My Dream Room

Daily writing prompt
Write about your dream home.

When I saw this prompt, I was pretty sure I had written a zillion posts answering this very same question on here already, but when I did a quick search on my blog, I found just one: a post I wrote in 2021. This was long before I decided to move out of Raalte and then move out of the intensive support home again. Then again, neither of those moves had to do with the interior of the homes I resided in.

In fact, my room in Raalte was the best room I’ve had in a care facility so far, except for maybe my apartment in the independence training home. My current room, though not bad, is one of the worse ones in terms of its set-up. For one thing, it’s the very first room from the living room. This has its positives, but a huge negative is the fact that the living room television is literally set against my room’s wall. I’m not complaining – when I came into care, I never sought a dream home. I sought reasonably good care.

Now, to actually get to the point, I’m going to share some things my dream home would have.

First, it’d not be large. It’d not be a home at all, really. More like a studio. After all, I already occasionally got lost in my apartment in the intensive support home. I’d like a room similar to the one I had in Raalte, really, maybe slightly larger. It’d have its own bathroom and kitchen, of course, like I had in Raalte too. It would, unlike my room in Raalte, be on the ground floor and have a door that would lead to a patio where I could sit outside on warm days.

The bathroom would be luxurious, with its own bathtub for me to relax in. The kitchen would have all the things I need to cook a simple meal with assistance, like a microwave oven, fridge, etc.

Lastly, there’d be an armchair for me to relax in. Then there’d be all my regular furniture, such as my desk, craft table, cabinet and bed. Now that I think of it, I wouldn’t want a sensory waterbed, as then the room would be either too crowded or too large for me to navigate. I’d maybe like an additional sensory room. Not yet sure of that one.

I would, of course, decorate my room/apartment/whatever. I’d have my walls painted the same pink color I currently have on my wall here at the care home. My spouse reminded me that I had originally wanted my wall here to be painted lilac. I replied that I’d already written in this post that I’d go with pink, so pink it will be. I would add colorful, handmade wall art. In fact, this might become a reality here in my current room someday in the not too distant future, as one of my staff helped my fellow residents create wall art with colorful pieces of felt and I’m pretty sure with her help I could do a similar work.

To Freewrite vs. Free to Write #JusJoJan

I started and restarted this post several times. I really want to broaden my horizons in the writing department. To write more, but also to write more outside of my comfort zone. In a way, I want to experience the freedom I experienced when crafting my independently-created unicorn in the writing process too.

But, as with my crafting, in the writing department, fear is holding me back. Specifically, the fear of failure. The fear of my posts not being read, not being appreciated, getting zero likes or comments. If I don’t get any engagement, why bother blogging, after all? I could just as easily keep a private journal in Day One.

Then again, even in Day One, I censor myself when writing. Even where no-one reads my writings except for possibly my future self, I’m constantly telling myself I’m a bad writer, constantly editing out mistakes or “inappropriate” wording. Yes, I even did this with my Morning Pages back when I did those several times over the past couple of years.

Is it, however, really that I’m looking to freewrite? Or is it more that I want to be free to write? What’s the difference? Well, this is a freewrite.

However, there are other ways in which I let my censor, as Julia Cameron calls it, dictate what I can and can’t write. So many in fact that I hardly write self-growth posts anymore because these don’t get much engagement, even though these are the posts I sometimes feel inspired to write. When I am free to write, I write what I feel inspired to write even when this isn’t a huge success by externally-determined standards like my stats. And who knows, maybe it will be a success someday.


This post was written for today’s #JusJoJan prompt, which is “writing”.

I’m More Spontaneous

Hi everyone. I’m participating in the Writer’s Workshop today and combining two of the prompts. One is to write a post inspired by the word “spontaneous”. The other is to share something you can do now that you couldn’t do a year ago.

I haven’t necessarily learned anything huge over the past year. However, I did improve on my crafty endeavors and the main thing I learned was to be more spontaneous. A year ago, I would follow a YouTube tutorial almost exactly as it was shown. That’s not really creating, honestly; that’s copying. Now though, I create some things using just my concept of them. Like the below cat I created yesterday. It’s not terribly imaginative, I know, but it’s a start.

Polymer Clay Cat

I am also more daring to experiment and less afraid of failing. Like, with the above cat, I used Fimo liquid deco gel even though it might smudge (it didn’t). This decreased fear of failure also led to me crafting the unicorn that I made completely independently just before New Year’s. While courage isn’t necessarily a skill I acquired over the past year, since it’s not a skill at all, it’s definitely helped me improve.

In other areas of life, I am also more spontaneous and more daring than I used to be. The reason is probably in part the fact that my staff give me the necessary predictability rather than leaving me to complete and utter chaos. I’m still on the less spontaneous side of the spectrum, but that’s totally okay.

What “Playtime” Means to Me #Bloganuary

Today’s prompt from #Bloganuary asks us about playtime. What does “playtime” mean to me? Do I play in my daily life?

Honestly, it depends on how one would define “playtime”. I, as someone who does not work, could consider my day activities “playtime”. I mean, there are individuals who do work-like day activities, but I don’t. Indeed, I’m pretty sure I consider working with polymer clay “playtime”.

For 2024, I am considering restarting some adapted version of The Artist’s Way. I mean, I cannot do Artist’s Dates completely by myself, but I can be more creative doing them than I would otherwise be. As Julia Cameron says, doing the work of the Artist’s Dates and other tasks in the book is really play, and I’m pretty sure I agree.

I also sometimes do actual things considered “playtime” by most adults, such as go on swings or roundabouts. We have adult-size playground equipment on institution grounds that I occasionally go on.

An All-Inclusive Society?

Hi everyone. Today I am answering Jewish Young Professional’s Provocative question. The question is whether it is possible to create a society or community that is all-inclusive of everyone.

Like most other people, I think a society that truly meets everyone’s needs, isn’t possible. After all, some people’s human needs clash with other people’s human needs.

Then there is the complicating factor that not everyone wants to include everyone else. How do we deal as a society with exclusionary people? Racists, homophobes, transphobes, ableists, etc.? In intersectional feminist spaces, it’s clear: these get an instaban. But then, is the society still inclusive of everyone? I mean I for one, belonging to quite a few marginalized groups and being an ally to others, don’t care that racists, homophobes, transphobes, ableists, etc. would get a one-way ticket to the moon if they act out their exclusionary nonsense. But then society would be inclusive of them only as long as these people shut up. And I don’t mind privileged people shutting up, honestly, but that’s not the question. The question was not whether we could create a society that centers marginalized people, but a society that’s inclusive of everyone.

JYP also asked about religion and politics. Well, there’ve been too many wars based on religion and political disagreements for me to believe a truly inclusive society in this respect is possible either. In short, no, an all-inclusive society is really an illusion.

This doesn’t mean we can’t create a more inclusive society. We have, after all, still a long way to go before even thinking that our society comes close to including everyone. And, of course, I’m referring to my society, a modern, high-income country. Even here, disabled people, LGBTQ+ people, people of color, Muslims, women even, are still regularly being excluded. To claim that everyone is accepted these days, is an incorrect statement, and usually one used to silence the marginalized person one is speaking to.

In short, a truly all-inclusive society isn’t possible, but that doesn’t mean we can’t strive for a more inclusive society. And, in my opinion, we should strive for that.

It’s Not About Them #SoCS

Lately, I’ve fallen back into the habit of comparing the care I get or don’t get to that which another client gets. I did it with the full-time one-on-one client at my previous home too and it got so far that I ended up calling her derogatory names for getting what I felt I needed. Which, for clarity’s sake, wasn’t full-time one-on-one, but to have staff not leave me during my assigned one-on-one hours for every little thing. And more importantly, I felt it was unfair that she was assigned familiar staff 100% of the time while I got stuck with the temp workers most of the time.

This same issue is what’s at stake again now, since there’s another one-on-one (not sure it’s full-time) client here who doesn’t need to deal with temp workers. I didn’t mind this at all until one day earlier this week, the staff schedule got turned upside down to accommodate him and as a result I got stuck with a temp worker who was here for the first time.

This illustrates my point: I don’t care what others get. It’s not about them, it’s about me.

To solve my unfairly comparing myself to others and falling into an endless trap of what others have or do to “deserve” the care I feel I need, I am going to ask my assigned staff to write up a note saying that staff not engage in arguments about other clients’ care. For clarity’s sake, this is not the same as saying “No arguing, I’m leaving”, like the staff were originally told to do at the slightest opposition from me regardless of topic. Rather, I’d like the staff to listen to me and validate my feelings regarding my unmet needs. After all, to me, it doesn’t matter what someone else gets or doesn’t get, but when my care is compromised, I feel bad.


This post was written for today’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday, for which the prompt is “to me”. I realize I didn’t make the phrase central to my piece, but this was what popped into my mind.

I Want to Create #SoCS

I haven’t been very inspired to create lately. Last Monday, this topic was on my mind when discussing how I’m doing at my current care home. I sometimes try to blame lack of time or familiar staff to help me create as reasons for why I hardly work with polymer clay anymore. This is indeed a factor, but it’s not everything. I’m probably also experiencing a bit of a decline in my creativity and general cognitive state. Then again, if I don’t nurture this creative side of mine, I will only deteriorate further. And, although if I had all the mental and physical energy in the world, I’d really like to be able to be more independent in other areas, creativity is what I really want to work on.

Thankfully, my crafty spirit isn’t completely gone. In fact, I believe that I still can ignite this spark of creativity that is the recognition that I want to create, so that it will become a massive flame of artistic expression.

It wasn’t even for this reason that I decided to create a gnome out of polymer clay yesterday. It’s my spouse’s birthday tomorrow and I’d be visiting my in-laws in celebration of it today. My spouse has a birthday wishlist and had already guessed correctly the gift I’d selected off of it, so I wanted a handmade gift in addition. My spouse has a large collection of gnomes, so it’d be only logical that I’d create one out of polymer clay.

Polymer clay gnome

I actually was more creative than I normally am, as usually I follow a YouTube tutorial except with my unicorns. This time though, I created the gnome completely by imagining it. The only thing I don’t like about it, is the fact that I forgot to paint a white dot in its eyes to make them look a little more alive.


This post was written for Stream of Consciousness Saturday, for which the prompt this week is “create”.

Before and After

I rarely if ever turn the pages of an actual book these days, since I can’t read print and Braille books are just too clunky to have around. Turning pages, for this reason, is mostly just a figure of speech: I can turn the page on a memory, turn pages in the book that is my life, etc.

Sixteen years ago today, I experienced a turning point in my life, as on that day, my fragile mental state completely collapsed. The night after, at roughly 2AM on November 3, 2007, I was admitted to the psychiatric hospital.

Since then, my life consists of a “before”, in which I appeared to more or less function in life according to non-disabled standards (but was really merely surviving), and an “after”, in which I appear to have given in to the disabled side of me (but am slowly learning to live). I struggle to unite the two.


This post was written for this week’s Six Sentence Story Link-Up, for which the prompt word is “turn”.

Act Your Age, Astrid?!

Hi everyone. Today’s topic for Sunday Poser is the idea of acting our age. Society expects us to act a certain way depending on our age – not just behave quite responsibly past our mid-twenties or so, but also to wear certain clothes, listen to certain music, enjoy certain activities, etc. depending on our age. Do we generally conform to that expectation? A quick read through the comments on Sadje’s original post gave me the impression that, no, we don’t. And I personally certainly don’t.

With respect to the responsible behavior part, I have to admit, unlike the other participants, that I’m very much a child – no, a toddler – at heart. I still have significant temper outbursts, for instance. In fact, on my thirtieth birthday, I had an intense outburst and was adamant that I could no longer have those in my thirties. Well, my brain wouldn’t listen. It’s said that my emotional developmental level is comparable in many ways to that of an infant or young toddler.

In other ways, I’m still a child at heart too. I love unicorns, going on the swings at the institution playground and stuffed animals. I even talk to my stuffed animals at times.

Then in other areas, I do act my age or even older. I’m not keen on using my phone when doing another activity and get annoyed when my staff get constantly distracted by text messages. I don’t really do social media except for Facebook (which probably makes me appear really old). It isn’t that I haven’t tried, but I was rather late to the party with most platforms.

Of course, the fact that I use the singular pronoun “I” here, is a bit misguided too, since we’re a plural system and there are parts of all ages. This is probably one of the reasons that I can talk to my stuffed animals happily one moment, have a temper tantrum the next and be involved in an “old-fashioned” hobby later. I do sometimes wonder whether my parts are genuine alters or whether something like internal family systems could help them too. Then again, I’m not in therapy, IFS or otherwise, anyway.

Choice of Residence

Hi everyone. Today’s topic for Sunday Poser is how or why you chose your city, county or area of residence, or whether it was a choice at all.

I stumbled across my current care agency by chance in 2017 when trying to find day activities for once I’d be discharged from the psych hospital. After going to two different day centers with this agency and coming to the conclusion that living semi-independently with my spouse was not a viable option in the long run, I moved into the home that had a place available at the time. That’s the short version of how I ended up in Raalte.

Since knowing about this agency, I always envisioned myself living on its institution grounds. I thought I’d feel more sheltered there. This was one of many reasons I requested to look into the possibility of finding me another care home in April of 2022.

Wilp, the institution town (I’m pretty sure I mentioned it before so I might as well tell you rather than remaining vague) is right in the middle of the tricities Apeldoorn/Zutphen/Deventer. I think the town itself has a little too little to offer for my liking, since it only has a bakery and a coffee corner and that’s basically it. However, all three cities are within easy driving distance and Twello, the neighboring town, is within cycling distance. It’s too bad our home doesn’t have a side-by-side bike.

Since I grew up in Apeldoorn, I am sort of familiar with this area. Not in the sense of knowing my way around – I’d never even heard of Wilp before finding out about this care agency -, but in the sense of knowing the culture. It’s not necessarily my type of culture – a bit too conservative for my liking -, but I am okay with it.

The institution I live in is great. No, not the home, of course, but I love the petting zoo, on-site swimming pool, various day centers, etc. The fact that residents and staff all greet each other, is also awesome. It’s really like a small village in itself. And indeed, it’s more sheltered than community living in Raalte was. One drawback I need to mention though is getting mail delivered. Particularly packages cant be sent here. Ah well, I’ll get them sent to my in-laws and get my spouse to collect them and bring them here on Sundays.