren’t very imaginative to say the least. Then again, when he compliments me on my blog posts, I take it all the more to heart.

2. Calendar calculation. You didn’t know that’s a skill? It is! My husband can’t tell whether October has 30 or 31 day without looking at the calendar, so I’ve got to believe that calendar calculation is a skill. It refers to being able to tell what day a given date in the past or future falls on. I’m not nearly as good at it as I used to be some twenty years ago, but am still pretty good.

3. Researching topics of interest. When a topic captures my interest, I can research it for days on end and will quickly get to know a lot about it. As such, I know a lot about psychiatry – more than some so-called professionals would like me to know. The flip side si that I cannot convert all my knowledge into practice. For example, I know a lot about soap making, but after those first few attempts, I haven’t tried making soap on my own again.

4. Relating to other people in a unique way. Particularly to people with cognitive, intellectual or developmental disabilities. I consider myself pretty good at relating to my fellow clients at day activities. As such, I have been known to come up with some ideas for sensory activities.

What skills are you pretty good at?

My Successes in Life #Write31Days

Posted on by Astrid

Welcome to day four in #Write31Days. I use this challenge to write on personal growth. I’m struggling a lot, so as to get myself to think more positively, I decided to take the day one prompt from Lisa Shea’s journaling prompts on positive thinking. It asks us to list our successes in life. This is rather difficult, as my successes are often used against me. For example, the fact that I completed a high level high school, is used as “proof” that I don’t need lots of care. I am just going to write anyway and see where this takes me.

1. I completed a mainstream, high level high school. This doesn’t just show my academic ability, but my persistence too. I hated it with a vengeance from the moment I started it, but finished it anyway.

2. I completed my first year of college. Same shit really. I liked my major though.

3. I tried to live independently. I failed, but I still consider it a success because I tried the best I could. Again, this shows my persistence.

4. I have been a pretty consistent blogger for over fifteen years.

5. I got a piece published in an anthology. In 2015, my piece was published n a book on typed communication by autistic people.

6. I learned to use an iPhone. I thought last year that I may not be able to learn to operate new-to-me technology anymore, but I was.

7. I prepared my own breakfast today and didn’t spill it everywhere.

8. I am surviving. Having been suicidal on too many occasions to count and having run into a little too many other dangerous situations, I’m proud to be alive. Not happy, but proud.

31 Days of Writing for Growth Landing Page #Write31Days

Posted on by Astrid

I started this blog last July with the aim of writing more frequently, as well as more freely. I wanted this blog to be a diary-style blog while I maintained my other blog for more “blog-worthy”, less personal content. That last part didn’t happen – I practically abandoned my other blog. The first part though was a relative success. I didn’t write as often over the past two weeks as I’d done the first week of my blogging adventure. However, I did write nearly everyday.

I tried to participate in #Write31Days several times before. In 2015, I did it on my other blog on mental health. In 2017, I tried doing it on autism, but landed in hospital after an overdose on October 4 before I’d published my post. The fact that I would no longer be able to fulfill the challenge requirements discouraged me and caused me to let go of writing almost entirely for the rest of the month.

This year, I’m starting the challenge back up. My theme for this year will be 31 Days of Writing for Growth. I will write about my own personal journey of healing and self-improvement. I will not limit myself to a specific aspect of personal growth. I will most likely use some prompts from the various journal writing prompt collections I have in book or other forms. I didn’t prewrite my posts, so I’ll have to go with what inspires me each day.

This is the landing page for my #Write31Days posts. Here, I’ll be linking my posts each day so they’re within easy reach for those wanting to refer back to them.

To my fellow #Write31Days participants as well as to my readers, enjoy!

What’s Holding Me Back to Write from the Heart?

Posted on by Astrid

I have not written much over the past few days. It isn’t because I didn’t want to. In fact, I’ve been wanting to write a lot, but couldn’t find the right venue. I mean, if I want to write for this blog, the content has to be “blog-worthy”. Not because that was my original intent with this blog, but because I’ve become (too) focused on my audience.

“Blog-worthy”, in this respect, means being at least 300 words long, being well-constructed and not being too personal. I mean, yes, I write a lot of very personal posts by soe more general bloggers’ standards, but I still wish I could express myself more freely.

In particular, I wish I felt okay for all of the alters to write using their own names. I originally intended this blog specifically for that purpose, but I feel like I might attract negative feedback if I do this. I mean, dissociation is not your everyday mental illness.

That then has me gotten looking for private journaling apps on the iPhone and PC. I spent most of this afternoon downloading, trying and then deleting at least a dozen apps. None meet my needs. Honestly, what I’m really looking for is something that looks like WordPress but is completely private. Yes, I know I could create a protected blog, but that still feels “kind-of-public” to me.

Then again, is it truly the fear of exposing my thoughts to the public that holds me back? Or is it my inner critic holding me back regardless? I mean, I noticed an alter – a newly-emergent one -, trying to write to an E-mail list a few days ago, but she kept saying that she cannot be her.

Of course, an E-mail list still has an audience, but this was a DID list, so all members are supportive of alters posting. And yet, I feel weird. What it all boils down to, I think, is that I want people to know my thoughts, but I want people to be supportive even more. Then again, how can I elicit support if I don’t share?

So I guess from now on, I’ll try to let go of my “blog-worthiness” rule and try to write from the heart. Of course, there are still aspects of my life that I cannot share, but I cannot share those at all.

Posting Everyday #SoCS

Posted on by Astrid

Today’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt is “post”. I want to write about the challeng in posting everyday. I have been meaning to write at least two posts at least some of the days of the month, but don’t seem to get that done.

Like, when I started this blog in late July, in my first week, I posted thirteen times. That’s two posts a day almost everyday. Now I’m finding it hard to post everyday at all. It’s probably partly because I don’t have much of anything planned to write about. Like, I want to write from writing prompts, but then I can’t pick one.

In October, I plan to follow #Write31Days, a challenge to write everyday. That was a success on my other blog once, in 2015.

By the way, I wonder when I’ll go call my other blog my “old” blog. I still cling to it to some degree, but don’t feel like writing on it at all. I feel much more comfortable writing random ramblings than going with a partiuclar theme or writing “serious” content.

That being said, I have already picked my theme for #Write31Days. No, I won’t disclose it yet.

Last year, I did #Write31Days on autism. I was fully committed to making it work, but on October 4, landed in hospital after a medication overdose before I’d been able to write my post. I could’ve tried to catch up, but had lost my mojo altogether then. I hope that doesn’t happen this year. Then again, my husband has my medication locked away, so I’m unlikely to take another overdose.

Weekly Gratitude List (September 7, 2018) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

I’m extremely tired and don’t feel like writing. I’m also falling into the trap that killed my other blog, taking it too seriously. That is, I can’t keep from comparing myself to “influencers”, which I am not and will never be. It’s a sad truth, but to be truly influential these days you need to be able to create visual content, which I, being blind, can’t do.

As a result of all this, I’m feeling a bit sad today. This makes me even more unmotivated to look at the bright side and create a gratitude list, but I’m going to try anyway. Here, hence, is my weekly gratitude list.

1. A nice walk with my husband on Sunday. I’ve had trouble sticking to an exercise routine over the past week. In other words, I’ve not been on the elliptical at all. For this reason, I’m extra glad my husband offered to go on a walk with me.

2. The new intern at day activities. She’s nice and seems very competent.

3. A good visit with my in-laws on Tuesday. We had a power outage, so I texted my mother-in-law whether I could stay with them to do some computer work. My husband’s 16-year-old cousin was staying at my in-laws and she was delighted to see me.

4. Nice food. We didn’t have the most high-class meals this past week, but I don’t like those anyway. My husband makes delicious pasta – very simple but so good. I also have been eating a ton of fruit lately.

5. Still another day that the weather was good enough to wear a skirt. I wrote a few weeks ago that we’d probably passed the last day for the year that I could wear a skirt, but Wednesday was a surprisingly warm day. I loved it. Thursday was chilly and rainy, but today has been okay too.

6. My home support and mental health staff. I wasn’t feeling very well yesterday – very tired, confusd and dissociated. My support worker noticed and was trying to help me as much as she could. I rang my mental health team eventually. The on-call nurse didn’t know how to help me, but offered to leave a message with my nurse rpactitioner to call me back. He did and he helped me find ways to snap out of the downward spiral.

7. Eating a delicous macaroon today. Because the weather was still nice and we didn’t know whether it’d stay that way (it didn’t), one of the day activities staff took us to the marketplace early this morning. We bought a delicious cookie for everyone and I chose a macaroon. It was sweet, but oh so delicious!

8. Horseback riding again. The weather was okay again in the afternoon, so we actually went outside. It was so lovely. Angie, my horse, did a very good job and the trotting was so much fun.

9. Books. I bought the new Cathy Glass book yesterday and have been greatly enjoying it. For those not familiar with her, Glass is a UK foster carer and writer of memoirs about the children she’s fostered. This new book is really sad so far, but it’s good.

10. Getting so many things I’m thankful for listed even though I originally wasn’t motivated for it. I just had to write that as a separate item to get to ten things. Not that we’re required to do ten things, but it just looked so cool.

Linking up with Ten Things of Thankful as usual.

Sunshine Blogger Award!

Posted on by Astrid

Yay, my first blogging award! DM over at Pointless Overthinking nominated me for the Sunshine Blogger Award. Thanks so much, DM.

The Rules


  • Thank to the person that nominated you.

  • Link the post back to them.

  • Display the picture on your post.
  • Answer their questions.

  • Nominate 10 bloggers.

  • Provide 11 questions for your nominees.


I have no idea what picture they’re referring to, so sorry for skipping that.

DM’s Questions

1. What is your biggest fear?
Abandonment.

2. What would you like to achieve with your writing?
My main purpose with this blog is to help myself along my healing journey. It would be great if I could also inspire others, but that’s not my top priority.

3. On a scale from 1 (hell would be better) to 10 (everything is more than perfect), how satisfied are you with your life right now and why do you think so?
6’ish. Overall, my life is pretty good, but my mental health could be a lot better.

4. What is the first thing you do every morning?
Open my eyes, LOL. After that, the first things I do are shut up my alarm clock, put my Fitbit on its shelf while I shower and go for a shower.

5. How do you like to spend your weekends?
I usually sleep in till noon, eat breakfast, hang out online and do pretty much nothing. On Saturdays, I do regularly visit my in-laws though. This is far from my ideal week-end, as I generally hate the lack of structure of week-ends.

6. What are you grateful for?
My husband, my in-laws, my cat, pretty good physical health, food and shelter.

7. What things do you have on your bucket list?
I would love to follow some more college classes. Or just plain classes for the fun of it without them being a work-up to a degree.

8. What’s the craziest dream you ever had?
I once, 20 years ago, dreamt that a classmate had gotten a chemical weapon out of Iraq that he was launching at me. This was definitely a scary dream, but it wasn’t all that crazy as said classmate pretended to have created a chemical weapon indeed.

9. What’s your core belief?
I am unique, I guess. This core belief is both a blessing and a curse, in that it helps me value myself but also makes me feel misunderstood.

10. What is your biggest desire?
Acceptance.

My Nominees

My Questions


  1. What is your passion?

  2. How long have you been blogging?

  3. What characteristic do you like most about yourself?

  4. What’s your favorite color?

  5. How would you describe your taste in music?

  6. What was your favorite picture book growing up?

  7. What is your favorite scent?

  8. Which country tops your travel bucket list?

  9. In what ways are you still childlike?

  10. Whhat’s a joke or one-liner you like?

Share Your World (August 13, 2018)

Posted on by Astrid

Oh wow, now that I’m taking off with this new’ish blogging adventure, I keep discovering new challenges to participate in. I had seen posts titled Share Your World on other blogs, but never took the time to actually read those posts, so I never found out about the challenge. I did read one today and wow, what an amazing challenge. The idea is that Cee, the challenge organizer, provides four questions which you then answer on your blog (or in the comments on her blog). This week, the questions are very inspiring. Here goes.

A class you wish you would have taken?
Too many to mention. When I was planning for college in high school, I was thinking of studying something in the humanities field, such as Dutch, English or history. I ultimately officially (as in, for yearbook purposes) settled on English, but never actually took an English college class. Several years later, I studied linguistics instead – for two months. I still wish I would’ve taken the language acquisition class I dropped out of after only a week.

I also wish I’d actually finished more psychology classes. I started on five or six of them at Open University, but only actually finished two.

And then there are the countless creative writing courses I’ve looked at on school sites but never took. Oh and I would reallly like to learn more about social work someday. Oh and alternative medicine. Oh and … you get the idea.

Are you scared of heights?
No. I remember crossing a hanging foot bridge with my husband one day several years ago, unaware that he was afraid of heights. I felt mostly scared because he was and I had to depend on him to keep me safe.

Are you a good cook? If so, do you consider yourself a chef?
No, not at all. I could probably cook a simple pasta if I really had to, but I haven’t actually cooked a meal in years.

What did you appreciate or what made you smile this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.
I try to appreciate something everyday. That being said, what comes to mind now is my husband bringing me a delicious bakery sausage roll all the way from a town about 70 miles away where he’d had to drive to in his truck. This happened on Thursday or Friday and I didn’t even include it in my gratitude list.