Reflections on Being a Thrown Away Golden Child

Posted on by Astrid

I’ve been struggling with memories lately, as well as with the role I played in my family. I was for the most part the golden child. For those not aware of what this means, this is the child in a family in which one or both parents are narcissists or otherwise emotionally immature, who ends up being the parents’ favorite.

My parents often half-jokingly (though it wasn’t funny) said that my younger sister was oh so nicely average. More like invisible, I’d say.

I, on the other hand, was exceptional in both positive and negative ways. I was a genius when doing calendar calculation, which for your information is a common savant skill in people with developmental disabilities. By contrast, I was threatened with being thrown away into institutional care and called all kinds of insults for people with mental illness when I was acting less than excellent. I at one point thought of printing out the table of contents for the DSM so that my parents at least knew the correct terms for what they were calling me.

Then, when I was admitted to the psychiatric hospital in 2007, my parents more or less actually threw me away. No, that’s not even entirely true: they threatened to abandon me when I announced that I was taking a second gap year in order to work on independence skills in 2006 and only came back into my life after the independence training home promised to prepare me for university and independent living. Which they couldn’t.

I struggle with both the fact that I was thrown away and the fact that I was my parents’ favorite before that. After all, it adds an extra layer of shame to my life: the layer of “if only…”. If only I hadn’t taken that second gap year… If only I hadn’t consented to being admitted to the psychiatric hospital… If only I hadn’t applied for long-term care… would I still be the hero… in my parents’ fantasy tale? In other words, isn’t it my choice to have fallen off my parents’ pedestal?

I don’t know how I feel about the idea that it might’ve somehow been my choice to be thrown away. On the one hand, I feel it makes me responsible for not having a “normal” relationship with my parents. On the other hand though, I know how many golden children turn out and that’s not pretty. Many end up repeating their parents’ toxic patterns with partners or children.

I’m forever grateful for being childfree for this reason (and others), as just today I had a memory of shoving my and my wife’s then cat Barry out of the bed. I feel forever guilty about this and the very thought of doing this to a child, makes me sick.

Remembering this and other things makes me realize I’m glad I didn’t stay in the golden child role. If I had, I might as well have ended up in prison… or should have.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (December 6, 2025)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Yesterday, I had tons of ideas on my mind on what to blog about but no motivation to actually write. Today, it’s the opposite. I’m joining in with #WeekendCoffeeShare even though I think I don’t have a lot to share today. I, as usual, had my last cup of coffee for the day about half an hour ago and am going to take a break from writing this post to have my soft drink and chips. Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. For most of the week, it was chilly but not rainy with daytime temps around 7°C. Today, the daytime high was 10°C but it’s been raining all day.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that I was pretty active for most of the week, both by walking and one time by cycling to the next town just to have a purpose for cycling. I didn’t need any groceries and we only ended up having a snack, but at least we weren’t aimlessly cycling around.

Today though, I spent the entire day indoors and still need to dance or whatever to reach my movement goal on my Apple Watch. My streak for whatever reason is still stuck on 33 days even though I’m moving each day and it’s been stuck on 33 days for a month or so.

If we were having coffee, then I’d tell you that I had many plans over the past week but haven’t accomplished a lot. On Monday and Tuesday, I did create some Christmas decorations out of polymer clay. Yesterday, I attempted to bake cookies. They turned out okay but not great and the process was frustrating. Nonetheless, it was better than lying in bed or staring into space, which is what I’ve been doing a lot lately.

If we were having coffee, I’d cheat a little with the coffee share being about the past week, since there was none last week. I’d share about the meeting I had with the behavior specialist early last week. It went well. First of all, like I said, the “one chance” rule about orienting new staff got ditched. My assigned staff, who is in training to become my side of the home’s support coordinator now too, E-mailed me the new orienting plan yesterday and it looks pretty good.

We also discussed my day schedule. In the future, I’ll hopefully get more set activities. In preparation for this, my assigned staff created instruction cards for some of my activities, so that I can hopefully do more activities regardless of which staff is assigned to me. She E-mailed these to me too and I gave some feedback.

If we were having coffee, lastly I’d share that I’ve been having lots of memories lately. And by “memories” I don’t mean good ones. Yesterday, for example, I remembered the team meeting for my current home I attended in the summer of 2023. One of the staff, when I told them that I can’t prepare my own lunch, replied: “But you lived independently, right?”. I immediately got defensive, because yes, I technically lived independently, but I shouldn’t have. Yesterday when I was talking about this with my wife, whom I’d first met when living on my own in 2007, she told me more about how bad it actually was. Until a few years ago, I believed that, while I couldn’t cope, this was mostly a mental thing. In other words, I was falling apart mentally but could really care for myself if I hadn’t been so scared. Well, no.

It is sad to realize that part of the reason why I need so much care is lack of training in childhood, adolescence and to a lesser degree early adulthood. I’m still struggling with my parents’ reasoning that they couldn’t have taught me because I was too strong-willed and just didn’t want to learn. It may’ve been true that I didn’t understand why I had to learn something that caused me frustration, but then isn’t it the parents’ job to guide the child through their frustration? I’m honestly still struggling with this.

The Wednesday Hodgepodge (December 3, 2025)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I badly want to write but feel horribly uninspired. For whatever reason, I feel drawn to blog hops in which I haven’t participated in forever, like the Wednesday Hodgepodge. I haven’t participated in forever because I’m not a Christian and don’t want to elicit judgmental comments from fellow participants. I like the questions though and used to love the community spirit. This is a double-edged sword, unfortunately, in that I feel like I cannot fully be myself in Christian-centric communities. However, I can be myself on here and nobody is required to read or comment on my posts. With no further ado, here are this week’s questions.

1. What does it mean to have the “holiday spirit”? On a scale of 1-10 how is yours this year? (10=off the charts, 1=still looking for it)
I was immediately reminded of Tom Lehrer’s Christmas song when I saw this question.


That being said, I’m also reminded of the holiday spirit as referring to the spirit of community and connection to family and friends. In this respect, my holiday spirit is at a 2 at best. I, after all, hardly have any contact with my family and as of this year we’re not celebrating Christmas at my in-laws’ either. Thankfully, I will be going to our house to celebrate the holidays with my wife. However, since neither of us are religious, I don’t think it matters much that we’re being together specifically for Christmas. At least it’s a way to avoid having to spend time with our parents.

2. What’s your favorite character from a (December) holiday-themed movie, book, or TV special? Tell us why. 
I don’t think I’ve ever watched holiday-themed movies. When I was a kid, my parents used to watch musicals on TV on Boxing Day, like My Fair Lady, The Sound of Music, etc.

The only Christmassy book I remember reading is Murder on Christmas Eve by Ann Sutton. I read it last year, when I was more into the holidays than I am now. It’s a mystery set in 1920s England. Dodo Dorchester, the main character, is quite interesting.

3. Do you like gingerbread? Are gingerbread houses part of your holiday tradition?
I don’t care for gingerbread, but I don’t hate it either. No gingerbread houses here. However, yesterday, I did craft a gingerbread man out of polymer clay.

4. Much of our vocabulary is determined by where we live or where we grew up. What say you- sprinkles or jimmies? lightning bugs or fireflies? soda or pop? sneakers, trainers, or tennis shoes? sub, hoagie, grinder, or hero? freeway, highway, or motorway? frosting or icing? sauce or gravy?
I am a non-native English speaker, so I use the words that I know best: sprinkles; fireflies; soda (or coke); all three for the shoes but mostly sneakers; no idea what the next couple words have to do with each other; highway most of the time; both frosting and icing; sauce for pasta and gravy for meat/potatoes.

5. Share a favorite holiday memory from your childhood.
This is not Christmas-related, but since St. Nicholas is still not over yet (it’s December 5), I’ll share a memory of that. I’ve probably shared it a few times before: the last year that I still believed in St. Nick, my father recorded himself playing St. Nick’s servant Pete claiming to be stuck in the chimney. Not that we even had a chimney at that house, but what did I know? The next year, my father played the recording for me outside of the holiday season to make me stop believing for sure.

6. Insert your own random thought here.
Despite not being in the holiday spirit, I did create a few Christmas decorations out of polymer clay over the past few days. Tomorrow or on Friday, I’m also going to bake St. Nicholas-themed cookies.