The Wednesday Hodgepodge (December 3, 2025)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I badly want to write but feel horribly uninspired. For whatever reason, I feel drawn to blog hops in which I haven’t participated in forever, like the Wednesday Hodgepodge. I haven’t participated in forever because I’m not a Christian and don’t want to elicit judgmental comments from fellow participants. I like the questions though and used to love the community spirit. This is a double-edged sword, unfortunately, in that I feel like I cannot fully be myself in Christian-centric communities. However, I can be myself on here and nobody is required to read or comment on my posts. With no further ado, here are this week’s questions.

1. What does it mean to have the “holiday spirit”? On a scale of 1-10 how is yours this year? (10=off the charts, 1=still looking for it)
I was immediately reminded of Tom Lehrer’s Christmas song when I saw this question.


That being said, I’m also reminded of the holiday spirit as referring to the spirit of community and connection to family and friends. In this respect, my holiday spirit is at a 2 at best. I, after all, hardly have any contact with my family and as of this year we’re not celebrating Christmas at my in-laws’ either. Thankfully, I will be going to our house to celebrate the holidays with my wife. However, since neither of us are religious, I don’t think it matters much that we’re being together specifically for Christmas. At least it’s a way to avoid having to spend time with our parents.

2. What’s your favorite character from a (December) holiday-themed movie, book, or TV special? Tell us why. 
I don’t think I’ve ever watched holiday-themed movies. When I was a kid, my parents used to watch musicals on TV on Boxing Day, like My Fair Lady, The Sound of Music, etc.

The only Christmassy book I remember reading is Murder on Christmas Eve by Ann Sutton. I read it last year, when I was more into the holidays than I am now. It’s a mystery set in 1920s England. Dodo Dorchester, the main character, is quite interesting.

3. Do you like gingerbread? Are gingerbread houses part of your holiday tradition?
I don’t care for gingerbread, but I don’t hate it either. No gingerbread houses here. However, yesterday, I did craft a gingerbread man out of polymer clay.

4. Much of our vocabulary is determined by where we live or where we grew up. What say you- sprinkles or jimmies? lightning bugs or fireflies? soda or pop? sneakers, trainers, or tennis shoes? sub, hoagie, grinder, or hero? freeway, highway, or motorway? frosting or icing? sauce or gravy?
I am a non-native English speaker, so I use the words that I know best: sprinkles; fireflies; soda (or coke); all three for the shoes but mostly sneakers; no idea what the next couple words have to do with each other; highway most of the time; both frosting and icing; sauce for pasta and gravy for meat/potatoes.

5. Share a favorite holiday memory from your childhood.
This is not Christmas-related, but since St. Nicholas is still not over yet (it’s December 5), I’ll share a memory of that. I’ve probably shared it a few times before: the last year that I still believed in St. Nick, my father recorded himself playing St. Nick’s servant Pete claiming to be stuck in the chimney. Not that we even had a chimney at that house, but what did I know? The next year, my father played the recording for me outside of the holiday season to make me stop believing for sure.

6. Insert your own random thought here.
Despite not being in the holiday spirit, I did create a few Christmas decorations out of polymer clay over the past few days. Tomorrow or on Friday, I’m also going to bake St. Nicholas-themed cookies.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (July 12, 2025)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. It’s been a full week since I last wrote a blog post. I really would like to write more, but I’m struggling massively. Today, I’m once again joining #WeekendCoffeeShare. It’s 7:30PM, so no more coffee for me. I didn’t end up having the green tea I mentioned last week, but I might today. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. Honestly, I can’t remember what the weather was like early in the week, but the last few days, it’s been good: partly cloudy with some sunshine and daytime highs around 25°C.

If we were having coffee, next I’d tell you that I’m still going strong with my movement goal on my Apple Watch. I never ended up doing those fitness mat exercises I mentioned last week, because I had to cancel my movement therapy session this week. I’m hoping I can do some exercises next week.

If we were having coffee, then I’d share that I’ve been quite depressed lately. On Sunday, I was even talking ending my life and, on Monday, I had a meltdown in which I self-harmed.

The staff who witnessed me talk suicide and who was the only one able to comfort me after my meltdown, asked the behavior specialist and team manager to come and talk with me. This meeting took place on Wednesday morning, but another staff attended it with me. I was masking heavily during the meeting and constantly rationalizing my feelings away. The team manager at the end said that he was glad I was doing okay, because there’ll be a time when he won’t have time for a meeting. That plus something about things possibly getting worse. This caused my thoughts to spiral and this got me intensely desperate. I was able to tell the staff who’d attended the meeting with me, that this comment caused me distress and she would try to relay this to the team manager.

When, about an hour later, the staff who’d witnessed my meltdown etc. came on shift, I expressed my despair to her, By this time, I was inconsolable. I cried and cried and cried and was intensely hopeless.

Finally, the staff contacted the behavior specialist, who came again to talk with me and this staff. This was an okay meeting. I’m still skeptical things will improve, but not entirely hopeless.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I’ve been reading some books about autism by autistic authors. One is The Autistic’s Guide to Self-Discovery. I’m unfortunately struggling quite a bit to concentrate on it, which in turn reinforces the belief that I’m too broken to benefit from it.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d tell you that my best friend’s mother came by on Thursday. She brought the new nightstand that she and my best friend had bought at Ikea to replace the one that broke when I fell over it several weeks ago. She also brought me a birthday present: some colors of Sculpey Soufflé, which is a brand of polymer clay I don’t have yet.

We went to have lunch at Hema and then went to the supermarket to buy blueberries and candy bars for me and carrots for her. I also told her about my state of mind, since she’s currently my informal representative. I do want to make my best friend informal representative for me too, especially once we’re formally divorced. I still want my now mother-in-law on it too because she has the capacity to attend meetings with me. However, I mostly want to make sure that in no way are my parents or sister contacted to make decisions about me.

Kymber’s Get to Know You (May 1, 2025)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. How is it May already? Time flies and the #AtoZChallenge certainly was a fun thing that made time fly. I really do hope I’ll be able to continue in the flow of blogging, but I won’t promise anything even to myself.

Today, I’m joining Kymber for her Get to Know You prompt. This week, it’s a This or That. Here goes.

1. Shopping online or shopping in-store?
For fun, I prefer shopping online, honestly. It allows me the ability to browse what’s available, whereas in-store I’m dependent on someone to tell me what they see. Because of this, if I could really do all my shopping online and package delivery here to the institution wasn’t as complicated as it is, I’d do all my shopping online. Yes, I do realize that town centers would be empty without stores, as they already are much emptier than they used to be. We’ll find a solution to that though.

Currently, I do go shopping in-store once a week with my best friend and I do love going to the supermarket with my staff. However, the latter is probably because the supermarket doesn’t deliver to the institution and I can’t access the website of the one that does.

2. Science fiction or mystery?
Mystery, although in all honesty I’m not that much of a fiction reader. I do read the occasional sci-fi novel but think mysteries are more my thing out of these two.

3. Movie adaptations or books?
Books. I don’t watch movies, because without audio description I can’t follow them because of missing the visual aspect and with audio description, I can’t follow them because I get overloaded. Then again, like I said above, I am not that much of a fiction lover in general.

Book Review: Will You Help Me? by Maggie Hartley

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. As regular readers of this blog will know, I love memoirs. I particularly love books about fostering and special education. I however hadn’t read such a book in a few months, but last week, I decided to buy Will You Help Me? by foster care memoirist Maggie Hartley. Here’s my review.

Book Description

‘Please help me,’ he said in a small voice. ‘Will you help me?’

Six-year-old Ralph has only been in the care system for three days and has already been rejected by three different foster carers. After hitting a teacher at his school and causing mayhem since he arrived four months ago, staff are unable to get a hold of his mum and her partner.

Social Services are called and when Ralph turns up at Maggie’s house, she knows immediately it’s going to be a challenge. Within a couple of hours, Ralph has trashed Maggie’s house and spit on her face. After a nightmare first day though, Maggie notices that Ralph is limping and a hospital check reveals broken limbs and several injuries that are months and years old. Can Maggie help this troubled little boy who has been rejected by everyone in his life find his forever home?

From Britain’s most-loved foster carer, a new powerful true story of abuse, family and hope.

My Review

Most foster care memoirs I’ve read are on the predictable side and this one isn’t terribly twisty either. However, it’s less predictable than other memoirs I’ve read.

This book also made me feel a rollercoaster of emotions. I could relate to Ralph in some ways and this made me root for him even more than I otherwise would have. The book describes Ralph being restrained (in a cuddly way) several times. This triggered me, because I too have experienced being physically restrained. It was, however, good to feel the feels when it’s someone else being talked about.

This book reminds me of the time I read Who Will Love Me Now?, also by Maggie Hartley, which I (reviewed in 2020. I think I love both books equally.

Book Review: Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. A few weeks ago, a person on Reddit was looking for books with queer, neurodivergent characters. Someone recommended Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle. All I knew about the book before starting to read it, was that it’s horror about a gay conversion camp and that the main character is autistic. I’d hardly ever read horror, but somehow, the book appealed to me. Tonight, I finished it, so here’s my review.

Book Description

A searing and earnest horror debut about the demons the queer community faces in America, the price of keeping secrets, and finding the courage to burn it all down.

They’ll scare you straight to hell.

Welcome to Neverton, Montana: home to a God-fearing community with a heart of gold.

Nestled high up in the mountains is Camp Damascus, the self-proclaimed “most effective” gay conversion camp in the country. Here, a life free from sin awaits. But the secret behind that success is anything but holy.

My Review

The book started out quite weird. Honestly, I had no idea what was happening until midway through the book. That, at first, frustrated me. However, having finished the book, I now feel this unknowing fits in nicely with the plot.

Once I got beyond the first half, I started rooting for the main character and her friends. I really feared the book would have a horrible ending. I felt all kinds of feelings as I made my way through the second half and was chilled to the core whenever something bad happened to the main character or her friends. I also didn’t expect the ending. Honestly, I still have many questions now.

The main character, Rose, is autistic like I said. This isn’t a main focus of the book, but the presentation of her autism is a bit stereotypical. That’s not a big problem though.

I don’t really know what I think of this book. Its weird first half sticks with me, but at the same time, I’m pretty excited to read the author’s next book. As pretty much an intro to the horror genre for me, it’s really good. I hardly do Goodreads anymore, but if I had to rate this book, it’d get 4 out of 5 stars.

Reading, Watching and Listening Lately (January 6, 2025)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today I’m sharing what I’ve been reading, watching and listening to lately. I’m joining It’s Monday! What Are You Reading? (#IMWAYR). Most of this post will be dedicated to books, but I’m also sharing a little of my recent travels through YouTube and podcasts.

Reading

I saw the book Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle recommended online when someone asked for queer autistic characters in young adult/new adult lit. It’s horror, which I rarely read, but for some reason its description appealed to me. I am surprised to say that I’m already 25% in even though for me it’s a pretty long book. One thing that already disappoints me a bit is that, 25% in, I still seem not to have a clue of what happens.

Other than that, I’m mostly just paging through my over a dozen collections of smoothie recipes. I will be buying new ingredients tomorrow.

I don’t do these posts every week, so for my recently finished reads, I’m sharing a book I finished just before Christmas: Murder on Christmas Eve (A Dodo Dorchester Mystery, #6) by Ann Sutton. It is a cozy mystery set in early twentieth century England. I didn’t initially realize it was historic and I hadn’t read the other books in the series, so it was a bit hard to get into, but it was an intriguing story.

I still have half a dozen books I haven’t finished but intend to finish… someday. That being said, I honestly have no idea what I’ll be reading next.

Watching

Yesterday, I watched a YouTube video from an American guy who lives in the Netherlands, sharing ten things (American) tourists should not do when visiting Holland. Oops, that’s one of them: calling our country “Holland”.

I also have been watching some snippets of 3FM Serious Request’s feature on metabolic diseases. 3FM is a Dutch public radio station and Serious Request is an annual fundraiser event, this year for MetaKids, a Dutch foundation that funds research into metabolic diseases. Since one of my fellow residents has Sanfilippo Syndrome, which is a metabolic disease, I was intrigued to learn more. I didn’t donate though.

Listening

On New Year’s, I watched a fascinating episode of the Real Survival Stories podcast on a paraglider who landed in a storm and was pulled up to 10,000m into the sky. It was truly chilling!

Now I realize most of the things I enjoyed lately are on the dark side. I don’t care though. I do usually hope for good endings. If you’ve read Camp Damascus, please don’t spoil it for me.

Reading, Watching and Listening Lately (September 2, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I originally intended to do a reading wrap-up, but then decided that I want to include things I’ve watched or listened to as well. I hope that means my post is still welcome with It’s Monday! What Are You Reading? (#IMWAYR). I’m also joining Bookish Bliss, Musings and More.

Reading

I said this a few days ago already when writing about my love of memoirs, but I recently started reading a book by a relatively new foster care momoirist. The book is called Jacob’s Story and is written by Louise Allen. I think that title is horribly unimaginative, but the story is good. Louise mostly writes from her own perspective, but the prologue parts are written from other people’s perspectives.

I’m also reading a children’s book, Shamrock’s Seaside Sleepover (Unicorn University, #3) by Daisy Sunshine. The first two books in the series, I finished in one sitting but I apparently didn’t feel as much in tune with my inner child when first picking this one up.

Lastly, I’ve been diving deep into the Enneagram again by reading The Complete Enneagram by Beatrice Chestnut. I’m not a Christian, so most Enneagram books don’t fully speak to me as they’re Biblically-based. I still, as a spiritual seeker, find some elements to be useful though. However, this book is totally accessible to people of all spiritual or religious walks of life.

Watching

I don’t currently have a subscription to any streaming services except for YouTube Premium. I also haven’t watched anything of note on YouTube recently.

Listening

First off is the podcast The Art of Growth. I listened to an episode published some months ago in the series Nine Love Languages, specifically the one on type 4. This was also what got me into reading Chestnut’s book.

I also am a lover of true crime podcasts. The episode of the podcast Cold Case Files I listened to recently had me totally chilled to the core. It’s called The Perfect Murder.

I usually listen to podcasts on the app Downcast. I used to love Overcast, but they stupidly revamped that app so I no longer use that one. Besides, though both apps are in English, only on Overcast does VoiceOver recognize that, which is a drawback since it then starts reading the titles of Dutch-language podcasts with a strong English accent. I’d rather have it the other way around, as on Downcast. Both apps will let you manually add podcasts from a URL, but both have a search feature too, through which I found the podcasts I mentioned.

Memoirs and Biographies

Posted on by Astrid

This week, there are many interesting prompts for the Writer’s Workshop. I am still thinking I might write on a different prompt tomorrow, but usually I don’t get to it. Today, I’m choosing the prompt about memoirs, biographies or reference books. They are, after all, my favorite genre to read.

I was not an avid reader as a child. Still am not a voracious reader, but I did discover the love of reading through memoirs and autobiographies. When I was in my late teens, I briefly was a member of the UK’s national library for the blind. They sent me Braille books. Yes, the clunky hardcover volumes (often eight or more per book).

I usually chose memoirs. Among my favorites were Planet of the Blind by Stephen Kuusisto and Emma and I by Sheila Hocken.

The first is an autobiography by a person blind from the same eye condition I have. If I’m correct, Kuusisto had some vision as a child but lost it later on, like I did too.

The second, which is the first in several books, talks mostly about the author’s experience of getting a guide dog.

I eventually got kicked off the library service for losing two volumes of a book, I’m not sure which one, in the mail back to them. However, this experience is probably what got me to love memoirs and autobiographies.

I currently often read foster care memoirs. My favorite authors are Casey Watson and Maggie Hartley. Cathy Glass is good too, but she stopped writing.

I recently discovered a new-to-me foster care memoirist, Louise Allen. That’s not entirely correct: I had heard of her a while ago, but because her books have horribly nondescript titles like Jacob’s Story, I didn’t fancy reading them. Now I am currently reading Jacob’s Story and think it’s fascinating. I must say though that the book is really a crossover between fiction and memoir, since the author writes from perspectives other than her own too. That makes it all the more intriguing, but I’m not entirely sure the books would count as memoirs.

Reading Wrap-Up (May 20, 2024) #IMWAYR

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I finally have a few ideas for blog posts. Too bad most are Monday themes and it’s already 10PM. Oh well, I could probably join in late with some of them. First, I’ve really been back in a reading groove over the past week, so I thought I’d share what I’ve been reading and am considering reading next. As usual, I’m linking up with #IMWAYR.

First off, let me share that I started being active on both Goodreads and the Storygraph again. I had abandoned them in early 2023 since I was hardly reading anything. I also still feel that Goodreads really, really badly needs a DNF shelf. I mean, the Storygraph’s interface sucks, so it’s probably not something I’m going to use for my everyday reading tracking, but letting unfinished books sit on my currently-reading shelf for years, also sucks. However, it looks unlikely that the big guys at Amazon are ever going to add any new features to Goodreads. Oh well. Let’s get into my reading wrap-up.

What I’m Currently Reading

I’m reading Little Girl Lost by Casey Watson. So far, it doesn’t look as amazing as her other books.

I’m also reading Security Risk (Pelican Bay Security, #1) by Megan Matthews. I picked it pretty randomly after finishing another book on Kindle. I have had this book forever, since it was at one point free (or maybe still is), probably because it’s the first in the series. I’m only 8% in, but I think I like it.

What I Recently Finished Reading

I finally finished Dear Ava by Ilsa Madden-Mills. Have I ever even mentioned reading it? I don’t think so. Anyway, I looked at my Goodreads and saw that I started reading it in June of last year. It’s a bit dark because of the sexual assault theme, but this was actually the thing that got me pulled into the romance thing too. I wasn’t attracted to the explicit love scenes in particular, but there’s a lot more to this story than smut.

This book got me interested in reading the Megan Matthews book, which also falls within the romance genre, although that one is romantic suspense.

What I Think I’ll Read Next

I have absolutely no idea. I’m a total mood reader and can pick up books that I’ve had lying around for months and not forget the story altogether, as with Dear Ava. Maybe that means I don’t need that DNF shelf after all.

Ways In Which I Was Not a Typical Teenager

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today’s Word of the Day Challenge is “Teenager”. This reminded me of a question a fellow blogger, I think it was Emilia from My Inner MishMash, once asked: in what ways we were not like a typical teenager.

This post could have been a lot shorter had I had to answer in which ways I was like a typical teenager. After all, I wasn’t like a typical teenager in any way. That doesn’t mean I didn’t try. Like, I pretended to be a Backstreet Boys fan even though I knew next to nothing about them and had hardly heard their music. I also pretended to have crushes on boys (and girls) even though I hardly knew them and quite frankly didn’t understand attraction.

I tried going to school proms the first few times in high school, but didn’t fit in at all. I also tried wearing what other girls my age wore. My mother asked my younger sister for advice when clothes shopping for me. However, somehow I always missed the mark. I couldn’t wear makeup nor was I interested in it.

With respect to interests, I have no idea what teenagers in the early 2000s were into. I did read what I assume was somewhat popular Dutch YA fiction, but had no friends so couldn’t discuss it with them.

With respect to socially appropriate behaviors, I was way off. Still am. I didn’t know how to take care of my personal hygiene, for example. I remember my sister gave me a deodorant as a birthday present when I turned fourteen, but I didn’t get the hint. Months later, when my teacher reminded me about hygiene because my classmates had been complaining, I still had no clue what an appropriate bathing and personal hygiene routine was.

Back in the day, most teenagers drank alcohol. I tried wine at home when I was fifteen (the legal age for alcohol consumption was sixteen at the time). When I was sixteen, I went out to a pub with a few classmates. I had two beers, the most alcohol I’ve ever had in a single sitting. Later that evening, a guy we were with from another school offered me and another girl in my class some pot, which we accepted. Since I hadn’t smoked beyond a whiff here and there, I probably didn’t inhale anything, as the stuff didn’t have any effect on me whatsoever.

Where it comes to Internet and social media usage, I was probably a rather naive teenager. I wrote posts like this one about my current rather than past life in my public online diary using my full name (I do think it’s still on this blog somewhere too). Not only did I not take my own privacy seriously, but I used teachers’ and other people’s full names when writing about them too. I’m so happy none have ever made a serious problem out of it and I also haven’t been the victim of online predators. That being said, I wasn’t one to make obscene comments, like some other people my age did back in the day using their full name. I would also panic when I accidentally clicked on something that might be unsuitable for minors.

In summary, in many ways, I was like a child in a teenage body. I still often feel like a child in an adult body, truthfully.