A few weeks ago, I was in the mood for writing but didn’t know what about. I downloaded Google Keep on both my PC and iPhone and just started writing based on a prompt I saw on the See Jane Write website. I had never heard of this site. The prompts for the month of November were all two words long. The prompt I used was “brave choices”.
I doubt I’ve ever made a brave choice. Most of my major life choices were made out of fear or avoidance rather than courage. Either that or they were really other people’s choices I didn’t rebel against, or not well enough.
For example, my choice to live independently, wasn’t really my choice. I was pressured by my parents into saying this was my goal after completing independence training and, once everyone except for my parents agreed it wasn’t a realistic outcome, the pressure had increased to the point of being unavoidable.
Similarly, my choice to live with my wife, wasn’t really my choice either. She wanted it, but hadn’t realized all the complcating factors, like my substantial care needs. She had good intentions, mind you, thinking our love would conquer anything. It didn’t. Thankfully, I was able to make the choice to go into the care facility in Raalte before our relationship suffered irreparable damage.
If there’s one choice I made in my life that could be considered brave, it was this choice. My parents and former professionals would likely say this choice was made out of fear too. They might have been right. Maybe, if I’d been truly brave, I’d have been able to organize my own care whilst living with my wife. Then again, now that we live separately, neither of us wants to live together ever again.
I still wonder whether I could improve my life if I didn’t make decisions out of fear or avoidance anymore. I mean, the reason I rarely try out new skills of independence, is fear, namely the fear that my staff will always expect me to possess an ability I’ve shown once, as well as other related or even unrelated abilities. This fear isn’t unfounded, but it’s holding me back more than it should.
A Multitude of Musings 
I don’t think I have ever made a brave choice in my life
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I understand. I guess it also depends on how you define “brave”.
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Some people tell me I was brave in my caner battle – what bravery? I did what needed to be done to survive, just followed doctor’s orders. I do think it took a lot of bravery to hold fast to my “demands” of my alcoholic ex-husband to get help with his drinking or get out. One of the scariest times in my life. I had never lived on my own let alone with a teenage daughter to take care of and try to keep out of the drama of divorce. Otherwise it is just common everyday bravery that we all must face – can we go out and face the public today? Is it a good idea to ride in the car with this person? Will the medicine I take make me better? Does this person have my best interest in mind? I can tell by your posts you are brave in the day to day stuff for sure. And there have been a lot of boundaries you have set that make a pretty clear and brave stance for your own good. Bravery does not have to be a life and death situation. Sometimes just getting out of bed is a brave stance against a horrible feeling that wants to keep you trapped in bed all day.
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That’s an interesting take on the idea of bravery! I agree sometimes even getting out of bed takes a lot of effort and courage. Too bad most people who’ve never dealt with the day-to-day challenges you and I face, don’t see this.
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If only they could walk in another’s shoes for one day, they would not judge so harshly.
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Agree 100%!
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sorry fear is holding you back Astrid. The choice to keep going each day, keep fighting for your survival, that is a brave choice! Xx
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Aw, thanks so much for saying that! You’re right.
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