Organization as a Self-Care Skill #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Welcome to day 15 and my letter O post in the #AtoZChallenge. Today’s topic may seem a bit boring. I’m going to talk about how organizing your life can help you take better care of yourself.

Let me start by saying I’m a terrible organizer. In high school, I had a calendar that I’d typed out myself in Word. I started out keeping it faithfully at the beginning of the first school year. By the time we got to the end of that year though, I forgot to write down my homework about half the time and looked it up even less. I had a great memory, which meant I didn’t usually miss homework deadlines.

I never kept a calendar in college or beyond, but now that I have an iPhone, I do try to use the calendar app to track appointments. Which reminds me, I still need to write next week’s phone appt with my community psychiatric nurse into it. Going to do that now. Be right back.

Okay, done. Where was I? See, I’m pretty disorganized. Still, I try to keep some order in my life. It helps me, for example, to have reminders about taking my medication in my phone. Otherwise I may forget and that’s not good.

I also, like I mentioned before, have an app that reminds me to drink enough water. Habit-tracking apps like this exist for a bunch of habits that will help you have a more meaningful, organized and productive life.

Decluttering is another way of getting more organized. There are lots of specific methods for it, such as FlyLady, the Konmari method, etc. I would love to stick to such a method, but honestly more so that I could talk about it than to actually get cleaning. I guess that’s weird.

Because I am blind, I don’t usually get bothered by clutter unless it’s in my way. However, of course, clutter does make it harder for me to remember where I left my things. That’s why currently I try to keep at least some order in my drawers and my wardrobe. It’s hard, but it pays off.

Are you an organized person? Or have you developed strategies for organizing your life?

Name Your Negative Voice: Dealing with Your Inner Critic #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Welcome to my letter N post in the #AtoZChallenge. Today I want to talk about dealing with negative thoughts coming from your inner critic.

You know what? Just because you think something, doesn’t make it true. Your thoughts and feelings are not fact. See my post on cognitive distortions for some examples of how our thoughts can deceive us.

One way of dealing with negative thoughts, is to engage them in a challenging conversation. It may help, in this case, to name your inner critic. Literally give it a name. Then look at it like you would to a really annoying person you meet, who however has little to no authority over you. It may then be easier to ignore or shut up your inner critic.

For example, let’s assume you call your inner critic Donald. (That’s what Anna Borges suggests and I do wonder whether she bases it on some orange-faced creature currently leading the world’s most powerful nation.) If your inner critic were to say you shouldn’t do something because you presumably can’t, you can then call him out on his bullshit, like this.

Inner critic: You’ll not get the job you want, so don’t bother to apply.
You: Shut up, Donald. You don’t know shit.

In this conversation, you’re purposefully keeping your comebacks to Donald brief. After all, you know he’s ignorant and insensitive and yet he doesn’t have the authority over you that requires you actually listen to him.

Another approach to your inner critic, particularly if it originates in childhood trauma, is to see your inner critic as a punitive parent. Then you can create a nurturing parent in your mind to help you challenge the punitive parent. After all, you most likely do generally feel you need to obey your parents more than you need an annoying acquaintance, even though really as an adult you have no such obligation.

Remember, naming your inner critic still requires you realize it’s part of you. Don’t go about blaming others for your own negative thoughts. Even when your inner critic is a reflection of your parents, it’s still your responsibility to deal with it.

As a side note, having a name for your inner critic can, in my experience, also help you see its function. For example, one of my more critical alters emerged as a named inner critic I thought should just shut up. Later on though, I realized she had a function beyond just being an inner critic or punitive parent. For this reason, I do feel engaging your inner critic can really be more than just telling it to shut up.

Laughter and Humor for Self-Care #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Okay, I’m rather late posting my letter L post. I honestly wasn’t sure about the topic either, so this post may be brief again. Today I want to talk about laughter and humor as self-care strategies.

One strategy in dialectical behavior therapy, which I talked about in my post on ACCEPTS, is to put on a smile. Literally. Curl up the corners of your mouth and force a smile. This may seem fake and it is at times. However, it can actually help you feel better.

Now try making yourself laugh out loud! In The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care, Anna Borges recommends making yourself actually laugh to feel better. Try saying “Ha,” then “ha ha” and so forth out loud. It will be sure to make you crackle up soon enough.

Another way to make yourself laugh is of course to use humor. We are all different in the types of humor we appreciate. I for one am a true wordplay lover. I can’t stand practical jokes and I don’t understand funny videos due to being blind, unless there is a strong verbal component. My humor can be a bit dark, while others prefer lightheartedness. Whatever humor you like, there’s always something out there on the Internet you’ll appreciate.

Let’s make each other laugh! Tell jokes or share other forms of humor in the comments!

Know Yourself: Self-Discovery for Self-Care #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Welcome to my letter K post in the #AtoZChallenge. This was a hard letter, but I managed to come up with something, though today’s post is brief. Today I will talk about how self-discovery can help you care better for yourself.

It may be hard to actually know who you are or what you need, but figuring this out is vital to actually meeting your own unique needs. I mean, there are lots of ways to take care of yourself – many more than I will discuss during this challenge -, but most of them are not suitable to everyone. So take time to observe yourself.

I find journaling is a great way of getting to know yourself. There are a lot of guided self-exploration journals out there. There are also tons of journals that claim to be about self-exploration but are really just random lists of prompts. The self-discovery journal I like best is the 23 Days Self-Discovery Journaling Challenge by Mari L. McCarthy. Her other journaling challenges are fab too!

Mindfulness can also help you discover who you are. So can going to therapy or counseling. Regardless of what approach you use, try to be non-judgmental. Like I once read on a website of a personality disorders treatment clinic, the best person you can become is yourself.

Journaling for Emotional Wellbeing #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Wow, did I seriously not think about journaling when ruminating over what word to pick for my letter J post? Well yeah, indeed I completely forgot. But now I know, so for today, I’m going to talk about one of my favorite yet most challenging self-care habits: journaling.

I started my first journal when I was about eleven. It was a handmade diary with Braille pages stuck in it. I didn’t keep it for long though. When I was thirteen, I started writing a regular diary on my computer. That one lasted for over three years, until I discovered the Internet and online journals. I always wished for my journals to be read by others, even though I never wanted my parents to be those other people. That happened with the online journal, which gradually morphed into a blog.

That being said, I need to learn to write in private again. Not just anything that goes on in my head, is suited for the whole wide world to read.

Journal keeping can have many benefits for your emotional wellbeing. It can help you identify patterns in your thinking, find triggers for negative feelings and be more grateful, among other things.

Remember, the diary is just one form of journaling. Usually in a diary, you write what you did during a day, including how you felt. There are other types of more focused journals, such as:

  • Dream journal, in which you write down your dreams after you wake up in the morning.
  • Goal-related journal, such as weight loss or smoking cessation journals. In this type of journal, you track your progress towards a goal. For those of us dealing with addictions, eating disorders, etc., a journal for tracking how many days you’re in recovery, may help too.
  • Gratitude journal, in which you write a list of daily gratefuls or otherwise express your gratitude. See my letter G post for more tips on this.

Some journaling “experts” recommend writing stream-of-consciousness style. Others recommend using prompts. You can combine the two by responding to a journaling prompt in stream-of-consciousness style too. There are many free and cheap books of journaling prompts. My favorite is the Journaling with Lisa Shea series. I have the whole series in one single eBook.

There are lots of ways to keep a journal. You can have a standard paper journal or a document (or more than one) on your computer, tablet or smartphone. There are also lots of apps that are aimed at helping you journal. I have tried dozens of those on my iPhone. My current favorite is Day One, which is available for all Apple products and I believe Android now too. Still, no matter how many products you try, you need to be the one sticking to a regular habit of journal keeping.

Do you have a journal (other than your blog)?

Intentions: Living Your Life with Purpose #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Welcome to day 9 in the #AtoZChallenge and my letter I post. I really wasn’t sure what to write for this post, so looked to The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care by Anna Borges for inspiration. One of her letter I topics is “intentions”. This may seem fluffy to you and it feels that way to an extent to me, too. Today I am going to write about living your life with purpose.

When I think of this, I immediately think of the Purpose-Driven Life, which is some type of conservative Christian book about how Christians should live their life. Even though I haven’t read it, I know it has many things that will not apply to me as a progressive believer. Besides, I want to speak to people of all faiths and none at all, so this is not what I’m talking about.

Instead, I am talking about determining how you want to live your life. A purpose in life can really be whatever you want it to be. That doesn’t mean it should change very often – it really should not.

For living with intent, it requires that you focus on your core values. Determining these may be hard especially when you’re still young or unsure of yourself. However, though your life’s purpose shouldn’t change on a whim, it isn’t necessarily completely static either.

Focusing on who you want to be and what you want to achieve, can take the form of a single word or phrase. For example, I choose a word of the year each January. This year’s is Wellbeing. I know that most words of the year I’ve set in the past are related to emotional wellness. Of course, most people strive for happiness in their lives, so this may be an open door really. However, if you set a word such as “Success” or “Productive” as your focus word of the year, this reflects that other values, in this case achievement, are more important to your happiness. Remember, that’s okay too. Just because I am focused on emotional wellness, doesn’t mean you need to be too. In fact, I think my chosen intentions may come across a bit self-centered to some.

Once you have set an intention for your life, or for the next year, it should help you guide your path. If you reflect on your chosen theme regularly, it will become easier to let it guide your short and long-term goal setting.

Do you have a word of the year for this year or an intention for your life in general?

Hobbies and Interests: Finding Your Passion(s) #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Welcome to my letter H post in the #AtoZChallenge. Today I have another lighthearted topic for you. I am going to talk about finding your passions, your hobbies and interests.

I looked over my A to Z posts of last year a few days ago. I found that one of the major goals I set myself in my letter G post was to find a hobby other than blogging that I can do independently. I probably meant a craft, but I feel that other hobbies and interests can become a passion too.

Anything can really be a hobby. You also don’t need to stick to one or two hobbies for life. I mean, of course it can be problematic if you spend lots of money on a hobby that you don’t really like. For example, I spent probably over €1000 on card making supplies over the years, even though it never became a real passion. I probably have spent at least half of that on soaping supplies so far too, but at least I still like that hobby. I’m not great with it and never will be, but oh well.

You don’t need to be talented to find pleasure in a hobby. That being said, feeling you’re good at something and/or getting positive feedback from others, can help you stay motivated.

Anything can be a hobby. It doesn’t have to be art or crafts. It doesn’t have to be music or sports. These are all hobbies that you may enjoy more if you’re good at them. Reading, listening to music or watching movies can be hobbies too and they are things almost everyone can do.

Besides hobbies, your passions can also be interests. Again, anything goes. I have said before that I at one point had an unusual fascination for calendar calculation.

Most people do not find their passions in isolation. They strive to share their hobbies and interests with other people. No, that doesn’t just mean blogging or vlogging about them. (I know I’ve said that I do practically everything I do at least partly with the purpose of blogging about it.) It can also mean sharing with friends. Note that no passion is so weird there’s no-one out there who shares it or is interested in it at least. I mean, calendar calculation is a rather odd interest that no-one in my family or circle of friends shared, but I did enjoy surprising people with my ability. Besides, now, with the Internet, you can be sure to find people who do share your passion online.

Feel free to inspire me and share your passions in the comments.

Cognitive Distortions: Change Your Thought Patterns to Feel Better #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

I have been debating whether to continue the self-care theme for A to Z or not. I mean, I want to, but right now I’m not really motivated. I have a post in my drafts folder talking about coffee instead. Then I realized that, since I am struggling quite a bit today, I could really benefit from some self-care. For my letter C post, I am focusing on cognitive distortions. These are those dysfunctional thought patterns that often stand in the way of us feeling better.

While cognitive distortions are dysfunctional and often incorrect, they do make sense to our minds. Everyone employs cognitive distortions at times. Some thought patterns that aren’t reality-based, may even be helpful. For example, most drivers think they are less likely to end up in a car crash than other drivers, even though statistically only 50% of drivers can be less likely than others to end up in a car crash. This is called unrealistic optimism.

Many cognitive distortions though can be unhelpful. Examples of such cognitive distortions include:

  • Filtering: seeing the world through blue-tinted glasses. In other words, seeing the negative aspects of a situation only and overlooking the positive.
  • Polarized or black-and-white thinking.
  • Over-generalizing: drawing general conclusions based on limited experience.
  • Jumping to conclusions: thinking that you can read other people’s minds or predict the future.
  • Catastrophizing: always expecting the worst possible outcome.
  • Personalization: taking things that are not even remotely related to you personally. This can mean you apply random occurrences as being specifically about you, often in a negative way.
  • Fallacy of control: thinking either that everything is in your control or that nothing is. In reality, life is a complex combination of choice and circumstance.
  • Fallacy of fairness: mistakenly believing that everything should be based on what’s fair. Well, life isn’t fair.
  • Blaming: holding other people responsible for your feelings rather than taking ownership of them yourself.
  • Emotional reasoning: seeing your feelings as facts.
  • Fallacy of change: believing someone else or a situation will change if you’re patient enough. Basing your happiness on someone else’s or a situation’s changing rather than taking actions to change your own thoughts or behavior.

Now that I think of it, I can identify at least a couple of these cognitive distortions as reasons behind my recent struggling. For example, yesterday I had symptoms that signaled a UTI, but I catastrophized that I had some serious illness. This was based on the thought that I’ve had for years that, once I’d find a place to live in where I feel safe, I’d die. This is jumping to conclusions. Then I thought that, by thinking I had a serious illness, I was making it real through some kind of twisted law of attraction that I don’t even generally believe in. This is an example of the fallacy of control. In the end, I felt miserable and all because of some cognitive distortions.

Do you often find yourself employing cognitive distortions?

Breathe: Using Meditation for Self-Care #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

I originally intended to write today’s post for the #AtoZChallenge yesterday and schedule it for this morning, but somehow I didn’t get down to writing it at all. I hadn’t even decided on a topic yet, although several floated through my mind. Eventually, I decided to continue with the self-care theme. B is for “breathe”.

Deep breathing is often hard for people at the best of times. It can be a real challenge if you’re anxious. That’s why you may benefit from breathing exercises while you’re calm. Then you will train your body to breathe properly, so that it comes more naturally when you’re stressed.

That being said, the first step to learning to breathe deeply into your belly is to be aware of your breathing. You can use meditation for this.

Beginner’s guided meditations often focus on being aware of your breathing without the need to change anything about it. You will learn to notice each inhale and exhale without judgment.

Once you are aware of your breathing, you can learn to control your breathing more consciously. Often, it is recommended that you take a long, but not too long, inbreath through your nose. Then you are advised to hold your breath for a few seconds and then do a long outbreath through your mouth.

Another common meditation practice is the body scan. This allows you to feel each sensation in your body systematically without judgment. Start by feeling your toes, feet and ankles. Then gradually move up through your legs, lower abdomen, upper abdomen and chest, hands and arms, shoulders, neck and finally your head. Most body scan meditations have you check in with your mental processes at the end. Remember, this is a check-in. You don’t need to change anything.

You can add other aspects of meditation to your practice, such as mantras or visualizations. I like to use affirmations as mantras. I also love visualizations, such as visualizing the colors of the rainbow.

There are tons of good meditation apps out there that offer guided meditations and often a timer to practise on your own. I have tried a few and must say my favorite is Insight Timer. This app has thousands of guided meditations by a variety of teachers. Most guided meditations are free. The premium plan offers additional content, such as courses. Right now, the app has a specific category called For Uncertain Times that’s geared towards coping with the COVID-19 crisis.

ACCEPTS: Coping with Distress By Using DBT #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

I haven’t decided on a theme for this year’s #AtoZChallenge, so I can basically write about whatever comes to mind. Right now, we’re in the midst of the COVID-19 crisis and we’ll most likely be by the end of April still. As such, today’s post is about self-care in times of distress.

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a commonly-used approach to treating emotion regulation issues such as those found in borderline personality disorder, but its strategies can be useful for anyone having a hard time coping with crisis. DBT’s founder Marsha M. Linehan was probably fond of acronyms, as DBT has many. One such acronym, which is particularly useful for coping with difficult emotions during times of distress, is ACCEPTS. ACCEPTS stands for the following.

Activities: find a hobby or sport to do. Yes, playing video games or watching Netflix counts. For me, reading is my hobby of choice.

Contributing: do some form of volunteer work or help a friend. The book The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care by Anna Borges provides babysitting for a friend as an example. This is not likely possible in these times of lockdown, but helping out online probably also counts.

Comparison: look to a real or fictional situation that could be worse.

Emotions: try to channel the exact opposite of the emotion you’re trying to fight. For example, if you’re sad, watch funny YouTube videos. You can also train yourself to act opposite of the emotion. This doesn’t necessarily mean you need to put on a smile when you’re sad, though that might help. It also means, for example, doing the opposite of your initial response to your emotion. For example, if you’re feeling like sleeping it off, try exercise.

Push away: visualize building a wall between you and the negative emotion or imagine that it is a mass you can push away.

Thoughts: do something that requires your full cognitive attention. The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care clarifies that you don’t need to do any sort of critical thinking. Borges instead provides the example of reading a book, focusing on each sentence intently. I prefer word games.

Sensation: provide yourself with a strong sensation to focus on. For example, hold some cubes of ice. I’ve seen some people even suggest smelling ammonia. That’s crazy to me (I initially thought ammonia was another acronym). Borges, however, says you can actually focus on pleasant sensations such as soft textures too. I love essential oils.

What are your favorite techniques of coping with distress?