Mental Health Ramble

The month of May is mental health awareness month. I’m not sure how much I can contribute to it. In fact, I only found out about it today. Since I have a cold right now, I really don’t feel like writing. Or really, I do, but my brain is too foggy I can’t come up with a coherent topic to write on. So I’m just going to ramble.

Since it’s mental health awareness month, I could share my story of how I found out I’m mentally ill. Then again, I honestly don’t know. Autism, which was my first diagnosis, isn’t a mental illness. Adjustment disorder, which I got diagnosed with upon my breakdown in 2007, isn’t really either. Thank goodness, it still qualified me for care back then. Since insurance coverage of care is diagnosis-based in the Netherlands, and adjusmtnet disorder is no longer covered, I wouldn’t have been able to get care with just that diagnosis later on. In this sense, it’s good that I was diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder and PTSD in 2010, then borderline personality disorder in 2013.

I am not even 100% sure I identify with mental illness myself. It’s really weird. If I were mentally ill, wouldn’t I need therapy? I don’t get any unless you count the meetings with my nurse practitioner every few weeks.

I don’t feel able to ask for more help on my own accord, even though I’m pretty sure I need it. I have been having a ton of weird symptoms lately and, though I’m getting by, is this really all there is to it?

I had a physical check-up at the mental health agency last February. I have a ton of issues that could be related to my mental health and/or the medication I take for it. Yes, despite the fact that I don’t even know whether I am currently diagnosed with anything other than autism, I take high doses of an antipsychotic and antidepressant. I don’t mind, but I do feel they need regular monitoring.

My psychiatrist would’ve seen me in March, at least that’s what she intended on in December. I still haven’t seen her. I do need to schedule an appt, but I’ve been taught through my years in the mental hospital that, unless you are a pain in the neck of others, there’s no need for you to see your treatment provider. I challenged this belief last year by scheduling an appot for my depression, but I”m not sure I can do it again.

4 thoughts on “Mental Health Ramble

  1. I wish it was easier for you to get some additional support and such that would be suitable for your needs. I can definitely relate to you in not being completely sure of having a mental illness, as I’m currently not in therapy either or don’t see any mental health professionals despite I take meds particularly for the anxiety and that I was finally diagnosed last year. I hope you can see your psychiatrist soon and that your cold goes away quickly. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Astrid,

    when I saw “pain in the neck” I imagined something much ruder/more serious.

    [not that necks deserve to hurt, ever!]

    And, yes, ten years in the psychiatric hospital would tend to mess things around like that.

    Maybe some people become more proactive and assertive in that situation.

    Especially when you’re already dealing with fears of attention-seeking/taking up more space in your life and those of others.

    Yes – the medication does require regular monitoring! Especially if you’re getting therapeutic doses or not.

    No – autism is a neurological condition and adjustment disorder a life event or a reaction to a life event. And it was one of the things that changed a lot between IV and 5.

    When did adjustment disorder stop being covered in the Netherlands?

    I find when I recover from colds I have lots to say and write. And sometimes I compromise myself a lot in doing so.

    Mental Health Month in May is a new concept to me too. It seems to be in the UK, Ireland, Canada and the USA.

    Thanks again for the ramble.

    Liked by 1 person

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