How Sensory Seeking Manifests in Me

Posted on by Astrid

As those who visit my blog regularly will know, I am autistic. My assigned staff put “highly sensitive” rather than autistic on my basic info sheet. This isn’t necessarily incorrect, but it is definitely incomplete. Not just because autism encompasses more than sensory processing challenges and because the hyped-up term of “highly sensitive” doesn’t come close to describing my level of overload, but also because in certain ways, I am not hypersensitive at all. Today, I want to talk about the ways in which I am, in fact, a sensory seeker.

The main aspect in which I’m a sensory seeker, is reflected in the way I approach food. I love love LOVE spicy food. I also love crunchy food. I can’t stand mash, because that is about the polar opposite of both. Honestly though, I find the texture matters more than the flavor, since mash didn’t get better with lots of black pepper on it and I can handle bland yet crunchy foods.

I also chew on hard candy. Like, I’ve tried sucking on it, but I really can’t manage to do that for more than a few seconds before I need to break the candy. Another example, but I’m not sure whether this is sensory seeking or lack of proprioception and/or coordination, is the fact that my staff tell me my spoon always clanks against my teeth quite loudly. I also realize now that drinking my coffee quite hot is probably a sign of being a sensory seeker.

With the sense of smell, I have a love/hate relationship. I love my essential oil diffuser, but don’t usually wear perfumes and can’t really stand anyone else wearing them.

In the tactile sense, I’m definitely a sensory seeker. This doesn’t mean I like all kinds of touch. I mean, I can’t stand it when people unexpectedly pat me on the back. Truthfully though, it should really go without saying that you should never touch another person without asking them first.

However, I love tight hugs, or used to before I broke my collarbone in 2019, which never properly healed. I also love to be rough when brushing my hair and am probably a bit rough when brushing my teeth too. When I wear my hair in a ponytail, it has to be tight too. And my shoelaces can’t really be tied too tightly. And yes, my spouse took up the challenge, only to tell me that, even though I didn’t think they were too tight, they actually were.

I of course need to mention my weighted blanket here too. It is 12kg, which is between 20 and 25% of my body weight. That’s on the heavy side as far as I’m aware. Of course, I got it when I still weighed nearly 20kg more than I weigh now, but then I’d often end up adding another weighted blanket on top of it.

Another aspect of sensory seeking I need to mention is being in constant motion, even if it’s small movements with my fingers or toes. I am not diagnosed with ADHD, though sometimes I think I could have it. I wasn’t extremely hyper as a child – in fact, my parents would describe me as a quiet child. However, I was definitely jumping onto lots of things. I no longer do this, but mostly because I can’t due to my decreased mobility. Now that I think of it, honestly I’m pretty sure that my need to walk a lot, is also a sign of sensory seeking and/or hyperactivity.

With respect to the sense of sound, I’m not generally a seeker. I do listen to soothing music on my music pillow when trying to get to sleep, but that’s it. I can’t stand background noise. Like, some staff suggest we have music on in the background while we play games, but I really can’t concentrate then.

Lastly, of course, is the sense of sight. I’m blind now, obviously, but when I was younger, I still had some sight. I definitely was a sensory seeker when it came to the visual modality. The most striking example is the fact that I’d often make shadows on my desk with my hands and look at them.

There are many other ways in which I express sensory seeking, but you get the idea. All this being the case, don’t discount my sensory overload just because I can be a seeker in other circumstances.

My Random Musings

Also linking up with Senior Salon Pit Stop.

Describing My Favorite Place

Posted on by Astrid

For her first writing prompt, Ebar asks us to describe our favorite place using all five senses. I was thinking of sharing something about my favorite place in the entire world just yesterday. As someone who doesn’t feel she belongs anywhere, the concept of a favorite place is hard to comprehend. However, right now, my favorite place in the entire world is where I am at this very moment: my room in the care home. Below, let me describe it using my five senses.

I can see the light being on. Though I cannot usually see the colored LEDs on my essential oil diffuser due to being blind, I know they are there and appreciate them. I can see through the windows. Well, not right now as it’s dark outside and the curtains are drawn, but during the day, I can.

I can listen to the sound of soothing music on my music pillow, or to my text-to-speech software on my computer or iPhone through my headphones. I can also sometimes hear the door behind which the laundry and trash cans are stored slam shut right below my room. I don’t like that sound, but the staff are looking into the technical people doing something about the door being made less loud. I can hear the sounds of other clients and staff elsewhere in the home. I may not always like those sounds either, but they are the sounds of my room. I was almost going to say they are the sounds of home, but calling my room “home” just feels like it’s a step too far as of yet.

I can feel the fabric of the chair I’m sitting on. I can feel the characteristic floor my feet touch. When I’m in my bed, I can feel the comfort of my weighted blanket and my stuffed animals.

I can smell the scent of whichever essential oil blend I choose to put into my diffuser when I want to. Lastly, I can taste the meal delivery service meals in my mouth. I can select from their menu and, though the meals aren’t great and there’s a particular lack of variety, some are quite delicious. I’m going to pretend we have lasagne for the sake of this post.

What’s your favorite place like?

Appreciating the Five Senses

Posted on by Astrid

In Journaling with Lisa Shea, Lisa asks in one of her journaling prompts on gratitude to name our favorite sense and describe in detail what we appreciate about it. I couldn’t possibly pick one sense, so instead, I’m going to describe what I appreciate about each of my five senses. Yes, five, since I am including sight. Here goes.

Sight

First of all, I obviously appreciate the fact that I could once see colors. I am no longer able to see those, but thanks to my sight and my imagination, I am still able to perceive them synesthetically in my mind’s eye.

I also still appreciate the tiny bit of light perception I still have left. Thanks to it, I can see the sunshine, though I can no longer perceive the beauty of a sunrise or sunset.

Hearing

I appreciate my sense of hearing, because it allows me to listen to music. I love all kinds of music, from upbeat songs to dance to, to quiet instrumentals.

My hearing also allows me to hear the sounds of nature, both in real life and as soundscapes on my phone. I particularly love water sounds, such as streams and waves (not rain!), as well as birdsong.

Touch

I’ve covered most of the reasons I appreciate my sense of touch when I wrote about my hands. However, other than my hands, I also love the sense of touch on the rest of my body. I am a true lover of deep pressure, which is why I have a weighted blanket.

I realize now I should’ve included a separate heading for the vestibular sense. However, it is mostly the sense of touch I appreciate about it when I am on a swing or waterbed or the like.

Smell

Well, do I really need to explain? I’m going to mention essential oils of course! When another blogger asked us which sense we’d let go of if we had to choose one, after taste (which I’ll get to in a bit), most people said smell, but I said hearing. After all, I really can’t imagine having to let go of my beloved essential oil scents.

Taste

The reason most people chose taste to let go of first, is that in essence what we perceive as taste is mostly smell. However, for the sake of this post, I am going to assume that my food tasting is an actual sense of its own. I really appreciate it, though to be fair I’m more of a food texture lover. In terms of both taste and texture, I am undersensitive, in that I need a lot of stimulation to feel satisfied. This is one reason I can’t stand mash. But I love tasting good, spicy food.

What do you appreciate most about your senses?

Linking up with #LifeThisWeek.

My Hands #SoCS

Posted on by Astrid

Today’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday (#SoCS) is “body parts”. I could of course write about how I’m scared for my abdominal X-ray this coming Tuesday and share all the details about my tummy ailments, but I’m not going to. After all, Lindda has asked us to warn our fellow SoCS participants if a post is NSFW and I generally don’t write that type of posts on my blog anyway. So, I’m going with another body part: my hands.

After all, what’s been worrying me most is that my abdominal complaints will be something serious, like cancer or the like. And if they’re cancer, that I’ll die. Or need to go on chemo. And if I’d need to go on chemo, I’d lose my nails. Not that I mind my nails that much in the sense that I like to polish them or whatever. I bite them like crazy, in fact. But I’d like to keep the function of my fingers please. So, with those scary thoughts out of the way (I hope writing them down doesn’t make them come true), I’m going to write about why I appreciate my hands.

Some staff say I have piano fingers. I can’t play the piano to save my life, but what they mean is that my fingers are relatively long and thin. I like that. They allow me to type on my laptop keyboard with relative ease. I used to make a lot of typeos. Not anymore. I don’t know why.

My fingers also allow me to read Braille. I don’t read traditional Braille books or paper anymore, but I do read a lot on my Braille display. If I lost my nails, I’m pretty sure I’d no longer be able to read braille, because, well, even if I could still feel the Braille dots with my fingertips (assuming they wouldn’t need to be covered in band aids or something), I guess my Braille display wouldn’t like all the stuff coming from my exposed nailbeds. Oh, is that NSFW?

Besides my fingers, my hands allow me to touch all kinds of textures. I love my large collection of stuffed animals, all with their different feels to their fur. I also love my two fleece blankets, one I got in my Christmas package from my old day center and one the day activities group with the sensory room bought for me so I had my own blanket to cover myself when going into it.

One exercise I used to do when trying to stay present when I’d often dissociate (not that I don’t dissociate anymore, but I find it harder to do the exercise), is to touch various objects in my surroundings and describe them as objectively as I can. Then, after I’ve named some characteristics of the object, I name the object itself.

My hands allow me to hold onto my white cane and onto someone’s arm when walking. I might find a way to walk sighted guide if I lost my hand function, but I still appreciate my hands for what they do for me now.

What do you like about your hands?

Creating a Sensory Room Experience in My Own Bedroom

Posted on by Astrid

It’s been a year since the day center closed. For the most part, it was a good thing for me. I, after all, was often overwhelmed in my day activities group. One thing I miss about the day center though, is the sensory or snoezelen® room. Today, I am sharing how I recreated a sensory room experience in my own bedroom. Since I am blind, I skipped the visual aspect mostly, but I’ll add some ideas for it regardless. That way, you can create a sensory environment for yourself.

Sound

In the day center sensory room, we have a really cool speaker system that’s attached to the bed. It isn’t likely that advanced, so with some speakers at the right position, you may be able to recreate it. I don’t own wireless speakers. However, I found that I can recreate similar effects with earbuds or headphones. I would recommend earbuds for better positioning, but since I don’t have wireless ones, I use my wireless headphones anyway.

I mentioned before that I use an app called MyNoise. This app has over 120 soundscapes and you can customize each individual sound to your own hearing. There are nature soundscapes, but also white noise, Buddhist-like and SciFi soundscapes. I prefer the nature ones.

Like I said, I don’t own wireless speakers, though I might want to invest in some at some point. My phone or computer speakers work okay when listening to music though. There are many calming playlists on Spotify and undoubtedly other music apps too. The ones I love most are Harp Music for Sleeping, Peaceful Guitar and Peaceful Piano. There are also a number of nature sound playlists.

I at one point wanted a music pillow. I may still buy one at some point, but I haven’t yet found one that’s big enough to be used as a sleeping pillow and also works with Bluetooth.

Smell

One thing that my bedroom has and the snoezelen® room didn’t, is an aromatherapy diffuser. I have posted many times about my love for it. Mine cost €40, but they start at as cheap as €15. Essential oils can be a bit expensive depending on the quality you choose. I am obsessed with creating my own blends, so I really like to have a large collection of essential oils. However, if all you want is a nice smell, fragrance oils are also great.

Touch

In the day center sensory room, we had a specially designed waterbed. That felt good, but my own bed is also a pretty good substitute. I usually turn up the head side of the bed slightly.

A thing that’s a true blessing for my senses though, is my weighted blanket. These come in different forms. Some are filled with plastic balls. Mine is filled with sachets filled with granules. It’s a rather expensive blanket at over €500. Thankfully though, my care facility paid for it. With the company we used, you can borrow the blanket on a try-out basis for two weeks for just postage. That helped me make sure it was the right one for me. Mine weighs 12kg, which is relatively heavy considering my body weight of 70kg, but I actually love it this way.

I put a flannel duvet cover over my weighted blanket in winter. When it’s really cold or I need some extra softness for sensory reasons, I use a fleece blanket too.

In addition, I have various soft toys. My favorite is an ordinary stuffed bear. However, I also have a 1.60m large stuffed bear that I got from my mother-in-law for my birthday last year. This one was probably quite expensive. Another of my favorite soft toys, is my sensory cat. This stuffed cat can be microwaved and then gives off heat and a lavender scent.

Sight

Like I said, I am blind with the exception of a tiny bit of light perception. I for this reason don’t benefit from visual stimuli. That being said, I do know a bit about making your room visually appealing to the senses.

My essential oil diffuser works as a night light too. It can be set to seven different colors and I believe also two intensity levels.

Of course, you may want to use your sensory room experience for more than just sleeping. I’m pretty sure in my care home’s makeshift sensory room, the staff put up some form of Christmas lights for the visual effect.

In addition, there are many different visual projection systems. My care facility owns the Qwiek.

Conclusion

I really love my makeshift sensory room in my own bedroom. Generally speaking, creating a true sensory room requires a lot of money. I am so glad though that I could buy some equipment myself or ask for it as a gift. That way, I was able to skip the unnecessary for me expensive things and find things I truly would use. I am very glad that my facility paid for the weighted blanket.

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