TGIF: Lonely in a Crowd

Today, Paula Light talks about loneliness in her TGIF post and I thought I’d follow suit. There is this weird feeling when you feel loneliest when surrounded by a roomful of people. I’ve been feeling this way lately.

It’s not as bad as it was during my high school years, when I felt isolated in the full cafeteria because I knew no-one wanted to talk to me. I mean, back then, especially in the first year, classmates were assigned to guide me through the building and I’d be sitting during lunch break with whoever was my guide for the day. It was very obvious that most if not all classmates didn’t want me there.

The situation is different now. My fellow residents definitely do seem to want me in the living room with them. Several ask when I’m coming to have coffee there again as opposed to in my room. Some specifically come out of their rooms to join me when they hear my voice. In short, it isn’t that I’m unwanted.

And in a sense, it isn’t that I can’t connect either, although that’s probably more where my loneliness is coming from. I struggle to strike up conversations with my fellow clients especially when more than one person is talking at the same time and even more so when the staff are having a separate conversation among themselves. I also get overloaded really easily, but don’t tend to notice until it’s too late. As a result, I struggle with a need for connection but also a need for a sensory-friendly environment and these often clash. Lately, I’ve chosen connection, but I fear this will lead my staff to decide I am ready for less one-on-one support. I don’t want to be seen as too demanding of attention, but when my needs clash, I really do need support to find the right balance.

13 thoughts on “TGIF: Lonely in a Crowd

  1. THe loneliness in a crowd is an awful feeling. I experience it a lot too and I find it a lot more difficult to either tolerate or get rid of than the usual loneliness, the latter I’m very much used to and even like. So I think I do feel you, at least to some degree. The need for connection can definitely clash with wanting to avoid overloads and similar things, personally I’ve never really found that balance but I hope you will. It can also be quite difficult to explain to someone fully which makes it all the more difficult to manage in various life situations. With normal loneliness you can just tell someone that you’re lonely and they’ll keep you company or something, but with this thing it comes from within you so other people can’t do very much I guess. At least that’s the case for me. These sort of feelings are always a lot worse when you’re in a new environment so perhaps it just needs time and once you get fully used to your new place things will get easier.


  2. I hope you get the right balance. I prefer to talk to people one at a time than more than one person. Sometimes I just need alone time too. I find being around a lot of people tiring. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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