Another Crisis

As those who’ve been following along with my writing will know, I was in a bit of a crisis on Monday. Tuesday and yesterday were better, but today was bad again.

It started out with a horrible nightmare last night. I still can’t shake the thought that I’ll be kicked out of the care facility sooner or later and that was what the nightmare was about. I woke up all sweaty and fearful. I called the night staff to calm me down.

Then by mid-morning, I felt rather insecure. My day activities group is divided into two subgroups. There are three full-day staff for these two subgroups combined, plus one staff who has the short 10AM-2PM shift. Today, one of the three staff who would otherwise stay the entire day, had the short shift too. I didn’t mind as much, as still each subgroup would have one staff for the full day. Then one of the regular staff, who would stay the full day, had to attend to a client one-on-one. The would-be third full shift was a sub, so she needed help doing lunch. So at the end, my full-day staff ended up helping her in the other room and the short-shift staff was attending to my subgroup on her own. She had to help people get around, to the bathroom, etc., too, so I was feeling rather left out. Everything went a little chaotic and that led me to enter the orange phase of crisis prevention.

There are three or four phases: green for adequate coping, yellow for mild distress (this one is sometimes left out), orange for serious distress and red for crisis. I was eventually able to go back to yellow as lunch was served and I ate.

Then I wanted to go into the snoezelen® room to further calm down. However, the music, though it was my favorite calming record, was way too loud. After some time, I ended up having a severe meltdown. I wasn’t able to calm down once back at my group.

In the end, I decided to take a PRN lorazepam and go back to the home to lie on my bed. I slept for two hours straight. Now I’m back to green again.

I’m joining in with #FOWC, for which the prompt today is “Crisis”. The prompt couldn’t have come at a more appropriate time.

13 thoughts on “Another Crisis

  1. Hi Astrid, I can hear how afraid you are in your writing and it makes me so sad. I just want to reassure you it will be okay, but I don’t know about the home rules. Could you sit down with your case worker, or a staff member whom you like and trust and ask them under what circumstances would someone be asked to leave the home.
    I’m hoping this would put your mind at ease.
    I think you have this fear because you have had people in your life who refused to believe your needs now you are afraid everyone will eventually start believing you are faking. I can assure you no one is going to do that. And I think showing your vulnerable side is a good thing if you are afraid people dont believe you, it reinforces your need.
    …just thinking out loud, it’s very late and I can’t sleep because of pain so forgive me if I’m saying stuff out of line.
    Hugs my dear

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks so very much Wendy. No, you aren’t saying stuff out of line at all. Your words make perfect sense. I was kicked out of so many places and not believed by so many people that it’s hard to trust that my current staff won’t do the same. I will consider your advice indeed.

      Liked by 2 people

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