Dancing Through Darkness #WotW

Okay, I’m supposed to be in bed already, but I can’t sleep. What better thing there is to do than write a blog post, right? I’m joining in with Anne’s Word of the Week for the first time in forever. The idea is to sum up your week in a word or phrase.

This week wasn’t the best mental health-wise. Yesterday, I landed in a full-on crisis. I didn’t express my dark thoughts right then, but I did to my staff this evening. It isn’t the first time I’ve experienced acute suicidality, but the intrusive thoughts and images I get then shock me everytime. Thankfully, I was able to calm down after taking a PRN lorazepam. I will be calling my nurse practitioner at mental health tomorrow, since my community psychiatric nurse is on vacation. I know I’m not clinically depressed (yet), but I do want my treatment team to know about my crisis.

The rest of the week I pretty much saw it coming. On Monday and Tuesday, I was still pretty much in my normal mood. Not euphoric, but not depressed either. In fact, I signed up for the Bout of Books readathon on Tuesday fully intending to spend the better part of the week reading or talking about books. I didn’t. The first day, I got through 23% of Five Feet Apart by Rachael Lippincott. I abandoned the book for the rest of the week though.

Particularly Friday, Saturday and today were hard. I did try to remain active. Like I mentioned several times already this past week, I tried to dance. Today I actually sort of succeeded. I also managed slightly more steps and active minutes as recorded by my Fitbit this week than the week before.

I have been trying to be more mindful of myself this week too. By this I mean I’ve started up meditating again. I use Insight Timer, which has like thousands of free meditations. If meditating becomes a regular habit, and I sure hope it does, I may pay for the premium plan. Honestly, though I was still close to crisis today, the affirmation in one of the meditations I’ve been listening to, helped me.

I also started exploring some ways of getting my eating and ultimately my weight under control. This is where dancing comes in handy again.

To sum it all up, I’m choosing “Dancing Through Darkness” as my phrase for the week. I feel depressed, but I’m also trying to actively do something about it.

How was your week?

Word of the Week linky

15 thoughts on “Dancing Through Darkness #WotW

  1. Dancing through darkness is perfect. I do hope you can keep it up, it seems like although things are tough inside your head at the moment you are doing all the right things to keep the black dog at bay. Keep talking, dancing and meditating and I hope you feel much better as soon as possible. Here’s a gentle (((hug))) from a distance.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Anne I LOVE insight timer 🙂 I use the “timer” for my silent meditations and the guided ones before sleep, most often. There are so many on there that it’s been almost 2 years and I still haven’t gone Premium 🙂 I think “Dancing Through Darkness” is the most beautiful phrasing ever, and you’re showing us how you’re navigating this pain with such grace and resilience ! I wish I could do it this well whenever depressive episodes hit me. ps. I HIGHLY recommend daily meditation – even in small quantitites. It’s the regularilty that changes things over time. It changed my life. Anyway I just wanted to say: I admire the fact that you’re doing everything right ❤ Telling people, writing about it, moving: all these things make a tremendous difference! Hang in there, we love you and the end of the dark tunnel is just around the corner !!!! Sending big big hugs xxxx ❤ Anne

    Liked by 1 person

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