Poem: Always Eager

Posted on by Astrid

A very hungry caterpillar,
Never enough, always too much
I consume…

Insatiable I feel,
Always eager
For more…

Will I ever be content?
Feeel that my needs are met?
Or will I never…

Wrap myself in a cocoon,
And wait
Patiently…

For myself
To emerge
A beautiful butterfly…

This poem was written for dVerse’s Poetics, for which the prompt is “cycles of life”. I often use the metaphor of the very hungry caterpillar as a way to describe my perpetual criticism of the care system. In reality though, I think that, when my needs are met, I could evolve like a caterpillar transforming into a beautiful butterfly. Or maybe I’d turn into a moth, who knows?

Poem: Self-Love

Posted on by Astrid

Self-love
isn’t just
a bubble bath,
a scented candle
or a comfy blanket.

Self-love
is more than
good food,
exercise
or relaxation.

Self-love
isn’t the same
as self-centeredness,
selfishness,
not loving others.

In fact,
self-love
is essential
to love another.

After all,
if everyone
loves themself,
no-one will be unloved!

This poem was written for dVerse’s Poetics, for which the prompt is to write a poem about self.

Poem: Light and Dark

Posted on by Astrid

Light
Feels good
Like the sun
On my skin
On a warm day in May

Dark
Feels bad
Like a rainstorm
Soaking me
In the midst of November

Light
And dark
Seem to contrast
Like one is always negative
And the other always positive

But without last November
May will never come
And so it is
With light
And dark

Feel all the feels
And remember
You’re alive
And so it is…

This poem was written for this week’s dVerse Poetics. The prompt was to use a piece of instrumental music as inspiration for a poem. I have a lot of playlists of instrumental music in my Spotify library, but choosing a piece was harder than I thought. I eventually went with a piece for which both the title and the music spoke to me. This seems to be intended for meditation and relaxation practices.

Poem: Giving Up Is Forever

Posted on by Astrid

Pain is temporary, they say
Things will get better (eventually)
Give it some time…

Giving up is forever, they say
There’ll be no point of return
Be more resilient…

God has a plan, they say
He doesn’t give me more than I can handle
Surrender to His will…

But what if God’s will
Is to give up on me
Forever?

I wrote this poem for dVerse’s Poetics, for which the prompt today is to incorporate some form of the word “give” in your poem. As a spiritual wanderer, I find myself perpetually wrestling with the idea that life has meaning. I came across a comment on Reddit recently in which a chronic pain sufferer said more or less that the idea that one day they will be dead and no longer need to suffer, is comforting to them. The comment didn’t come from a position of “I’ll be in a better place then”, which made me think really. I am not in a space to ponder this topic further right now though.

Flash Fiction: November

Posted on by Astrid

She had always felt that November was the hardest month. Filled with enough darkness to completely cloud her mind, but not enough cold to freeze her thoughts. It didn’t help that the month was filled with just a little too many memories of her totally losing the grip on life. She realized maybe the crises were more a result of her depression than her depression being the result of her memories, but either way she seemed stuck. No therapy or medication had been able to alleviate the gloom that was November yet.

It wasn’t like she exactly wanted to die. Not during these crises and not now. Sometimes though, she looked for an exit, an escape from the deep pit that is this month. Maybe, she mused, snow would be the easy way out.

This post was written for this week’s Prosery. It’s more than a little autobiographical, but since our pieces have to be flash fiction, I decided to write it in third person perspective.

Poem: Home Is…

Posted on by Astrid

Home was
At my parents’
Who were there and yet weren’t there for me
Hurting me in ways I feel I can’t express
It wasn’t safe
Or maybe that’s just me

Home was
On my own
Barely holding on by a thread
Surviving but that was about as far as it went
It wasn’t doable
Or maybe that’s just me

Home was
In the mental hospital
Where I stayed for nearly a decade
Only to be kicked out again
That wasn’t forever
And that wasn’t me

Home was
With my spouse
Again, barely holding on by a thread
Managing life by sleeping and panicking
It didn’t work out
But maybe that was me again

Home then was
In the care facility in Raalte
About as unsuitable as they come in theory
But it was near-perfect in reality
And yet, I left
And that was me (sort of)

Home then became
My current care home
With harsh staff, chaotic clients and poor quality of care
I wasn’t abused (not really), but that’s about as far as it goes
It doesn’t feel safe
But then I wonder, isn’t that just me?

Maybe soon home will be
The future care home
The big unknown
Will I feel sort of happy there?
No-one can tell
But it’s up to me

To make myself feel at home

This poem may sound a bit self-loathing. It isn’t intended this way, but I couldn’t express as concisely how I feel about my various “homes” and particularly the way people have told me I approach them (ie. the idea that I’m never satisfied anyway because I’m looking for perfection) without sounding this way. This is definitely not my best poem, but oh well, it shows my conflicting feelings about the fact that I’ve never felt “at home” anywhere.

I’m joining dVerse’s OLN. I’m also joining Friday Writings. The optional prompt is “muscle memory”. I guess repeating that I don’t feel at home anywhere counts.

Poem: The Onion to My Core

Posted on by Astrid

On the surface
I appear quiet,
Collected,
Maybe a bit timid

Underneath that layer
I look angry,
dissatisfied,
Always oppositional

Even lower
Sits the sadness,
Depression,
A deep-seated despair

Yet another layer down
I don’t even know…
Not sure
I want to go there

Do I even trust
That as I peel the layers
I will find myself?

And if I do,
Do I want to get to know her?

This poem was written for dVerse’s Poetics, for which the inspiration is the onion. I’m not sure whether we’re supposed to include the word “onion” in our poem. I didn’t, but I hope the metaphor is clear.

Acrostic: Unicorns

Posted on by Astrid

Uniquely powerful,
naturally talented for magic,
imaginary, but so real,
created for my comfort.

On my journey to find joy,
right there beside me,
neighing happily,
shiny mane, silver hooves, sparkly horns…

I’ve always wanted to create a poem about unicorns. This was harder than I imagined it’d be, honestly. Of course, I usually write free verse, ie. jumbled thoughts randomly spread out over the page, or so it often is in my case. I wanted to do a specific poetry form this time, and even with an acrostic I could’ve gone with just random lines. Which these probably sound as to most more experienced poets, but oh well.

I’m including a picture of my latest polymer clay unicorn, which is just its head, as it’s a charm. The purple turned out much darker than the original color, but it’s still okay.

I’m joining dVerse and EarthWeal for their open link opportunities.

Poem: What Color Is the Sun?

Posted on by Astrid

I wonder
What color is the sun?

Is it red like fire,
Shooting flames across the sky?

Is it orange like the fruit,
Splashing its rays all around?

Is it yellow like a sunflower,
Fully blooming in midsummer?

Then again, how do I know
What these colors even mean?
Fire isn’t red or so I’ve heard
A sunflower’s heart and seeds are brown

As I look up to the sunset
My eyes wide open
I see nothing
Light nor darkness

And I wonder
What color is the sun?

This poem was written for this week’s Friday Writings, for which the optional prompt is “sunset”. I’m also joining dVerse’s OLN.

Poem: Take Shelter

Posted on by Astrid

It’s safe here,
guarded.
You can cuddle up.

It’s cozy here,
comfortable.
You can be secure.

Nightie-night.
Close your eyes.
You can rest now.

I hope you sleep well,
taking shelter
in the abyss.

This poem was inspired by one of the prompts in Reena’s Xploration Challenge #226. This week, Reena gives us a series of book title suggestions as inspirations for our post. I decided to use the first one as inspiration for this poem. I am also joining dVerse’s OLN, as well as Friday Writings #22. I didn’t quite understand the optional prompt for this week and the part about reusing words to craft a piece that’s of higher quality than the original, feels a bit, well, paradoxical to me. After all, I’m pretty sure I screwed up the original intent of that book title generator quite badly with this poem, but oh well.