My Life in Books Tag

Posted on by Astrid

Found this tag on Flowers in the Brain and was drawn to considering myself tagged even before I’d read the full post. The first question just appealed to me. Here goes.

Find a book for each of your initials:
A: Attachments by Rainbow Rowell
S: Scars Like Wings by Erin Stewart
T: Throwaway Girl by Kristine Scarrow
R: Rules for 50/50 Chances by Kate McGovern
I: Inside the O’Briens by Lisa Genova
D: Don’t Wake Up by Liz Lawler
Out of these, Throwaway Girl is the only book I haven’t read yet, but I couldn’t think of any others except by going with something that started with “the”.

Count your age along with your bookshelf: which book is it?
This had me a little confused. Do I need to pick the 33rd book on my bookshelf? And since I don’t actually have a bookshelf, which of my three book apps do I use? I’m going with Voice Dream Reader, my Bookshare app, because that one has the most books on it. Hmmm, this is hard. I guess one of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books.

Pick a book set in your city/country.
The Fault in Our Stars by John Green is partly set in Amsterdam. That’s as close as it goes for English-language books set here.

Pick a book that represents a destination you’d love to travel to.
No idea. The only places I really ever want to visit are Ireland and Indiana, USA, because my closest online friends live there. I don’t know any books set there. The closest to Indiana is probably Amina’s Voice by Hena Khan, which is set in Milwaukee. Then again, in college I always wanted to go to Boston, so Left Neglected by Lisa Genova should be mentioned too.

Pick a book that has your favorite color on it?
I have absolutely no idea what my one favorite color even is.

Which book do you have the fondest memories of?
Out of the books I’ve read as an adult, surely Unspeakable by Abbie Rushton. As a child, I loved Astrid Lindgren’s stories.

Which book did you have the most difficulty reading?
That for sure has to be Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amis. It was sooo boring!

Which book in your TBR pile will give you the biggest accomplishment when you finish it?
The Institute by Stephen King. I’ve never read any horror and, though this one sounds intriguing, it’s also pretty thick for me.

I tag all my readers for this. I’d particularly love to see your answer to the first question.

Prescription Meds Can Be Part of Good Self-Care #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Welcome to my rather late letter P post in the #AtoZChallenge. Today I want to talk about the role prescription meds, particularly psych meds, can play in good self-care. Because you know, there is still a lot of stigma attached to taking psychiatric medications or certain medications for physical health, such as opioids. Of course, medication isn’t for everyone and that’s normal. If you do experience serious mental health issues or physical ailments, it’s not weak to ask for meds.

You know, I didn’t take care of myself with respect to my medications until I was 31. Before that, I had subconsciously assumed I wasn’t taking meds for self-care, but rather to please others. That’s how psych meds had been used on me for years in mental health, since irritability (ie. being a pain in other people’s necks) was supposedly my main symptom. Well, it isn’t and even if it were, my irritability is a worse experience for me than it is for others. I mean, I’ve known people, such as those diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder, say they have a problem but don’t suffer. That’s okay, but it is rarer than to suffer in silence.

In early 2018, I finally decided I needed help for my depression. As those who read my blog regularly know, I was already on a low dose of an antidepressant, but had no idea why. I didn’t feel comfortable asking directly for a med increase. Let me tell you, however, suggesting specific med adjustments to your doctor doesn’t make you a drug seeker. They may know meds best, but you know you best.

Also, while meds won’t make you happy, you don’t have to settle for mediocre health if there are still options out there. And if you want to lessen a medication dose or stop it altogether, that’s okay to discuss with your doctor too.

Once you do get on the right meds, it’s your responsibility to make sure you take them as prescribed. Certain meds need to be taken right on time or they’ll not work as effectively. I’ve heard this is the case for antidepressants, so I really need to get back on track with taking my morning dose on time. Other meds cannot be taken together or should or shouldn’t be taken with certain foods. For example, when I took iron supplements, I didn’t know at first that it’s recommended you not consume them with dairy products. You don’t need to read everything that’s in the information on a medication you’ve been prescribed, particularly if you’re hypervigilant about side effects. However, you do need to take your medication as directed.

Organization as a Self-Care Skill #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Welcome to day 15 and my letter O post in the #AtoZChallenge. Today’s topic may seem a bit boring. I’m going to talk about how organizing your life can help you take better care of yourself.

Let me start by saying I’m a terrible organizer. In high school, I had a calendar that I’d typed out myself in Word. I started out keeping it faithfully at the beginning of the first school year. By the time we got to the end of that year though, I forgot to write down my homework about half the time and looked it up even less. I had a great memory, which meant I didn’t usually miss homework deadlines.

I never kept a calendar in college or beyond, but now that I have an iPhone, I do try to use the calendar app to track appointments. Which reminds me, I still need to write next week’s phone appt with my community psychiatric nurse into it. Going to do that now. Be right back.

Okay, done. Where was I? See, I’m pretty disorganized. Still, I try to keep some order in my life. It helps me, for example, to have reminders about taking my medication in my phone. Otherwise I may forget and that’s not good.

I also, like I mentioned before, have an app that reminds me to drink enough water. Habit-tracking apps like this exist for a bunch of habits that will help you have a more meaningful, organized and productive life.

Decluttering is another way of getting more organized. There are lots of specific methods for it, such as FlyLady, the Konmari method, etc. I would love to stick to such a method, but honestly more so that I could talk about it than to actually get cleaning. I guess that’s weird.

Because I am blind, I don’t usually get bothered by clutter unless it’s in my way. However, of course, clutter does make it harder for me to remember where I left my things. That’s why currently I try to keep at least some order in my drawers and my wardrobe. It’s hard, but it pays off.

Are you an organized person? Or have you developed strategies for organizing your life?

Name Your Negative Voice: Dealing with Your Inner Critic #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Welcome to my letter N post in the #AtoZChallenge. Today I want to talk about dealing with negative thoughts coming from your inner critic.

You know what? Just because you think something, doesn’t make it true. Your thoughts and feelings are not fact. See my post on cognitive distortions for some examples of how our thoughts can deceive us.

One way of dealing with negative thoughts, is to engage them in a challenging conversation. It may help, in this case, to name your inner critic. Literally give it a name. Then look at it like you would to a really annoying person you meet, who however has little to no authority over you. It may then be easier to ignore or shut up your inner critic.

For example, let’s assume you call your inner critic Donald. (That’s what Anna Borges suggests and I do wonder whether she bases it on some orange-faced creature currently leading the world’s most powerful nation.) If your inner critic were to say you shouldn’t do something because you presumably can’t, you can then call him out on his bullshit, like this.

Inner critic: You’ll not get the job you want, so don’t bother to apply.
You: Shut up, Donald. You don’t know shit.

In this conversation, you’re purposefully keeping your comebacks to Donald brief. After all, you know he’s ignorant and insensitive and yet he doesn’t have the authority over you that requires you actually listen to him.

Another approach to your inner critic, particularly if it originates in childhood trauma, is to see your inner critic as a punitive parent. Then you can create a nurturing parent in your mind to help you challenge the punitive parent. After all, you most likely do generally feel you need to obey your parents more than you need an annoying acquaintance, even though really as an adult you have no such obligation.

Remember, naming your inner critic still requires you realize it’s part of you. Don’t go about blaming others for your own negative thoughts. Even when your inner critic is a reflection of your parents, it’s still your responsibility to deal with it.

As a side note, having a name for your inner critic can, in my experience, also help you see its function. For example, one of my more critical alters emerged as a named inner critic I thought should just shut up. Later on though, I realized she had a function beyond just being an inner critic or punitive parent. For this reason, I do feel engaging your inner critic can really be more than just telling it to shut up.

Music for Your Mood #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Oh my, I guess I’m growing a bit weary of the #AtoZChallenge. That is, even though a ton of topics were available for the letter M post, I’m still not sure I have any substantial material to share. Today, I want to talk about using music to help your mental health.

Music, both listening to it and playing an instrument or singing yourself, can really help your mental wellbeing. I find, for example, that it gives me something to focus my senses on when I’m overloaded. Like I’ve said before, exposing yourself to a strong sensation can really help you feel more aware of your body. It can also help override other strong internal or external stimuli.

It really depends on you what type of music will help you when you’re in which mood. For example, for me, listening to peaceful piano or guitar music or soundscapes, helps me calm down. My husband says the same music winds him up.

When I need a mood booster, it helps me to listen to faster-paced songs, often with funny lyrics. For example, Tom Lehrer’s music really lifts up my mood.

Song lyrics can also help you describe your mood boost your self-worth. English being my second language means, however, that I don’t often completely comprehend them. I find “powerful” songs in Dutch to be really annoying most times. That being said, I do at times listen to songs with strong lyrics, such as contemporary Christian.

Also, my favorite song of all time is I’m a Survivor by Reba McEntire, which does have strong, relatable lyrics. However, most times even when I don’t fully know what a song is about, its rhythm, beat or melody appeals to me. That’s why I like ABBA, even though their lyrics aren’t all that powerful.

When I’m angry, I like to listen to the likes of Cock Sparrer, Booze and Glory and The Business. I do have an inkling of what their songs are about, but the essential bit is really the beat.

I can’t sing or play an instrument myself. When you can, it can be a true outlet for your feelings. Even when you don’t have any talent, you can still feel better by playing an instrument.

What music helps you right now?

Laughter and Humor for Self-Care #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Okay, I’m rather late posting my letter L post. I honestly wasn’t sure about the topic either, so this post may be brief again. Today I want to talk about laughter and humor as self-care strategies.

One strategy in dialectical behavior therapy, which I talked about in my post on ACCEPTS, is to put on a smile. Literally. Curl up the corners of your mouth and force a smile. This may seem fake and it is at times. However, it can actually help you feel better.

Now try making yourself laugh out loud! In The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care, Anna Borges recommends making yourself actually laugh to feel better. Try saying “Ha,” then “ha ha” and so forth out loud. It will be sure to make you crackle up soon enough.

Another way to make yourself laugh is of course to use humor. We are all different in the types of humor we appreciate. I for one am a true wordplay lover. I can’t stand practical jokes and I don’t understand funny videos due to being blind, unless there is a strong verbal component. My humor can be a bit dark, while others prefer lightheartedness. Whatever humor you like, there’s always something out there on the Internet you’ll appreciate.

Let’s make each other laugh! Tell jokes or share other forms of humor in the comments!

Know Yourself: Self-Discovery for Self-Care #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Welcome to my letter K post in the #AtoZChallenge. This was a hard letter, but I managed to come up with something, though today’s post is brief. Today I will talk about how self-discovery can help you care better for yourself.

It may be hard to actually know who you are or what you need, but figuring this out is vital to actually meeting your own unique needs. I mean, there are lots of ways to take care of yourself – many more than I will discuss during this challenge -, but most of them are not suitable to everyone. So take time to observe yourself.

I find journaling is a great way of getting to know yourself. There are a lot of guided self-exploration journals out there. There are also tons of journals that claim to be about self-exploration but are really just random lists of prompts. The self-discovery journal I like best is the 23 Days Self-Discovery Journaling Challenge by Mari L. McCarthy. Her other journaling challenges are fab too!

Mindfulness can also help you discover who you are. So can going to therapy or counseling. Regardless of what approach you use, try to be non-judgmental. Like I once read on a website of a personality disorders treatment clinic, the best person you can become is yourself.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (April 12, 2020)

Posted on by Astrid

Happy Easter Sunday to everyone. I am once again joining in with #WeekendCoffeeShare. I just had some decaf and right after that had the only fizzy drink I like, called “Dubbelfrisss”. It is only slightly fizzy though. Have a drink with me and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, I would ask all my fellow #AtoZChallenge participants how you’re doing on the challenge. I am so far doing pretty well. The J and K are always hard letters for me, but as you can tell, I found a word for the letter J. I am almost decided on my letter K post too.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you about all the fun the littles (inner children) have had reading jokes and free stories. We are a member of an E-mail list called Laughing_Place, but rarely even read the E-mails sent out until this past week. We laughed out loud at some of the jokes. As Milou said, the littles also had lots of fun going on a seesaw. We went on it again on Friday.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I got a lovely Easter card from a woman who lives at another home in our care facility. We can’t see each other much now that the day center is closed, but I talked to her from across her fence.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you about the blog upgrade I purchased. I have the Premium plan now. As you may be able to tell, I now have my own domain and all WordPress.com ads should be gone. I also got Google Analytics, which I’m having a love/hate relationship with. I’m pretty unsure about all the technical design stuff I can do now, as I’m not tech savvy at all. I’m still not entirely sure this was a wise purchase, but so far I’m not regretting it. I might once the 30-day refund period is over though.

I am thinking about starting my blog’s Facebook page back up. This upgrade also comes with cool social sharing options, so I’d bettter make use of them. I want to get a cover photo for my FB page then though and would love a logo for my blog. Any ideas are greatly appreciated.

If we were having coffee, I would share that I reached my daily step goal certainly on both Thursday and Friday and probably on Wednesday too. However, then my Fitbit wouldn’t cooperate, so it says I got 33 steps only. I in fact got nearly 13K steps on Thursday and nearly 12K on Friday.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I made a soap for a staff who’s leaving in a week or so. She is a substitute for someone who’s on maternity leave and that other staffer will return on the 21st. The soap is a butterfly that’s been scented with lavender fragrance oil.

If we were having coffee, lastly I would tell you that there’s a new client at my home. I’m struggling a bit with it, but she seems nice.

What have you been up to lately?

A New Client Came to Our Home

Posted on by Astrid

Trigger warning: mentions eating disorder behaviors
So a new client came to our care home yesterday. It was completely unexpected also to the staff. They didn’t hear she was coming till Friday evening. She has some form of brain injury, dementia and she broke her hip, which is why she had to come here. She lived independently until this. She seems okay, but due to her dementia she needs a lot of support. This did upset some of us, particularly Rachelle. It completely wrecked with her sense of structure and also the trust she had in the staff.

Today we had an Easter dinner. We had had the choice between pizza or fries. We chose pizza, but weren’t sure about it after all, as everyone else got fries. This further upset us, particularly Agnes. Agnes was feeling off, so she wanted to binge, but the staff prevented her, saying she was full already. This led her to a teenage tantrum.

Then once we talked to her about the importance of sticking to a somewhat healthy diet, she wanted to purge. Thankfully we were able to talk her out of it. Then however Rachelle took over again, with me (Eleanor) being present too. We were able to articulate our feelings to some extent.

Part of the problem is Agnes wants to be independent and make her own choices, including unhealthy ones, but Rachelle really needs more support than we’re currently getting. Thisdispute between them was also triggered by the new client getting pracctically one-on-one support all day, while we were in our room by ourself a lot. There is an extra staffer for the new woman, but we still feel like a burden.

We talked to our assigned staff about maybe making some form of communication cards that don’t require speech, so that Rachelle (and others) can ask for help when we can’t quite talk. We also talked about us getting a more structured daily routine particularly on week-ends.

We’re not sure this will help, but we’ll see.

Eleanor with some others chiming in here and there

Journaling for Emotional Wellbeing #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Wow, did I seriously not think about journaling when ruminating over what word to pick for my letter J post? Well yeah, indeed I completely forgot. But now I know, so for today, I’m going to talk about one of my favorite yet most challenging self-care habits: journaling.

I started my first journal when I was about eleven. It was a handmade diary with Braille pages stuck in it. I didn’t keep it for long though. When I was thirteen, I started writing a regular diary on my computer. That one lasted for over three years, until I discovered the Internet and online journals. I always wished for my journals to be read by others, even though I never wanted my parents to be those other people. That happened with the online journal, which gradually morphed into a blog.

That being said, I need to learn to write in private again. Not just anything that goes on in my head, is suited for the whole wide world to read.

Journal keeping can have many benefits for your emotional wellbeing. It can help you identify patterns in your thinking, find triggers for negative feelings and be more grateful, among other things.

Remember, the diary is just one form of journaling. Usually in a diary, you write what you did during a day, including how you felt. There are other types of more focused journals, such as:

  • Dream journal, in which you write down your dreams after you wake up in the morning.
  • Goal-related journal, such as weight loss or smoking cessation journals. In this type of journal, you track your progress towards a goal. For those of us dealing with addictions, eating disorders, etc., a journal for tracking how many days you’re in recovery, may help too.
  • Gratitude journal, in which you write a list of daily gratefuls or otherwise express your gratitude. See my letter G post for more tips on this.

Some journaling “experts” recommend writing stream-of-consciousness style. Others recommend using prompts. You can combine the two by responding to a journaling prompt in stream-of-consciousness style too. There are many free and cheap books of journaling prompts. My favorite is the Journaling with Lisa Shea series. I have the whole series in one single eBook.

There are lots of ways to keep a journal. You can have a standard paper journal or a document (or more than one) on your computer, tablet or smartphone. There are also lots of apps that are aimed at helping you journal. I have tried dozens of those on my iPhone. My current favorite is Day One, which is available for all Apple products and I believe Android now too. Still, no matter how many products you try, you need to be the one sticking to a regular habit of journal keeping.

Do you have a journal (other than your blog)?