Some might say it’s wrong to be angry. I was actually told when I was in fourth grade that I was “angry too quickly”. What my parents and the professionals meant is that my expression of my emotions, whether I was actually feeling angry or not, was wrong given the situation.
That’s not the same. An emotional expression isn’t the same as the emotion that someone is actually feeling.
Besides, I strongly disagree with the idea that emotions can be “right” or “wrong” even given the circumstances. I have always felt that the idea behind dialectical behavior therapy of deciphering whether an emotion you’re feeling is justified in that situation or not, and, if not, acting opposite, is incredibly invalidating.
It’s never wrong to feel angry. Or sad. Or happy for that matter. Yes, it can be wrong to express your emotions in a certain way, such as when you become disproportionately aggressive. Even then, your emotions aren’t wrong. And, at least in my case, the emotion I’m actually feeling isn’t usually anger.
Like, when, last week, I became physically aggressive towards a staff by trying to hit him, I wasn’t angry. I was panicking because the staff was restraining me for the relatively minor offense of trying to grab a small object that he thought I was going to throw to the ground. That assumption may’ve been correct, but that doesn’t mean my feeling of utter panic when grabbed by both arms, was wrong. For what it’s worth, I feel that restraining someone for fear of them damaging an easily replacable object, is out of proportion.
It’s easy to say that people are wrong for being angry, when in reality you can’t know what’s in their minds, so whether they actually feel anger at all. It’s also easy to think that a person trying to throw objects is disturbing the peace for the other people around so you, as a staff member, are justified to do whatever it takes to prevent them. However, just because it’s easy doesn’t mean it’s right.
I’m sharing this post with Missy’s MAD Challenge for this week. The prompt is the phrase “Some might say it’s wrong to…”.
A Multitude of Musings 
Emotions are neither right or wrong they are just how a person is feeling and being told its wrong to be angry is just so stupid also sometimes anger is fear.
At times when I watch body cam videos on YouTube I will think that someone isn’t resisting for the sake of resisting but they are scared often when someone is drunk they don’t understand why they are being placed in handcuffs and lash out due to fear. I also feel some cops have bugga all understanding and are far to heavy handed.
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Thanks for sharing your insight. I agree with everything you say.
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If only everyone could understand what we understood in that moment. But usually we’re all playing catch up with what someone is saying and how someone is acting. Communication is hard.
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Good point! Also, communication gets even harder when one or more people involved are stressed.
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A great use of the prompt. I enjoyed reading your post. Thank you for sharing and joining in.
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Thanks so much for commenting.
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Hugs. It’s hard not to panic when we’re frightened.
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True. Thanks a bunch for your supportive comment.
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Anger and I have a difficult relationship. I just don’t trust my anger and therefor keep it bottled inside me. But it is still mine and I feel it and it is real. Like any emotion there is nothing wrong about having it… it is what you do with it that is often the struggle or problem. What you described sound more like a very natural fight or flight reaction to restraint… nothing wrong with that.
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Thanks so much for your kind words. Yes, I completely agree it’s what we do with our emotions that may be less fitting to the situation or even when it’s “justified”, it may lead to more harm. For example, the staff restraining me was acting according to the rules of the home which state that an irritable client is to be taken to their room with force if necessary. Still, him restraining me caused me to spiral even further into aggression out of panic. For this reason, I’m fighting for this rule to be revised not because it’s unnecessarily harsh (which it is), but because at least in my case it’s ineffective.
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You’re welcome, Astrid. I hope you can make them understand.
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I hope so too.
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Sorry that staff tried to restrain you causing you to panic,I would have been panicking too in your position! Xoxo
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Thanks for supporting me. I honestly think many staff don’t realize the impact of their actions on us. Then again, when I’m in a meltdown I’m not aware of the impact of my actions on others either.
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