Freud’s Theory of Personality #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. For my letter F post in the #AtoZChallenge on personal growth, I want to talk about Sigmund Freud’s theory of personality.

According to Sigmund Freud (1856-1939), the human personality consists of three main components: the id, the ego and the superego.

The id refers to sexual and aggressive drives that, Freud claims, are fully unconscious. More broadly, it refers to the drive for pleasure and the drive to avoid discomfort. This is the only part of the personality that Freud thinks is present from birth. As such, an infant cannot delay their need for gratification. For instance, when they are hungry, they are not able to keep themselves from showing this.

The ego is the part of the personality, both unconscious and conscious, that helps regulate the id and express our impulses in a way that’s acceptable in the real world.

The superego, which doesn’t start developing until a child is about five-years-old according to Freud, is the part of the mind that allows a person to distinguish right from wrong. This part includes the conscience, which is the part of the mind responsible for signaling that something is “bad”, as well as the ego ideal, which holds the person’s ideas of what is desired of them or what is “good”.

Healthy personality development can only happen if there’s a balance between the id, the ego and the superego, that is, if the ego is capable of moderating the other two parts of the personality. As such, if a person has an overactive id, they are thought to become impulsive or otherwise antisocial. On the other hand, if a person has an overactive superego, they will become overly judgmental. Freud actually claimed that pretty much all mental illnesses are down to imbalanced personality development.

Freud describes several stages of personality development, which are all related to the way the child interacts with their body. For instance, the first stage is called the oral stage, in which a baby discovers their environment through their mouth.

It has been nearly twenty years since I read about Freud. Back then, I only saw how Freud’s theory was wrong on so many levels and particularly judgmental, especially towards women. For instance, Freud reasoned that women have a less well-developed moral sense than men. This is obviously not true.

However, now that I read up on Freud’s theory, I can see certain parallels between Freud’s thoughts and the modern ideas of emotional development. For example, behavior signaling pleasure or discomfort is still strongly associated with Anton Došen’s first stage of emotional development. This is not, for clarity’s sake, meant to defend Freud, whose theory is not only grossly outdated but also horribly anti-woman, like I said. I guess this is a case of the saying that a broken clock is right twice a day.

Enneagram: The Nine-Point Circle of Personality #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m late writing my letter E post in the #AtoZChallenge, because I didn’t have time to prewrite it. Yesterday, I was at my and my spouse’s house to say goodbye to our cat, who had to be put down today. When I came back to the institution, I didn’t feel well enough to write my post for today, hence why I’m writing it this evening. My letter E post is about the Enneagram.

What is the Enneagram? The Enneagram of personality is a system of nine different interconnected personality types. Its origin and history are disputed, with many people claiming it has ancient roots. Modern ideas about it, however, mostly come from Bolivian psycho-spiritual teacher Oscar Ichazo in the 1950s and Chilean psychiatrist Claudio Naranjo in the 1970s.

The basis of the idea are the nine points on a geometric figure called enneagram. There is some so-called “sacred geometry” behind the ways the points are connected. For example, the points 3, 6 and 9 are connected and so are the other six points. It has something to do with the fact that one divided by seven is a repetitive number sequence with no three, six or nine in it. I don’t know the details though.

For clarity’s sake, the Enneagram is not science-based, but that doesn’t keep people in the fields of leadership and spirituality from using it.

Like I said, there are nine types on the Enneagram. These can be divided into different categories. For example, there are the centers of intelligence, which are heart (types 2, 3 and 4), head (types 5, 6 and 7) and body (types 8, 9 and 1). There are also instinctual subtypes of each Enneagram type, namely social (SO), sexual/one-to-one (SX), and self-preserving (SP). Everyone uses all three instincts, but one is more dominant than the others.

The nine Enneagram types are mainly defined by a person’s core motivations, or what drives people to act in a certain way. The types are:


  • Type 1: the perfectionist/reformer. Their core desire is to be good/right and they strive to be correct, appropriate, virtuous and ethical.

  • Type 2: the helper/giver. Type Twos want to be appreciated and seen as helpful people.

  • Type 3: the performer/achiever. Type Threes want to be valued and successful.

  • Type 4: the romantic individualist. Fours’ main desire is to be authentic and to find their own place in the world.

  • Type 5: the observer/investigator. Fives mainly want to be competent and capable.

  • Type 6: the loyalist. Sixes mainly want to be secure, safe and supported.

  • Type 7: the enthusiast. Sevens mainly want to be happy, unrestrained and satisfied

  • Type 8: the protector/challenger. Eights’ main focus is on being independent and protecting themselves

  • Type 9: the peacemaker. Nines are mainly focused on being at peace and maintaining harmony.

Like I’ve often said, I’m most likely a type Four. More specifically, I’m probably an SX4.

Dysfunctional Families: Characteristics Seen in Adult Children #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today’s topic choice was hard once again, so I eventually decided on one related to yesterday’s topic of codependency. Today, I am going to describe the characteristics of adult children of dysfunctional families.

First, what is a dysfunctional family? It could refer to a family in which one or both parents are alcoholics or addicts. This was how originally ACoA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) was started, but later “and dysfunctional families” was added. Dysfunctional families are, in this sense, also families in which one or both parents are abusive or neglectful.

What effects does growing up in a dysfunctional family have on adult children? Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families has a laundry list of characteristics of adults who grew up in dysfunctional households. This list includes being an approval-seeker, being frightened by angry people and frightened of personal criticism, having low self-esteem and stuffing or denying your feelings.

Most of these characteristics are what Lindsay C. Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, calls “internalizing” traits. However, depending on your role in a dysfunctional family, you could also end up externalizing your trauma. By this I mean that you end up being toxic or abusive yourself. This particularly happens to adult children who were the “golden child” or “hero” in an abusive family. A “golden child” is a child who is praised excessively and used to uphold the family’s “perfect” image. These children are often the parents’ “favorite” and may get spoiled. As Pete Walker, author of Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, says, however, being spoiled excessively is traumatic in its own right.

I myself exhibit both internalizing and externalizing traits of being an adult child. I could, for instance, relate to at least half the items on the “laundry list”, but also can be emotionally volatile and demanding. I was, also, usually treated as the family’s “golden child”. This sometimes makes me feel sad, but I try to focus on self-awareness and healing instead.

Codependency and Emotional Dependence #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. For my letter C post in the #AtoZChallenge, I wasn’t really sure what topic to pick. I could go with cognitive functions, but without explaining personality typologies first, this wouldn’t make sense. Since I chose the broad topic of personal growth for my theme, I could however choose a topic that isn’t necessarily related to personality. IN this post, I’m talking about codependency.

What is codependency? In a narrow sense, it refers to certain behaviors exhibited by individuals in a close relationship with an addict. The addict is, in this sense, dependent on a substance (or behavior) and their partner is codependent, as in “second-degree dependent”.

I used to understand codependency as involving just enabling behaviors. For example, a codependent person might be manipulated into giving the addict access to their drug of choice. In this case, a person buying alcohol and giving it to an alcoholic, is codependent.

Actually though, codependency isn’t just the direct enabling of an addiction. It also happens in abusive relationships in which neither of the parties involved is an addict. For example, a person staying with their partner in spite of domestic violence, could also be seen as codependent.

Codependency, as such, is more related to being emotionally dependent on someone else despite them being in some way toxic. It could also be seen as compulsive caregiving.

For clarity’s sake, though their are certain individual traits that make someone more susceptible to becoming codependent, codependency is at least as much an attribute of the relationship as it is of the individual.

How can you heal from codependency? The first step is to set healthy boundaries. This means that boundaries are not so weak that they allow others to use you as a doormat and not so rigid that you end up self-isolating. Of course, what boundaries you set, depends on the person you’re setting boundaries with. For example, you may want to go no-contact with an abuser, but keep a supportive friend close by.

Another step in the healing process is to recognize yourself as a unique individual separate from the addict or abusive person you’re codependent on. And, for that matter, separate from everyone else in the world. This means learning about and validating your own preferences, wants and needs. As you learn to be more aware of your own individuality, you’ll start to develop greater emotional independence.

Healing from codependency will ultimately help you have healthy relationships with the people around you.

I am not currently in an abusive relationship and don’t have any close relatives who are addicts. As such, I am not really codependent on anyone at the moment. However, being that I grew up in a dysfunctional family, I do share some traits of emotional dependency. I was at one point also diagnosed with dependent personality disorder (DPD), even though my psychologist at the time only chose that diagnosis to make it look like I was misusing care. She actually claimed that I was perfectly capable of asserting myself, which people with DPD definitely aren’t.

Like I said, codependency is at least in part defined by the relationship, whereas DPD is a diagnosis meant for an individual. It doesn’t, however, take into account the fact that many adult children of dysfunctional families will end up showing (co)dependent behaviors in other relationships too.

Big Five: The Five-Factor Model of Personality #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. For my letter B post in the #AtoZChallenge on personal growth, I’d like to discuss the five-factor model of personality, also known as the Big Five.

The Big Five are five personality traits that psychologists think comprise the human personality. These were proposed based on factor analysis of words people use to describe someone’s behavior. Apparently, these five traits encompass all aspects of the human personality.

Unlike with some other personality typologies, the Big Five isn’t a dichotomous system. Rather, the traits are a spectrum ranging from one extreme to the other and everyone falls somewhere along the spectrum on each trait.

The traits are commonly summed up in the CANOE or OCEAN acronym. They are:


  • Conscientiousness: efficient/organized vs. haphazard/careless.

  • Agreeableness: sympathetic/cooperative vs. cold/competitive.

  • Neuroticism (or low emotional stability): moody/nervous vs. relaxed/calm.

  • Openness to experience: imaginative/philosophical vs. uncreative/unintellectual.

  • Extraversion: bold/energetic vs. shy/bashful.

As you can probably see, most of these traits are not formulated in a morally neutral way. For example, it’s often seen as better to be efficient and organized than to be careless. As such, a high score on all subscales (except for neuroticism) is generally seen as desirable.

I took a Big Five test once when in college and scored badly on all subscales except for openness to experience. Then again, there was a validity scale too, which scored how much you tend to answer in socially acceptable ways even if this isn’t genuine. On this subscale, I scored such that it’s likely that I rate myself more negatively than I am.

How valid are the Big Five in actually assessing someone’s personality? Studies have shown that they can be measured, but whether these are the real or only important personality traits, is still up for debate. For example, some researchers have suggested a sixth trait: honesty vs. humility. Do you notice how this one is actually worded in a morally neutral way?

Attachment Theory for Personal Growth #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone and welcome to my eleventh attempt at doing the #AtoZChallenge. I’m doing it on personal growth and self-improvement this year and, for my letter A post, I want to talk about attachment styles.

Attachment theory was first developed by John Bowlby (1907-1990). Bowlby was educated in psychoanalysis but didn’t feel that this idea took into account a person’s environment.

Attachment theory is based on the bond between a child and their primary caregiver (usually mother) early in life. Bowlby observed that, if a child’s need for consistent, secure attachment isn’t met, that child will develop emotional, social and sometimes even cognitive problems.

The idea of attachment styles comes from Mary Ainsworth (1913-1999). She designed something called the “strange situation”. In this experiment, young toddlers (between 12 and 18 months of age) were observed during their interactions with their mothers, a stranger who was at one point introduced into the situation, and while alone.

This led to the idea that there are three distinct attachment styles:


  • Secure: the child reacts with distress in the absence of their mother but is easily soothed by her.

  • Resistant (now known as anxious or anxious-preoccupied): persistent distress that continues far longer even in the presence of the mother.

  • Avoidant (dismissive-avoidant): no outward signs of distress either when the mother leaves or when she returns: a child ignores the mother.

Later, a fourth attachment style (disorganized or fearful-avoidant) was added. Children who would be classified as having this attachment style, exhibit characteristics of both the resistant and avoidant style. For example, a child seeks comfort from the stranger rather than their mother.

Remember, attachment theory and attachment styles are based on observations of toddlers. As such, how relevant are these to adults? Current research shows that attachment styles are moderately stable over time. As such, if you had an insecure attachment style as a child, you’re likely to still have some attachment insecurity as an adult.

However, as you’ll see when I discuss other topics relevant to personal growth, hardly anything in the human psyche is black-or-white and this goes for attachment styles too. Rather, in adults, there are two continuums along which someone will function: attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance. Most people fall somewhere in the middle on both, experiencing some attachment anxiety and some attachment avoidance but not so much that it interferes with their daily life.

How does an insecure attachment style present in adults? Generally speaking, someone who leans towards dismissive-avoidant will value their independence, have difficulty sharing their emotions and have a hard time being in an intimate or otherwise close relationship.

People who have more of an anxious-preoccupied attachment style, are the opposite: they crave relationships and worry excessively about losing the people close to them, leading them towards neediness and manipulation.

People who exhibit disorganized attachment, will alternate between craving intimacy and avoiding it.

I at one point had an attachment styles questionnaire administered and scored highest on the anxious-preoccupied attachment style. I currently believe I have some avoidant tendencies too, so in terms of black-or-white attachment styles would be considered fearful-avoidant with a strong leaning towards anxious.

#AtoZChallenge 2025 Theme Reveal!

Posted on by Astrid

Hi all. How is it almost time for the #AtoZChallenge already? I love participating each year, but sometimes flake out midway through the challenge. I’ve noticed that this mostly happens when I don’t have a theme.

For 2025, I’ll be writing about personal growth and self-improvement. Think the Enneagram, Myers-Briggs, attachment theory, etc. I know these are often my less popular posts, but I like to write them, so who cares? I’ll try to explain the concepts I write about. Hope you’ll enjoy reading my posts!

Gratitude: Big Things I Am Grateful For Right Now #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone and welcome to my letter G post in the #AtoZChallenge. Today, I want to share what I’m grateful for. Specifically, I want to share the bigger, more important things in life I’m grateful for right now. Here goes.

First is my relative health. I am at a healthy weight, am able to walk about 5km at a time on good days and generally sleep about eight hours a night. I haven’t felt truly well physically in, well, forever, but I do feel okay.

Next up is food. I don’t have to go hungry. In fact, even though the meal delivery service meals are yucky most of the time, my breakfasts and lunches are good. And the meal delivery service meals are okay in terms of nutritional requirements. Moreover, when I really can’t stand the food we get here, I can afford to buy myself something else.

Finances are up next. When answering some questions for a parody voting guide back in the fall, one of them was whether you have a good income. Even though I’m on benefits, I answered “Yes”. I don’t have to worry about money generally.

Next is the fact that I have a roof over my head. Two, in fact, if counting my and my spouse’s house in Lobith.

Then, of course, I need to mention my spouse. Our relationship has survived many hurdles, so I’m pretty sure we’ll always be soulmates.

With my spouse come my in-laws. I am so lucky to have them! My mother-in-law is my informal representative and my family contact for the care home.

These are just a few of the things I’m grateful for. I could go on to mention the fact that I have a nice bed to sleep in, technology that allows me to communicate with the world and spend my leisure time, and so on and so forth. But instead, I’ll leave you with just this: right now, I’m grateful to be alive.

Friendship: What It Means to Be a Friend #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. For my letter F post in the #AtoZChallenge, I had a lot of choices and yet this actually overwhelmed me. I am once again doing a post on a topic I think I covered in 2019 too, ie. friendship. What does it mean to be a friend?

My spouse and I are best friends. Since we aren’t in a traditional relationship due to for example not living together, we need to find other ways to make our relationship work. However, we were friends before we were a couple.

As someone who didn’t have any friends beyond elementary school until I met my now spouse, I am not the best possible judge of what makes a friendship tick. I mean, I can look at what psychologists say about the development of friendships from early childhood into adulthood.

For instance, three-year-olds say someone is their friend because they play with them on the see-saw and “doesn’t want to be their friend anymore” as soon as the other child isn’t any longer interested in the same activity. I have this kind of relationship with some of my fellow residents.

As a child gets older, they develop more perspective about the fact that other children aren’t just momentary playmates, but their viewpoint is still very one-sided. For example, a six-year-old might consider someone their friend because they save them a seat at the bus or give them treats. They don’t yet fully comprehend mutual give-and-take though.

This follows at the next stage, which starts at around age six and continues throughout elementary school age. At this point, children are very fairness-conscious and usually have rigid rules for give-and-take.

At my very best, I am stuck at this stage. Usually though, I am at the second stage, hard as I find it to admit this. I, after all, usually only think of giving something in return for the things (material or immaterial) my spouse gives me when I’m in a very healthy place mentally.

At the next stage, which starts at around age eleven, children develop intimate friendships in which they mutually support each other. They help each other solve problems and confide feelings in each other that they don’t share with anyone else. Like I said, I never had friends beyond elementary school before meeting my spouse. Though I did and do confide in my spouse, I am pretty bad at offering my spouse any emotional support in return.

Finally, adolescents and adults have mature friendships in which they emphasize emotional closeness over anything else. They can accept, sometimes even appreciate their friends being significantly different from them. People at this stage emphasize trust, knowing their friendship will be long-lasting even through temporary separations and differences.

Enneagram: I’m a Type Four! #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Oh well, once again I’m late, extremely late to the party. For today’s post in the #AtoZChallenge, I thought I’d muse about the Enneagram.

The Enneagram, for those not aware, is a spiritually-based personality typing system consisting of nine different types. They are all interconnected in various ways. I, for instance, am a type Four (“the Individualist”), but I do share traits with both type Three (“the Achiever”) and type Five (“the Observer”). My Five wing, though, is strongest.

I’m getting ahead of myself though. What’s a Four, exactly? Fours’ core vice is envy. Fours’ core motivation is to express themselves and be understood as the unique individuals they are. Their core fear is not having an identity or significance. As a result, Fours are self-absorbed, emotional yet creative and empathetic.

When in distress, a Four will move closer to resemble the bad qualities of a type Two (“the Helper”) and become clingy. When feeling particularly well though, a Four will move closer to exhibiting the positive qualities of a type One (“the Perfectionist”) by being more objective and principled.

I will illustrate this using an example from my own life. I am often envious of people I perceive to have better quality of care than me. When I’m my normal self, I feel this envy but can keep it at bay. When distressed though, I show it more and become extra clingy to my staff. On the other hand, when I’m feeling well, I can more objectively view that no, in fact, no-one is receiving optimal care.

At its worst, Fours are called “Defectives”, because they experience their own pain so deeply. I wrote about this last January. I really do hope that, over time, I will grow into a healthier Four. Like I may’ve said then too, the healthiest version of the Four is the “Appreciator”. This makes sense, in that Fours (at least, healthy Fours) experience positive emotions and artistic and natural beauty at a deep level too.