Zodiac, Etc.: Astrology for Personal Growth #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. For my letter Z post in the #AtoZChallenge, I’m writing about astrology. This may be seen as cheating once again, as astrology is about as far removed from science as can be, but then again my topic is personal growth and some people do believe in astrology and use it for self-development. I realize I already wrote a bit about the topic for my letter T post in 2020, which also covered tarot. Like you may’ve noticed during this year’s #AtoZChallenge if not the one in 2020, I believe firmly in picking what works for you and leaving the rest whether it’s science-based or not. Like, I personally do find the Enneagram helpful and I occasionally do visit astrology forums online too. I just wanted to make clear that I’m not claiming there’s any evidence behind it.

So what is astrology? Astrology is the belief that the position of the stars and the celestial bodies they form in space have an influence on people and the natural world. The Zodiac sign, or sun sign, is the celestial body closest to the sun at the time of an event (usually a person’s birth). Mine is Cancer. There are other signs that are important in astrology too, such as the person’s moon sign.

What does someone’s Zodiac sign say about their personality? Honestly, nothing. I mean, I did a quick Google search for personality traits of people with the Zodiac sign Cancer and, though the first two hits (I was too lazy to look any further) included somewhat similar traits, they are incredibly broad and I no doubt would be able to find different descriptions if I weren’t so lazy. For example, Cancers are supposed to be caring, creative and intuitive. They also supposedly value long-lasting relationships. Well, doesn’t everyone? Oh, and we care about traditional values. Not me! But maybe that’s because I was born prematurely and should really have been a Libra. Just kidding.

Resilience and Post-Traumatic Growth #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. For my letter R post in the #AtoZChallenge, I want to talk about resilience. Resilience, basically, is the ability to bounce back when faced with challenges. It is also linked to post-traumatic growth.

First, what characteristics and attitudes make someone resilient? These include optimism, the ability to regulate your emotions, and the ability to see failure as helpful feedback rather than wallowing in self-blame.

Several factors contribute to resilience. Some of these are most likely genetic. Early life experiences play a role too. However, that doesn’t mean that resilience can’t be learned to some extent. For example, you can learn to break out of negative thought patterns, to regulate your emotions, to look for positives during a setback and to see failure as a learning opportunity.

Some people believe that experiencing a traumatic event, makes you less resilient. This isn’t necessarily true though. This is where post-traumatic growth comes in.

Post-traumatic growth is the experience that survivors of trauma are able to develop in a positive way after the traumatic event. For example, they recognize their inner strength for having overcome their trauma, form stronger connections with loved ones as well as other survivors, and find new opportunities for finding meaning in life.

The reason post-traumatic growth happens, is the fact that traumas force a victim to re-evaluate their sense of self and their stance in the world.

Not everyone who experienced trauma, will experience post-traumatic growth, but about half to two-thirds will. Again, whether you will experience post-traumatic growth, is related to how resilient you are in general.

So how do you learn to cultivate resilience? You can learn to reframe challenges as opportunities and, as a result, look at the benefits of stress. After all, viewing stress as solely negative, may lead to an additional stressor, ie. “stress about stress”.

Other ways of cultivating a positive outlook on life, such as practising gratitude and self-care, can help too.

How My Personality Has Evolved Over the Years

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today, in her Sunday Poser, Sadje asks us how we’ve changed, personality-wise, as we’ve grown up.

The first way in which I’m far different from what I was like as a teen, is my self-expression. I am much, much more open about myself and my inner world than I was when I was younger.

Oh wait, I need to nuance that statement slightly. There, after all, was a time in my late teens and early to mid twenties, during which I was more open about myself than I am now. On my first blog, which I started as a diary in 2002 and moved to WP in 2007, I probably showed a little (a lot) more of myself than would be considered normal. Also, no-one probably remembers that I had my current blog URL for a few months in 2011 too, but I do. I particularly remember with a sense of shame a post one of my alters wrote just after I got married saying my spouse probably doesn’t even love me. Well, now nearly fourteen years on I’m convinced that my spouse does love me, but even if I didn’t think so, a public blog wouldn’t be the place where I’d spill my guts.

I do believe that, even though I was extremely private as a teen, the willingness to share my thoughts was always there. I just didn’t trust my audience at the time, ie. my parents and teachers. Now trusting the whole world isn’t necessarily safer, which is why I’m no longer as candid as I was even seven years ago when I started this blog.

Another way in which I’ve changed, which might be related to the above, is that I’m generally more outspoken and assertive than I was as a teen. I still oscillate between passive and aggressive a lot in daily interactions, but where it comes to major life decisions, I’m not as dependent on the approval of others as I was.

Lastly, I’ve probably become less judgmental than I was in my teens. I’ve also become less arrogant. I mean, back then I looked down on people with intellectual disability or those who were less educated than I was in general. It did take me having to rely on the care system myself in order to change that.

As a result of being less judgmental towards others, I have also become less hard on myself. That doesn’t mean that the voice telling me I should be able to live fully independently, isn’t there anymore. I am however able to channel that voice into prioritizing my need for self-determination.

Questionnaires and Personality Tests for Self-Improvement and Diagnosis #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. For my letter Q post in the #AtoZChallenge, I’d like to talk about personality tests and questionnaires. How valid are self-report questionnaires for personal growth? Do they have any validity in diagnosis?

The short answer to these questions is that it depends. After all, many people especially those with some knowledge of the thing being tested, will answer in such a way that they’ll get the results they want or expect. Even people who don’t know how the test works, may distort their answers because they think the test works in a certain way or because they think others want them to answer in a certain way. Or sometimes even because they don’t understand the questions.

For example, when I was eleven, I was tested with this weird sentence completion test that included open-ended questions. An example I remember clearly was the psychologist asking me “When I can’t sleep, I…”. I replied “I’ll try to sleep”. I had absolutely no idea what to say, not because I thought the psychologist wanted a particular answer but because the question was far too open-ended. Similarly, my lack of emotional awareness at the time often made me choose the middle option on rating scales. This was judged to be manipulativeness, but it wasn’t.

Like I shared before, many personality tests include a “liar scale” or validity subtest. An example on the Big Five test I got in college is “I always feel equally good”. I honestly answered with “strongly disagree” and totally thought it’d make me score high on neuroticism. Instead, that particular question and others I answered honestly got me to score above-average on the validity scale. That isn’t to say I didn’t score high on neuroticism though.

I don’t personally think it matters that many self-report questionnaires can lead to a strong confirmation bias, especially if you’re using the test for personal development only. That is, if you want to hear that you’re great, you will always be able to find validation for that. Whether lying on self-report questionnaires will help you on your journey, is another thing, but if you aren’t consciously manipulating the test, chances are there’s some truth to the result anyway. I don’t recommend relying on a test alone to determine anything about yourself, but to also always do your own research. Similarly, in clinical settings, while self-report questionnaires are somewhat useful, professionals also need to rely on observations.

Positive Psychology: The Science of Optimal Wellbeing #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. For my letter P post in the #AtoZChallenge, I want to talk about positive psychology. Positive psychology, first developed by Martin Seligman at the beginning of this century, is focused on optimal wellbeing as opposed to overcoming mental health problems. After all, according to Seligman, curing the negative (such as depression or anxiety) does not produce the positive. As such, though positive psychology also focuses on interventions, its aim is to maximize people’s happiness rather than merely curing mental problems.

What are the main ideas behind positive psychology? First are the three types of happiness. These are hierarchical in order. Lowest on the ladder is the Pleasant Life. This refers to daily pleasures and indulgences. For example, I enjoyed a BBQ yesterday. Next up is the Good Life, which is achieved when people are engaged in their daily activities. This form of happiness is focused more on longer-term goals. For example, engagement might look like being passionate about your work, cultivating healthy relationships or pursuing hobbies. Highest up then is the Meaningful Life, which is achieved when people use their strengths and character traits to serve a cause greater than them.

I for one find myself mostly at the lowest point if even that. Occasionally, I try to work towards longer-term goals, but this easily gets overwhelming.

Next, positive psychology looks at the pillars behind happiness. These are summarized as the acronym PERMA or PERMAH. These stand for:


  • Positive emotions.
  • Engagement in activities: being truly present when doing something.

  • Relationships that are meaningful and intentionally investing in them.

  • Meaning in life: focus on a cause greater than yourself.

  • Accomplishment: achieving goals that are important to you.

  • Health, particularly physical health. This one is the most recent addition to the acronym. For physical health, research shows that three things in particular help: physical activity, healthy eating and sleep.

Like I said, in order to lead a Meaningful Life, people utilize their strengths and virtues. However, it may be hard to discover what your strengths are. To find these, researchers have developed the VIA (Virtues in Action) strengths survey. For some reason, I couldn’t register in order to take the survey.

Gratitude and grit are two more concepts in positive psychology. Grit is a focus on long-term goals. This is what keeps people going when they have temporary setbacks. Gratitude can also help people focus on the things they do have rather than the things they don’t.

Overall, though I know that positive psychology is actually science-based, it does leave me wondering how well people can actually influence their happiness. Positive psychology, though it might help people who aren’t struggling with their mental health in any major way, won’t cure significant mental distress. In this sense, the reverse of what Seligman said about curing the negative not producing the positive, is also true.

Overcoming Negative Emotions #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m really struggling and honestly, even though it’s past 10PM, I haven’t even completely decided on a topic for my letter O post in the #AtoZChallenge. I did a quick Google search for personal growth topics and the only one with an O I found, didn’t even have an O as its main first letter. It was “Overcoming fear and anxiety”. Then I realized that “obstacle” starts with an O so if we’re rebranding it as “Overcoming obstacles to mental health”, the main word does start with an O. Let’s go!

The topic of overcoming negative emotions and moods that are obstacles to mental health, ties in with many other general self-help topics. After all, many things that help people overcome mild to moderate symptoms of anxiety and depression, also help people feel better overall. These things include:


  • Mindfulness: being aware of your thoughts, feelings and actions without judgment.

  • Gratitude: focusing on the things you do have rather than the things you don’t.

  • Physical activity, including something as simple as a walk, but also running and other more intense exercise.

  • Healthy and balanced eating habits (yes, that includes the occasional treat!).

  • Making sure you get enough proper quality sleep.

  • Spiritual or religious practices, such as prayer, spells or meditation.

  • Contributing to your community.

  • Distracting yourself by engaging in a hobby, such as reading or crafts.

More specific practices that could help according to some are sitting with feelings, putting your problems into perspective by thinking that it could be worse, and forcing yourself to smile. Yes, I seriously got these from a handout in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), a therapy approach applied to an increasing number of mental health issues. You’d be right if you thought I don’t think highly of these ideas. That is, I either focused on the wrong aspect of the teaching and the bigger picture was different, or these people are indeed horribly invalidating.

One thing that I did get from DBT that might make a tiny little bit of sense, is opposite acting (hey, another O). This means that you do the opposite of the immediate impulse your feelings and thoughts trigger. For example, if you are feeling depressed and your impulse is to lie in bed and isolate, DBT instructs you to actually go out and meet people. This is probably where the forcing yourself to smile comes in. Facing your fears is also a way of acting opposite to the emotion and this is, when done gradually, actually effective in treating mild to moderate anxiety.

Attachment Theory for Personal Growth #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone and welcome to my eleventh attempt at doing the #AtoZChallenge. I’m doing it on personal growth and self-improvement this year and, for my letter A post, I want to talk about attachment styles.

Attachment theory was first developed by John Bowlby (1907-1990). Bowlby was educated in psychoanalysis but didn’t feel that this idea took into account a person’s environment.

Attachment theory is based on the bond between a child and their primary caregiver (usually mother) early in life. Bowlby observed that, if a child’s need for consistent, secure attachment isn’t met, that child will develop emotional, social and sometimes even cognitive problems.

The idea of attachment styles comes from Mary Ainsworth (1913-1999). She designed something called the “strange situation”. In this experiment, young toddlers (between 12 and 18 months of age) were observed during their interactions with their mothers, a stranger who was at one point introduced into the situation, and while alone.

This led to the idea that there are three distinct attachment styles:


  • Secure: the child reacts with distress in the absence of their mother but is easily soothed by her.

  • Resistant (now known as anxious or anxious-preoccupied): persistent distress that continues far longer even in the presence of the mother.

  • Avoidant (dismissive-avoidant): no outward signs of distress either when the mother leaves or when she returns: a child ignores the mother.

Later, a fourth attachment style (disorganized or fearful-avoidant) was added. Children who would be classified as having this attachment style, exhibit characteristics of both the resistant and avoidant style. For example, a child seeks comfort from the stranger rather than their mother.

Remember, attachment theory and attachment styles are based on observations of toddlers. As such, how relevant are these to adults? Current research shows that attachment styles are moderately stable over time. As such, if you had an insecure attachment style as a child, you’re likely to still have some attachment insecurity as an adult.

However, as you’ll see when I discuss other topics relevant to personal growth, hardly anything in the human psyche is black-or-white and this goes for attachment styles too. Rather, in adults, there are two continuums along which someone will function: attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance. Most people fall somewhere in the middle on both, experiencing some attachment anxiety and some attachment avoidance but not so much that it interferes with their daily life.

How does an insecure attachment style present in adults? Generally speaking, someone who leans towards dismissive-avoidant will value their independence, have difficulty sharing their emotions and have a hard time being in an intimate or otherwise close relationship.

People who have more of an anxious-preoccupied attachment style, are the opposite: they crave relationships and worry excessively about losing the people close to them, leading them towards neediness and manipulation.

People who exhibit disorganized attachment, will alternate between craving intimacy and avoiding it.

I at one point had an attachment styles questionnaire administered and scored highest on the anxious-preoccupied attachment style. I currently believe I have some avoidant tendencies too, so in terms of black-or-white attachment styles would be considered fearful-avoidant with a strong leaning towards anxious.

#AtoZChallenge 2025 Theme Reveal!

Posted on by Astrid

Hi all. How is it almost time for the #AtoZChallenge already? I love participating each year, but sometimes flake out midway through the challenge. I’ve noticed that this mostly happens when I don’t have a theme.

For 2025, I’ll be writing about personal growth and self-improvement. Think the Enneagram, Myers-Briggs, attachment theory, etc. I know these are often my less popular posts, but I like to write them, so who cares? I’ll try to explain the concepts I write about. Hope you’ll enjoy reading my posts!

The Most Important Life Lesson

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today Sadje asks us in her Sunday Poser to share life lessons we’ve learned. I was pretty sure I’d done a post on the most important lesson I’d learned in life some years ago, so went to look and indeed, I wrote about this topic in 2018. Wow, how time has flown!

And it doesn’t surprise me that, when I read Sadje’s question, my initial thought was to share the exact same lesson I shared back then: that it’s important to stay true to yourself. Today though, I’m going to make it even bolder: I am the most important person in my life. That sounds selfish, right? But guess what? Each of us is the most important person in our own life. You can’t live for anyone else, by which I mean no-one else can make you happy. No, not even when you think that someone else does; it’s still your understanding of their love or acceptance that makes you happy.

To word it even more bluntly, if everyone thinks of themself first, no-one will be forgotten. This doesn’t mean we need to be going against moral sensibility or harming other people just because we want it. After all, harming others isn’t in our own best interest in the long run either.

By saying that no-one else can make us happy, I also didn’t mean we don’t need connections. However, no-one else can live our life for us.

I also want to share what learning this life lesson has helped me with since 2018. I still struggle with everyday decisions, but I attribute this to the fact that I often get overwhelmed with them.

I am happy to report that, since indeed landing in a less than supportive environment (ie. the intensive support home) in 2022, I was able to stand up for what I needed. I’m now back in quite a supportive place, but I’m glad I’m still able to advocate for myself. This doesn’t mean that the thought that everyone will ultimately abandon me if I’m myself, is gone. It’s worse than ever, in fact. I still need to work on the idea that, even if they do, that doesn’t mean I’m a bad person.

Comparing Myself to Others as an Enneagram Type Four

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’ve reflected on the Enneagram as it relates to me several times before. I often use Enneagram-based journaling prompts for this. Today, a prompt that was designed for those who are type One, the “Perfectionist”, spoke to me. I’m not a One, but, as a Four, I gravitate to type One when in a good mental state. The prompt was how I judge myself and whether I compare myself with others.

Since the prompt resonated with me, I decided to look at the prompts designed for type Fours. There, I found one that asked me who I compare myself to.

I am by no means an expert on the Enneagram, but the first prompt made me think of comparing myself in order to judge and maybe boost my achievements. In other words, if someone else can do something, I should be able to do it too. The prompt for type Fours, on the other hand, made me think of comparison as the beginning stage of envy. In other words, if someone else appears to have or be something I am not or don’t have, I wonder: “Why not me?!” Or worse yet: “Why them?!”

I think that comparing yourself to others can be healthy, when it is done in a constructive way. I’m not saying that Ones’ way of comparing themselves to others, is always healthy. After all, comparing your achievements to others’ can lead to self-defeating beliefs too. In other words, if someone else can do something you can’t, you may be just as likely to fall into the trap of wondering “why not me?” as I am when someone seems to have an “ideal” life.

For me, indeed, comparing my achievements to those of others, sometimes leads to low self-esteem. However, it can also lead to self-motivation. Sometimes I see the possibilities and use this to inspire my own creativity, while at other times, I see that others are “better” and end up wallowing in self-limiting beliefs. This is the fundamental difference, I think, between the question aimed at type One and the question for type Four: Ones are asked how they compare themselves to others, whereas Fours are asked who they compare themselves with. I, as a Four, often end up feeling bad when comparing myself with others. When I, however, let go of the “who” in the comparison, it doesn’t mean I won’t feel disappointed in myself, but chances are higher that I won’t see it as a personal flaw. And no, this is not a way of saying Ones are better than Fours, though of course as quite an unhealthy Four, I feel this way a lot. I’m saying that, when I let go of the “who” when comparing myself with others and instead focus on the “what” of other people’s achievements, I can use this as inspiration for my own personal development.