Institutional Abuse: Abuse in the Care System #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone and welcome to my letter I post in the #AtoZChallenge. Today I want to talk about trauma that I for one didn’t experience in childhood: trauma and particularly abuse experienced in the care system. I’m struggling majorly with this, as just this evening I had an aggressive meltdown that led to me being thrown to the ground by one staff and another staff admitting that the only reason I’m not being locked up or physically restrained is the fact that I’m not strong enough.

I want to say here that my choice of words is a bit tricky. Is it “abuse” if the client was themself aggressive, even if it was “just” verbally? I am struggling intensely with the fact that, on the one hand, my wife never locked me into a room or threw me to the ground even though I was quite a nasty person to her at times when we were living together, but on the other, there are just two staff to ten clients here. I try to understand that staff are people too and not necessarily worse people than others are. My wife sometimes said that the staff at the intensive support home were ill-intentioned at best, but I doubt it. My point is, people are part of a system. When that system is purposefully created to oppress some people, yes, the “low-key” oppressors are to blame too, but that doesn’t make them personally bad people. Many unfortunately don’t realize how much they’re accustomed to using (and abusing) their power. In fact, where it comes to care staff, most don’t even have a clue that they’re higher up in the pecking order than us clients are.

That doesn’t mean that the (ab)use of power doesn’t affect us. I mean, I was once, at the intensive support home, told that if I were dragged to my room, I had probably asked for it with my behavior. The thing is, even if I had, that doesn’t make being physically dragged not traumatic. Similarly, I can totally understand why the staff this evening threw me to the ground (I’m not even 100% sure he intended on me landing on my head), but that doesn’t mean my head doesn’t hurt.

One last thing I want to discuss, is the fact that institutional abuse may technically be a staff’s action (or inaction), but it is the result of a long line of decisions made by management, the Care Office or other funding agency and ultimately the government. It is not the client “choosing” to be restrained/locked up/drugged/etc. with their behavior and, like I said, the staff are the ones doing it, but if the government chooses a lock or shot is cheaper than support, they are the ones ultimately responsible.

18 thoughts on “Institutional Abuse: Abuse in the Care System #AtoZChallenge”

  1. So I am a bit confused. Were you thrown to the ground for only words? You said it was an aggressive meltdown, but that implies action. I was taught a very simple equation for use of force. Words = no force. Action = force. This is not the standard by which most institutions go by, but it is what local institutions follow.

    I know when I was younger and had meltdowns, I had to learn to keep to myself so people didn’t think they were in danger and would attack me when I didn’t touch them. In school they had a pretty simple rule that they taught my classmates. Just don’t touch her. She will yell and scream…but usually that’s it. But if you touch her…well that usually landed me in the office, ISS, detention or worse.

    Eventually as I got through puberty, I learned to keep from having full on meltdowns. First going to a trusted staff member, usually the nurse, to relax, drink tea and eat popcorn. Then going to the bathroom just to give myself a minute to calm myself. Then eventually being able to keep from having a full on meltdown unless someone died or something. I still got mouthy as a young adult, but the worst of my meltdowns had passed. That doesn’t mean I was super calm! I just managed to keep from the worst of my behaviour because I realized people I cared about got really scared when I did that and it made me feel like crap. Also in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter?

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    1. Thanks for your concern and for asking for clarification. To be clear, I was indeed physically aggressive just before hitting the ground and I should edit my post to clarify that in this particular case, the staff didn’t intend to throw me to the ground but was acting in a self-defense reflex.

      I do not fully understand your point about not acting when a child/client is merely verbal though. Does not acting mean ignoring them until they either calm down by themselves or escalate further or does it simply mean not restraining them? In my case, I find the hardest part of a meltdown is not the fact that staff restrain me when I’m being aggressive, but everything that happens before then. My staff have a major habit of switching between arguing and ignoring me during the time leading up to a full-on aggressive meltdown, neither of which is helpful to me.

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      1. Sounds like your staff is engaged in avoidant behaviour because they can see something.

        It means pretty much ignoring them until they calm down. I rarely melted down due to my immediate environment unless someone touched me. Ignoring me…even hugs at that time were unwelcome…was a good thing. As I grew older and sought out people, placating me with treats and getting me to talk helped more, but I was not having melt downs then.

        My son used to have meltdowns just like me. He was very violent though. When violent I never restrained him. He went into a safe room to explode. His bedroom. He was seven so I could just pick him up and put him in his room until he calmed down. Less stimulus, complete safety, no one could hurt him and his room was pretty bare so he couldn’t really hurt himself. Thank heavens he grew out of that quickly. Much quicker than me.

        After he was calm and I gave him positive reinforcement. First asking if he felt better. Then hugs. Then joining what everyone else was doing. Then some sort of food. Good control of emotions was rewarded. Bad control meant exclusion until he could regain control. He still talks very aggressive at times, but he can control that too.

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          1. Redirection of attention works for those who do not do well alone. Engaging in another activity, one that is less aggravating or less stimulating, while staying near and letting them slowly express what is bothering them. My daughter Precious was like that, but she became violent if I could not take this approach. She demanded attention on her timeline, even if I had 5 other children that needed me and usually she was too big for me to carry to a room to keep her safe. It was very rough if I was unable to redirect her quickly enough and stay near to listen. Unfortunately, I did have to restrain her or else she would have seriously hurt or killed my other children. She needed almost daily one-on-one attention. I don’t know how I survived her. She wasn’t just autistic, though…she had other issues too…she still does.

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    1. Well just clarifying after having talked it over with the staff in question: I was physically aggressive and the staff didn’t intend on me hitting the ground but rather I fell when he abruptly pulled back in self-defense. Re your other point though: many staff see my meltdowns as willful misbehavior so they argue and yell at me until I become aggressive then restrain me.

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    1. Thanks. Like I said in my replies to the other commenters, the staff didn’t intend to throw me to the ground. I completely agree with your other point though: the problem in my care is not the staff’s need to restrain me when I’m being aggressive but everything that goes on before then.

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    1. You’re right about the hierarchy of institutional power. As long as higher ups keep places short staffed, everyone is more likely to overreact.

      sorry you got bounced on your head.

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  5. That’s rough. The problem here is that institutions are used to having power, and they’re used to the people submitting to them don’t. It’s not a good combo.

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