Longing for Belonging As an Enneagram Type Four #Write28Days

Welcome to my first post in #Write28Days, a writing challenge I use for self-exploration too. Today’s optional prompt is “Longing”. I haven’t had ideas in mind for what to write about many of the word prompts, but for this one, I definitely have.

That is, the first thought that sprang to mind was not really a thought, but a feeling. A feeling of wanderlust, of always seeing that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. The actual feeling in my body is hard to describe. I could probably best describe it as a longing for perfection.

I am an Enneagram type Four. As a Four, my core life strategy is that I must be understood uniquely as I am. In the real world though, there is no-one exactly like me, so who is going to completely understand me? No-one is!

Yet, like most other Fours, I long for this elusive ideal of a perfectly fitting life. I see this in my constant search for the perfect care home. I know all care homes have their drawbacks, but in my heart, I always feel there must be somewhere where I will be fully understood and, as a result, my needs will be completely met. Newsflash: there isn’t.

Most Enneagram type Fours experienced some early trauma, distress or loss and keep chasing after that lost sense of belonging. I feel, in a sense, that so do I, but in a sense, I also feel as though I never belonged. Yet my longing to be fully understood, as well as my belief that there must be someone, somewhere out there who will, shows that I have the capacity deep within me to belong. If only I could stop fleeing from that capacity towards the apparently greener grass of a new external source of belonging!

6 thoughts on “Longing for Belonging As an Enneagram Type Four #Write28Days

  1. There is a deep longing in all of us to be loved, to be accepted, understood, valued, adopted by others so that we feel like we belong. It seems that God is truly the only one that can feel that deep need within us. I think He created the need so we would seek Him. The wonderful thing is He doesn’t play hide-and-seek with us. When we seek Him, we find Him. And He loves us, understands us, and empathizes with us. I’m so thankful for Him!

    Thanks for sharing, Astrid. I find it so helpful to be self-aware, then to commit everything to Him brings peace.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, I’m so sorry about your Mom having passed on and I definitely understand you still long to be with her at times. Thank you for sharing so candidly.


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